February Wrap Up

Sooooo....we made it through another February. How cool is that? We not have March and with march we have the promise of Spring and with march and the Promise of Spring we have the NCAA Conference Tournaments and the NCAA Tournament and with all of those things we of course have the most important rite of Spring.....THE KUBE KLASSIK! An email blast will be going out from KUBE central as our fearless leader "The Donald" seeks to get us on Pay Pal so that I can no longer mis-handle (embezzle) peoples tournament fees. This is the type of "nanny state" government regulation that we tea party capitalists have been railing against. If people are stupid enough to give Mike Becker money they must want him to either lose it or blow it on booze, drugs and loose women. Right? I do not know what the picture of these three buildings is here for. Sometimes when I am driving around I take pics of things I like. I think these buildings are on the northwest corner of Jefferson and Washington. Very Presidential address. They caught my eye. I like the pic.

***
I do like to take pics sometimes. I was admiring my daughters Converse (she made pains to tell me that she had two more pairs but she was too lazy to get them out of her car) and I thought it would make a cool picture. Now I think, perhaps, but it struck me then what am oddly (stupidly) brand loyal family we are. Becker's in no particular order:
Wear Converse often but not exclusively
Drink Coke products when drinking cola
Drive Japanese cars that do not suddenly accelerate
Compute on MACs
Eat Lays Potato Chips
Like Carl's Hamburgers
Eat Edmund's Chili almost exclusively
Favor The Courtesy Diner
If you have to eat something like fast food....Steak n' Shake
Are Missouri Synod Lutherans (for at least a little while more)
It goes on and on and while to us it might seem quirky or interesting it is probably just a matter of being influenced by advertising and lacking any real creativity or imagination and the enjoyment that we get by condescendingly commenting on other people' choices which are clearly inferior to ours. How annoying is that?

Let's stick with calling it quirky.


***

One of my larger embarrassments in life (and those of you who know me really need to think about that statement) is the detritus of my once highly above average wine collection. I have no idea how many bottles I have left down there. For a while I was getting cases of Duckhorn Merlot every year. I know....I know....but if your going to drink merlot it was the way to go and it was new then. That still does not make it right. Anyway, we moved here a dozen years ago, I put the wine in the basement and pretty much forgot about it. Occasionally I would pull a bottle up on a lark to find it corked or at best well past it's prime. So we were out with some old friends from the wine consuming days and got home early and for memories sake headed back to the basement. I pulled out a couple of bolles but saw I had a 1991 Duckhorn Cabernet Sauvignon. Surprisingly it was not corked. Almost but not quite and well...it was pretty good. Big and fruity and plenty of tannin but on the back end the alcohol kind of overpowered the fruit. It was good and interesting and I need to get after that wine. Perhaps a weekly event as we open taste and dump until we find a good one. Could be a hoot.

***

Laura had backwards dance and she did the whole spa thing with Sandy prior to it. She is on student counsel and had been working all week getting ready for the dance. We have the feeling that in two years our house will be empty with out here. Her fingernails were painted the same color blue as her dress. What is up with that?

***
The Olympics is over I will not be watching the closing ceremonies. The Swedes stole the Gold in women's curling from Canada in the only sport I really followed. Those Swede's are tough. I am now watching the U.S. try and upend Canada for the Gold in men's hockey. YEEEEEEW-ESSSSSSSSSSS-EH?

Billikin Madness! Saint Louis University Begins It's Era

OK.... It is time to get on the bandwagon. It is past time. I do not know what my Billikins. Rick Majerus came here three years ago and everyone thought... well this is weird. We built a new arena named after a Jewish guy who SLU graduated who donated a shit load of money and everyone thought...well that is weird too. They sold seats in the new arena and priced marginally unsuccessful season ticket holders like myself (19 years) out of the market and some of us...well that is not weird but it sucks. Majerus played with the kids recruited by his presecessor and frankly did pretty well. 16-15 and 18-14... not too bad.

Now he has a team where the oldest players are 2nd years and the majority of the team is Freshman and they are at 18 wins and tonight are playing against the best team in the Atlantic Ten for their 19th win and the future appears to be here. As I type my Bills are down by 9 to Xavier. We might not get in the NCAA if we do not win the A-10 tournament but what an awesome job Majerus has done building a team at an academically rigorous, urban, Jesuit school in St. Louis Missouri.

Next year should be awesome but this year has already been really unbelievable. They might make the tournament and if they do not they are surely in the N.I.T. and they are so young. they are still making stupid young mistakes and they are still dominating the best mid major conference in all the land when they play at home and are more then holding their own on the road.

I am ready to get some people together and invest in tickets agin next year. Get on the bandwagon. Have your people call my people.

Curling: I laugh, I Cry, It Becomes A Part Of me!

Every winter Olympics I start watching and I berate the whole experience as being somehow, less then it should be. less then I want it to be. Because I only see it once every four years for a couple of days I always forget about the best event of the Winter (and perhaps Summer) Olympics. Sure, i know, the U.S. beat Canada in hockey (yawn) and that Bode (Bo-Dee) Miller won a Bronze a Silver and a Gold in skiing and have am up to my eyeballs in discussion of ski cross which though it should be exciting just seems (like stock car racing) to be a yawn until someone crashes.

Each Winter Olympics I get reminded of the brilliance that is women's Curling. Men;s Curling... not the same. Still interesting but women's curling is compelling in every way. Curling is the equivalent of bar hockey with people...on ice. All strategy and, well... mayhem. The other night we watched Great Britain against the U.S. Tonight I rushed home to see the end of Sweden v. Canada and now.... now the unbelievable drama of Japan and Switzerland.... soon to be denied as the Swiss are just CRUSHING the Japanese (who by the way are kind of cute). Wow, they just pounded them 10-4 and the Japanese had to concede.

They just announced that there is hockey next. And I just don't care. They did throw me a bone of saying that they were coming back later with U.S. v. China in CURLING! My son and his fraternity understand the gravitas of Curling. The Sig Eps at Valparaiso have been emulating the stars with BEER CAN CURLING! BRILLIANT! I do not know who is winning or how they score but i wish I was there to cheer on one team, or the other. There is something that just seems so awesome.

The women... they are generally not pretty although the Brits had one 18 year old with stripper type hair. There is just something about the strategy and about... the time it takes to play and between each slide of the stone that lends itself towards staring at the TV and drinking. Oh...maybe that is it. Never mind. I guess that is it. I am going to go downstairs and get another Busch Gold Top.

***

By the way... it is almost time for March Madness and the KUBE. Think 500 participants. Think Pay Pal. Tell your friends.

I Cry A Lot

Yes, I am a 48 year old man who sobs like a baby. Sometimes at weddings, sometimes at funerals but mostly when I am by myself and watching a movie, or reading a book where the beauty and sadness of it all cannot be expressed by me in any other way. It is always cathartic. It always leads to a little more balance, a little more recognition of what a blessed life I lead and.... well...it improves my general happiness. I cannot draw it out or have it come on at will (which would be great) but it hits at random times probably when I am feeling on the verge of falling apart myself.

Yesterday I slept in till about 7 and then went to work. It was Saturday which tends to always be good. Got a little breakfast and worked all morning but upon getting home found out my wife has gotten the flu. So I am sitting downstairs and doing my normal male hunter gatherer thing (surfing through all the channels) when I discovered that two of my favorite movies were on today. Almost Famous is an awesome film with Kate Hudson based on the early triumphs (mythologized) of the great Cameron Crowe and "A River Runs Through It" which is great on a 100 different levels.

I have seen "A River Runs Through It" almost as many times as "The Godfather" which means at least 30 times and probably more. And that is not my usual self aggrandizing over estimate. I would guess it is an under estimate as to River and the Godfather flicks. "Almost Famous" has only been viewed about a dozen times, so in comparison I really do not know the movie at all. But both of them strike to the heart on totally different levels and they both delight and cause more then a little soul searching.

Almost Famous is so good because I love pop music (or loved pop music) so much when I was growing up. Crowe was a genius with a hyper engaged mother that pushed him to graduate from high school at fifteen. He did go on tour with a band as a kid and did have a relationship with lester Bangs which then led to Ben Fong Torres of Rolling Stone. Crowe Wrote the most brilliant interview I have ever read and it just happened to be of Neil Young, the Zeus of my musical pantheon. I urge you to read it:

http://www.rollingstone.com/news/profile/story/9102786/neil_young_the_rs_interview

Anyway, there is so much sad and trite and beautiful and stupid about the movie. The way he develop[s a relationship and the pretentious idiots in the band who are dwarfed by the genius in their presence..."Russell". Russell like every rock star is a parody of conflicts but the movie pulls together beautifully with perfectly drawn characters and pitch perfect dialogue. It mirrors several great, iconic rock and roll moments such as:

A scene with the band in a small plane (what could go wrong) and it hurts turbulence over Mississippi (like Skynard) and Russell starts to sing Buddy Holly and Big Bopper songs.

At the party, when he is on acid, Russell Hammond cries out, "I am a golden god!" This is a reference to Robert Plant of the band Led Zeppelin, who is purported to have said the same thing (sober) while looking over the Sunset Strip from a balcony at the Continental Hyatt "Riot" House.

At the beginning of the movie one of the groupies wanders into the party saying "Does anyone remember laughter?" channeling her Led Zeppelin.

The movie is heartbreaking and after every heartbreak there is a moment of Karmic healing...to a soundtrack. The cheesiest and best moment is on the bus where no one is speaking and they start to sing "Tiny Dancer". Priceless. The fact that the actor playing Crowe looks like a young Jeff Tweedy is also sadly moving for this St. Louisan.

***

"A River Runs Through It" is just a beautiful movie. Beautifully shot. Beautifully casted. Beautifully scripted. I think that eventually we look back on this as one of the great films of our time. The movie, released in 1992 was I think one of Robert redfords directing debuts.... can you have more then one? I am certain he can. Starring Brad Pitt, Craig Sheffer, Tom Skerritt, Brenda Blethyn, and Emily Lloyd there is not a mis step and you really get your first taste that Brad Pitt can act. Walking two brothers through growing up as the sons of a Presbyterian minister in Montana. Fly Fishing and communing with nature is the metaphor for everything.

The movie is a perfect echo of the brilliant book by Norman Maclean. They can (and should) be enjoyed in tandem. They are both heartbreaking in asking the hard question. When Skeritt, after losing his son is preaching in his small church he asks.... or tells:

"Each one of here today will at one time in our lives look upon a loved one who is in need and ask the same question: We are willing help, Lord, but what, if anything, is needed? For it is true we can seldom help those closest to us. Either we don't know what part of ourselves to give or, more often than not, the part we have to give is not wanted. And so it those we live with and should know who elude us. But we can still love them - we can love completely without complete understanding."

And at the end you hear Redford narrating as we see the aged Norman Maclean fishing: Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. The river was cut by the world's great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. On some of those rocks are timeless raindrops. Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs. I am haunted by waters.

The whole perfect movie is a set up for those two scenes at the end. And I tear up like a baby.

Sometimes life in movies is beautiful. Real men do not cry at shit like this, so I assume I have a problem. Rent them, buy them.

***

Boston Globe ran a nice review of the laye Johnny Cash's new release, The American Recordings VI. I do not need to tell you how important it might be to buy this CD, first thing on Tuesday. To quote the great philosopher Larry The Cable Guy.... "Git her done!"

http://www.boston.com/ae/music/articles/2010/02/21/johnny_cashs_final_chapter_is_the_most_compelling/

False Hope And February, Evan Dando and The Yonder Mountain String Band

"Patience is like bread they say. I rand out of that yesterday."- The Lemonheads












This morning I woke and it was sunny and has remained sunny almost all day. I heard song birds...chirping somewhere in the dead brown trees behind our house, over the still frozen driveway where the sun never comes. It was beautiful... it was the promise of Spring and it was of course.... a lie! But that is ok for February is a month where even false promises must be clinged to, cherished and even shared. The fact that the birds might freeze and die a miserable death tomorrow should not impact on my momentary joy. Right?

It has been a brilliant and even pretty good week. Keeping on the theme that I must go out and see live music, no matter how tired and old I am, I hit two shows this week. On Tuesday I went to "The Old Rock House" to see Evan Dando, lead singer, songwriter, chief bottle washer of the seminal indie rock band "The Lemonheads". You will of course remember The Lemonheads for their brilliant cover of Simon & Garfunkel's "Mrs. Robinson" and their crossover hit "Into Your Arms". Dando was the son of a Boston real estate lawyer and a super model. A poor little rich pretty boy. The last time I had seen Dando was 10 years (or more ago) getting tickets for The Lemonheads show. I ran down to Mississippi Nights to get my tickets and there was this bum passed out in front of the door to the place. That bum was Dando. I didn't know it until I saw him later at the very average show that night. Dando, then, and now looks a lot like our local rock star Steve Stolze. Creepily so.

Crack cocaine evidently does funny things to people. Dando was the rising star with his band. Good looking like a model and dating Juliana Hatfield, Boston indie heart throb with her band "The Blake Babies" and her solo career. Dando was doing his gig and also putting in songs on various tribute CD's to Richard Thompson and Victoria Williams. Buuuuuuut....the crack really seemed to take him out of the loop and off the screen for a long time. So i was happy to see him back, especially solo.

"Enough about us lets talk about me. It's not about you, it's not about sunshine." -The Lemonheads

I got to the Rock House around 9:00. On the way down I got to bail someone out of jail. What a great way to start an evening. There was a band called Candle who opened. I was not excited at all but they were great and it turned out that two of them had been with Ben Kweller's original group back when Ben Kweller looked like he was going to be someone. Ooops. Anyway, they were an unexpected pleasure and I will definitely pick up their debut CD when it comes out in April. The lead singer was playing a big old black Gibson like Neil Young's and then they threw in a little pedal steel as well. What is not to like.

Beatle Bob was there so once again I was secure that i was at least at the coolest show in town. I need that.

Dando came on stage about 10:30. Welcomed the crowd and proceeded in classic indie rock shoe gazer style to not really speak again other then singing. he was in black jeans, a hoody and...wait for it...wait for it....Stan Smith Tennis shoes. Sure I have them but i have not seen another human wear them in at least 15 years. They were new and unscuffed. Made me proud. He had no band. Just he and the acoustic. No effect pedals. he then ripped through the following:

Get so down about it
Outdoor type
Error of my ways
He loved her but he didn't
Why do you do this to yourself
Alisons starting to happen
My drug buddy
Frying pan
When I stop dreaming
I don't want to get high
Forget my past
Its about time

No song lasted more then two minutes. Sometimes he merged one into the other. He didn't inter act with the crowd at all but he held us all in the palm of his hand. He is great songwriter and knows his way around a hook like almost no one else. He played about 20 songs at all primarily from the Lemonheads catalogue and it was just an awesome tour de force of pop.

It was the first show I had seen at the Rock House. The upstairs was closed but it is a pretty room. The sound is a little muddy but if you were up front it sounded fine. It was kind of interesting because in back you could watch the whole show on one of their monitors. Makes me wonder whether they are filming all of it?

***

Friday night was The Yonder Mountain String band at the Pageant. I did not love the show but I think it has more to do with me then with the show. I had a long day at work, went to a fundraiser for Bill Corrigan, had a burger at O'Connells (stuffed like I was dead) and then headed to the Pageant. We got there at 8:00 for an "evening with" show that was to start at 8:30. I had seen these guys a few years ago and did not love them but the venerable Brian Kukla wanted to see them and it was his dad's birthday so....why not? The place was not too packed when we got there and we found some seats (always a plus for old people) in the under 21 section. It is always kind of a bummer when your under 21 and cannot go down on the floor but that is how they had the crowd configured. I always wonder how they decide how many under 21 people they will have at the show. It has to be more of an art then a science. The balcony was open and i have not been there for a while when they had an open balcony. When the balcony is open they have a 2300 capacity and it filled up quick.

The band came out pretty close to on time. It is just a mandolin, an acoustic guitar, an electric stand up bass and a banjo. No percussion, no electric guitar. It was their crowd though and from the first song the whole audience stood and danced in a way I had not seen since Jerry Garcia died. I think of the 2300 people there 2000 knew every song. I know none of their catalogue so it is always interesting for me but they didn't grab me... last time or this time. They had an elaborately lit stage (tacky and un bluegrass like) and did not really play all that well (other the the acoustic guitarist who is a tremendous flat picker. He really was good. But the problem is in a blue grass band, like a jazz band, like the dead, the band works on a theme and then the guys put in a little solo. Their solos all sounded the same. The mandolin is a neat instrument but it needs to be used sparingly while they have no choice but to use it as part of the rhythm section.

It was a cometent show but after two viewings I will not be tempted to see them again. I got a cool poster though.

Toyota...etc...

So seriously... is anyone else totally... totally bored with the Toyota recall? Can anyone really muster up any interest? I mean, I own a Toyota mini van...I think it our third and we love it. It has never suddenly accelerated. It has never failed to break. Generally it runs and accommodates our life. That is no small order. The Sienna and it's predecessor the Previa have been awesome vehicles. Never a complaint. Driven into the ground. Am I really going to abandon Toyota and more then anything else do I have to hear about it every day. I mean I am now driving a Mazda 3 station wagon but I fully expect that any day Toyota will announce a recall of that. I mean, they have got to almost be out of cars of their own brand that they can recall... so since they are in the groove, why would they not start recalling other brands too. I feel really bad for their chairman who keeps going on the air and apologizing and getting a lot of shit from Japanese people and American media screaming that it is too little...too late. Seriously? What a great car company. They clearly screwed up here. My guess is they come back strong.

I am happy that Ford seems to be doing well. We were always Ford people. It really seems like they might have been placed correctly for the economic downturn and with GM still clueless and Chrysler...gone.... perhaps it is their time. Anyway, it is nice to think of one U.S. company still manufacturing a product AND making a profit. That is pretty cool. So maybe there is a bright side to all of this... we might perhaps take up as a nation the chant of..."BUILT FORD TOUGH".

***

Winter Olympics.... cannot find anything in me that cares. Sorry the Ukranian guy died.

***

Valentines Day: Normally I rant against it. Hallmark Holiday made for people to feel guilty and stupid and to spend money in order to assuage the shortcomings in their relationships which might be... extensive. This year I decided to call out. On the day prior to Valentines Day I went to Walgreens and bought:
1. Leopard Print Snuggie
2. Bad little box of (heart shaped with Snoopy on it) of Whitmans (shitty) chocolate.
3. New Soduko Magazine
4. Two Valentines day cards.
The only win was that my wife got me nothing which made this... special. That and the fact that she really wanted the Snuggy thing although was not particularly crazy about the leopard print until she realized it would not show dog hair.

So we went to church, went to brunch at # Monkeys, napped, went to dinner at Gallaghers in Waterloo Illinois...went to sleep. GOOD VALENTINES DAY!

***

I am considering doing a new BLOG strictly on personal creeds. Thoughts?

***

I have read some really good things lately. Kevin Horrigan used to be an awesome sports editor for the Post Dispatch. Now he is an editorialist. I reprint last Sundays column out of total respect. Read it and weep.


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When the going gets tough . . .

Kevin Horrigan
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Kevin Horrigan
OF THE POST-DISPATCH
02/14/2010

"There is no expedient to which man will not resort to avoid the real task of thinking."

It's said that Thomas Edison was so fond of this quotation from the English painter Joshua Reynolds that he posted it all over his laboratories. If Edison had to remind himself to avoid mental laziness, think of the problems it presents for the rest of us.

Here's another problem: According to Drake Bennett of The Boston Globe, "One of the hottest topics in psychology today is something called 'cognitive fluency.' Cognitive fluency is simply a measure of how easy it is to think about something, and it turns out people prefer things that are easy to think about to those that are hard."

Well, sure. Who wants to be doing his taxes when the Super Bowl is on? Who wants to read a book when the TV remote control is so handy? Who wants to read "The Wealth of Nations" when James Patterson is at hand? For that matter, who wants to read, period?

The Associated Press, reporting last week on a study from the Pew Center for Just About Everything that said blogging has been become passé among young people, quoted an 18-year-year old college freshman who explained, "It's a matter of typing quickly. People these days don't find reading that fun."

The theory is that cognitive fluency may be left over from our days as cavemen. We learned what animals were unlikely to eat us, and we preferred them to unknown things that might or might not eat us. Thus, psychologist Adam Alter told The Globe, when things are unfamiliar, or "disfluent," alarm bells go off. "It sets up a cognitive roadblock and makes people think, and it triggers a sense of risk and alarm."

Eek! Unknown, and therefore possibly hard! Avoid!

Mood plays a part. When people are unhappy, they may seek out familiar ideas, people and actions that make them feel safe and secure. "Fluent things are familiar," said one expert, "but also boring and comfortable. Disfluency is intriguing and novel. When we're happy, we're more open to the unfamiliar."

Advertisers figured this out long ago. Sell the familiar. Sell ease and comfort. Don't sell things that are hard and challenging. Steve Jobs built a company with simple name, Apple, around the philosophy of making attractive products that were simple and intuitive to use. Budweiser learned that its customers wanted those old familiar Clydesdales in their Super Bowl commercials, even though this year's Clydesdale spot wasn't very good.

Politicians figured this out, too. Sell the simple, sell the familiar. In the midst of the financial turmoil of 2008, Barack Obama campaigned on "hope and change." This sounded safe and familiar, so he got elected.

Then the problems started. Obama had to sell changes that were very difficult and counter-intuitive: Bailing out Wall Street bankers, even though they had started the problems. Spending $787 billion to kick-start the economy, even though it meant trillion-dollar deficits. And then maybe the hardest thing of all: Overhauling the American health care system.

Eek! Unknown, and therefore possibly hard! Avoid!

Even when the president tried to make things simple, as he did in a speech to Congress on Sept. 9, it took him 47 minutes to do it. He had to talk about things like insurance exchanges and pre-existing conditions, cost-shifting and individual mandates.

This failed the cognitive fluency test. Republicans rushed into the breach with talking points like "death panels" and "socialized medicine." They kept complaining about the Senate's "2,700-page bill," as if you ought to be able to overhaul something as complex as health care with a memo.

When Missouri Republican Sen. Kit Bond dropped by the office recently and complained about the "2,700-page health care bill," I remembered that he'd helped write the last federal transportation bill. It was 835 pages long and all it did was fund transportation programs for six years.

All of this may be intellectually dishonest, but it is smart politics. Americans are looking for easy answers.

Nobody in America understands this better than Sarah Palin. The former Alaska governor's speech to the Tea Party convention in Nashville last weekend was a masterpiece of cognitive fluency, offering simple answers for all sorts of difficult problems:

"We need a strong national defense ... cut spending ... spending freeze ... drill here and drill now ... common-sense solutions and values ... the government that governs least governs best ... freedom is a God-given right ... enduring truths passed down from Washington to Lincoln to Reagan...."

It was truly a brilliant speech, utterly free of nuance and complexity. If America is tired, angry, confused and looking for easy answers, she may be just the expedient to which they resort.

***

Finally and perhaps more important;y I would like to write something like this:

http://lefsetz.com/wordpress/

***

God Bless.

Old Man Rant #1 "Back when I was a boy"

Soooo as I stated priorly I am not the biggest fan of February. I do like it when it snows though. Snow seems like the payoff for cold weather. If it is freezing I would just as soon have it snow. But there is a rub. On Thursday they were predicting some snow...perhaps accumulating over night. My daughter naturally took this as an opportunity to not do her math home work. Her assumption was snow=school closed. This annoys me. A GREAT DEAL! Not that I care about my daughter presuming that a prediction of snow might get her a day off. Hope springs eternal, even in the spiritual death that is February.

What annoys me is how the snow becomes a reason and an excuse for everyone to waste time talking about the weather and speculating on how "bad" it is going to be and to start thinking about "going home early" because the weather is so bad. There is always one boss in the office who should know better who drives the whole thing and starts to get everyone going. No one needs any help getting riled up but that one person walks from desk to desk and pretty soon you have a full fledge revolt at the place.

This general annoyance was exacerbated when it did not snow Thursday night or Friday morning but they were predicting snow "with accumulation!, for that afternoon and evening. Horror of horrors. My assistant normally gets to work at about 7:30 but on my way in at 7:29 my Blackberry lights up with a message from her saying that due to the weather she will have to leave early. Now I want to be clear. I am no slave driver and have a work ethic that could best be described as "questionable" but this kind of thing, for whatever reason really gets my goat. It always seems one way to me. When they predict snow you have a few things that you should do:

1. Make plans for child care the next day if school gets canceled.
2. Wake up early the next day.
3. Get your ass out of bed and get to work.

I am even more incredulous when men admit to being worried about the weather. I am not the manliest of men. I am in fact kind of a wimp...oK, I am total wimp BUT as a man I just could never admit I was "worried" about the weather and changing my plans because of what "might" happen. I mean, our job is be out helping people out who are stuck, getting to wherever we need to go and getting business done.... BECAUSE...when I was a boy it snowed 8 foot every day. We walked up mountains to get to school... both ways. There were locusts! Rivers turning read and running backwards,,,,BLACK ICE! I know we were not tougher. Really I do. But it just seems like everyone is so weak about bad weather. They say it going to start snowing tonight. Nu accumulation...but then continuing tomorrow night and accumulating 3-6 inches. I picture people who work for me running up and down the hall screaming "WE ARE ALL GONNA DIE! WE ARE ALL GONNA DIE"!

Rebel against the weather terrorists! Do not go out and buy bread and milk! You will get out! GO, DRIVE! Find an open parking lot and do donuts and laugh maniacally. If you see a little black Mazda...stay the hell outta the way! Daddy is going to work!

Annual February Whine/Rant

Regular readers of these pages know of my passion for the month of February. Referring to it variously as "The Long Dark Tea Time Of The Soul" (thank you Douglas Adams), the month of Darkness, the time in St. Louis when there are "a lot of suicides", "my time of despair". In Groundhog Day Bill Murray speaks generally to my feelings about February: " I'll give you a winter prediction: It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life." Yes... that summarizes it. The Holidays are firmly over. Although the shortest day of the year is well behind us the cooling that these short days have accomplished on the earth's crust and the lower atmosphere continue unabated. It is 6:28 A.M. as I type this and there is no sign of light. This evening after work I will drive home in the dark...again.

Many old people go south for this time of year and as I age (badly and prematurely...and bitterly) I understand why. Cold makes my bones hurt. Aside from my clear depression and SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) everything hurts more. My skin, which every year diminishes in it's elasticity (supposedly due to my aging cells not being able to reproduce enough copies of themselves, and the copies they produce evidently weakening and becoming more inferior in every generation) dries to a point where finger tip crack and I itch...all day and all night like I was being devoured by bugs!

So we have that going for us. It is a time to hunker down. You cannot really wait for Spring at this point because the promise of Spring is so illusory as to be criminal. Here are few tips for surviving until the plants start to sprout and birds start to head back north again.
1. Watch a lot of college basketball. It is a great sport with great competition. Even though it is likely dominated by large, corrupt, steroid juiced programs it is still one of the purest nightly spectacles of athleticism we are treated to. It eventually leads to March Madness and in March there is of course the hope of Spring.

2. Hunker down in bars. They are dark, so you do not notice it is dark outside. Even at noon. Look for bars with fireplaces. look for bars with lots of alcohol. Look for bars with jukeboxes. Make sure you get a ride home.

3. Watch a lot of television. Really along these same lines avoid higher art and literature all together. it will only make you feel bad. On the other hand an old episode of" Malcolm In The Middle" allows you to reflect on how much better you have been spending your time then the people did who wrote and acted in this series.

4. Quit your job and/or stop going to school.

5. Stay away from fire arms, knives and high ledges and cliffs.

6. Do not make any major moves in relationships.

7. For God's sake don't even think about exercising!

8. When possible, yell at your children and blame them for things (like your failed dream of becoming a water colorist).

9. Avoid simple, innocent and kind people as you do not want to be responsible for dragging them down with you.

10. Rub lard all over your body to avoid the afor mentioned dryness that comes with this weather.

11. Kick the dog. if you are blessed as I am to have two dogs, only kick one. The fact that you are not kicking the other dog will make the kicked dog feel even worse.

12. Yell at your kids again.

It is a time to hunker down. To be thankful for little things like space heaters and hot coffee. It is a reasonably good time to contemplate the miserable wreck your life has become and to make some plans for the future and resolutions to change...once it gets warm. Drink some more. Watch some more television.

So, tonight I am watching "The Untouchables having gone through several hours of oral surgery on a cracked tooth and I am...waiting for the snow. They started by saying one inch and now they are saying a total of six inches. I am excited because I like the disruption of the snow. I feel like an old man but as a sometimes boss I feel like when you know it is going to snow, you get up an hour earlier, you make plans for child care, and you get you ass to work. But that is not the way it is any more. Now, when it snows it seems to stop everything. And this February, if it is going to be cold, and dark, and gray... let it snow. That might cheer me up.