Taking A Break From Hockey....

Soooooo.... what is up with the Kukla Kid? He lives in the desert. I attach for your review a map of the Division I Ice Hockey Programs in the US. The closest is about 578 miles from where young Kukla lives. http://blogs.riverfronttimes.com/gutcheck/2010/03/fish_fry_frenzy_week_5_our_lady_of_guadalupe.php
I mean.... what is wrong with this kid? Posting about hockey suggests at best a chemical imbalance in the brain and at worst a "drug problem". Testing is in order. It is March Madness and as such.... back to basketbalL.

HATE THE JAYHAWK! DON'T HATE THE GAME!

Obviously scandal has rocked the KUBE Nation with new webmaster extraordinaire, Jon Becker, suddenly, out of nowhere taking the lead with his "Random" bracket. While I do not mean to be coarse (it is so unlike me), random my ass! The kid is a cheater from a family of cheaters and whomever put someone like Jon in charge should likely be shot...or worse. The kid is bad news and though he does not obsess over college ice hockey, this attempt at stealing the KUBE might be worse. KUBE has taken 1/2 of the prize money and hired the accounting firm of KPMG to conduct a komprehensive audit. We will get to the bottom of this.

After today's games we will know our Final Four. Right now we have Louisville, and the HATED, Ohio State University. I am going to start telling people I graduated from THE Texas Christian University and was summarily removed from THE Valparaiso University. We will see who or whom is delivered to us today to round out the Kontest. Kentucky and North Karolina remain the only two 1 seed still alive.

Now a quick review of the standings. Observations:
1. Jon Becker being in the lead makes me question the existence of a just and loving God.
2. Jay Vance? In Second? Jay has been playing the KUBE from Omaha for years but we were considering developing a "special" brakket for kids like Jay who have, through their KUBE picks shown themselves to be.... somewhat impaired.
3. We have already kommented on Max Shapiro and absent an apocalypse the kid looks done, having pick Syracuse, but he fought the good fight and he likely needs to fly to norther New York and question some registrars about how you manage to not keep one of the best athletes in the nation academically eligible. How does that happen?
4. I am very concerned about Zac Hahn. I do not know him but for lack of a better term he is currently lurking in 8th with Ohio HATED State.
5. If Baylor comes up big lookout fro Afghan Diplomacy rocketing up from 80th place.
6. No one has Louisville that I could find in a quick scan of brakkets.

I just watched Kentucky shred poor Baylor. So much for Afghan Diplomacy. lets see what the KU Game has to offer. We still hate the Jayhawks.

Kookla Takes Us To Hockey Town...Again. (Does Kukla Understand That The KUBE Is A Basketball Tournament?

With Apologies To The Seer From The Sagebrush...this was posted timely in the St. Louis Diner Review but was sloppily tagged by the editor of same. My life is an alphabet of WOE!

By Dan Kukla

Habitually heartbreaking.

That is how my friend Ian Callon described the Miami hockey team. He couldn't be more wrong.

Miami isn't just habitually heartbreaking. That doesn't even begin to describe what it is like to be a RedHawk hockey fan. Going from one of the last teams in the tournament to a two goal lead over the top seed with a minute left in the national championship to losing in overtime on a puck bouncing off your own player making the right play is not heartbreaking. Especially not when you add in the history of Miami always - and I mean always - losing to Boston College in previous tournaments and the losing to another Boston team soon after the Eagles' elimination.

Cruel. Unusual. Punishment. Those are the words that come to my mind, at least, and those same word came flooding back in Friday night.

I could have dealt with a 3-0 blow out loss. Not at all what I hoped for or expected from my heavily favored 'Hawks, but when you get out played you curse and you move on. At its worst, that is heartbreaking.

But no, Miami staged an epic comeback with three goals in the third (and final, for all you hockey illiterates out there) period, starting with two goals in a 14-second span. That's the team's largest comeback since 2002 and quickest pair of goals since 2005 when it scored the infamous 2-in-22 to beat Western Michigan - promtly sending me onto the back of my friend Dave D'Amore.

With all the momentum, Miami then went on a five-minute power play (opponent is penalized and plays with one less skater - usually for two minutes) to end regulation. The quality scoring chances were too many to count. The power play carried over into overtime. Still no goal.

Then the puck rolls over our goalie's arm on what felt like UMass-Lowell's first rush on net since the second period. Not quite a deflection over his shoulder, but darn close enough. You can't make this stuff up and I wish God would stop making this stuff up.

Cruel. Unusual. Punishment.

I told you the NCAA hockey tournament takes the drama of March Madness to a new extreme. This is just one of the rare occaisions I hate being right -- kind of like earlier this month when Missouri lost.

Now that was heartbreaking.

When Miami's game ended with my Tar Heels winning by just one late in the second half, a UNC loss to Miami's arch rival Ohio seemed to be a lock. On a half-court hail Mary, sure, why not. They survived but watching a tournament favorite squeak by a 13 seeded mid major is hardly a pick-me-up, especially when an Axis of Evil looms in the Elite 8 ready to dismantle the Marshall-less Heels.

One of my favoirte writers, ESPN's Bill Simmons, once wrote a column called "Levels of Losing" in which he quantifies sports pain (http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/020528). I'm sure he would argue this but for me the 2009 NCAA Hockey National Championship was "That Game", Simmons' highest level of losing that "actually combines The Guillotine and The Stomach Punch" (for him, a die hard Boston fan, he uses Game 6 of the 1986 World Series -- i.e. Bill Buckner). Friday's loss wasn't that high on this scale but it came in as a solid "Stomach Punch," just one level behind. Here's his explination of what I am feeling.

"Now we've moved into rarefied territory, any roller-coaster game that ends with A) an opponent making a pivotal (sometimes improbable) play, or B) one of your guys failing in the clutch ... usually ends with fans filing out after the game in stunned disbelief, if they can even move at all ... always haunting, sometimes scarring ..."

Because I wasn't at the game and because it was only the first round, I am able to take this one in stride. I wasn't so fortunate in 2009 when I literally did not move for an entire 45-minute tram ride back to the house we were staying at in DC.

For the neutral fan, this is why I so adamantly endorsed the hockey version of March Madness, which can still be seen on ESPNU Saturday and Sunday. For me, however, I will not be emotionally stable enough to watch any more college hockey this weekend (although I hope to recover by the Frozen 4) so it's back to basketball -- where I will most likely receive the "Level VI: Full-Fledged Butt-Kicking" against Kansas.

Kommentary: THE ROAD TO PITTSBURGH!

By Dan Kukla... back from wandering the desert and ready to watch the Tar Heels stomp the hated Bobcats
Upsets. Drama. Teams from the middle of nowhere.
This is why we love March. This is why we love the NCAA Hockey tournament.
Yup, hockey.
It’s March Madness… on steroids… on ice. It’s everything you enjoy about the basketball tournament plus huge hit after huge hit… minus a few teeth.
The upsets are more shocking and frequent. The weird names are even harder to pronounce. The random-school Cinderellas are more obscure. The hated teams are eviler and the tournament darlings are more adorable.
Most importantly, it starts Friday... as in tomorrow. Set your DVR’s now because basketball can wait. You NEED to watch this. You need it like Prince Fielder needs cheeseburgers.
You give me 15 seeds Norfolk State and Lehigh in the Round of 32 with upsets over 2s Mizzou and Duke? I raise you No. 15 Bemidji State (told you they were obscure… and to think it was originally founded under the name Bemidji State “Normal School”… you can’t make this stuff up) in the Frozen Four and No. 14 Miami (OH) in the championship, seconds away from its first national title. Down in their wake? Top seeds Notre Dame (2 overall) and Denver (3 overall) with No. 1 Boston U on the ropes needing two goals in the final minute of regulation just to force overtime.
You think Duke, Ohio State and Kansas are evil? How about the BU Terriers, who after completing that devastating comeback in 2009 then admitted to drawing their inspiration from Spanish Conquistadors that burned their boats during invasions to eliminate retreat as an option for their pawn soldiers.
And that darling Cinderella caught in the flames? Well the RedHawks just valued being a family called “The Brotherhood” that draws its inspiration from loyalty and sacrifice.
As for those weird names, you say Ali Farokhmanesh, sure, but I know you can’t say Scott Czarnowczan.
This year three of the four 1 seeds are of the evil variety (Boston College, Michigan and North Dakota) while the rest of the field is just dripping with darlings ready to knock them off (except for BU, checking in as a 3 and just as evil as ever).
The fourth 1 (3 overall) is Union, making only its second tournament appearance in school history. Same goes for No. 6 Ferris State. No. 14 Western Michigan makes only its fifth tourney appearance after dwelling in the CCHA (hockey equivalent of basketball’s Big 10) basement for the past decade. The UMass Lowell River Hawks earned their fourth ever bid and will face the aforementioned RedHawks (No. 5) in a first-round battle of fictional birds of prey.
All Round 1-2 games can be seen on ESPNU Friday-Sunday. Whether you get caught in the real March Madness hook, line and sinker like me or just watch it during basketball commercial breaks, do yourself a huge favor and make sure to check it out. It would be Madness not to.

LONG SHOT AWARD WINNER ANNOUNCED!

There has been a lot of talk about the Long Shot Award this year. Maybe too much talk. The Long Shot Award Winner for the KUBE 2012 is MAX Shaprio! We do not, however know how much he has won because (and this is a shocker) Kukla is on vacation on Arizona and the cash and Pay Pal money is mysteriously with him and he needs some time to "reconcile" the accounts. In regard to Max as i said earlier he is a long tim player of the KUBE but based on his facebook pictures KUBE will once again be in instituting random drug tests for participants. I am NOT saying that Max is doping. It would belittle the kontest to do so but as St. Ronald told us in regard to the Russians...."trust, but verify". Sage advice indeed.

I don't know where Dan Kukla's observations have been lately. There was some discussion of his donning some animal fur and grabbing some honey and wandering in the desert for a while when he heard of the North carolina injury. We need you back Dan! I can blather but people have come to expect...kontent...without typos.

I am working with KUBE Management and our Phoenix office as well as our web partner BOOMREACTIVE.com (go there now) in order to publish a dead beat list. Kukla was careful to advise that "Max has paid". That makes him different than a lot of you mokes. My plans are as follows:
1. Publish a list of late payees.
2. Call your parents (if living, use a Quija Board if not) and advise that their child is a deadbeat.
3. Go to your kids school and heckle them regarding your failure to pay.
4. Report you to the credit reporting agencies.
5. Destroy your life.
Get your money in people. No time like the present.

Congratulations MAX!

NCAA Sunday Knight Knews & Knotes

Sooooooooo....Sunday night. I have had some bad Sunday nights in March. returning from Vegas after the first few days. Feeling broke. being broke. Brackets broke. Heart...broke. So I am reasonable comfortable with March Madness Desolation Effect (MMDE) though it has hit me pretty hard this year. MMDE is an insidious disease with no known cure. It manifests itself with depression and exhaustion and a general loss of a will to live. For many who play the KUBE Brackets, sadly these symptoms cannot be distinguished from your every day life but many (several) of the 400 plus KUBE players are reasonable high functioning, non-drooling, in school or have jobs and (arguably) productive members of society. For them seeing their brackets burn (and I just finally did actually burn mine) is devastating.

For me this year has been a very difficult one and today particularly cruel. The initial Mizzou loss was a disaster but it was cleaned up for me by Duke and Notre Dame losing coupled with a Billiken win. I thought I had something going perhaps with Vandy and the future while not being bright was at least not a the relentless, vast wasteland of turnovers, airballs and the steady, inexorable advance of the hated number 1 seeds. This situation not being bad enough it is exacerbated by the asinine, insufferable and unjustifiable Miller 64 commercials. I would rather watch Charlie Sheen hit 3 pointers all day long for Ohio State and I hate Charlie Sheen and hate Ohio State.

When I woke up this morning my 5 brackets (three wantonbeckers, a big boy and one for mom (Doris Mae though I misspelled her name) were merely a disaster. My average on those 5... wait for it...298! My wife was in at 217 and my daughter, though she picked Mizzou was at 10. But, I thought, perhaps today would be better....NOT! not a lot of upsets. I guess I am heartened for Ohio since they are not Ohio State. My Billiken loss was really crushing and to see Majerus rearing up was a little bit of a nightmare. Not sure how much more I can stand this evening.

My advice for you, my fellow KUBITES is to make sure you are not alone. Dring a few solid glasses of bourbon. Soak in a hot tub. If you have any weed you definitely need to smoke it. Grab Ayn Rand's "Atlas Shrugged", use it to balance the wobbly table in the kitchen, and go to bed.

I will leave you with an excerpt from Bernie who quoted a teary Conklin (very hard to watch): "Coach has done so much," Conklin said. "Being his first recruiting class, he told me that we were going to help him build something special here. And it felt like this year it really came together. We were able to take what Coach taught us.
"He’s a great coach. I couldn’t imagine playing for a better coach, a better person. He doesn’t just teach you about basketball; it’s about life. And he’s a great figure for the community and for the city, and he’s really brought St. Louis basketball to where it is right now, bringing in great guys.
"We all love each other in that locker room. And he just knows how to read a person and he brings us all together and we buy into his system because it works, and it brought us this far this year. And you know they’ve got a great nucleus coming back next year and they’re going to be a really tough team."


Read more: http://www.stltoday.com/miklasz-billikens-make-majerus-proud/article_2fcf3fd2-715e-11e1-b339-001a4bcf6878.html#ixzz1pWTaPIlA

The King Of Karlsbad!

By Dan Kukla

So there’s this girl.

At work. Her desk is just two down from mine.

I can’t stop thinking about her.

Last year she picked Connecticut as her March Madness champion and won every pool she was in. A girl like that is a rare find so this year I finally worked up the courage to ask her out to the KUBE. She accepted… via facebook. Man I’m smooth.

Now she’s got Indiana all the way. I must admit holding in laughter when I saw that pick. A team that relies completely on the fickle art of three-point shooting? That can only win at home? That hasn’t made the Sweet 16 in a decade?

To win it all?

Now she’s tied for 43rd after Day 3 while my brackets are busy leading the bottom half of the pool. Who’s laughing now?

But this is why I can’t stop thinking about her. I must know her secret. How does she come up with these dark horse champions?

“I just go with my heart,” she says. Done: Homer Derby checking in at 284. That clearly can’t be the full explanation. Or maybe I just need a new heart.

When Matlin Smith told me about picking Indiana as her champion I remembered what happened last year and went back to see if I should change my thinking on the Hoosiers. I just didn’t see it. In fact, I didn’t even see them making it out of the first weekend. I loved both VCU and Wichita state as Sweet 16 picks and all “just going with my heart” aside, I legitimately thought New Mexico State would pull off the upset over Indiana anyway.

THEY DON’T WIN AWAY FROM ASSEMBLY HALL! THEY ONLY SHOOT 3’s! It screams of an obvious early exit, especially when paired with three beautiful Cinderellas.

So Matlin’s UConn pick in 2011 was discarded as fluke luck and I moved forward with my much wiser selections.

As the only KUBE entrant with Indiana on the final line and now a strong point base to build from, just an appearance in the championship (and maybe even just a Final 4 run) from the No. 4 seeded Hoosiers will put her in contention. If Indiana wins it all she is virtually guaranteed to do the same.

Let’s be clear. This is not your average girl that wins pools by selecting her favorite color schemes, mascots and shopping towns when filling out a bracket. Matlin actually watches basketball and picks teams she thinks will win.

Saturday she told me she wakes up every morning thinking about her pick Indiana. Who are they playing? Will they win? How much money will I steal from all these losers this year? (OK, I made that last one up).

While the Hoosiers were busy pulling off a Houdini act against VCU to prevent another “Shaka,” Matlin told me that she is not allowed to watch because it makes her teams lose. She finished her work and promptly rushed out of the office right after Indiana took a late lead and right before they later snatched victory from the jaws of defeat.

Really? VCU misses two free throws that would have put them up 5 with a minute left? Indiana converts a three-point play at the other end to tie and then wins after a blocked shot bounces right to an open Hoosier on the baseline – a player who then made his only shot of the second half? VCU misses an open 3 at the buzzer?

What kind of black magic is this? Matlin not only has superstitions but they actually work! Told you this lady is a rare find.

After giving this some serious thought, her success can only be attributed to one thing: her company’s superior sports department. The Current-Argus is clearly where she gets all her sports information and this has to be her edge. No else picked Indiana so she must have come up with the Hoosiers as her champion by reading a publication no one else reads – or at least respects.

As such, Matlin Smith’s entry will from now on be referred to as the Current-Argus entry. Any and all winnings will be shared accordingly.

Go Hoosiers!

I Am Really Starting To Hate This Kid

By Dan Kukla

I told you sooooooooooooooooooooooooo...

Yes, even you Becker.

We just needed one giant to fall to bust this thing wide open. Unfortunately that one happened to be our beloved Mizzou but the resulting mayhem was sure worth it.

Down goes Duke, giving us the first tournament with two 2s out in the Round of 64 (never to be referred to as the second round). Down goes Michigan, giving us the first tournament with three teams seeded 13+ with wins on the same day. Down goes all of our brackets.

Wow, Missouri really does love company (ducking to avoid projectiles being hurled at my head).

Come on. Don't let that grumpy old man running this blog fool you. Missouri's loss restored order by creating complete disorder. While there's no evidence that any one game in the tournament affects outcomes in any others, it sure did feel that way Friday. Shortly after sulking off to work following that Missour-able loss (OK, I'll stop) I was treated to leftover pizza while I clicked back and forth between a trio of upsets. Puke was busy choking hard against Le High (oh, wait, that was a college team?) while St. Louis made us all proud by knocking off Memphis. As Ohio represented my MAC well with an upset of Michigan, I just couldn't click fast enough to keep up with it all.

Ah yes, the Madeness was back. Leftover pizza and flipping through upsets of evils is what makes this time of year pure bliss. It's what I craved (dreamed is probably more accurate... considering my slumberous state) all day Thursday and Friday morning.

And wouldn't you know, my brackets actually aren't all that tarnished afterall... if you look at them from the right angle in the right lighting. My "Axis of Evil" picks are still perfect in the East region. I have only once picked a perfect region all the way to Final 4 so I can at least continue to pull for that. My coin toss still has its entire Final 4 alive and correctly picked Ohio, Lehigh and Norfolk State while shooting exactly 50% in the first round. As for my "Homer Derby" well at least I didn't yet have to scratch off SLU or New Mexico. Who knows, if the Lobos run to the Elite 8 and the Billikens knock of Izzo just maybe that will earn enough points to put me back in the mix.

If you can't get enough of this glass-half-overflowing outlook on life I encourage you once again to check out my beautiful bride's new blog: www.meg4christ33.blogspot.com. If you're one of Becker's ogre-ish types, well then maybe you need a click on that link more than anyone else.

Go Lobos! Go SLU! Down with "that" Ohio State and Kansas!

Enjoy the last two days of the first weekend. There's nothing else like it.

Well, that's just the facts.

(PS I appologize for the many errors in my last post. I suspect corruption at the top behind this as sabotage in this point/counter point format that I was completely unaware of but I'll just blame my still fragile frame of mind after a devastating loss. It's the only possible explination for why I would blindy send work into a Becker, expecting someone to be responsible at the other end).