Vacation IV: L.A. Traffic

I have come to really love Southern California. between business and pleasure trips i seem to get out there almost every year and have come to be somewhat awe filled by the fact that you can go from ocean, to mountain, desert to snow in so short of a physical distance. Everywhere you go it is amazing how beautiful the terrain is, and humbling too. I am sure you take it for granted (just as we in St. Louis take for granted the natural beauty of our River Des Peres) when you see it every day but wow... what a cool place.

Until you actually have to get somewhere. The you have to get in your car and get on the road and it is a nightmare. To misquote that great southern philosopher Forest Gump L.A. Highways are like a box of chocolates... you never know what your going to get. Generally what I get is one of those crappy dark chocolate things filled with an unidentifiable nut. That is what I get when I get on the freeway in L.A. If you need to go two blocks...no problem. two miles... no problem. But if you need to go 25 miles... pack a lunch. You might make it in twenty five minutes... it might take three hours. In my time out here this week I was caught in traffic jams at 7:00 Sunday night.... 1:00 Wednesday.... 4:30 PM Wednesday and finally (gratefully) at 10:00 Thanksgiving morning.

There is rarely a rhyme or a reason for this traffic. Just 4 million people in L.A. trying to get around and as far as I can see failing miserably every day. We in St. Louis are lucky to live in a dying, non-vibrant, somewhat backwards midwestern city which we claim “is a great place to raise kids.” If it takes us 45 minutes to get across town at rush hour we feel sorely oppressed. Californians crap bigger traffic delays then that every day of there miserable, car obsessed, polluting lives. Not that I am bitter regarding the huge amounts of Escalades, Explorers, Denalis and other modes of transportation slightly larger then my first house. I would say in the time on the highways I set forth above traffic came to a complete stop over 100 times. It made me feel powerless and angry. Feeling so angry made me question whether I really had ANY mental strength at all but seriously... what a nightmare. I believe it is the randomness of the traffic nightmares I found so infuriating. We know in our town that between 7-8:30 in the morning and between 4:30 and 6:00 at night that there are a lot of people moving too and from work and school. While you know the same thing in L.A. you might also run into an inexplicable jam, with no accident and no highway construction at 11:00 at night. Things like that make daddy nuts.

I do not care how pretty it is. People cannot live this way for an extended period of time. The only theory I can come up with is that these people know that sooner or later they and/or their homes and possessions will be:

1. Swallowed by fire,
2. Swept into the ocean; or
3. Swallowed into the ground by an earthquake

Based on these assumptions they toil on the highways for several hours each day figuring they only have a limited amount of time to suffer here before they have to move back to the midwest. It seems slightly sketchy as a life plan but clearly no one in their right mind could plan to spend the remainder of their life in a beautiful place trapped on a five lane highway with no chance at redemption or of ever getting anywhere in a reasonable amount of time. It may be beautiful but that and 7 bucks will get me a beer at a ball-game. I like to be on time and have control.... or at least the illusion of control over my schedule. You Californians take your beautiful place.... I will take the River Des Peres.