An Evil Plot

Sooo.....I mentioned before these dogs and last year I might have described how the dogs came to be our dogs but briefly....
We had an old dog who we had while the kids were growing up, Rascal. We did not love the dog. We tried but with the kids we were too stressed out and just basically ruined this poor little mutt and made it a dog sociopath. When that dog had the good graces to decline rapidly in health my wife took it on her self to have the dog put to sleep one day while I was playing in a charity golf tournament. For those of you familiar with the reference it was like the seen in “Goodfellas” where Deniro is calling to see if Joe Pesci had become a made man and he is told “he didn’t make it”. So rascal was gone.

So Sandy said “no more dogs” and I said OK. Then I bided my time and took her out to a friends 45th birthday party. that “friend” happened to be a dog rescue person with about 11 dogs out at her farm and a book full of pictures of dogs that needed to be adopted. She “invited” my wife to come over to Pet Smart some day when they brought all the adoptable dogs into the store. One Saturday at work she and Laura went and we ended up with cute little beagle, terrier (pit bull) mix. This of course was the evil Lily. Lily arrived coincidentally around the time Jon went away to school. Lily is inherently evil. Evil, like Cruella De Ville. Evil like Saddam Hussein. Evil like a petulant, evil animal who when not treated exactly as she would like will find a cherished possession to chew up on the sly.

My wife was exercising at Curves later and there was an odd man who wondered through with his dogs and it turned out that a particularly mangy one he adopted was too big or too crazy for his house and my wife was thinking that Lily needed someone to play with. This dog, some kind of retriever, spaniel, mangy, needed to be put down for the good of dog breed, was named Lola. So Lola came to live with us. Lola... Lola is mentally retarded... at best. Lola is just stupid at best. Whenever we have a thunder storm the dog stays up all night whining.... and whining.... you get the picture.

This coincided nicely with the year Patrick went away to college.

Recently my daughter went to visit a girl from our church who used to baby sit for us who is all grown up and has just had a second child. Like us, there own dog has become somewhat devalued in their house and they were trying to talk Laura into the idea that we could take the dog and “trying it out”. I was in favor of the idea until I looked back at the first two dogs whose names start with L and each one was a girl dog, who replaced a boy in our house. Creepily enough this dog is named Lucy. When realizing the trend and that it was yet another crazy girl dog named LUCY I realized that my wife was very likely planning on getting rid of me.

For this reason and this reason alone there will be no Lucy living in the Becker household. Although there are other good reasons. I realized that I am now living with 4 women. The last thing I need is a 5th female resident in our house. I have long observed that houses full of women have a lot higher mental illness quotient. We have plenty so taking a quote from the not great and unfortunately not late Sarah Palin...”thanks but no thanks”. Sorry Lucy.

Connor Gets Cool

Enonymous














A lot has been written about that genius from Omaha (and once again I do not mean Warren Buffet) and his band (Bright Eyes) and his record label (Saddle Creek) and his empathetic (sobbing) pretentious (psuedo intellectual), heartbreaking (for girls) Conor Oberst. He normally performs in his own band Bright Eyes and makes them record mopey singer song writer songs or mopey electronica guitar rock. In that band he always plays with guitarist Mike Mogis who is pretty cool to listen to.
In this case Conor did a made for MTV thing and put together “The Mystic Valley Band” and moved to Mexico (for a week, a month a year?) to record this. You can read more about that at:

http://www.conoroberst.com/

I am sure it was tequila and peyote soaked but I do not have the heart or stomach for it. All of that being said.... this is a pretty tuneful and sweet album. Perfect for middle aged folkie or singer songwriter afficianado like myself. Like it or not the kid can write. The kid cannot sing but he overcomes that with a lilting earnestness that is more endearing then annoying. I actually wrote this like last November or so but the more I listen to it the more I admire the CD. It is always a little embarrassing to like Connor after his early, earnest, over wrought, self involved, crying on stage years but he is rounding himself into a very solid recording artist. The tracklisting is as follows:

1. Cape Canaveral
I watched your face age backwards
Changing shape in my memory
You told me victory’s sweet
Even deep in the cheap seats

2. Sausalito
said it's over and it's finished
now a headache is all you're left with
we're no different i got debts i'd like to pay
3. Get-Well-Cards

I wanna be your bootlegger
Wanna mix you up something strange
Braid your hair like a sister
Maim you like a hurricane

4. Lenders In The Temple
There's money lenders inside the temple
That circus tiger's gonna break your heart
Something so wild turned into paper
If I loved you, well that's my fault

5. Danny Callahan

6. I Don't Want To Die (In The Hospital)

7. Eagle On A Pole

8. NYC-Gone,Gone

9. Moab

10. Valle Místico (Ruben Song)

11. Souled Out!!!
The Bario starts two streets over
Miguel, he's a friend of mine
With brick weed built a reputation
Like dry ice in the summertime

12. Milk Thistle

To be fair, every song is a good song but a couple of them are great songs. The ones I copied verses out of above have just the right quality of angst and literary intelligence as to pretentious and precocious and perfect. I feel about this album a lot like I feel about Jackson Brownes first few albums when the guy was so in his head that every word is weighted by his own self importance. I love it. It would be a great CD to give as a gift to a girl or to sit in a bean bag chair and get high to. Just smiles. Buy it. Buy it on iTunes if nothing else. A ten best CD of 2008.

College Tuition Blues

This was something I wrote for my oldest son Jon's College newspaper at Valparaiso. He is a weekly columnist and I am an "occasional" contributor. I had suggested this as a good beginning of the year column. I was....rejected.

The Disappointed Parent:
Jon Becker of “Becker’s Banter” is on sabbatical in Cambridge this semester. In an effort to keep his column in the Torch and the big fat paychecks that includes I have offered the Torch an occasional column. You do not really need to ever read the column when it appears. If you see the column, say to yourself, “You Kids These Days...” fill in the blanks about how you have most recently failed yourself, your school, your friends and most importantly your parents and it will save you a load of time.
Today we are going to write about communicating with your parents once you arrrive at college. PAY ATTENTION FRESHMAN! Back home in Chicago, Indianapolis, Gross Pointe, Holland, Minneapolis and Hooterville you have parents at home. These long suffering parents have done one or more of the following:

1. Assisted in securing your room and board (if not covering it all together)

2. Fed and clothed you for at least 18 years.

3. Suffered mightily (and in most cases quietly) with your poor choices of friends, dates, movies and music.

In many cases they also helped you move all your crap to college and left you with a $20.00 bill for a pizza before pulling off. They rode back home with your mother sobbing because she is losing her baby and sobbing even more because she secretly suspects that she has done a horrible job raising you. Your father is ignoring her and seems lost in the Journey song playing on the classic rock station.

Sadly, your mother is right on both counts. No one from my generation understands or appreciates how telephone impaired your entire generation is. Your ability to make and have a civil phone call where normal constraints of being polite are combined with a brief exchange of information is almost unknown. Now I know you are rolling your eyes and saying “but I text, I instant message, I Facebook” but these are meaningless to parents. Even if they try texting when recieving a text that says:

“ILU. TVUM for the $$$$. IGP! CUL.xoxo”

A good parent cannot react with anything but confusion, alarm and possibly rage. Your parents have very real concerns that you are having ideations of suicide, eating poorly, have a room mate who is a very bad influence, are getting drunk every night, are dating a loser, are not going to church.... Here are some helpful hints for your parents who need a lot of Grace from you as you get settled in to college:

1. Set up a regular time each week, for at least a couple of months to call them.

2. If you cannot call them and they are technologically competent set up a time to be on line. The bad thing about being on line with parents is that we ask compound questions and often have several questions in one paragraph. We then get frustrated when you only answer one of them but it is better then no contact at all.

3. Set up a way for them to get a hold of you on an emergency basis. A text 911 or something like that where it is mandatory that you immediately call them. There are all kinds of reasons (grandma died, we won the lottery etc...). If they abuse this privelege then you can ignore them but give them a chance.

4. DO NOT drunk dial or text your parents. This seems obvious but you would be surprised.

5. Lie to them when needed. We really do not want to know that you woke up in a morass of blankets, empty beer cans and something that looks like last nights dinner.

I know encouraging you to lie seems like questionable advice but I am attorney. Trust me. There is VERY little upside to telling your parents things which upset them that you are thinking of as fun.

All of that having been said....DO NOT CALL ALL THE TIME! Your parents have been over involved in your life. Figure out how to do a drop add without calling your mom. She would love it but it is an unhealthy relationship. NEVER allow your parents to call the school or administration on your behalf. You are a grown up. Take care of it yourself.

The communication to make your parents feel good about you being in college is really minimal. Preparation will allow it to be be painless and will increase cash and support from home when you need it.

Perhaps We Can Wrap Fish In It?

Soooooo.... The Post Dispatch is plummeting into irrelevancy. It has no depth, no substance and often, no nothing. There is no there, there. It is pathetic at best. If I allot ten minutes each morning I can cover everything of substance in the paper. The Sports Section is still OK. Other then that...nothing. I have a personal problem in that my home delivery is getting somewhat unreliable. Unreliable is bad. It is one thing to have to read a very average paper every day. It is another thing altogether when that paper might, or might not be here at 6:30 in the morning when daddy pulls out. I just do not understand why the paper has declined so rapidly.

I do not know what every other minor/major city's paper looks like. I have fond memories of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram and although Nazi conservative it was a damn fine paper. The Chicago Tribune though has been useless for some time. I can say that the Belleville News Democrat does every bit as good of a job as the Post in covering both local and national news. Perhaps that is a better model. Even Kansas City's Star is a better newspaper and we all know that Kansas City is not even a "city" in anything but their own mind. It is more of a northern suburb of Tulsa.

I blame the mergers of so many news sources into these large paper holding companies. They are burdened with debt and have to make the bottom line. That means more adds, more wire services, less reporters, no investigations, no budgets. There is simply no hope for the post. It raises questions about whether there is hope for any local daily outside of New York, L.A. and maybe Chicago. I like to read Bill Mc Lellan. I even like (and sometimes really like) Sylvester Brown. I hate Deb Petersen. She is no Jerry Berger and that is the nicest thing I can say about her items.

That they give their content away on line makes sense in some way... I guess. I know lots of people now who read what they want to read on line but there is something tactile about holding that paper in my hand, especially while eating at a local diner that has become ritual. And I love my rituals. It seems to me that there is a market for the advertisers in people who read papers. We are still out there. In a geberation we will not be. I would pay a lot more for a good local paper and I have to think local advertisers would pay to reach me but what do I know. I also believe in capitalism and the free market system and trickle down economics. I am clearly not that bright.

I have taken to reading the Wall Street Journal each day at lunch. The conservative editorials are good for my soul and make me think. The national news coverage is the best and the business coverage is top notch. I might have to start subscribing again. But what do you do? I will keep my subscription but at this point it feels like a death watch. I think it is a failing effort but lets write to the Post, or at least email them and tell them they need to step up their game or do the honorable thing and die and go away. There will be no bail out for newspapers. They are not banks after all.

Irate, Eratta, Erata....Eratic... Yes Eratic. Thats it.

Sooooo....






Stimulus package.... wtf? I mean the Democrats provide a bloated bill. The Republicans bloat it more with tax cuts or rebates or some-such (that worked so well in 2008). The Democrats and republicans in the House of representatives basically give each other the finger. The Senate is about to approve it buy and almost similar party line vote with maybe a few Republicans supporting it...very few. This morning I woke up and got to hear the angry John Mc Cain. I thought we had left him behind in the election and that he had gone back to being the John Mc Cain I always liked, but this was angry, old John. According to The Arizona republic Newspaper:

“McCain, who for years has been the mastermind of cross-party alliances that often maddened his GOP colleagues, suggested that it is "Orwellian" to characterize the deal as "bipartisan" because it includes only two or possibly three Senate Republicans out of 40."I've been involved in a lot of bipartisan legislation around here . . . but I guarantee you, this is not bipartisan," McCain said.”

Yikes.

My favorite Republican Arlen Spector is going to vote for it. I love that guy. I do not know what to think about it. I know we have no ability or prospect of gaining an ability to pay for it. I know the economy is falling off a cliff. I pray this will not make it worse. My general feeling is if the government has to “create” jobs then we are likely beyond hope of a recovery in this administration.

I think that Obama tried to make a bill the Republicans like but he miscalculated the process. He should have proposed a bill that was all spending and let THEM add the tax cut part. By coming in with that, he raised the baseline of what they now are able to fight for. So much for Rahm Emmanuel's genius. This is another occasion calling for prayer. I truly believe that both sides are well intentioned and that in regard to how to get us out of this that neither side could find their own ass with both hands and a pack of dogs.

***

My sources tell me that we will have our first local bank failing this month. I don’t know who yet but have a lot of ideas. On that same note Obama and his tax evading head of treasury are supposed to unveil their plan for the 2nd half of the TARP money. Apparently, despite my lobbying no one took my suggestion of The Casino And Race Track Assistance Program (CRAP) seriously. They need to do something more then shore up the big banks balance sheets. I like the idea of having a “bad bank” owned by the government buying up bad bank assets but I would argue that they need to have one for each of the big banks and then an additional one for ALL the smaller banks. These community banks are the backbone of the banking system and they have not generally been nearly as speculative and leveraged as their big brothers. In any case we need to do something. The FDIC will be overwhelmed by the losses of these local failing banks, very quickly. I predict at least 5 local bank failures this year. I hope I am wrong.

****

About Daschle and the other tax cheats. He might have been a great cabinet member for health but between not paying his taxes and making 5 million off of the industry since leaving congress he stunk of business as usual for the guy who we are expecting to deliver change. Seriously, the Treasury guy should have quit too. And no more waivers for his new ethics policy because the unethical are too talented to pass up. That sounds like such bull shit to me. We have a country full of talented, successful people and he has to recycle many of the same hacks from the Clinton era that got us here. I feel like Obama is being poorly advised.

****

Neither of the top rated four teams will win the National Championship
1. Connecticut (64) 21-1
2.  Oklahoma (5) 22-1
3. North Carolina (3) 20-2
4. Duke
I am impressed by Oklahoma but... we will see. I am anxious for March. I have high hopes for Xavier, Memphis and Clemson and am looking for a Cinderella in Nebraska. They have an excellent 4 foot tall point guard. It will make a great story.

***

Slum Dog Millionaire: Exhausting. What a great movie but between poverty, child abuse, torture, childhood sexual abuse, graphic violence and constant tension, I could have done without this one. As I said great movie. It should not be missed and is worth all of the nominations it has gotten. Do not go after a hard day of work when depressed about the economy.

***

Neil Young's latest retrospective, “Sugar Mountain-Live At Canterbury House 1968” is heartbreakingly good. The song selection is awesome for the show which was put on in Toronto to an appreciative crowd. the track listing is as follows:
Disc: 1
1. On The Way Home
2. Mr. Soul
3. Expecting To Fly
4. The Last Trip To Tulsa
5. The Loner
6. Birds
7. Winterlong (excerpt)
8. Out Of My Mind
9. If I Could Have Her Tonight
10. Sugar Mountain

The greatest thing about the concert is the format with Neil and his guitar. he has never been a stellar (or even a good) acoustic player but always is heartfelt and somehow right on. What is so endearing about this CD is that he talks between song, cracks some jokes and is generally charming. I love the guy but seriously, Neil Young, charming? Who knew. Go buy this. It comes with a DVD of the show. I have not watched it yet... but I will.

25 Blah Blah Blahs....

For those of you who do not waste time on Facebook (kudos) there has been a new little self involved thing going around called 25 things about me. It has rules and well... it appeals to the sad, pathetic and vain who think that anyone is that interested in our own view of our own life, through our own rationalizing lens. Take your bess shot.

Rules:
Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

(To do this, go to 'notes' under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag a bunch of people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.

1. I am the luckiest guy I know... but I forget that a lot.

2. I love music, especially live music, especially if the guitarist is close enough to spit on me.

3. I never appreciated my parents enough, and still do not.

4. My father in law has probably been the biggest influence on my life.

5. I still have not peaked... unless maybe it happened in 8th grade, I don’t know.

6. If anything would compete with music as a passion, it would be books. I like to read them, read about them, hold them, feel them and yes... own them. And I like to have people borrow and/or steal them. I like books.

7. I watch too much TV.... and a lot of bad movies.

8. I have never lost 5 pounds in my life. I gain weight almost every year and it sits. It is... depressing.

9. I have a three main rules:
A. Never eat anything bigger then your head.
B. Never run unless your being chased.
I used to only have two rules but at a poker table in Vegas I learned another:
C. Never fry bacon in the nude.

10. Although I take my faith very seriously, I believe all of life's important lessons can be learned through watching “The Godfather” I and II over and over again.

11. On the matters of faith and politics, I keep getting more religiously conservative and more politically liberal. Which seems odd.

12. I got engaged in a liquor store parking lot in Hot Springs Arkansas.

13. Since being an adult I have had 5 dogs but the two I have now are probably the only ones I have really loved.

14. Oh... I have three children. Boy, boy, girl. 21, 19, 16. Jon, Pat, Laura. I have not paid enough attention to them. They still have turned out well despite having me as a father. (see number 1 above). I pick on them, make fun of them, speak poorly of them (especially in Christmas letters) and I am very, VERY proud of all three.

15. I am going to be graduation speaker at Holt Lutheran High School in Lansing Michigan. I am VERY excited.

16. I am not a very good cook but I love to cook and I love to feed people. I often cook things as kind of personal therapy. Baking is next.

17. I enjoy cheaper beer more then good beer. Busch is my beer of choice, then Stag, then Pabst. I used to be a wine snob. I got over it.

18. Some of my adult life’s best memories are at Camp Arcadia where I have met some incredible people.

19. I think God has better ways to use me then I am currently brave enough to deal with. Also on God... I do not think he gives a shit about sporting events. God is funny.

20. I wish I was not so weak.

21. If you cannot watch the Godfather I and II over and over again, the Sermon On The Mount tells you everything you need to know about how you should try and live your life. I fail 99% of the time to live that way.

22. I used to be real skinny, really blond and have feathered bangs.

23. I love the ocean, especially an ocean with big waves.

24 I quit a lot of things when they get too hard. I know a lot of my friends would have other opinions but I think it is my biggest failing.

25. My wife is a huge gift, a huge challenge and my biggest blessing. Hands down. I take an inordinate amount of pride in the fact that she loves me.

Super Duper Bowl? Unlikely!

Bittersweet? For sure. A little freaky? Probably. Improbable? Absolutely. But bitterswet is probably the best description about how I feel about the Cardinals being in the Super Bowl. It is difficult to contemplate that this could ever happen. It has to be one of the signs of the apocalypse but I have read Revelations time and time again and can find no references to Bill Bidwill other then the consistent references to the anti-christ. Kurt Warner is also not referred to by name but a number of seasoned angels do appear. Larry Fitgerald? Well in the Kings James Bible there are no people of color. Or maybe they all were...

All that having been said it is easy to cheer for Kurt Warner and Larry Fitzgerald and un heralded, never was program against the Pittsburgh Steelers. Ken Whisenhunt... another great story. What an awesome job he did taking this granchise from the psycho Dennis Green. It was Whisenhunt who had the courage to play Warner even when baby superstar Matt Leinhardt was recovered. It is a really fun story this year for the franchise. Nothing against the Steelers. Great program with great history. here is a list of their hall of famers:
Cal Hubbard - 1963
Bert Bell - 1963
John "Blood" Mcnally - 1963
Art Rooney - 1964
Bill Dudley - 1966
Walt Kiesling - 1966
Bobby Layne - 1967
Marion Motley - 1968
Ernie Stautner - 1969
Joe Greene - 1987
John Henry Johnson - 1987
Jack Ham - 1988
Terry Bradshaw - 1989
Mel Blount - 1989
Len Dawson - 1989
Franco Harris - 1990
Jack Lambert - 1990
Chuck Noll - 1993
Mike Webster - 1997
Dan Rooney - 2000
Lynn Swann - 2001
John Stallworth - 2002

The Phoenix Cardinals of Course Have None. The Cardinal Franchise between Chicago and St. Louis is a little better.

• 1 Jimmy Conzelman, QB-CB, head coach
• 1 John "Paddy" Driscoll, QB-S-K-P, head coach
• 2 Walt Kiesling, G-DT, head coach
• 4 Ernie Nevers, RB-S
• 13 Guy Chamberlin, TE-DE
• 33 Ollie Matson, RB
• 62 Charley Trippi, RB-QB
• 81 Dick "Night Train" Lane, CB
St. Louis Cardinals
• 8 Larry Wilson, S
• 22 Roger Wehrli, CB
• 72 Dan Dierdorf, OT
• 81 Jackie Smith, TE

At least it is not the Dallas Cowboys... the evil empire. But it is hard...VERY hard to cheer for Bill Bidwill. You have to have a sense that this is strictly the success brought about through longevity. I mean even Tampa Bay had some success after 20 years or so. But Bill Widwill. This smug, little, fat, bow tied, mamas boy, born on third and woke up and thought he a triple, asshole. He hired George Boone as his draftnik and then kept him in that position year after fruitless year. He nickle and dimed the franchise for years in St. Louis, forcing the franchise to move because there was such an awful sense of hopelessness. They then moved to Arizona witha promise of a new Stadium and only 12 hopeless year later, and the threat of another move actually got them one. This has always been one of the poorest run franchises in the league. But now, well, quoting the old Russian proverb...”even a blind pig finds an acorn once in a while”. And a blinder pig the Bill Bidwill is hard to imagine.