The Great St. Louis Blizzard Hoax of 2011

Soooo...I am not a man to hold a grudge. I am not a man to deal in conspiracy theories. I am not a man to deal in the blame game. That is not me. Not at all. I was totally disrupted in my job yesterday because everyone was a twitter about the nightmare that was soon to befall us. St. Louis was to be hit with a storm of Biblical proportions. The grocery store shelves were being raped of all perishables. MODOTR and the venerable Missouri Highway Patrol were one the air 24-7 screaming about getting home and please... for the sake of everything that is holy, stay off the roads tomorrow. I went to the store. I went home. I watched TV regarding Egypt and regarding THE STORM! First rain turning to ice... then 6 inches of snow on top. More to the north. My wife was sad that we were not in the zone marked "blizzard" on the weather map.

I woke up this morning and saw almost nothing on the ground. I turned on the news and heard 13-19 inches in the viewing area. ABANDON ALL HOPE! We are doomed. I had misplaced my phone the day before in the rain. So I packed my bags and hopped in the car to deserted streets. 8:30 in the morning, slippery streets and almost nothing going on. I drove into Clayton without incident. Clayton was shut down but the news flashes, the storm warnings and all the officials begging me to stay pff the road and go home. So, i got my stuff and went home. And it kept sleeting. No snow. No freezing rain. Sleet. I worked a little. The distracted work that a simple minded man does when waiting for the apocalypse. Looking out the window. Emailing people. Making phone calls when people were not there.

I started a chuck roast cooking at lunch. Nice big one with lots of garlic and onions and some rosemary and some mushrooms. My wife bought me a nice ceramic/iron/pot with a heavy lid. Browned the whole thing in the pot in a little olive oil seasoning liberally and then let it go. Figured it would be a nice hot meal when the power went out later and it would make nice sandwiches the next day. And I waited. I watched one guy at 3 explain that there was a lot more coming but that we were in a band that was just sleet. A sweet spot really. But more snow was coming. At least 3 to six inches.

And we got no more. I sat around waiting for it. Looking to be buried and nothing more happened. I watched the doppler as all the bad stuff went by us on the north and the south like were just a little protected pocket of bliss. I watched all the local weather channel and no one ever apologized. No one ever said we misjudged. No one ever said that we terrorized St. Louis and shut down an entire city with our professional scare tactics. Our incompetence. If you are going to insist that we rely on you. At least be right. Don't scare everyone into staying home and then act befuddled. Man up. Tell us it is complicated. Tell us you blew the call. Do not act like it never happened.

The roast was awesome.

Tomorrow...off to work. Maybe I can run over one of the weather terrorists.