The Zen Of Bacon

As part of this spaces continuous, ongoing, relentless praise of bacon I am compelled to say a few a words regarding the Zen of bacon. Obviously there are a lot of aspects to bacon that are by definition "zen". This morning however I was cooking bacon for Laura, Pat and I (because only three of us I deemed 1 lb to be the correct amount. I was using a large, deep, rounf teflon skillet. Teflon is the simplest way to cook, though obviously iron has more Zen like characteristics. On the other hand iron sticks (even if well seasoned" and should never (ever) go in a conventional dish washer.

Thus I immediately sacrificed Zen.

I like to cook on a medium heat. Which is the second way that I sacrifice Zen because as we all know, the only true way to cook anything, especially bacon, is over a pure natural gas flame.

Secondary sacrifice of Zen.

I lay out about 7 strips across and then on across the top. As the skillet heats and you begin to get that Zen like sizzle then i begin to assess the heat distribution across the skllet because depending on quality of pan and quality of burner and of course positioning of said skillet... heat distribution can vary. As the bacon cooks you move the pieces from one side to another. This is orderly... and feels...Zen-Like.

But what is Zen you might ask.
One way to think of zen is this: a total state of focus that incorporates a total togetherness of body and mind. Zen is a way of being. It also is a state of mind. Zen involves dropping illusion and seeing things without distortion created by your own thoughts.

I enter this fugue state as the pieces being to get fully cooked. Many prefer their bacon limp which is...so un-Zen. Unforgivably so. So as the bacon crisps up i am always disappointed with the few first strips. There is never quite enough grease in the skillet. This leads to burning of the first few pieces where after you get them going you have a nice even layer of frying bacon fat. This is where I truly become at one with the skillet.

At this point.... the bacon basically cooks itself. Then we are left with a fully cooked pound of bacon...minus two or three slices which is the Zen cooking fee. Look it up.

Related Post: The Bacon Pigs http://stldinerreview.blogspot.com/2009/05/truth-about-bacon.html

The Truth About Bacon: The Bacon Pigs

As some of you know in the Becker family we show affection for one another by cooking (and eating) bacon. This mothers day our family and 8 guests consumed four pounds of this goodness. A lot of people including my children do not know where bacon comes from and so for the benefit of my children, my grandchildren and anyone else who feels like the people around them take bacon for granted here is the real story of bacon.

Bacon of course comes from pigs. A lot of people when they think of pigs think of filth, think of swine flu, thinks of pig manure and stink. What people do not know is that those pigs are used for hams, pork butts and in St. Louis the dreaded Pork Steak. That is what is made out of smelly, dirty pigs. That and hot dogs.

A lot of cultures of course revere pigs, refusing to eat their meat and of course pigs are worshipped as a deity in Arkansas. The reason is because there is a secret type of pig called the bacon pig. You do not see or hear of them because they are raised secretly by a group of non-denominational monks who are trained at birth in the nurturing of bacon pigs. Bacon pigs are solid weighty animals with large brains and gentle character. The sows are especially revered and live in spacious southern California condominiums. Recently in the current credit crisis the monks have been moving them to foreclosed beach property so they can have a nice view of the ocean and more temperate weather for bearing and raising their bacon piglets.

Bacon is of course one of the most healthy things that you can eat. Along with brown rice, tofu, seaweed and some special vegetables there is nothing more healthy the bacon. Other forms of pork and other meat can be very bad for you but bacon clears arteries, cures alzheimers and increases your stamina better then any pill. It also serves as an excellent perfume with a dab of bacon grease behind each ear.

The bacon pigs are fed Perrier, Chicago Deep Dish Pizza, Kobe Beef and alfalfa. They fattened up only in a metaphorical sense as they never weigh over 100 pounds. They exercise regularly and monks read scripture and the great books to them. The piglets as they raised have happy lives and when not being read to they enjoy watching “God Father” I and II. The bacon pigs have great life and often fly on private jets to France in the summer for the Cannes festival. They get to go to amusement parks when they are closed to the public and never have to wait in lines.

Now normal pigs are of course slaughtered in order to make their distasteful pork products. Such is not the case with bacon pigs. When they reach the appropriate size they are taken in limousines to a large Wellness Center where they are given a gentle massage and the males say goodbye to their mother pigs and their sisters. The males then move onto a special trampoline where they are allowed to bounce up and down to their hearts content and as they bounce higher and higher the bacon falls off of them, floats down like feathers and is gathered up by the monks and sent to various packaging people like Oscar Meyer where it is packaged and sent off to grocery stores for everyone to enjoy.

The females of course go back to their beautiful homes in southern California. They will raise more generation of happy, bouncy, well adjusted, center right politically aligned, bacon pigs and will live long happy lives raising their precious, happy off spring. We are especially thankful for these giving female pigs on Mothers Day.

The special male bacon pigs are then slowly transfigured and go to pig heaven where they live for eternity in bliss as a reward for the gift they have given us all of their precious, delicious mouth watering treat. So the next time you eating a few pieces, or a pound of deliciousness take a few moments and be thankful for these healthy morsels of healthfulness.

Diner Review II: Big Ed's Chile Mac Diner on Pine

OK...so it has been brought to my attention rather forcefully...by "readers" if they can indeed read, from as far away as California...that...well...there just have not been many Diner reviews. Mea Culpa. I have taken a LOT of great Diner pics and started strong with discourses regarding definitions of a DINER and the imprtance of shredded hashbrowns but a hark and alas...I have strayed...lacking purpose and focus and as such I must return, as it were, to the fold. (tortured sentence structure?)

Big Ed's Chile Mac Diner is indeed a lion among the St. Louis Diner elite. It is one of the former O.T. Hodges Chile Parlous which suffered a rather disasterous family break up causing the chain to disappear...forever under the St. Louis landscape...never to return....at least to the city of St. Louis. One hollow shell of the old place exists. If you hit the O.T. Hodge web site where they use to have 6 or 7 St. Louis locations they now tell you:

"O.T. Hodge Chile Parlors®, founded at the St. Louis World's Fair in 1904, is enjoying its 103rd continuous year of operation in 2007. Our acclaimed Chile formula, our unique menu, and our affordable pricing have made O.T. Hodge one of the favorite restaurant operations in St. Louis. We are continually rated number one for Chile in St. Louis, and just as consistently rate among the top local restaurant chains for take-out and fast-food popularity.

Our customers represent a wide range. Executives, secretaries, service people, public servants, production workers, judges and families meet at Hodges for breakfast, lunch or dinner. Our wide, affordable menu, prompt table service and clean looks have made us a leader in our field for a century. Come visit us at our new Ferguson, MO location, 250 South Florissant Road. This is 1.25 miles north of Interstate 70 on Florissant Road. It is near the St. Louis Airport."

This Diner reviewer says..."whatever."

Big Ed's keep the tradition with the location on Pine right across the street from Metropolitan Square. There is another one with the same name on North Broadway but this reviewer has not been there and they are...on information and belief...owned by different people. At the end of the day you judge a diner by it's "regulars." Along with my "Artist In Residence" status at the afor reviewed Courtesy on Hampton I am a regular at Big Ed's because it is...after all...right across the street from work. And they have a lot regulars that they take good care of and know by name.

Big Ed's on Pine open at 5:30 every day. For breakfast Charlotte mans the grill and Donna serves customers. A lot of customers. They pack them in and know the orders of their regulars. tehre are several business men and woman, several service companies (elevators and electricians) seem to have work group meetings there. There are always two huge black men sitting at the counter at 7:30 every morning. I mean huge. At that time of morning along with Charlotte and Donna is Lamont who...as near as I can figre does...nothing. But he is a really nice guy as he putters around and smokes.

Big Ed's has classic Diner configuration with a counter running the length of it and 5 groupsings of tables each of which seat 6. If you are a table person (and I am) staking out your position and discouraging other people from disturbing your newspaper reading is a sport similar to blocking out under the boards and playing for position ion the paint. On most mornings it is not a problem but things become dicey when a really big convention hits town. Especially if it is one that comes back every year because people look forward to coming back to good diners and then...sometimes...you throw up your hands as the line extends out the door.

They have great and perfect breakfasts... Charlotte does an awesome job on the grill with the eggs and they have a certain sausage I have not found anywhere else that is simply an excellent breakfast country sausage. They of course have the slinger and serve Edmunds Chile with or without beans. They serve chile, chile mac, chile three ways, they have tamales for the top one... and on information and belief they have an awesome slinger. The Bacon report is...average to poor. It is a weak spot on the menu and my theory is that because their sausage is so good there is not the volume of bacon needed on the grill to make a good consistent product. Additionally...and sadly their hashborwns are not hash browns but the dreaded "breakfast potatoes." I have had the discussion with them many times regarding this egregious shortcoming but for one reason or another (they say these potatoes stand up better to chile) they are not going to change. Of more import to me they have a really thick cream gravy (though a little light on sausage chunks) which i can get with some patties and their breakfast potatoes and make an excellent heavy breakfast. They also do a very nice sausage sandwich...with or without onions...always with American cheese...like God intended.

There are some serious questions regarding their Diner "bonafides" primarily because of their hours. They open early and are closed by 2...or 2:30 though I have been known to get an iced tea there as late as 3. Additionally and showing how beholden they are to the 9-5 crowd and how St. louis rolls up it's streets downtown on the weekend...they are CLOSED. So the hours suck..but the food is good and the service is GREAT. If you don't get the slinger get the biscuits and gravy with a side of sausage. 8 Slingers out of 10 for the rating.

Corrections

Sadly it sometimes becomes the job of this diner to admit one of his many faults and ackowledge errors, mis-statements or other problems (other then spelling errors and typose which do not count in cyber space) with this otherwise flawless piece of digital stream of consciousness bullshit. Today is such a day as it was brought to my attent, rather bluntly by the dreaded Splittsville that I had...errored. In my review of the Courtesy Diner I defaulted to sausage as a breakfast meet!

Those of you who have the misfortune of knowing myself and my family know that although we highly revere the sausage (and indeed all products rendered from the pig) that bacon is certainly #1 in the heirarchy of pork. Sausage, especially breakfast sausage and especially breakfast sausage in patties (those east coast people love their fat link sausage...blech!) is certainly one of God's great gifts to the pantheon of breakfast meet but bacon...

Well my friends in this Diner's household bacon is the the language of love. We express affection for one another by making bacon, and sometimes by "leaving" a [iece of bacon for another family member. Generally at family breakfast we like to cook two pounds for the five of us and if greasy fingerprints are not left everywhere it is not a successful meal.

Which reminds me...so let me digress to the three important things I hope to impart to my children before they leave the fold. Most of you are already familiar with the three rules but humor me and feel free to email additions as you see fit. The three rules are:
1. Never eat anything bigger then your head
2 Never...EVER run unless you are being chased (I violated this rule recently much to my detriment); and
3. Never fry bacon in the nude.
For a long time there were only two rules but the third was added after I heard it uttered by a drunken man (10:00 A.M.) at a vegas poker table.



But back to bacon. Bacon properly cooked, if of high quality is one of the purest joys of life. As one can see by my picture of my breakfast at the Courtesy, I prefer sausage...AND bacon with my breakfast but bacon in diners is a chancy proposition. Not all diners order the highest quality bacon, not all diner cooks understand that there is a proper place between limp and burnt that a piece of bacon must be cooked to bring out all of it's fabulous qualities. At the Courtesy, if you are a regular and ask, you can get the "Bacon Report". Often on Saturday mornings I have had to call in the bacon report to friends and family much as you call them regarding inclement weather or the birth of a child.

Anyway...thhe bottom line is that this humble diner must apologize for my slighting of bacon. I believe in all future dining reviews there will be paragraph devoted to the bacon of the establishment. It is the only right thing to do. Please forward any additions to the essential rules of life or your own ode to bacon (since it is Valentines Day today to me at wantonbecker@gmail.com.