Diner Review XII: The Crystal Grill

Crystal Grill
North Broadway and North Market
St. Louis

It is always a pleasure to find a jewel. A place real and authentic and old. Not dirty but...old..really old. The Crystal Grill has evidently been around for over 50 years but since I don’t get to North Broadway much and since their signage is so minimal I never noticed the place. It is just north of Downtown, probably a mile north of Dome. It is not quite all the way out where all the warehouses and trucking companies are but it is in a non residential area.

It is a little scary to walk in there at 7:00 A.M. on a weekday. I drove up to the place twice and then went to more familiar ground before I finally mustered the nerve to go in and boy am I glad that I did. I did. On any given morning there is one women working the place and her name is April. She is friendly and talkative without being too chatty. As you sit there reading your paper there are a variety of people who wonder in. Most of them do not appear to be businessmen and at least one looked rather scary...but was not. There is one guy in the kitchen who cooks everything and cooks it fresh. The owner is allegedly a city employee (which explains why health inspectors have not been more diligent about the bathroom) and other then looking like he had been chain smoking and drinking since before he was born is a pleasant enough guy.

The place is set up with one classic diner with one room set up with a counter and about 14 stools set in a U around the waitresses area. There is another large room through a doorway that has a cavernous dining room filled with a bunch of very old tables and chairs and a steam table and although I have not been there for lunch they tell me they pack the place and serve a mean roast beef. Likely I will never know. They also have a back room which she tells me was used by gangsters back in the day. Even if untrue it is very believable and adds to the mystique. This place is old... and cool.

They serve Jimmy Dean’s sausage which they buy at Sams (for God sakes) in bulk and then form into nice 1/4 pound balls. The hashbrowns are shredded, as God intends and although they might be considered slightly greasy they are very tasty indeed. they do not have chili and as such cannot make you a slinger. I questioned her about this and she was rather defensive. Their cream gravy is excellent in color (just off white) and consistency (thick without being gluey) but what makes it different is that it has little bits of ham cut up on it. A very nice touch we have not found in other St. Louis diners. On a recent trip they had run out of biscuits (which they allegedly make from scratch) due an early run at 6 A.M. by some truckers. This caused your diner reviewer to split a biscuit with his companion which still was more then enough. The eggs were cooked to order and seemed fine yet unremarkable (as eggs should be) and the bacon was thick and well fried and was frankly...impressive in it’s grandeur on the plate.

Celebrity Diner Reviewer Sal Pagano had this to say:
"Crystal is basic, personal, conducive to customer interactivity because of the close horseshoe seating, with April in the center position. Like a mother robin, she drops the exact freshly, prepared ordered to her customers in a family sort of way, glad we showed up and eager to serve. It is her raison d'tre. The seats are ancient and worn by the many years and thousands of persons who have patronized the place. The sink is made of PVC legs, by the owner, and April is making a colorful fabric cover to hide the plastic and freshen things up.She is the owner's partner. Crystal is a much appreciated and authentic experience. It has genuineness of the neighborhood and real individuals, compared with the smooth perfection of BreadCo and the ubiquitous Starbucks.
There was a guy telling his story about eating mustard sandwiches during the depression, while he enjoyed a post depression real meat hotdog sandwich; he savored it's juiciness as he reflected on his meatless past. The Crystal was for sale but now the owner, who is 2nd or 3rd generation diner operator, has decided to keep it in it's original state and operate it as a diner. They are trying to attract new business, investing in new signs and painting the place - work in progress. The coffee needs to be upgraded to get my official approval. The service is personal and fast. Lonnie Tettaton, Tettaton Signs, named the number 5 the Bitch Breakfast - "made by a bitch, served by a bitch and eaten by an asshole." April will acknowledge and serve the Bitch with a knowing smile if ordered in this manner. "

Sal has an uncanny ability to chat up people and gain valuable insight into any locale.

If you love diners and ambience and good food this place appears to be a keeper. Make the trip to North Broadway and North market and enjoy a little bit of old school breakfast...a newspaper and a little good company. Say high to April and tell her that we sent you.