An Evil Plot

Sooo.....I mentioned before these dogs and last year I might have described how the dogs came to be our dogs but briefly....
We had an old dog who we had while the kids were growing up, Rascal. We did not love the dog. We tried but with the kids we were too stressed out and just basically ruined this poor little mutt and made it a dog sociopath. When that dog had the good graces to decline rapidly in health my wife took it on her self to have the dog put to sleep one day while I was playing in a charity golf tournament. For those of you familiar with the reference it was like the seen in “Goodfellas” where Deniro is calling to see if Joe Pesci had become a made man and he is told “he didn’t make it”. So rascal was gone.

So Sandy said “no more dogs” and I said OK. Then I bided my time and took her out to a friends 45th birthday party. that “friend” happened to be a dog rescue person with about 11 dogs out at her farm and a book full of pictures of dogs that needed to be adopted. She “invited” my wife to come over to Pet Smart some day when they brought all the adoptable dogs into the store. One Saturday at work she and Laura went and we ended up with cute little beagle, terrier (pit bull) mix. This of course was the evil Lily. Lily arrived coincidentally around the time Jon went away to school. Lily is inherently evil. Evil, like Cruella De Ville. Evil like Saddam Hussein. Evil like a petulant, evil animal who when not treated exactly as she would like will find a cherished possession to chew up on the sly.

My wife was exercising at Curves later and there was an odd man who wondered through with his dogs and it turned out that a particularly mangy one he adopted was too big or too crazy for his house and my wife was thinking that Lily needed someone to play with. This dog, some kind of retriever, spaniel, mangy, needed to be put down for the good of dog breed, was named Lola. So Lola came to live with us. Lola... Lola is mentally retarded... at best. Lola is just stupid at best. Whenever we have a thunder storm the dog stays up all night whining.... and whining.... you get the picture.

This coincided nicely with the year Patrick went away to college.

Recently my daughter went to visit a girl from our church who used to baby sit for us who is all grown up and has just had a second child. Like us, there own dog has become somewhat devalued in their house and they were trying to talk Laura into the idea that we could take the dog and “trying it out”. I was in favor of the idea until I looked back at the first two dogs whose names start with L and each one was a girl dog, who replaced a boy in our house. Creepily enough this dog is named Lucy. When realizing the trend and that it was yet another crazy girl dog named LUCY I realized that my wife was very likely planning on getting rid of me.

For this reason and this reason alone there will be no Lucy living in the Becker household. Although there are other good reasons. I realized that I am now living with 4 women. The last thing I need is a 5th female resident in our house. I have long observed that houses full of women have a lot higher mental illness quotient. We have plenty so taking a quote from the not great and unfortunately not late Sarah Palin...”thanks but no thanks”. Sorry Lucy.