1. Her parents and issues related to aging,
2. Her daughter with issues related to...marriage (to a nice boy),
3. Her marriage to a deeply and profoundly troubled man (me),
4. Finishing her Masters (forensic accounting),
5. Life.
It isn't a small list and those 5 were just the high points. Anyway, in mid 2015 I ran across references to the OUTLAW COUNTRY CRUISE! Outlaw Country is a brand of Alt-Country/Americana/Country promoted by SIRIUS Radio on their channel 60. It is my type of music, twangy songs about drinking, love, death, sex, music, cars and existentialism. Steve Earle is a DJ and Buddy Miller and Shooter Jennings and Elizabeth Cook and they play music by bands like… well I could go on an on but here is a sample from 2008:
The motto of the station is a rip off of “Blazing Saddles” which is “”No Fences, No Badges, No Borders and No Commercials.” There is an ethos there… but I don't know what it is.
Anyway, so my wife was having a breakdown and I saw Elizabeth Cook (who we had a mutual affection for) was going to be on a cruise and when I looked I saw Steve Earle and Lucinda Williams and The Mavericks and...I was intrigued and I forwarded the link and shortly thereafter got an email from my wife telling me that we were going.
I was taken aback that my sure thinking, accountant wife would act so hastily but upon reflection I realized that my wife was not necessarily the woman I had married and perhaps that was a very good thing. So we went. We had a blast. I thought I blogged about it but when I checked back, apparently not. I think my dad died shortly after we got back or something relatively trivial like that might have distracted me...maybe. Or maybe I was just lazy. I know I posted a lot of pics on Facebook but we had a blast and so we signed up to go on the second one. Evidently we were on the inaugural cruise. Apparently it is now a “Becker Tradition”. #sad.
This year along with the usual suspects Steve Earle, Lucinda Williams, Elizabeth Cook and the Mavericks we were going to have my personal favorites The Old 97s and local favorites The Bottlerockets. I was...really excited and so was Sandy.
People who do not understand the concept always ask the same question when they hear you are going on a cruise which is, “where are you going?”. This is a “tell” that they do not understand the concept and I have to explain that “nothing could make less difference than where it goes”. Last year we went from Miami to the Caymans. This year it was going to Cozumel from Tampa. In each case you sail for two days, spend 8 daylight hours on whatever place your going and then sail back. Meaningless. They could (perhaps should) just go out and sail around for 4 days and not waste our time.
I enjoy traveling but I don't enjoy flying. I have no phobias about getting in an airplane and no worries about crashing but the lining up, the partial stripping, the showing of papers has all started to really freak me out. It seems somewhat dehumanizing and totalitarian. I realize this is childish but... I need too remember to talk to my doc about Xanax.
I had not been to Tampa in a long time and Sandy was not sure that she ever had the pleasure. By the time we booked a hotel any reasonable place on the Bay was sold out so we stayed in an Embassy Suites out by the airport. I like the Embassy Suites and my wife is happy with their breakfast but I was pleased by the existence of a near Waffle House. They are so beautiful. I think that there is a credible and cogent argument to be made that all Waffle Houses, wherever located, all be put on the National Historic Building Registry. I mean Waffle Houses are beautiful, they are architecturally significant and they have shaped our culture in ways much more meaningful than say...Mc Donald's.
We arrived on a Saturday and that night went down to Ybor City because it was the only thing I remembered from being there before. I think it might have been some law/insurance thing and I think, perhaps I was over served. In any case we Uberred (is that a verb now) down there from out by the airport. I had jumped on Yelp or something and apparently if you go to Ybor you eat at Columbia.
Sometimes the Internet can get something so right. We went there, they told us it would be a two hour wait, we said great and we walked up and down the Ybor strip, bought some cigars, had a cocktail and enjoyed the evening. Apparently there had been a pre mardi gras street party down there. The area is not particularly quaint but it is a slice of America and was entertaining to walk around during the day. We got back to the restaurant and still had quite a wait but… what the hell. Evidently if you go on certain nights or have a group you can catch Flamenco dancing. We don't see a lot of that in St. Louis. In any case, if you ever get a chance...go there. Especially with your spouse or significant other. Great people watching great ambience, GREAT FOOD! So go there. We had a blast. 
The next morning we woke up and Uberred to the Tampa Cruise port. It is like a cruise port. We had a remarkably easy time boarding and then… you can go to your room right away but your bags do not show up for quite some time so we took a loot at our room, met Juan our steward and walked around. There is something festive about being on a boat and it was pretty afternoon. The main concert venue is always up on the pool deck so we found a seat up there (they are at a premium) and sandy needle pointed while I watched a band called Haybale and drank. 
Hay Bale is the Saturday night house band at The Continental Club in Austin. If you don't know how or why that is so cool, I really cannot explain it to you but it was a great way to start the cruise.
What is the start of an Outlaw Country Cruise without complimentary shot of tequila?
Hay Bale is the Saturday night house band at The Continental Club in Austin. If you don't know how or why that is so cool, I really cannot explain it to you but it was a great way to start the cruise.What is the start of an Outlaw Country Cruise without complimentary shot of tequila?
Tampa...it seems nice...from a boat.
So we set sail...listened to a band...took a nap. We also had the “muster” which is where they gather you and explain to you what to do in the case you are on the Titanic. It is awesome.
The program looked like this:
There are 5 venues on the boat and at least two of them have music at any given time so you get to wander around with a cocktail from place to place and see what tickles you. Some of the venues are very hard to find a seat at and some of the venues like The Stardust almost always have a seat, even if it is off in the wings. It is nice to see shows in the Stardust because it is more like a concert experience but one of the things about the cruise which matches a festival experience is the ability for the real frothing fan, which I can sometimes be to stand right up front so that the guitarist can indeed spit on you if that is what your looking for (and who isn't?).After "muster" we went to see The Mavericks. Then back to our room to unpack our bags and meet our steward Jose. Jose rocked and kept our ice bucket filled as well as turn down of sheets and everything else. Here is what the view from the room looked like.
So you wake up the next day. We have a balcony. I have a judicial interview by phone. If you ever worry you will not be able to make a call from the boat and you are not certain your cell can work, you can always make calls...for $5.00 a minute. So I got up and had breakfast and there is always amusement at breakfast because you have a lot of hungover people and a lot of musicians, and sometimes their kids... waking up. On the boat you have no newspaper and a newspaper is somewhat integral to my waking up process. Fortunately I had the first 200 pages of Rick Doolings new book to take a look at and make some notes and I had a brilliant new book by Jonathan Lethem called "Anatomy of a Gambler". Reading books at breakfast is a growing experience. I still miss the newspaper. I also don't know why the cruise ship cannot:
1. Subcontract breakfast (and perhaps all meals) out to Waffle House; and
2. Distribute a shipboard news update provided by the Wall Street Journal of NY Times.
These are good ideas. Norwegian Cruise Lines..you are welcome.
Norwegian Lines seems very competent. In a lot of ways a boat is a boat but this is basically the same as last year. Last year, the Norwegian Pearl, this year the Norwegian Jade. We have been on Royal Caribbean Cruises but never on Carnival. The cruise ship staff is always competent, helpful and...foreign with passable English which
is really all that I have so it is all good. The food on the boat is good but gets boring really quick. There is a general cafeteria type places where everyone goes. You get saintlier sprayed on your hands on the way in, "washy-washy" and then get a plate and walk around 8 or so different food stations. The food can uniformly be described as "not bad" and that is saying a lot. We of course are spoiled and we like to eat and therefore we pay an "up charge" and go to the nicer restaurants on the boat of which there are several. We also bring several bottles of our own wine and you pay, I think, $15.00 dollars a bottle to bring it on board. You can consider trying to sneak your bottles on but I have been assured that they are rigorous about scanning bags for bottles and there is no sneaking. The bottles when you check in are tagged and cannot be uncorked by the restaurants or staff unless tagged. Night 1...La Cucina"!
As you can see it is a nice little menu and we brought a nice bottle of wine. The main thing you get on the Outlaw Country Cruise when you go to one of these places is privacy. Not many of the folks on the cruise pay the extra money so it is kind of nice and kind of romantic and I recommend it for at least a night or two on any cruise.
We finished the night at The Stardust seeing Lucinda Williams who put on a great show with a great show where she played new songs and old songs but always story telling songs. Evidently it is a struggle to grow up as somewhat counter cultural in the south but she tells the tales. After that we caught a late night set with the pride of the Festus Crystal City Metroplex...the Bottlerockets. It was in the smaller venue and there is just something great about seeing Bryan Henneman tell his stories up close and personal while he and the band strum and thrash away at their catalogue.
Then it was time for bed where our steward had turned down the bed and left towel statuary art!
I spent the rest of the morning reading and making obnoxious suggestions on a draft of Rick Dooling's new book. The book should come out this time next year and it will be...awesome. About 22 years ago or so I was another cruise with my wife and got to do the same thing with his book "White Man's Grave" so this was kind of a cool "redo". Very relaxing reading and making notes and unwanted observations. I was able to read while my wife was out getting her steps in because she needs to walk 10,000 steps a day and there is nothing weird or obsessive about it. So she walked, I edited, we ate lunch...and then it was time for more music.
SuperSuckers
Here is a complete list off all the bands on the cruise.
- Lucinda Williams
- Wanda Jackson
- Old 97's
- The Secret Sisters
- The Mavericks
- Shooter Jennings
- Blackberry Smoke
- Supersuckers
- Chris Knight
- Billy Joe Shaver
- Drivin' n' Cryin'
- Scott H. Biram
- Laura Cantrell
- Bottle Rockets
- Elizabeth Cook
- Steve Earle and the Dukes
- Roger Alan Wade
- Carlene Carter
- Mojo Nixon
- Jessi Colter
- Jim Lauderdale
- Rosie Flores
- Ray Benson
- The Mastersons
- Jesse Dayton
- Dallas Wayne
- Dale Watson And His Lone Stars
- Heybale
- Buick 6
- Waymore's Outlaws
- Joe Ely Band
The next day....Cozumel!
Not that we cared. Cozumel was mainly a place to get off the book and look around. The cruise ports are awful...awful places. Lots of shops, several bars and people hustling you all the time. Hustling you to go into the shops, hustling you to go into bars, hustling you to rent a scooter or get a guide. So it is annoying but we always walk into the town and find a bar and have a beer and look at the 250 emails that came in over the last two days...have a heart attack and then buy a couple of Cubans and head back to the boat.
I don't know what this is supposed to be but would like it recreated on my kitchen wall.
Pretty much you get off the boat, get swarmed by vendors, find a bar, check the Internet and drink.
The Happy Couple about to get back on the boat.
I don't really know what this was...pretend scuba?
Then you head back to the boat for a nap... and then dinner, and then some more music.
I don't really know what this was...pretend scuba?
El Humongo Returns!
I forget who this was...
And another nice meal on the boat.
Some Band on the deck at night.
THIS...is Wanda Jackson!
Roger Alan Wade, Surius DJ, general hater. Sandy loved him.
The Old 97s, Daryl and Rhett tune up.
Darryl belts out "Mama Tried". But really there is nothing like seeing one of your favorite bands in the world from 3 feet away. I could have spit on man who proudly sings, "My name is Stewart Ransom Miller, and I am serial lady killer!" with a crowd of 150 other fans, at midnight, in the Gulf of Mexico. For me this was the best show of the trip. Sandy had gone to bed after a long day and I was only mildly drunk and there were competing popular shows which meant only the true believers in the OLD 97s were out and it was a drunk sing along and for me...magic!
Steve Earle at the begin venue, the Stardust. Steve always surrounds himself with masterful musicians and this Masterson guy on lead guitar was no exception. He tells stories about Nashville and Austin and people misconstruing his songs. He has a song called "The Devils Right Hand" which recounts a mother warning her son away from guns. When he wrote it, it was not an anti-gun piece. Then his teenage son found his handgun, hid it and would not give it back... and it became an anti gun song.
Sooo... that was really it, but it wasn't. There was a lot more and I cannot say enough nice things about the whole experience. It was "immersive' and joyous and you did not get one day of news casts or information coming over the phone. Just music, with myself, my wife and a 1000 or so strangers. I will go back. I will love it all over again. In the meantime if you want to stick your toe into this type of music consider Twangfest 2017 at Off Broadway. Music can save your soul... believe it.
http://twangfest.com
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