Between The World And Me

I have read the most glorious books so far this year that I am hesitant to keep reading for fear of breaking the streak.

The Tsar of Love and Techno

Between the World and Me

My Documents

David Benem Excerpts

All very different and all written by people different than me (other than Benem, who is only bigger than I am and drinks Bud Select in I unfathomable volumes. But all brilliant.

I love to travel because it opens my eyes to the beauty and suffering in the world and helps me appreciate my easy (albeit hectic) life. But reading is almost better because writers can take us to places with depth and forethought that my scattershot "travels" often lack. I can observe the poverty of the Deep South but I cannot experience the lack of opportunity for someone born there without reading about it from someone who has lived it. I can visit Ferguson but not experience the loss of a mother who invested he love and 18 years of time and treasure in a son, only to see this asset gunned down and gone forever. But writing takes you there.  

The book "Between The World and Me" is Coates letter to his son. Toni Morrison called it "required reading" and while initially suspicious, I can only echo that sentiment. Coates refers to people like me (and probably you) as "dreamers" who have had an entire reality system constructed around us to keep us from waking up and having to confront the the obvious truth and ugliness of what we have created and profited from. He derides me for my obliviousness and pushes me, but not to action. He makes very clear that what has been done by our country in regard to the black race cannot be "fixed”, at least not quickly and by half measures.  Instead he shoves me to thought and conversation, intolerant of denial and remaining in the comfortable sleep of a dreamer.

He starts the letter when his 15 year old son retires to his room to be alone after hearing that the killer of Michael Brown will not be charged… with anything.

To begin,  he outlines his own life to his son, negotiating violence in his home, in his school and on the street. Never having the luxury of being asleep but always awake to the possibilities of harm should he ever not be alert, afraid, paying attention. To always be awake to the taking of his body and the bodies of others.  Then he recounts how he went to Howard University (the Mecca) and first experienced the depth of black culture and community. How he had to be awoken from that by a fellow student, unarmed and gunned down outside of his suburban home by an undercover police officer.

He displays the lessons for his son not to call his son to anger and violence but to incite awareness and understanding that he will not, cannot and should not ever be a dreamer but by the necessities of our societies plunder of his race and his body must instead be vigilant, and appreciative and also... most importantly to find joy.

This is a humbling letter and many of us don't want to read it but we should. We cannot "fix" our nations history of enslavement, rape, and systemic, organized, relentless exploitation and marginalizing of black people in America. We can seek to understand it amd discuss it and OWN it.

It is a sad book to have to write to ones own son. But it is a beautiful picture of a father urging a son, his son, his joy, towards a life of understanding, meaning and appreciation of his own beauty and the beauty of an ugly, broken sinful world.

Not for the squeamish but an important book never the less.  To read it is to be humbled and perhaps to be called to greater understanding, a non-dismissive understanding iof what it is like to e called “equal” and yet find over and over again that you are “other”.

Fear and #Ferguson

Soooo it is the day after Black Friday, coming close to closing out a week joyously that we might all well just want to forget as we continue our hope that things “just get back to normal”.  We seem to hope that everyone just returns to their place, away from our place and stops complaining and protesting.  Al Sharpton can fly out to Philly where some poor rookie cop made a gruesome mistake and take the tourist protesters with him and we can get back to good old fashion St. Louis segregation (economic and racial) and be safe by empowering an underpaid group of primarily white males (whose lives are at risk every day) to profile and “broken windows” police the rest of us to peace and safety and bliss.

http://www.thenation.com/article/177842/its-time-end-broken-windows-policing

We are so afraid of the questions that have been raised…. again.  Forget about Michael Brown (with my apologies to the Brown family for their loss) and forget Officer Wilson (who whether he knows it or not will be haunted for the rest of his life).  Michael Brown is inevitable in our society.  Over and over again Michael Brown will continue to be gunned down.  Not every day.  Not every week, but certainly every month, year after year and the fact is that we as a society have decided we don't give a shit.  Let our underpaid police worry about it and take of it.  If they make a mistake we can crucify the poor cop and feel better about ourselves  and if they don’t make a mistake then killing people to keep us safe is just their job.

It is 2014 and the “wrong side of the tracks”, or highway still prevails in St. Louis and every adult who pays attention knows where the borderlines are.  We stay on our side of the tracks and the poor and the non assimilated stay on their side. If they kill each other or occasionally one of our policeman kills one of them… it is what Richard Nixon would have called “acceptable losses”.  We pay our police better on our side.  Our kids occasionally take their parents high powered automatic weapons and go on a killing spree. Then and only then our police need to shoot them down but otherwise God and only God can protect the officer that kills one of our fair and precious children.

We self identify as the most Christian nation on earth.  “In God We Trust” emblazoned on our money (think, just for a second how wrong that referencing God on our money should be for a Christian), the Ten Commandments chiseled into our courthouses, but we have totally rationalized the existence of an underclass that lives mired in cycles of poverty, violence and lack of education.  How can this be?  And don’t, PLEASE DON’T, for all that is Sacred quote Matthew 26:11 “The poor will always be with you.” as some kind of justification.  READ YOUR SCRIPTURE IN CONTEXT!  Christ was admonishing the law observes that since they had a brief opportunity to spend some time with their God incarnate, that perhaps they should take an opportunity to do so.

So we are afraid.  We say we are afraid of violence.  We say we are afraid of lawlessness.  We say we are afraid of REVOLUTION!  So we buy guns, we board up windows and we call out the National Guard.  We berate our politicians and leaders for not keeping us safe.  We cancel parades.  We don’t go “downtown” because it might not be safe.  

HOW MANY LIVES HAVE BEEN LOST IN THE FERGUSON RIOTS!?  

I am not perfect about it and I could be wrong but I do read the paper every day and I think a strong case can be made that the number is zero.  I pray for the business owners and people of ferguson who have lost property and might lose their businesses.  It is a tragedy, but no lives have been lost despite all the burning and looting and protesting.  But we, in Clayton are afraid.  There is also no reason that our police should be subjected to bricks, bottles and batteries being thrown and fired at them and I pray for their safety as well because they are our mercenaries in an undeclared war against whomever threatens our status quo.

I think if we would pause and be honest with ourselves we are afraid of the questions raised by the situation.  

Why are we comfortable with an underclass?

Why is it OK when they kill each other as long as they don't do it on our streets?

Why are their deaths only memorialized in the Law and Order section of the Post Dispatch?

Why hasn’t the privileged Christian Community lent their time and attention to their brothers and sisters?

Could the government do things differently to assist the suffering?

Why can’t we change the situation?

Why is it so hard?

Why can’t they just be like us?

Why do we want them to “be like us”?

Why do we need so many guns in so many hands?

What am I supposed to do as a Christian?

Are the government programs making it worse?

Why can’t the black community raise up leaders that are not self promoting?

Why can’t the white community raise up leaders that are not self promoting?

As a Christian, as a human, what am I supposed to do?

Sorry, these are my questions.  I pray that you have your own set and I pray it is not a set of questions about why “those people” are causing so much trouble.  As a Christian I beg you to remember that those people are God’s children and we are called upon not to turn our backs.  I am an old man (in my head I am perhaps an old Jewish man but that is neither here nor there but I am old enough to remember not only when Dan Fogelberg was alive but I remember when he was relevant.

“You better change, before the sun goes down.

You better leave, before you are, the last in town.

You better raise your fortresses, or tear them down,

tear them down.”

What a difference it makes when a community steps up. On South Grand they actually had property damage. They had protesters. They got out of hand and broke windows...a LOT of windows. They didn't board up in the face of loss that never happened, but when it happened they came out and made something beautiful. Something... thoughtful.  

I am not asking for anything other than we not accept a return to the status quo,  Think and pray about what God is calling you to do in response to the pain and suffering that he is showing to us.  Talk with people about it and stop being afraid of violence and looting and burning and property damage and start being afraid of why we cannot seem to work together and pray together to find answers.

PEACE!

Complicated Shadows

Soooo… last week it was about why bad things don’t go away.  Sometimes it is complicated. Tomorrow Michael Brown is buried.  Perennial hand puppet Al Sharpton will come in for a drive by eulogy expanding his brand on the death of another young black man.  We don’t know whether it will drive a new round of protests and possible trouble maker violence or whether a tired hot city just wants to “move on”.

And that road goes on and on into the sunset.

And my destiny is bound to move me on.

-Missouri

That was a bad song and a bad quote but it might resonate for people of a “certain age”.  Watching Lacey Clay on “Face The Nation” talking about militarization of our police.  Watching Jay Nixon on “Meet The Press” be quizzed on “his failures”.  It is all just a yawn now as we forget that there is a family that no longer has a son.  To be fair, at least three other families have lost a son this week.

Trevon Kirksey

Taron Selfie

Kajiemme Powell

All dead.  One also killed by a police officer but the death gruesomely filmed and his video death apparently passes muster.  The other two young men were just gunned down on the street and to be totally fair to our police, our government, our city, our Christian community and their neighborhoods, no one who was not a friend or relative gives a shit.

Who is lighting a candle for them?

Where is Al Sharpton for them?

Why is Antonio French not marching at midnight for youths actually murdered in the City of St. Louis?

Where is self promoter Maria Chappelle-Nadal and all her righteous indignation?

Who is lighting a candle for them?

What about Darrell Wilson?  No one seriously believes this cop came out looking to kill anyone that day.  At best he over reacted in a threatening situation… at worst… he really, really fucked up.  His life as he knew it is over.  But he is still alive.

Elvis Costello might have summed it up:

Well you know your time has come and you're sorry for what you've done

You should've never have been playing with a gun

In those Complicated Shadows

Well there's a line that you must toe

and it'll soon be time to go

but it's darker than you know in those Complicated Shadows

All you gangsters and rude clowns

Who were shooting up the town

When you should have found someone to put the blame on

Though the fury's hot and hard

I still see that cold graveyard

There's a solitary stone that's got your name on!

-Elvis Costello:  Complicated Shadows

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3n1VzT_yis

***

But we want to “move on”.  It is hot.  We are tired.  Ferguson needs to get back to business.  The kids need to go to school.  People need to “live their lives”.  Really?

A personal favorite of mine, Mike Doughty has a song called “Move On”.  I think he wrote it around the 2007.  

“Down in the mouth and not half right

But I can feel the changes comin' on

Bloom like flowers in bluest night

Bloom like the sunlight in my song

Dum dumb, dum dumb, dum

Dum dumb, bay, dumb, dumb

Move on, move on, dum dumb

Dum dumb, dum, dum dumb, bay

All of the words you can't say right

Burn my ass with anger to no end

I love my country so much man

Like an exasperating friend”

-Move On (Sunlight In My Song)

Tell it brother.  Speaking the truth with love.  Like an exasperating friend.  I am still trying to figure out what to do.  What my response should be.  How do I change me?  I live in a white, protected, privileged silo.  Physical violence, threat, confrontation, discrimination… they are not part of my life.

My Pastor is calling me out.  My wife is calling me out.  My life is calling me out.  Many people are talking and dialoguing.  That is good.

My wife is doing constructive and engaging things and I am proud of her, but what do I do?

I wanted to attend funeral services or memorial services for one of these young men killed this week that was not Mike Brown.  I couldn’t find the information.  Young men who are gunned down in the streets get a mention (normally one day) in the “Law and Order” section of the post.  There are no Obituaries for;

Trevon Kirksey

Taron Selfie

Kajiemme Powell

There are no funeral listings.  I don’t know what I would do at such a funeral.  Sit in back by myself.  See a families loss?  Pray with them?  Pray for them? Light a candle for them?  Remember for a minute that this man lived and died?  Remember that another one of God’s children has gone along to his reward in a way never contemplated by our creator?

So I am trying to figure it out.  What will I do?  Will I move on and look back and talk about the “tragedy of Ferguson” and pontificate.  Or I will I find a way to be part of a real change?  What are you going to do?

“Dum dumb, dum dumb, dum

Dum dumb, bay, dumb, dumb

Move on, move on, dum dumb

Dum dumb, dum, dum dumb, bay”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csVcI2v82KY

Sometimes it is complicated.  Indeed.

Strange Days... Mommy Make The Bad Things Go Away... and perhaps they should not.

file:Soooo…I often wonder why bad things won't just “go away”.   it has been a confusing week.  I woke up last Monday morning up in Michigan to news of “Ferguson” Missouri.  “A town near St. Louis” according to the New York Times and the BBC.  Evidently a young man had been killed on the street.  Evidently the young man was black and and the shooter was policeman who is white.  Michael Brown was the name of the now deceased.  The conditions of his shooting are at best suspicious and exhibiting of poor judgment by the officer and at worst look like an angry, brutal execution.

I was driving home on Tuesday and kind of thought this would all be “over” before I ever returned.  It is about a 9 hour drive home.  I have satellite radio and I realized that this was not going to “go away”.

Pictures of Michael Brown lying on the pavement...videos of michael Brown, lying on the pavement in what looked like a rain puddle but it hadn't rained.  Etched.  People giving accounts of a confrontation, a struggle, a shot, an attempt to flee, more shots, an attempt to surrender… more shots.  Etched.  And now it won’t go away.

Idiots on TV and radio.  Everyone personalizing the story to fit their narrative… at first.  Discrediting police accounts.  Discrediting bystander accounts.  Whatever you want to believe it was all there for you to spin out of the “facts”.

Police brutality

Black thugs

White flight

Profiling

Lawlessness

Execution

He had it coming

Racism

Entitlement

Resentment

Social Justice

Looters

Rioters

First Amendment

Stand Your Ground

“There is more to the story”

...whatever.  A man is dead.  Evidently killed by a cop who although alive, his life is forever changed by his actions and by the consequences.  Part of the community would take the law into its own hands and crucify him, or worse.  On the other end of the spectrum are the “innocent until proven guilty” crowd.  If there is any trip or trope more played out and more a picture of guilt and cluelessness than “innocent until proven guilty” I do not know what it is.  Yes… in the courtroom you have a presumption of innocence.  In the world… not so much.  In fact, not at all.  In a 24 hour media circus you are guilty until proven otherwise.

What is amazing is how clueless political leadership has been.  Of course it is not a party until the ass clowns like Al Sharpton arrive.  On the other hand when Dick Gregory shows up, reasonable people should pay attention.  But the local grandees failed pretty miserably.  The City of Ferguson, failed.  They couldn’t handle it.  They called the County and the county arrived with swat teams and riot gear...all dressed in the Hunger Games finery to point guns at unarmed citizens for the national press.  Mc Cullough stumbled and the black politicos piled on with Charlie Dooley relishing this and showing himself for the petty asshole he is by piling on and kicking Mc Cullough and the cops for their mistake.  Nixon waded in with calls to the President and the Missouri Highway Patrol and a charm offensive by Captain Ron Johnson.  That was smart.

One career has been made and that is City Alderman Antonio French.  

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-nation/wp/2014/08/14/who-is-antonio-french-the-alderman-providing-updates-from-ferguson/

Pay attention!  He combined the ear, the apparent heart and articulated in a way that crossed all boundaries.  The same cannot be said Maria Chapelle Nadal.  She has grandstanded, and played to her base.  Very safe.  Very sad and even more important very dangerous.  She seems whiny.  French seems in touch and in tune.  Ferguson is in her district.  French is a City Alderman and he went out and stood on the line and Tweeted the whole experience and… a star is born.

His Twitter feed is worthy of following:

https://twitter.com/AntonioFrench

He is not going  to “Go Away”.  And I think that might be a good thing.  For the black community and for the white community, for the city and for the region.  We will see if he has the character to match his courage.  He looks like a mayor and if he wants, Congressman.  Once again, we will see but the point is that he is emblematic of my own change of heart about this tragedy.

Tonight we have a curfew. I do not know whether that is a bad thing or a good thing. The status quo was not acceptable because as far as bad they things...."They mostly come out at night...mostly".

White people and black people are marching together.  Everyone knows there is something badly wrong in a society that has resulted in every black man being a suspect every time he leaves his home.  Now we are having discussions that might be more nuanced.  Might be more reasonable.  Might be more interesting than the bullshit that has led us here with everyone clinging to their stereotypes and comfortable narratives.

The really hard line  conservatives and mouthpieces like Glenn beck have demonized the term “social justice”.  This is a classic Orwellian crime.  I do not think the Jesuits invented social justice but the idea that Christians have an obligation to work for justice for our fellow men, no matter what their class is a noble concept and I hope that this conversation continues.  I hear Glenn Beck quoting my personal hero Bonhoeffer the day…. confused, frightened and elated me.  I wanted to laugh, cry and puke but…  at least it is thoughtful.

Sometimes bad things.  Heartbreaking things.  Criminal things.  Sometimes they are not going to Go Away!  Sometimes God works through evil occurrence and sometimes when things do not Go Away… maybe they shouldn't and maybe we will be better for it. I think that is a prayer.