Post Mortem: Arcadia Teen Week 2010, A Cry For Help!

1. No One Died!

2. I dropped another 5 LBS (Now weighing in at sporting 174.

3. No One Died (I am not getting enough props for that).

4. Figured Out I Have to Quit My Job Sooner Rather Then Later.

5. Had Great Time

I think that is a nut shell of the week. Got up there late Friday and drank too much at Riggers (formerly The Big Apple). Went to Counselor training on Saturday and then....drank too much at Riggers with the high school counselors and the prior weeks counselors (8th grade week) during the much heralded "crossover". Had a really nice worship service Sunday morning with all the people I drank with the night before which tends to be the best worship I do the whole year. There is something about having a service with people you really love. I realize that one of the things that makes this place great for me is that no one expects anything of me other then to be me. I have no deliverables for the week other then to be me... and not kill any kids. In light of my feelings that my partners have no interest at all in me being me and are only interested in my deliverables (harvestable organs) this feels empowering. Or at least it sucks less. No... I think it feels (felt) good.

It is a nightmare being away from work for a week. No matter how good of a jobyou do covering bases part of what I do is being there when my clients need me. When I am not, thongs often do not go well. But I unplugged for a week and hung around with 11 kids. The hallmark to being in my group is the group motto, "When Things Get Hard We quit". Next year I will have it put in Latin on their t-shirts like a crest. Instead, my group, Group B had shirts that said B-Attidues: "Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven". Matthew 3:5. One of my favorites from the Sermon On The Mount. Anyway, the kids did not seem to internalize my message of qutting and over all lassitude and they...they...well, I don't really want to talk about it....they won things.

They pulled together as a group, showed leadership, fortitude, everything a Becker lacks. It was...humiliating for me. Very nice group though populated by a Division I basketball prospect and three other Seniors and two musicians (one rocker and one sensitive indie boy) and just really nice people. It always amazes me how nice, talented, involved parents seem to have nice kids. It is excellent for me to sit around and talk religion, politics, morality, dating, education and anything else with them because they all tend to be reasonably well grounded. I like my kids a lot but it is humbling when your surrounded by 11 kids and think that it would not be a bad deal to call any of them your own.

Bottom line...great week. Helps put life in perspective and in a time when everyopne i hanging their heads talking about the economy and limited prospects and selling out our children with our debt... I think that we do not have so much to worry about. The kids are all right. Arguably, so are we.

The kids arrive Sunday starting at about 2:00. I went home and napped. They arrive and we mill around as they register trying to figure out who is in our group. I knew i had a couple of musicians, a real jock, a cottage colony kid (2) and otherwise they were indistinguishable for me.

Teen Week Ahead Of Time

Sooooo.....tomorrow I head to beautiful Camp Arcadia Michigan to do my annual week at teen camp. The Camp, against the advice of it's counsel allows me to come up there once a year and spend the week with 11 predominantly white, predominantly middle class, predominantly Lutheran, predominantly from two caring parent households to help.... help them do what exactly. They tend to be well adjusted, smart and have a healthier spiritual life then me.

But perhaps that is the point. because when you are a teen, Sophomore-Senior, your life is just starting to spin out of control and seem confusing. So you throw them in with a 48 year old man who has marginally successfully raised three children (almost) and you see if they can "get it". But what does "get it" mean? Does it mean that if their pathetic counselor can shamble through life without a major faux pas then perhaps they can muddle through on their own? that is not an inspiring message.

There are a lot of other "counselors" up there with me along with one Minister and one professional counselor to supervise us and make sure we do as little permanent damage as possible. Everyone brings something different to the table. Some of them are very spiritual people. Some of them are... much younger then me. A lot of them seem very smart. Some love teen agers. Some have very high energy. Some are just really good, solid people. I like to think they invite me because I am none of those things.

I always have group B, for Becker. My theme is always the same. Ministry through brokenness. If God can use me to serve other people, with all my well documented problems, prejudices, weaknesses and sins then certainly he can use them towards his plan. This year i have bought t-shirts for the little monsters in group B that say B-Attitude, Matthew 5:3, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven". No one is poorer in spirit then the members of group B. I tell the kids from the start, "Remember, your in group B! When things get hard.... we quit." And we do. No one sits around like my group. I can take the most motivated kid in the world and by the end of the week they can sit and bite an apple and watch it turn brown It is a gift I have and I try not to abuse it.

Through the week we try and move the kids from wherever they are in their faith life and their personal life to somewhere a little better. Empower them with something, if nothing else with an odd adult who has taken a sudden, unnatural interest in their life. It seems to work. Arcadia in the summer is one of the most beautiful places in the world and they will spend 25% of their time on a big cement porch about 30 feet from Lake Michigan. they talk about God, school, their siblings, their parents, alcohol, sex, music, abuse, gossip, cliques, politics, violence, guns, free speech, curfews, television, masturbation, movies, make up, clothes, food, Church (which rarely comes up when discussing God), boys, girls, sex again and hopefully finishing with God and maybe even being a Lutheran. But maybe not too.

And everyone acts really nice, almost all the time.

So whether it works for them or not, it works for me. I probably is time more then anything else to let 11 poor, innocent kids heal me again. if your able, pray for them.

The Colonoscopy (Why is God Angry With Me?)

Today's selection is at the suggestion of my personal life coach and Sherpa Tim Tiemann. I am not going to even begin the long winded story of WHY I am to get the second colonoscopy in two years. I am not even going to particularly dwell on being in hour 24 of a fasting process as demanded by the Nazi doctors of Barnes-Jewish Hospital (I know there is somewhat of a disconnect between Barnes-Jewish and Nazi but you will have to allow me a little artistic license here). What i want to talk about is the preparation process so that your colon and the related piping are clean enough for the doctor to... do his thing the next day.

1st they send you a box. Seriously, it is a box with a plastic jug and 4 flavor packets with a bunch of stuff in the bottom of it. They also send with two tablets. At noon you take the two tablets and fill the jug with tap water and a flavor packet. You then refrigerate it for 6 hours. Not five. Not four, not seven. SIX HOURS. I took the tablets at 1:30 and went home and mixed everything up and...went back to work. After a good afternoon at work, then night court for my own tickets, then home to eat some broth...it is now time.

They tell you to drink 8 ounces every ten minutes and it is now six minutes after the first glass. I chose lemon-lime flavoring over cherry or orange or strawberry. I am now watching "Super Bad" . The stuff tastes chalky and they advise to drink each glass quickly rather then slowly so I chugged the whole thing. 7 minutes later and I feel pressure... pressure. Watching the cops and Mc Lubben shooting guns is taking my mind off of it and to be fair, the pressure is subtle as I count down to the next, chilled glass of chalky, lemony, limey stuff.

Boom. Second glass down. I think i might be consuming slightly more then eight ounces for each glass. Chugging the second glass and already feeling bloated brings on feeling of introspection. What in my life has brought me here? With modern science is their really not a better way to prepare yourself for this. My first one 15 years ago I only had to drink like three glasses of the stuff and I could mix it with 7-Up and it just WAS NOT THIS BAD! I have some memories from the last one that I did not, could not even finish my jug. Feelings that further exacerbated my general feeling of being a guinea pig in a bad high school science experiment (Here dad...drink this. Why? I want to see what happens to you. Ok). I guess i would do that for my kids. The pressure does not seem much worse then after the first glass but in a few minutes i will hit the third one and will have at least 24 ounces sloshing in my belly.

Third one...done. Gagged a little (but just a little). Now I am feeling like one of those poor biafran children who you see with flies swarming around their rheumy eyes with the distended bellies. Still not a lot of pressure but just pure discomfort at having so much liquid dumped directly down my gullet. It looks like I am about half done which means I have been breaking the rules because I should only be about 3/8th done. At this point I am feeling a little bit of anger. Normally when you have a taste this foul in your mouth you are entitled to get yourself a cracker or something else to eat to take the foul, wretched taste out of your mouth. But not now! No, I am fasting. Oops....first major involuntary cramp. I must say....it hurts. I am a pussy.

The fourth glass. I really cannot believe that anyone who cared at all about people would force another person to drink this stuff. By all that is holy.... Becoming too bloated to even type. I have seen how this movie ends. One word... poorly. I am taking the current book I am reading... "The Girl Who Played With Fire" and setting it by the toilet... so I do not have to remember. Things appear to be moving under my skin as in a bad science fiction movie and my stomach is making.... sounds. Lets call them unhappy sounds.

Not to digress but the purpose of this is of course.... to have a clear stool. I have not yet made the trip but it is my profound hope that I will live long enough to make the report. Though I am sorely tempted to photograph it.... especially for Tiemann, I feel that even for me, that might violate some essential code of decency that I have not breached...yet. Give me time. They don't really tell you when you are supposed to poop. it is like a special secret that they cannot share. I mean think about this, 8 glasses, one every ten minutes...just 80 minutes of your life. Are you supposed to make it the whole time...can I make it through 80 minutes?

Vegas odds say 23-1 to one against. Seriously, check it. They are posting it and people all over the country are betting on my colon. Seriously, I picture like 60,000 people with 'Vuvuzelas' are making that awful, bees buzzing, geese getting brutally murdered sound in support...of my kidneys...and my colon. OH GOD! That was the fifth. There really is nothing but discomfort now. Still pressing on and not feeling a huge need to go....just feeling soooo bad. Gagged down glass number five and spilled a little down the front of my shirt and was happy just to spill some. Spilling is good. I wish I could spill more. I am reasonably convinced that when I go to pee... everything else will...happen. I need to pee. Crossding my legs.

Number six was kind of a disaster. beginning to consider why I do not have a more active prayer life and thinking that will change immediately. Stomach spasming. The sixth one was a problem because the moment the file crap hit the back of my throat I started to retch and lost the whole mouthful. The best part is you shake it off, breathe, and then chug some more. Awesome. Hungry and bloated and wanting to evacuate whatever is in my bodt through any (and every) orifice. AND YET... and yet what I would not give for even a small bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos just to take this taste out of my mouth.

I am feeling like I am drunk, but unfortunately I am not drunk. I am just miserable and delusional. Two more glasses to choke down but I do NOT think daddy makes it. Watching them puke on Super Bad (perhaps this was a poor choice) is doing nothing to improve my situation. OK...the champ went seven rounds but that was all he could do. The first trip to the bathroom was neither as spectacular or relieving as one might hope. I have four minutes before I go back and choke down the last glass. The glasses definitely got smaller after one and two and it will take eight miserable trips to get this filthy, filthy act done.

Yes, that just happened. I will report on this no more. We will never speak of it again. Understood?

WORLD CUP FEVER! And A.M. Beers!

Sooooooo.... there are some things that are just wrong. Stealing money from people (especially clients), cheating on your spouse, murder (unless the person was a real ass hat), and having a beer at 8:00 in the morning. We know these things are wrong. We do not need religion or anything else to inform us of our sin. yet we still justify various behaviors. Many might look on having a beer (alone) at 8:00 A.M. on Saturday morning to just be pathetic and to not actually be placed in the category of "mortal" sins but these are shallow people who do not really understand what is happening.

It had formerly been my practice to go have a beer with breakfast on Kentucky Derby morning. It seemed harmless and properly celebratory as I would go to Skip and Beverly's Other Place on Lemay Road in South County. (It is remarkably hard to find a place to get a beer at 8:00 A.M. in Kirkwood, Webster, West County or any civilized place. Someone should look into that. Is that really how it is in a socialist country like Barrack Obama's America?... but I digress). Somehow I got out of the Kentucky Derby habit but this morning was special as it was the first Saturday and first 6:30 A.M. World Cup Game from South Africa.

Now a few things about this years World Cup:

1. I really do not give a shit about South Africa and this being the first World Cup on the African Continent and the first real world wide celebration of post apartheid South Africa...blah, blah, blah. South Africa was horrible, bigoted revisable place on a beautiful piece of real estate and how it is just a horrible, miserable and poorly governed place. Freedom is really not free.

2. I have no love for soccer but love the World Cup. A mainline speedball of soccer every 4 years is just about right for me. I am a Lutheran. We really (despite the protestations of certain German Lutherans) do not play soccer. Although we like things that roll and explode, the non collision nature of soccer, though sweet is somewhat circumspect and perhaps a little gay. But the World Cup is COOL.

3. It is nice to get a chance to cheer for Korea. Though any place which borders a country which has a "beloved leader" who routinely starves and or violently kills several hundred thousand of his loyal citizens each year deserves a little support from me.

4. I am cheering of course for the U.S. but believe the Netherlands will win it all this year.

5. How cool is it to start out with the English who we last played and beat 60 years ago in this contest? Settling old scores? Damn right. I hope the Tea Party People take an opportunity to remember what real oppression looked like.

So I got up and had some breakfast and drove around looking for a place to watch this morning and it was remarkably difficult. I finally settled at Hammerstones (Formerly 9th and Russell but still at 9th and Russell remarkably) and admired their very small TV (bars with large screen TV's tend to not really be bars and often call themselves "sports bars" which I find detestable), ordered a Busch (what else) and watched South Korea destroy the Greeks 2-Nil despite a plethora (look it up Larry) of bad calls clearly directed not against the team but against their neighbor the beloved leader who this very morning threatened to turn the capital of South Korea into a "sea of fire". What a guy! But anyway, lots of bad calls against. Korea and in favor of the Greeks. The Greeks! They are broke. They are lazy! They are shiftless and on the cutting edge of leading us into a world wide depression with their corporate welfare state. Where did they even get the money to travel to South Africa and shouldn't the IMF have intervened. If they win a trophy will international bankers seize it and melt it down? They should!

Now in my defense I watched the end of the game and only had one beer before I went into work. I was mildly distracted during the game by large groups of men and woman dressed in pink and grabbing some breakfast before the Susan Koman "Race for the Cure". Many of them had the names of breast cancer non-survivors pinned to the back of their pink shirts along with their race numbers. What was disconcerting was watching them get hammered and chain smoke (I swear every one of them was smoking) as they prepared to support finding a cure for cancer by taking part in the activity which other then genetics is probably the greatest predictor of cancer. Life is weird. Life is good.

"Ole', Ole' Ole"!" Lets enjoy the World Cup. The World comes together to compete and revel in a love of sports and competition and in my case an excuse to sneak a beer at 8:00 A.M. GO NETHERLANDS!

Black Tide: A Nightmare of Unprecedented Proportions

Sooooo...what can you say about this oil disaster but... oh shit. How could this happen? That seems to be the first question but the answer is obvious, shit happens. When you put people in charge of huge projects (and people are still our best option) they will tend over time, given enough opportunities, to screw up at least once in a while. And that counts for well meaning, well intentioned people. The calculus gets a lot less pleasant when you bring a strong profit motive (short term profit motive...this quarter profit motive) into play but no use crying over spilled oil. is there?

So this is bad. This is really bad. It appears there has been some slight progress in contanment but we are told no total relief till mid-August which you have to think means September or October. There is already and unknown and unbelievable quantity of oil already in the gulf. We do not know how much. I am not sure what difference it makes. Whether above the surface or in "plumes" below it is bad. Very bad. So lets assume the best case scenario which is that BP traps most of the spewage now with it's latest "top hat", and skimming and that all we have to worry about is clean up. Once again, what a nightmare.

How do you do it? What is "it" anyway. Does anyone really think you can find, track and recover literally millions of gallons of oil from a nice, formally nice gulf which bordered our liberal, intellectual southern states. How would a poisoned Gulf of Mexico effect Texas pending secession? How will it effect LSU football? How will it effect Mississippi and Alabama's perennial effort to pass Arkansas and become 48th in literacy in the country? And how do you clean it up? How do you get oil our of the fish that are already there? How do you keep those fish from dying or having screwed up breeding due to the oil ingested? How do you find areas that have been poisoned under water and the now oily sediment that will be some of the worlds formerly richest oyster beds.

Guess what, you can't. And it is our President's fault. Why is it his fault? Because he was President when it happened. One of the problems with running for President and winning is that once your elected and once some time has passed (one day, week month or year) it is all your fault because it is all on your watch. I am told that our President is not taking enough "ownership" in anything and is blaming our former President for everything. That is bad form. I quoted to him that Reagan had done the same thing (based on Paul Krugman's asserting that Reagan basically spent three years blaming Jimmy Carter). I believed it. I was wrong, I think. Based on my limited internet research skills I could find where he did it about three times. Bush on the other hand looks to have said that "he inherited a recession" about 100 times. I do not know that my research is exact but that is what I found. Reagan clearly pegged a lot of problems on Carter and the country's malaise. hard to argue with. Bush on the other hand inherited a recession, along with a huge budget surplus and then presided over a real estate bubble to pull us out of it. Nice.

But back to Obama. He should not blame Bush anymore. It is boring, it is played out, it is poor form and he should be better then that. he is not. But he should be.

PS...and I was wrong about Reagan blaming Carter all the time. So was Krugman (the Nobel Prize Winner). I think I need to kill Krugman too.

Missouri Illegal Immigration Problem....Really?

Soooo I guess Missouri has a pretty serious illegal immigration problem. I mean Republicans in State Government have made it a priority to get a bill passed to mirror the recent Arizona law that has everyone buzzing. I am not here to opine on that law. Arizona sits on an uncontrolled border and has a lot of very real issues with illegal immigration. I might not like their approach but I do not deal with their problems, nor do most Missourians. I understand that maintaining a border is an essential part of any country's fundamental duties. I understand that unchecked immigration is a social threat and a terrorist threat and all kinds of threats but we are of course a nation of immigrants and everyone I know who says they are here legally claims it by virtue of birth. Though they might protest that their forefathers came over here "the right way" I would put it to any "birther" to prove it to me. We are here. Many of us pay taxes (a lot of taxes and have for a long time) and we resent the idea of people flooding in here and taking what we got. Politically I get it. As a Christian as I find this paranoia and anger revolting. But this is not the place for that. The fact is that Missouri does NOT have an illegal immigration problem that deserves the limited resources or the even more limited attention span of our State Legislators.

But Mark Parkinson of St. Peters is sponsoring a bill to deal with this pressing issue. St. Peters Missouri as most of you know has thousands of undocumented workers flowing into it every day, using public services and taking jobs that real citizens could have...except that they don't. Parkinson appears to be playing to his crowd sponsoring other legislation including:


HB2449
Creates various crimes for trafficking, concealing, haboring, sheltering, or transporting illegal aliens
HB2449 -- (LR# 5481L.02I)

And these equally important uses of legislative time:


HCR76
Encourages every school district in Missouri to promote and include trap shooting as a high school sport
HCR76 -- (LR# 5225L.02I)

and...


HB2131
Requires a $2 deduction each pay period from the Governor's personal pay to be deposited into the Governor Nixon's Federal Scratch-Off, Match-Off Fund to purchase a Powerball lottery ticket each week
HB2131 -- (LR# 4979L.01I)

http://www.house.mo.gov/content.aspx?info=/bills101/spon/spn016.htm

So at least we know the people of St. peters are well represented regarding the illegal immigration menace.

According to Statemaster.com Missouri ranks 34th in illegal immigrants with almost 22,000 people flooding our public schools, and stealing jobs from our valid citizens. That is almost .037% of our population threatening and menacing us with their hispanic horde.

All I am saying Missouri is get a grip. We have serious problems in Missouri and illegal immigration is not one of them. If we are going to protect our borders we have more to worry about with people fleeing Arkansas then Mexico and when Illinois' budget crashes we could have a huge influx of "those people" moving into our State as well. I long for higher Mexican American population so that I do not have to travel so far for good Mexican food (not Taco Bell or Casa Gallardo or even, "gasp" Hacienda). I have never had a person count back change to me in Spanish. My children have never been forced to sit through bilingual education. It is nit an issue here, other then a political issue. Like abortion and gay marriage it is a litmus test issue for the "you are either with us or your against us" people who are controlling the political conversation.

I say lets not play the game. The fact is that hispanics currently make up 14% of our population. They are projected to make up 29% by 2050. A spanish lesson for all of our children might be a forward looking thing to do rather then pass a law for a problem here that simply does not exist.

John Wooden R.I.P.

I believe that my failure to cover these pages has more to do with my over all health malaise then any other issue but I still have a lot to say. For the first time in my adult life I have started to withdraw from the news. I cannot place the exact region but I am experience a fatigue regarding the anger, frustration and self righteousness that I have to read about. Still there is a lot going on and I cant (nor should I) tune it all out.

Today I was moved by John Woodens death. Perhaps he had personal demons, was a bastard to play for, cheated on his wife, was an alcoholic, had kids who hates him, cheated at recruiting, turned away while his players doped... but I don't think so. I don't know though and I am happy about that. How blessed were we (and was Wooden) to have achieved what he achieved before it was the obligation of every media outlet to disclose and debunk him as a hero. An age where players were not such media superstars and prima donnas that they felt like they had a right to talk trash about their coach or reveal his foibles. This guy was a winner of the rarest kind. I am a huge college basketball fan. I do not remember the Lou Alcindor days (though I do recall the uproar when he changed his name) but definitely remember when he was still on a run and was coaching Bill Walton. Walton was a tremendous talent, obviously lost in his life and to see Wooden coach this kid, even as i was a child myself, he had a loving, father like manner to him.

The guy exuded class. never told anyone about how Christian he was and was humble to a fault right up until his death. He stayed married to his wife and likely was faithful to her death. he will be missed. he carried around with him the 7 rules his father gave him and it humbles me to read such simple, perfect advice.

1. Be true to yourself.
2. Make each day your masterpiece.
3. Help others.
4. Drink deeply from good books, including the Good Book.
5. Make friendship a fine art.
6. Build a shelter against a rainy day.
7. Pray for guidance and give thanks for your blessings every day.

If I could do this myself or convince my kids of their merit. I might be a better dad, and person. maybe even a better lawyer.