Sooo... I hope I am wrong and it is not near October yet but is seems like this might be the best year yet. I would like to think there is better ahead but...
We are about to celebrate the first birthday of Julia. Julia has been a nightmare of fun. I know I have repeated this to my friends throughout the year but I am kind of a negative person. I tend to lower expectations for what is coming up and I often am pleasantly surprised. I think this first grandchild is the only thing in my life that I expected to be great, and it is so much better. Everyone told me that it was the greatest having a grandchild. You can love them and then send them home. You can spoil them with impunity. They are not your responsibility, you just have to love them. While there is truth to all that it is so much better. The only way I can explain it is that whenever I see her, or see pictures of her, or talk about her, it just releases all these good brain chemicals. I don't know it is dopamine or what, I really do not know how the brain works but it has really changed my brain chemistry I think. I don't know if it is lasting but it something....My stomach went south about 10 years ago. Stress, bad diet, lots of alcohol and stress, did I mention stress. Some things happened professionally that got on top of me. I lost like 40 pounds over 6 months and people kept saying, "are you ok"? I would go to see doctors (3 GI docs) and was diagnosed with:
Ulcerative Colitis
IBS
Celiac (total misdiagnosis)
I was gluten free for two years (no beer) before my last doc finally opened up that they have no idea what is wrong with me but I have a screwed up gut and he advised that I watch hat I eat and watch how I feel and adjust diet and lifestyle accordingly. I held my own for the last several years but could not gain weight (I was not absorbing)... for years. Made my wife crazy because I would eat whatever I wanted and never gain weight, and I did. The course of events did allow me to get a lot of processed foods out of diet (still not perfect) but as I said, I was holding my own. Recently, along with feeling better work/life/stress balance I was sold on a new set of supplements by Megan Kukla and and my wife called "Plexus". I cannot credit my wight gain or vernal health solely to them but, I have put on between 20 and 30 pounds. I am now having to consider what I am eating. It will create other problems but... it is a welcome change.
I have been exercising semi regularly for a year. Planet fitness. No judgment. I show up when i want. Sit ups, lunges, treadmill, rowing, some weights...whatever. Nothing big but something and it releases good brain chemicals too. I am hoping to do more.
Morning devotional. This little blurb is really prompted by the one year anniversary of me reading a morning devotional each morning (most mornings) for the last year. I evidently did it for 222 days of the last year. I know that because along with the devotional I read one verse of the Bible every morning. The devotional is a great one called "Seize the Day" written by Charles Ringma and based on the writings of Dietrich Bonhoeffer. I cannot recommend it enough. It takes maybe 3-4 minutes and then with a verse of the bible another 5-10 (tops). I am only impressed because i don't think I have ever done anything for a year other than wake up. 222 verses of the Bible takes you solidly into Judges and like I said, i was feeling real proud until I realized the Bible has over 30,000 verses so at this pace I will finish when I am 156 or so. I will see if I can step it up but I do think setting aside anytime during the day to be thoughtful, especially about God's roll in your life, can be a positive thing and I think it has been for me.I have been failing to become a judge for the last 3 years (a little longer actually). It is a process and it is political and I have never failed at something so totally. That having been said a former Chief Judge gave me some counsel and a new direction and I have thrown myself back into the process and oddly, it feels pretty good. I still don't know if I can make it but I have realized that I have made a lot of new friends from this process and new relationships that will continue to make my life better.
My law practice ambles along. I am trying to morph it away from what I have been doing the last 8-9 years. I recently completed mediation training and am also a receiver on a formerly large mortgage company. I think I need to focus my practice on mediation and management and liquidation of assets in family disputes caused by poor estate planning and divorce. Exciting shit, huh? Anyway, it is a change and it is the stuff I am good at that does not take the mental toll of shepherding individuals through their financial nightmares. We will see. There is another financial downturn coming in the next 18-24 months. You can only "stimulate" so long before a recovery loses steam and although slow... we are looking at a 10 year recovery and history has a heavy voice in predicting the future. I could not be less excited even though I am counter cyclical.
My kids are all doing well, at least to my eyes. This is likely the greatest piece of luck a 56 year old father of three can have. And believe me, it is luck and it could all go south in a minute so I am trying to drink it in...gulp it in, while it is good and hope I am strong enough for what the future holds. How will I deal with their loss and their disappointment? Poorly would be my guess but who knows.
Sandy and I are as always working on our marriage. It is good. We are lucky. It is a lot of paying attention but between, hiking, music, gran parenting and of course eating and church, there seems to be more common ground than ever. Church.... we are still at The Gathering and it continues to feed us and give us a place to serve. The Church continues to grow and the new Mc Causland site is about to open and that is pretty cool. We have stopped doing Junior High (Student) ministry on Sunday mornings so we have more time to worship on different places and that is nice. It is still intriguing to see where it goes. We do miss liturgical worship and I am hoping we can perhaps spend one Sunday a month at Trinity Soulard. A cool church with a cool ministry and a new pastor. Could be a good mix.
Watching my mom age is hard. We celebrated 90 years. She is ready to go but we are not ready to let her. She still gets around and takes care of herself and even drives but she is tired and it hurts and it is hard to watch her hurt. I will be a wreck when God takes her home but I know she is ready for a time without pain. So that part sucks. No one ever prepares you to watch your parents age. I guess they can't. Anyway...So, it is a year. I turn 57 in October. I gotta keep myself from gaining too much weight because that makes aging even harder. Maybe I drink less. Who knows?
All of the above remains possible because all the nice people in my life who listen to me, tolerate me, humor me, correct me, shame me with their good intentions and actions and keep me moving forward... always forward.
