Facebook Primer Series: Adults Beware

Facebook Primer II
Old People Etiquette


With all the old people getting on facebook it is becoming more crowded and sometimes annoying. With the high school and college kids it was truly social but some evil people have decided social networking can be used for marketing and self promotion. Additionally adults are also all over seeing what their kids pages are like and seeing what their kids are doing and seeing what their friends are doing and what their saying and ...on and on.
Sooooo...your old. You are on facebook all the time because your new to it. It seems exciting and new even though it just bundles a lot of other technologies. It is fun looking at your friends pictures, their updates...their ruminations on....whatever. Embrace it, enjoy it and GET OVER IT! Work through the stage. You do not have to see every posting by every “friend”. As an old person you should know what your kids might not.... these people are not your friends. As an older adult you realize that “friends” are special. Friends are people you see and like and know that you can count on. Friends are not people who have told twenty people this year that they are BFF’s.

Even with the lemming like movement of old people (anyone older then my oldest child (currently about to turn 22) this is still a medium dominated by the kids. That will change as they discard this technology and move on to the next big thing (Twitter? Doubtful.) But right now it is the medium for your kids socialization. Respect that. If your child is over 18 you have no business demanding that you have access to their page without being blocked. Under 18 I think you should insist on that access but for God’s sake, use it sparingly. With knowledge is power and if you jump on the kid for every stupid post or everything their “friends” post you are going to have a hard time.

Your job as a parent is to parent. What about other kids who are not yours. here are some rules:

1. Don’t be creepy. This is a fuzzy line for some of us but be careful. An adult should never comment on the attractiveness of any picture of a person on facebook. That is a good place to start but just going from there, think before you post.

2. Don’t spy on everybody. Like I said you do not have to see every post by every friend. My general rule of Facebook control is to never move off of your front page of posts. If it is older then that it isn’t relevant anyway.

3. Never post anything on your kids page without a lot of prayerful thought.

4. When you see a kid you love or like posting stupid things, obscenities, lascivious (I love that word) pictures, drinking pictures, smoking pictures.... think before you post and think before you use that information, comment on it or anything else. A private message to them is the way to comment, not on the pic or post itself and it should be there. Think on it. This kind of response might get no reply, it might get you blocked but you are doing that person a service.

These are my thoughts on old people etiquette. Over all I have found kids to be very forgiving of my faux pas when hacking around on facebook. At first we were amusing and sometimes creepy. We now just have to learn to not get ourselves too excited and not be a pain in the ass.

Post Preakness: Attack of the Fifty Foot Filly

Soooooo... for 3/4 of a race I looked like....a genius. Rachel Alexandra, Friesan Fire and Big Drama all front running and in control and then.... the stretch drive. You have to give it to the filly. She held on gamely as my boys died and the field over took them. Fire fell to the back to almost die but Big Drama still finished gamely though a badly beaten 5th.

The big surprise for me was no more of a surprise then he was in the Derby and that was Mine That Bird. Even without Borel in the irons the horse ran an awesome race and but for being boxed and arguably given a bad ride by Mike Smith the horse flew from the rear of the pack and with another few lengths would have overtaken the winner. Put Borel on the filly and add 5 pounds there is no question that Mine That Bird would be looking at a chance at the Triple Crown.

I wonder why they do give the girl 5 poinds less in weight in this race where they are arguably just trying to figure out the best horse. Oh well. It is exciting under any circumstances because it sets up drama and controversy for the Belmont which is always the best race and always the best test. With as big a move as Mine That Bird made and with as much horse as it looks like was left you know he will be running and gunning. It should be fun.

What will Borel do? He says he will stay on Rachel Alexandra and I have to believe that is true but I really do think that his horse was fading in the stretch of the Preakness while the Bird was coming on hard and fast. Bring it on.

The Preakness! THE BLACKBERRY PREAKNESS

Sooooo.... we are well into May and the Kentucky Derby has passed and in an hour I will be watchinbg the Preakness. The filly Rachel Alexandra is the talk of Pimlico and an odds on favorite to beat the boys and Mine That Bird coming off a brilliant messy ride in the Derby tries to stop her. Rachel won the girls race that precedes the Derby by one day winning the Oaks by 20 lengths and pulling away. Calvin Borel road both and I guess he had his choice and he picked the girl for this one.

When I Googled “Rachel Alexander Pics” this is what I came up with. She just does not look like that much of a runner to me. Then I realized the name of the horse was Rachel Alexandra.






Being a contrarian and of course being smarter then anyone else I am betting Big Drama and Friesan Fire. Friesan Fire ran a horrible race in the muddy Derby and came in last or second to last but the horse has great breeding and blazing speed. Big Drama of course is just speed on speed on speed. I would not bet either in The Belmon but for the shorter Preakness with the narrower turns, on a clean, fast hard track... gimme the speed! I bet as follows: 5 across on the 5 Friesan Fire. 5 dollar exact box on Big Drama and Rachel Alexandra. Perhaps I will report later.

The Truth About Bacon: The Bacon Pigs

As some of you know in the Becker family we show affection for one another by cooking (and eating) bacon. This mothers day our family and 8 guests consumed four pounds of this goodness. A lot of people including my children do not know where bacon comes from and so for the benefit of my children, my grandchildren and anyone else who feels like the people around them take bacon for granted here is the real story of bacon.

Bacon of course comes from pigs. A lot of people when they think of pigs think of filth, think of swine flu, thinks of pig manure and stink. What people do not know is that those pigs are used for hams, pork butts and in St. Louis the dreaded Pork Steak. That is what is made out of smelly, dirty pigs. That and hot dogs.

A lot of cultures of course revere pigs, refusing to eat their meat and of course pigs are worshipped as a deity in Arkansas. The reason is because there is a secret type of pig called the bacon pig. You do not see or hear of them because they are raised secretly by a group of non-denominational monks who are trained at birth in the nurturing of bacon pigs. Bacon pigs are solid weighty animals with large brains and gentle character. The sows are especially revered and live in spacious southern California condominiums. Recently in the current credit crisis the monks have been moving them to foreclosed beach property so they can have a nice view of the ocean and more temperate weather for bearing and raising their bacon piglets.

Bacon is of course one of the most healthy things that you can eat. Along with brown rice, tofu, seaweed and some special vegetables there is nothing more healthy the bacon. Other forms of pork and other meat can be very bad for you but bacon clears arteries, cures alzheimers and increases your stamina better then any pill. It also serves as an excellent perfume with a dab of bacon grease behind each ear.

The bacon pigs are fed Perrier, Chicago Deep Dish Pizza, Kobe Beef and alfalfa. They fattened up only in a metaphorical sense as they never weigh over 100 pounds. They exercise regularly and monks read scripture and the great books to them. The piglets as they raised have happy lives and when not being read to they enjoy watching “God Father” I and II. The bacon pigs have great life and often fly on private jets to France in the summer for the Cannes festival. They get to go to amusement parks when they are closed to the public and never have to wait in lines.

Now normal pigs are of course slaughtered in order to make their distasteful pork products. Such is not the case with bacon pigs. When they reach the appropriate size they are taken in limousines to a large Wellness Center where they are given a gentle massage and the males say goodbye to their mother pigs and their sisters. The males then move onto a special trampoline where they are allowed to bounce up and down to their hearts content and as they bounce higher and higher the bacon falls off of them, floats down like feathers and is gathered up by the monks and sent to various packaging people like Oscar Meyer where it is packaged and sent off to grocery stores for everyone to enjoy.

The females of course go back to their beautiful homes in southern California. They will raise more generation of happy, bouncy, well adjusted, center right politically aligned, bacon pigs and will live long happy lives raising their precious, happy off spring. We are especially thankful for these giving female pigs on Mothers Day.

The special male bacon pigs are then slowly transfigured and go to pig heaven where they live for eternity in bliss as a reward for the gift they have given us all of their precious, delicious mouth watering treat. So the next time you eating a few pieces, or a pound of deliciousness take a few moments and be thankful for these healthy morsels of healthfulness.

An Open Letter To The Post: Just Trying To Help

Dear Lee People,

We in St. Louis know that you made a horrendous mistake buying our humble Post Dispatch from the Pulitzers. We know that they were smarter then you and sold out at the top of the market. Conversely you borrowed butt loads of money that you have to pay interest on and bought at the very highest price possible. You did this despite the fact that everyone knew that papers had a limited future but you were hypnotized because in a booming (BOOMING) economy the paper had great add revenue and even with no future had awesome short term profitability. That short term ended about two hours after your sale closed. You paid 13.5 times the highest earnings Pulitzer ever had...BRILLIANT!

So you have been slowly cannibalizing our little paper and every other one you own. Cutting staff and cutting the actual size of the paper and cutting... off the papers metaphorical nose to spite it’s metaphorical face. Based on my walk out to the lawn today, to get the paper (and delivery now happens in a range between 6 and 7:30 in the morning) I came up with one small suggestion.

STOP PUBLISHING THE TUESDAY POST DISPATCH!
It is useless.
It is small!
It offends me!
It has no content.
NO ONE ADVERTISES IN IT!

For God sakes just stop it. Cut your weekly delivery costs by 13%. We will keep paying for 7 days. Those of us who get the Post at this point are doing it out of loyalty and habit. We will not expect a discount. We will all consider it a favor. We can read cereal boxes, menus, our kids homework, old Highlights magazines, old birthday cards from our parents... anything. I mean if I knew I was not going to get the paper I would not have to waste my time and could watch my TiVo of the “The View” from the day before and catch up.

What is the down side? There isn't one. Cut your costs and make subscribers happy. STOP THE MADNESS! I beg you.

Facebook Primer Series: Introduction

I am very blessed with three odd little packages the Lord sent to my wife and I which society labels our “children”. The oldest, Jon, is about to turn 22 and was a very social, computer literate teen ager when the My Space revolution took place. My Space was an awesome social networking site which allowed teen to post pics, send messages, create a personae with music on line and generally network. Jon was kind enough to educate me regarding social networking at great peril to himself.

MySpace had some problems. It was slow. Logging on to someone’s page you were bombarded by their music. It offered a lot of options for wallpaper which visually cluttered the images...and it was as I said...slow (mainly because all of the crap listed above). Facebook was only available for college students but in Jon’s senior year in high school it became available to anyone who had an .edu email address and then quickly opened up to everyone.

I doggedly hung on to My Space but as the people I wanted to come into contact were on My Space less and less i finally had to abandon it. My old MySpace page is still up but lies like a grave, unvisited, unkept and pretty much forgotten. The only reason i log onto MySpace now is to visit various band web sites where it still is a superior place to sample music. Facebook offered few options, a clean and uniform presentation and it was fast and I was hooked.

Why would I be interested in being on Facebook or MySpace anyway? I was in my early 40’s and these social web sites were dominated by college and high school students. Well that is complicated. One was that realized it was a way to unobtrusively have some idea of my sons life and his friends life. Early and (and sometimes still) people post things and even though they know it is out there for the public, it feels private and without consequences. If one of my son’s friends posted pictures of drinking, or made a lot of drug references in his or her post this was “information”. to help my parenting (My obligation towards that kid’s parents is something that should probably be taken up later). Also, through my church and through Camp Arcadia I had a lot of kids in that age group I wanted to keep in touch with and as it turns out try and encourage. I am a communicator and words mean a lot to me and this medium made sense to me.
Being on Facebook in no way made me hip, cool or even interesting to most of these kids. I was an anomaly at the time and I needed to take great steps (which I am certain I screwed up) to not be creepy, middle aged, Stalker guy. It was fun keeping up with these people in a way that they understood.

Recently more and more adults have been logging on and tuning in. I do not know how I really feel about this because i viewed it as something that belonged to “the kids” where a few people my age were getting on board. Now the adults are taking over and the rules will change but it does some good to visit the evolution of Face Book. What I want to do in this occasional series of posts is to provide some observations and tips into this evolving media.