This KUBE is KLASSIK!

Sooooo… once again, despite all my Kvetching… it has been kwite a KUBE.  With the able assistance of 500 or so future NCAA Union Members it has been as exciting a March in recent memory.  The Dayton Flyers are this years version of Cinderella (we have suffered through some years where there was none).  Connecticut… I remember when it used to mean something to be a Huskie and perhaps it does again and Kentucky… Caliperi and his one and done Freshman finally woke up, started to play hard, gelled, and frankly looked pretty frightening when they beat a good Louisville team.  I am watching the Dayton Florida game and at the end of the firt half it would appear that Dayton just does not have the steam.  I am a long established Billy Donavan Hater, as opposed to the many Donovan haters come lately but this does look like an awfully fine team… on the other hand I would not want any of them dating my daughter.  Donavan looks to me like the product of what happens when two carreer Marine Seargants reproduce.  I don’t have anything against the Marines but I do not mean this in a complimentary way.  The Flyers on the other hand, have a lot less ink.

I am not even going to beat on the perople at the bottom of the standings.  Their shame should speak for itself… I mean, come on guys, my wife is at 87!  Let’s step it up next year.

Kwite a KUBE indeed!  Taking KASH out of the system and keeping many of you from shoving KASH at me or telling me to “kover” you has saved management a LOT of headakes and been a real winner and the website funktionality has been top knotch.  I do not know for sure but it seemed like standings were being automatikally updated as games ended rather than having to wait for The Donald or The Mangsquash to get them uploaded and that was an awesome addition.

I am assuming there will be a fabulous KUBE party at the Depot but have not confirmed that with our benevolent overlord.  Kepp tuned to this space.

As I said, Good KUBE!  The Left Coast Kukla kid (high functioning and mainstreamable were the descriptive terms the Kirkwood teachers used in parent teach konferences with his disappointed parents) but other than criticsizing this writer for his mainstream pick of Michigan (I guess he missed their abusive bitch slapping of a very good Michigan team) his writing has been klear, kogent, and dare I say it...funny.  Kudos Kukla… the mantle is passed.

BANISHED! KUBE KNOTES FROM THE 3RD WORLD!

THE “HOTEL” MY SON BOOKED ME INTO IN NICARAGUA

Sooo….life is funny.  My son, blood of my blood, flesh of my flesh, tells me he has an important errand for me to run on behalf of the tournament...serving as KUBE’s representative at a wedding in Nicaragua.  Obviously it is holy week, the first weekend of the NCAA.  Normally I like to spend these four days in quiet contemplation, with in a bookshop in Vegas or a bar with several hundred large, HD flatscreens closer to home.  But clearly, my son, as new CEO of KUBE knows better and he needed me and after having been so unceremoniously shown the door I was anxious to be of assistance.

I carefully scheduled my flights getting up at 4:00 A.M. on Thursday so I could be in my room or the hotel bar in Managua to watch the tip off.  My travel went without serious incident  although I continue to be dumbfounded by the insistence that foreign countries have of using their native language rather than English.  I mean, seriously, these people live in our hemisphere… the least they could do is learn the language.  But I arrive in Managua and catch my shuttle to the Hotel Intercontinental.  My room is nice and as I flip through the 100 channels seeing a lot of… soccer.  I mean, it was 11:00 in the morning and there were 5 different soccer games going on.  Basketball was nowhere.

I called the front desk assuming that something could be done, but between the language barrier… and my sobbing there was no headway.  Not a problem.  I put on my big boy pants and went down to the hotel bar.  I ordered a tequila!  Why not, it was noon somewhere and I was on vacation.  But after seeing that the TV was playing the repeat of a Premier League game I entered in negotiations with the bartender who then searched… exactly the same stations I had in my room… and came up empty.

At this point, I began to suspect that there was some foul play involved.  Looking at my ticket, I noticed for the first time that my itinerary did not call for a return flight. I texted my son because the hotel had free WiFi and he suggested belatedly that the games were very exciting, it looked like there would be several upsets and that perhaps I should watch online.  I tried that for about an hour but for one reason or another, streaming was blocked on the various sites offering the service and so for the first time, ever, as an adult, I did not watch a single tip off.  I did not see a single basket.  I did not hear a show squeak!

I could hear my sons mocking laughter from 1000 miles away.  Not only had he fired me but I was being...banished!  Oh the humanity!  And what a day I missed!  The hated Buckeyes stumbling early and hard.  Harvard embarrassing Cincinnati!  The Bison of South Dakota State making sure there would be no strains of “Boomer Sooner” to be heard in the next round and missing my precious Billikens… sloppily winning an overtime contest against an N.C. State Team that evidently missed 30 Free Throws!  THIRTY!  I was able to follow it all on my phone.  No video but play, by play, score by score. This is a painful way to watch a basketball game… or more aptly to observe reporting of a basketball game.  Manhattan even gave Louisville all they could handle early.  Simply put it was a GREAT day of basketball...and I did not see a bit of it.  Now I know how the form Ukrainian President feels.

The standings had me tied for 5th with one of my brackets which is where I believe I will peak this year.  That is typical Becker performance.  Even if I win, I suspect new KUBE Management would probably insist on using the Ukranian Sanctions to Seize any winnings that might be coming my way.  One of the great things about growing the KUBE and then being banished from same is not knowing some (most) of the participants and this years contest is no different.  Who is Andres Jason?  Why did his parents give him two first names? He picked Arizona which in this topsy, turvy world might make him a genius.  If he is still leading after Friday’s games I will try and do some fact finding on who he is and who his people are.  Christopher (Cotton) Mather is in 2nd with Wichita which amazing few people picked.  Amazing because there is no evidence that they can lose and the have not lost a game in the last year.  A surprising 3rd is law school grad, chef, and film maker, the high functioning Drew Burbridge who also believes in the Shockers!

At the bottom of the standings is Shalee Strong who also lost her Champion Western Michigan.  I don’t know Shalee but suspect that she might of been the kind of women who would have shown the good judgment to date a man like me,  Mitch Margo… HE IS BACK… at the bottom of the sheet but at least he picked Michigan State and an old KUBE stalwart, Blake Warlop (Of The QUad City Wallops) is carrying on the family tradition of stinking up  the leaderboard. In the top 25 one guy picked Syracuse, One picked Kentucky and one picked Duke.  These are fabulous possible dark horses to win it all.

I did view the Left Coast KUBE Komments with some dismay.  Under old management we were not in the skin game just to promote a few more entries.  It is sad how far we have slid in such a short time.  As always, I blame Obama.  Now onto Friday’s games which I will be following until my phone charge dies.  I think Jon prepaid one night in the hotel for me so I will likely need to start sending this by “the mojo wire”.  This all is not a big deal.  I have been considering going native for a while and this seems like an opportune time to start.

BISON!

KUBEEXORTATION!

Sooooo… more on my banishment is to come but for now, for the good of the KUBE Nation… no… FOR THE GOOD OF THE NATION we need to bang the drum and bank the drum loudly.  We need to pound the record into the ground despite the lack of competent people like myself collecting money (massive skills) going to waste we need all of you to help us make this a record pot for the KUBE by getting record entries!  I am suggesting the following tactics which might or might not be ethical.

1. Get your family members signed up.  A couple of tips there too:

A. Steal your spouses credit card and use that to make your entry fees.

B. It is possible that you have children and have saved something for their

education.  One word….INVEST!  Invest in the KUBE.  it is a no brainer.

Help your kids, help themselves.

C. If you have aging parents… there is no reason to leave Social Security Money

fallow.  You owe it to them to enter them and to maximize their chances of

winning by entering them at least 5 times.

2. Sign up you co-workers.  I mean you already steal their snacks and drinks out of the

fridge.  Do entries on their behalf and tell them they need to give you their credit card

numbers or they will go to jail.

3. If you are a boss, a simple memo to all the employees saying that they are required to

do 5 entries this year.  Another option would be to forego any raises or bonuses and

use that money on their behalf to invest, yes INVEST in the KUBE!

4. See if you can get your kids girlscout cookie money.  You will be able to pay it back

right after the Championship Game.  WITH INTEREST!

5. Enter a lot of times yourself.  If you don’t have available cash you can steal a car!

These are just a few ideas for increasing KUBE participation.  If we can get in enough people early and hard I will not need to provide more ideas.  Awful ideas involving the kollektion of insurance proceeds.  You have been warned.  It could get ugly, quickly.  Now let’s go out and hit 500 entries...before the last minute crush on Thursday!

The Who Was Wrong! The Kids Are Decidedly NOT Alright: KUBE 2014

Soooo…. it is that time again.  March brings with it the promise of Spring and pitchers and catchers have reported and we are well into Spring Training and only weeks away from Opening Day!  And I don’t care because today is SELECTION SUNDAY and that means that it is KUBE time again and there is joy in every child’s heart!... accept in the houses of the elderly Mr. Becker and his younger, yet still approaching AARP card compatriot, Mr. Kukla.
We have tried to be good fathers.  God knows we have tried (our wive’s are not so sure) We have attended children’s sporting events, gone to parent teacher conferences, assisted (somewhat ineffectually) with science projects and sent our kids to reasonably decent schools.  We decided several years ago to give our children the option of entering into our little enterprise of KUBE KORP.  Formed in the late 1980’s by my partner and myself KUBE Korp has been a leader in the St. Louis sporting and entertainment business involving Boxing, Poker, Golf, Gin Rummy… the list goes on and on.  We visited with some of the areas more prominent estate planning attorneys and they suggested some estate planning tools and getting the kids slowly transitioning into the business.  This has helped significantly in that young master Kukla was able to provide some cogent kommentary and young master Becker was involved in another enterprise that had something to do with the internets (tubes and wires) and this assisted our somewhat halting transition to the internet age.
So, you can imagine how we were taken aback when in January we received our 2 weeks notice and pink slips and KOBRA notifications from KUBE.  We were summarily fired by the blood of our blood, the flesh of our flesh and shown the door unceremoniously.  Pension? “ I don’t think so”, was the response from their attorneys… that right, their attorneys.  While we considered lawyering up we realized pretty quickly that this Crimean type Koup had been Karried off with military precision.  Passwords changed, accounts changed… like we never existed. I guess this is the way it goes in the digital age.  Thanks Obama.
So, I don’t know whether these Komments will see the light of day.  I am watching Michigan (GO BLUE!) get destroyed by Michigan State as the Field of 68 Solidifies.  My precious Billikens are limping into the Tournament and Mizzou and The Fighting Illini… not so much.  Wichita State wanders in unbeaten, unbowed and relatively untested.  That should be fun to watch but also to see whether Florida is “all that” or whether Louisville and their Whore of Babylon Coach are as good as they would like to tell the world.  Don’t forget about the late Jim Boeheim who has not yet died but has coaching Syracuse brilliantly since I graduated from College and who was dominant early in the year and stands ready for this test.  Personally I am conflicted as to whether I will pick Cal Poly or North Dakota State to go to the Final Four and I pray they are not in the same regional.  Why, because I am old school and that is just the way I roll.
Enjoy this years KUBE.  With the switch to Paypal only (even though you don’t have to have a Paypal account we are going to have a lot of old people who cannot figure out how to play.  That means you're going to have to reach out.  Even with the kids running it, this is still the biggest brackets for the biggest prize in the entire free world and it is time for the KUBE nation to gather again and dominate.  The best thing any of you can do to protest the takeover is to go out and recruit 5 new participants for the KUBE.  I beg you to do this and quoting one of the pathetic characters from the awful movie “Red Dawn”....”AVENGE ME!”

Soooo... evidently our winner is a non St. Louisian!  Evidently he is, at best, a postential significant other of the daughter a Principal of the Moneta group.  Evidently.  Congratulations to Mr. Perkins.  You chose brilliantly and boxed the rest of us out before even the final tip off.  I am not sure that has happened before.  Kudos from KUBE Management.  I am not sure, we fully publicsized this in the past but you MUST of course be in attendance at the party at The Depot on Monday in order to kollekt.  I don’t know your parents Charles but KUBE takes it’s obligations to teach all kontestants important life lessons and one of those is LIFES NOT FAIR!  The good news is that if Charles cannot make the final game party that the money will not go to the other Kontestants but will instead go to the Kukla-Becker Kraps and General Gambling Slush Fund.  See the lesson above.

It looks like a Winstroer is in the money.  Obviously we are all saddened by this.  On the other hand, at least it wasn’t Steven.  He paid late and under protest and durress and only when he was informed that he was likely in the money and would be shoved out if he didn’t pay.  

Shapiro who also might be in the money and is a prenial KUBE Kontestant... also late pay.

Henry Buemer faught a game fight but with his father making him chose Missouri he was doomed not to win but when you consider his winner went out in early, this is a pretty impressive selektion.  Henry is, I believe a first grader so when Perkins is thumping his chest he should remember that he beat a 7 year old who chose Missouri to go all the way and has a crush on my 20 year old daughter.

What can you say about the games?  Wichita State really was something and the Valley (still the conference that SLU should be in) represented powerfully.  Louisville could have folded but instead they defended and won the game of attrition.  Michigan similarly won with defense rather than through offensive brilliance and the final game looks to this guy to be a low scoring, bodies crunching in the paint, battle!  I can’t wait.

The party at The Depot this year is likely to be a star studded event.  Bill Klinton and Stephen Kolbert are both staying in town at Kukla’s request (Major Political Donor) and the entire Billiken basketball team will also be there as well as Brad Pitt and the late Charlie Spoonhour.  The menu looks like:

Kukla all day smoked pulled pork on sandwich or gluten free corn tortilla!

Kukla all day smoked and falling apart ribs!

Bauman’s Chicken wings (only 20 so come early)!

Chick Fil-Et Nuggets (not gluten free) hopefully brought by Kowert.

Krave Kase of White Kastles brought by Becker the Wrecker or his brother!

Some Beer

Some Gluten Free Beer

Some Bourbon being konsumed by me in the Korner.

AND MORE!

The event should not be missed!  Kukla’s Home Address is:

1030 Barberry Ln

Saint Louis, MO 63122-5100

Kuklas Social Security Number is:

394-46-9877

Kukla’s Bank Routing Number is:

32-55690-11

Kukla’s First Pet’s Name was:

“Bonkers”

I am only giving you all this information because hacking his bank account and stealing the money by way of bank, mail and wire fraud is the only way any of you will ever share in any of the riches of KUBE.  We stack up mountains of many every year in our kontinuing skam and I would proud to be part of it, but Don never shares with his partners.  At this point I am just pleased he has not, “settled all of the families business”.

I will see you Monday.  Congratulations Perkins!  Please send us a picture of yourself laying in a pile of money for us to post on web site next year.

KUBE KLASSIK: 10 Reasons To Not Enter The KUBE!

10 Good (or at least possibly acceptable) Reasons For Not Entering The KUBE:

1. You are my son Pat (which means you go to school in Lawrence Kansas and have no idea where the Allen Fieldhouse is or what a Jayhawk is or... well you get the idea.

2. You hate America.

3. You hate yourself, AND America and your busy on Facebook messaging Manti Te’o’s girlfriend.

4. You are a life long Kentucky fan and are currently watching them play a “really tough” Robert Morris team (you are suicidal).

5. You are busy with a Mah Jong tournament at out “the club”.

6. Your ACC numbers are down (because you are old enough to know what ACC numbers are).

7. You have a brief, pleading, motion, letter, or something due somewhere to someone that you believe is more important than entering your brackets in the KUBE.

8. You feel bad seeing yourself do so much better than the Mowen family.

9. You have no friends nor hope of ever having any friends (Kowert/Winstroer).

10. Your intolerant of gluten, lactose, fructose and perhaps.... people.

It is Tuesday Night. The play in games are already occurring. We are still not at 200 entries. I believe that we are ahead of last years pace but I will not tolerate slacking. If we do not reach 500 entries this year Glen Beck has told me that the progressives will WIN, with George Soros and then Bloomberg soda guy. We cannot have that. You need to enter the KUBE now. You need to enter for your children! You need to enter for your pets. You need to have a bracket for your children's pets. GRANDCHILDREN need brackets to fund (what will then be their million dollar, yet still useless college education)!

So let's get off our butts and log on to www.kubeklassik.com and enter 5 times tonight. Do it for yourself, do it for America, do it for the kids and grandkids you are screwing by allowing your country to run up un-payable debt to pay for all your entitlements.... but do it!

KUBEKLASSIK 13: ANARCHY BABY!

Sooooo....2013...Lucky 13?  For who?

March 3.  We are in the Month... the ides... and you know what that means?

KUBEKUBEKUBEKUBEKUBEKUBEKUBEKUBEKUBEKUBEKUBEKUBEKUBEKUBEKUBE!

That is right. We are back!

You need to start thinking about your picks.  We are one week before Selektion Sunday and normally I would have entered my annual period of fasting and meditation in preparation.  In the past I have gone to an Ashram where under a vow of silence for a week I contemplate things.  Normally I contemplate the Wailing Oneness of God’s creation.  The beauty and perfection of mathematics as it relates to sports wagering.  It is a cleansing time.  Purification before the storm that inevitably arises from Selektion Sunday through the rest of the tournament. It is a ritual.  Normally I would advise everyone to find your personal safe place and get centered.  Make sure you get a great deal of sleep and please refrain from any alcohol or casual drug use doing this preparation period.

That would be normally.  But this year I have been diagnosed, just recently of various intolerance's.  To Lactose, Fructose and now... even worse... gluten.  The formal diagnosis comes next weekend, just in time for Selektion Sunday.  And this year for preparation for body and soul I have another plan.  I plan on spending a week of binging and decadence eating everything I know my body will reject.  Drinking gluten filled beer.  Eating gluten filled pasta.  Eating soft lactose filled cheeses and consuming all the processed food that I can.  I will record all of this on an APP called food diary and there is at least a reasonable chance that I will not survive but I am doing it for all of you... and for KUBE KLASSIK 2013.  For this years tournament is going to be one of...mayhem and ANARCHY!

I cannot pretend that KUBE Management was not shocked and pleased by last years pool.  409 Kontestants.  I was most pleased that my parents were both still alive to see this tremendous achievement.  Now lets focus on the big goal.  The final goal...500 Kontestants!  This is going to take a great deal of work and focused concentration.  Lets focus on our best performers:

Without Moneta Group, the KUBE is nothing.  Less than nothing.  By investing their client funds in this tremendous “investment” they always provide the bulk... the corpus if you will of the KUBE pool.  

But it is the little people that make KUBE great.  The Kontestants that trail in from Becker’s many, MANY jobs and MANY law firms.  I mean this kid has done his part.  If Becker were to put together in one firm all of hisentanglements the name of the firm would be, Shifrin, Treiman, Barken, Dempsey, Ulrich, Davis, Davis, Kasnetz, Greenberg, Barry, Helfrey,Simon, Jones, Spencer, Fane,Britt, Brown, Wagenefeld, Hepler, Broom, Waltrip AND Schmidt.  I would like to get all of those guys to play but several are dead.

Look at our other Kontributors:
1. The Kowert/Winstroer Clan
2. Servco and Greg Gates and his old girlfriend’s families and his college... :Associates”.
3. Becker the Wrecker and his Konnections
4. Former Camp Arkadia staffers... and their families.
5. Jon Becker’s limited Valpo konnections and out friends at Boomreactive.com and of   course oursister site, Bathtubtuna.com.
6. Kuklas family and high school friends especially his son Dan...the Sortswriter.
7. The Sievers and Associates clan (Saftey First!)
8. The good people of Zerman Mogerman
9. The Epic annual struggle between CBC, Vianey and the poor sister Lutheran South grads.
10. Some random Dierbergs (but we are hoping Ryan gathers some Fllridians as we have been weak in that state.  My nieces have been doing the right thing and marrying people who will be expected to carry their weight and bring in Kontestants.
11. Glendale Lutheran members and their youth and parents I have korrupted over the years.
12. Becker the Wrecker and his “people”.
13. Our friends and Korperate sponsors at Dierbergs, “Official Grocery Store” of KUBE (tm).
14. Kukla firends all over the Kountry.
15. Kukla relatives... from the extended Kukla Klan literally skattered all over the kountry; and
16. Becker friends from Dubai to Palau including the fabulous, globe trotting Todd King!

Today Valparaiso plays for Horizon League Championship after a spectacular buzzer beater last night with Wisconsin Green Bay http://espn.go.com/mens-college-basketball/team/_/id/2674/valparaiso-crusaders.  It is March madness and anything can happen BABY.

ANARCHY!

Details to follow.

ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!

Although our web master was supposed to announce it on the site there will be the regular scheduled fesitivities at Chez Kukla, the Depot, whatever you want to call it. I originally had it slated for tip off but that is not until 8:20. Doors at 7:30.

Signs Of The End Times

These are obviously painful dark days my friends and we would be foolish liars to express anything else in these hallowed pages. Up is down, bad is good, hello is goodbye. We have gone down the rabbit hole. These are days when Charles Barkley is considered a "commentator" but even the round mound of rebound is speechless at the carnage being done to Jon Becker's brackets. I was out with he and his lovely fiancee and they were already spending the money with three out of eight possible results leaving him in first. Instead, Louisville folds like a cheap deck chair and Kansas looks..."asleep"? That seems kind. The hated Ohio State is dominating like they were the team thrown together by Haskell Indian Junior College. What can you say about Ohio State other than quote our late, much revered and departed friend Hunter Thompson who pointed out..."The scum also rises." Tell it brother.

So it is second half of Kansas. Barring a miracle Jon Becker is out and KUBE is spared a scandal. The party is Monday night at tip off at Chez Kukla aka The Depot. There will be food. there will be alcohol. For now, this night is grim enough that I am afraid the vodka is coming out and Palm Sunday services are at risk. Please come to Kukla's Monday night. You have all suffered enough.

Lord knows I hate to say this but *holding my nose*...GO JAYHAWKS!

Kukla Fights Back....Alleges "Missing Post"!

KUBAGEDDON! A HUGE BASKETBALL SLAMS INTO EARTHS ATMOSHERE DESTROYING OUR BRAKKETS!

By Dan Kukla

We all do it.

The moment the first high seed falls we all proclaim our brackets to be busted. Since the vast majority of us do not run this pool and thus do not have the power to cheat our way to the top like our current leader, we spend the majority of March letting everyone else know just how much worse our picks are than theirs.

But let’s be honest. Unless you lose a finalist or multiple Final 4 teams it takes a truly disastrous first weekend to truly bust your bracket. I realize that since Mizzou just so happened to be that first big upset this year that many of you really did get knocked out on Day 2, but the general point remains.

Eventually, however, the second weekend rolls around and all hope is truly lost and that couldn’t be more true in 2012. That Ohio State!? Kansas!? Please tell me I didn’t miss the rapture because it feels a lot like the tribulation has begun. Not sure if the giant nut or the ugly made-up bird is the antichrist but I am a little shocked that the (blue) Devils and their rat mascot (or is that their coach? I can never tell) aren’t still around for all this Madness. "Woe, woe, woe to those who dwell on the earth.”

To be fair, I predicted this Armageddon in a set of Komments that were mysteriously not posted so it’s not like I didn’t see it coming. The writing was written plainly on the wall as the Marshall-less Heels struggled just to get by the lowly, scum-of-the-earth Bobcats. Their demise against a real team wasn’t exactly tough to call. Frankly I’m a little irritated that they strung me along for nearly the entire game Sunday before finally letting me know they just don’t have time to invest in a relationship.

I’m talking about basketball, I swear.

And about that mysteriously not posted set of Komments. It seems we have more than one Becker in on a conspiracy at the top. I’d move to kick them out but without Beckers the KUBE becomes The KU. A corrupt pool that combines the names of two stupid families doing stupid things is much better than a pool that combines the names of two evil, detestable and mostly annoying schools doing evil, detestable and mostly annoying things… like ruining the Final 4.

Taking A Break From Hockey....

Soooooo.... what is up with the Kukla Kid? He lives in the desert. I attach for your review a map of the Division I Ice Hockey Programs in the US. The closest is about 578 miles from where young Kukla lives. http://blogs.riverfronttimes.com/gutcheck/2010/03/fish_fry_frenzy_week_5_our_lady_of_guadalupe.php
I mean.... what is wrong with this kid? Posting about hockey suggests at best a chemical imbalance in the brain and at worst a "drug problem". Testing is in order. It is March Madness and as such.... back to basketbalL.

HATE THE JAYHAWK! DON'T HATE THE GAME!

Obviously scandal has rocked the KUBE Nation with new webmaster extraordinaire, Jon Becker, suddenly, out of nowhere taking the lead with his "Random" bracket. While I do not mean to be coarse (it is so unlike me), random my ass! The kid is a cheater from a family of cheaters and whomever put someone like Jon in charge should likely be shot...or worse. The kid is bad news and though he does not obsess over college ice hockey, this attempt at stealing the KUBE might be worse. KUBE has taken 1/2 of the prize money and hired the accounting firm of KPMG to conduct a komprehensive audit. We will get to the bottom of this.

After today's games we will know our Final Four. Right now we have Louisville, and the HATED, Ohio State University. I am going to start telling people I graduated from THE Texas Christian University and was summarily removed from THE Valparaiso University. We will see who or whom is delivered to us today to round out the Kontest. Kentucky and North Karolina remain the only two 1 seed still alive.

Now a quick review of the standings. Observations:
1. Jon Becker being in the lead makes me question the existence of a just and loving God.
2. Jay Vance? In Second? Jay has been playing the KUBE from Omaha for years but we were considering developing a "special" brakket for kids like Jay who have, through their KUBE picks shown themselves to be.... somewhat impaired.
3. We have already kommented on Max Shapiro and absent an apocalypse the kid looks done, having pick Syracuse, but he fought the good fight and he likely needs to fly to norther New York and question some registrars about how you manage to not keep one of the best athletes in the nation academically eligible. How does that happen?
4. I am very concerned about Zac Hahn. I do not know him but for lack of a better term he is currently lurking in 8th with Ohio HATED State.
5. If Baylor comes up big lookout fro Afghan Diplomacy rocketing up from 80th place.
6. No one has Louisville that I could find in a quick scan of brakkets.

I just watched Kentucky shred poor Baylor. So much for Afghan Diplomacy. lets see what the KU Game has to offer. We still hate the Jayhawks.

Kookla Takes Us To Hockey Town...Again. (Does Kukla Understand That The KUBE Is A Basketball Tournament?

With Apologies To The Seer From The Sagebrush...this was posted timely in the St. Louis Diner Review but was sloppily tagged by the editor of same. My life is an alphabet of WOE!

By Dan Kukla

Habitually heartbreaking.

That is how my friend Ian Callon described the Miami hockey team. He couldn't be more wrong.

Miami isn't just habitually heartbreaking. That doesn't even begin to describe what it is like to be a RedHawk hockey fan. Going from one of the last teams in the tournament to a two goal lead over the top seed with a minute left in the national championship to losing in overtime on a puck bouncing off your own player making the right play is not heartbreaking. Especially not when you add in the history of Miami always - and I mean always - losing to Boston College in previous tournaments and the losing to another Boston team soon after the Eagles' elimination.

Cruel. Unusual. Punishment. Those are the words that come to my mind, at least, and those same word came flooding back in Friday night.

I could have dealt with a 3-0 blow out loss. Not at all what I hoped for or expected from my heavily favored 'Hawks, but when you get out played you curse and you move on. At its worst, that is heartbreaking.

But no, Miami staged an epic comeback with three goals in the third (and final, for all you hockey illiterates out there) period, starting with two goals in a 14-second span. That's the team's largest comeback since 2002 and quickest pair of goals since 2005 when it scored the infamous 2-in-22 to beat Western Michigan - promtly sending me onto the back of my friend Dave D'Amore.

With all the momentum, Miami then went on a five-minute power play (opponent is penalized and plays with one less skater - usually for two minutes) to end regulation. The quality scoring chances were too many to count. The power play carried over into overtime. Still no goal.

Then the puck rolls over our goalie's arm on what felt like UMass-Lowell's first rush on net since the second period. Not quite a deflection over his shoulder, but darn close enough. You can't make this stuff up and I wish God would stop making this stuff up.

Cruel. Unusual. Punishment.

I told you the NCAA hockey tournament takes the drama of March Madness to a new extreme. This is just one of the rare occaisions I hate being right -- kind of like earlier this month when Missouri lost.

Now that was heartbreaking.

When Miami's game ended with my Tar Heels winning by just one late in the second half, a UNC loss to Miami's arch rival Ohio seemed to be a lock. On a half-court hail Mary, sure, why not. They survived but watching a tournament favorite squeak by a 13 seeded mid major is hardly a pick-me-up, especially when an Axis of Evil looms in the Elite 8 ready to dismantle the Marshall-less Heels.

One of my favoirte writers, ESPN's Bill Simmons, once wrote a column called "Levels of Losing" in which he quantifies sports pain (http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/020528). I'm sure he would argue this but for me the 2009 NCAA Hockey National Championship was "That Game", Simmons' highest level of losing that "actually combines The Guillotine and The Stomach Punch" (for him, a die hard Boston fan, he uses Game 6 of the 1986 World Series -- i.e. Bill Buckner). Friday's loss wasn't that high on this scale but it came in as a solid "Stomach Punch," just one level behind. Here's his explination of what I am feeling.

"Now we've moved into rarefied territory, any roller-coaster game that ends with A) an opponent making a pivotal (sometimes improbable) play, or B) one of your guys failing in the clutch ... usually ends with fans filing out after the game in stunned disbelief, if they can even move at all ... always haunting, sometimes scarring ..."

Because I wasn't at the game and because it was only the first round, I am able to take this one in stride. I wasn't so fortunate in 2009 when I literally did not move for an entire 45-minute tram ride back to the house we were staying at in DC.

For the neutral fan, this is why I so adamantly endorsed the hockey version of March Madness, which can still be seen on ESPNU Saturday and Sunday. For me, however, I will not be emotionally stable enough to watch any more college hockey this weekend (although I hope to recover by the Frozen 4) so it's back to basketball -- where I will most likely receive the "Level VI: Full-Fledged Butt-Kicking" against Kansas.

Kommentary: THE ROAD TO PITTSBURGH!

By Dan Kukla... back from wandering the desert and ready to watch the Tar Heels stomp the hated Bobcats
Upsets. Drama. Teams from the middle of nowhere.
This is why we love March. This is why we love the NCAA Hockey tournament.
Yup, hockey.
It’s March Madness… on steroids… on ice. It’s everything you enjoy about the basketball tournament plus huge hit after huge hit… minus a few teeth.
The upsets are more shocking and frequent. The weird names are even harder to pronounce. The random-school Cinderellas are more obscure. The hated teams are eviler and the tournament darlings are more adorable.
Most importantly, it starts Friday... as in tomorrow. Set your DVR’s now because basketball can wait. You NEED to watch this. You need it like Prince Fielder needs cheeseburgers.
You give me 15 seeds Norfolk State and Lehigh in the Round of 32 with upsets over 2s Mizzou and Duke? I raise you No. 15 Bemidji State (told you they were obscure… and to think it was originally founded under the name Bemidji State “Normal School”… you can’t make this stuff up) in the Frozen Four and No. 14 Miami (OH) in the championship, seconds away from its first national title. Down in their wake? Top seeds Notre Dame (2 overall) and Denver (3 overall) with No. 1 Boston U on the ropes needing two goals in the final minute of regulation just to force overtime.
You think Duke, Ohio State and Kansas are evil? How about the BU Terriers, who after completing that devastating comeback in 2009 then admitted to drawing their inspiration from Spanish Conquistadors that burned their boats during invasions to eliminate retreat as an option for their pawn soldiers.
And that darling Cinderella caught in the flames? Well the RedHawks just valued being a family called “The Brotherhood” that draws its inspiration from loyalty and sacrifice.
As for those weird names, you say Ali Farokhmanesh, sure, but I know you can’t say Scott Czarnowczan.
This year three of the four 1 seeds are of the evil variety (Boston College, Michigan and North Dakota) while the rest of the field is just dripping with darlings ready to knock them off (except for BU, checking in as a 3 and just as evil as ever).
The fourth 1 (3 overall) is Union, making only its second tournament appearance in school history. Same goes for No. 6 Ferris State. No. 14 Western Michigan makes only its fifth tourney appearance after dwelling in the CCHA (hockey equivalent of basketball’s Big 10) basement for the past decade. The UMass Lowell River Hawks earned their fourth ever bid and will face the aforementioned RedHawks (No. 5) in a first-round battle of fictional birds of prey.
All Round 1-2 games can be seen on ESPNU Friday-Sunday. Whether you get caught in the real March Madness hook, line and sinker like me or just watch it during basketball commercial breaks, do yourself a huge favor and make sure to check it out. It would be Madness not to.