Signs Of The End Times

These are obviously painful dark days my friends and we would be foolish liars to express anything else in these hallowed pages. Up is down, bad is good, hello is goodbye. We have gone down the rabbit hole. These are days when Charles Barkley is considered a "commentator" but even the round mound of rebound is speechless at the carnage being done to Jon Becker's brackets. I was out with he and his lovely fiancee and they were already spending the money with three out of eight possible results leaving him in first. Instead, Louisville folds like a cheap deck chair and Kansas looks..."asleep"? That seems kind. The hated Ohio State is dominating like they were the team thrown together by Haskell Indian Junior College. What can you say about Ohio State other than quote our late, much revered and departed friend Hunter Thompson who pointed out..."The scum also rises." Tell it brother.

So it is second half of Kansas. Barring a miracle Jon Becker is out and KUBE is spared a scandal. The party is Monday night at tip off at Chez Kukla aka The Depot. There will be food. there will be alcohol. For now, this night is grim enough that I am afraid the vodka is coming out and Palm Sunday services are at risk. Please come to Kukla's Monday night. You have all suffered enough.

Lord knows I hate to say this but *holding my nose*...GO JAYHAWKS!

Kukla Fights Back....Alleges "Missing Post"!

KUBAGEDDON! A HUGE BASKETBALL SLAMS INTO EARTHS ATMOSHERE DESTROYING OUR BRAKKETS!

By Dan Kukla

We all do it.

The moment the first high seed falls we all proclaim our brackets to be busted. Since the vast majority of us do not run this pool and thus do not have the power to cheat our way to the top like our current leader, we spend the majority of March letting everyone else know just how much worse our picks are than theirs.

But let’s be honest. Unless you lose a finalist or multiple Final 4 teams it takes a truly disastrous first weekend to truly bust your bracket. I realize that since Mizzou just so happened to be that first big upset this year that many of you really did get knocked out on Day 2, but the general point remains.

Eventually, however, the second weekend rolls around and all hope is truly lost and that couldn’t be more true in 2012. That Ohio State!? Kansas!? Please tell me I didn’t miss the rapture because it feels a lot like the tribulation has begun. Not sure if the giant nut or the ugly made-up bird is the antichrist but I am a little shocked that the (blue) Devils and their rat mascot (or is that their coach? I can never tell) aren’t still around for all this Madness. "Woe, woe, woe to those who dwell on the earth.”

To be fair, I predicted this Armageddon in a set of Komments that were mysteriously not posted so it’s not like I didn’t see it coming. The writing was written plainly on the wall as the Marshall-less Heels struggled just to get by the lowly, scum-of-the-earth Bobcats. Their demise against a real team wasn’t exactly tough to call. Frankly I’m a little irritated that they strung me along for nearly the entire game Sunday before finally letting me know they just don’t have time to invest in a relationship.

I’m talking about basketball, I swear.

And about that mysteriously not posted set of Komments. It seems we have more than one Becker in on a conspiracy at the top. I’d move to kick them out but without Beckers the KUBE becomes The KU. A corrupt pool that combines the names of two stupid families doing stupid things is much better than a pool that combines the names of two evil, detestable and mostly annoying schools doing evil, detestable and mostly annoying things… like ruining the Final 4.

Taking A Break From Hockey....

Soooooo.... what is up with the Kukla Kid? He lives in the desert. I attach for your review a map of the Division I Ice Hockey Programs in the US. The closest is about 578 miles from where young Kukla lives. http://blogs.riverfronttimes.com/gutcheck/2010/03/fish_fry_frenzy_week_5_our_lady_of_guadalupe.php
I mean.... what is wrong with this kid? Posting about hockey suggests at best a chemical imbalance in the brain and at worst a "drug problem". Testing is in order. It is March Madness and as such.... back to basketbalL.

HATE THE JAYHAWK! DON'T HATE THE GAME!

Obviously scandal has rocked the KUBE Nation with new webmaster extraordinaire, Jon Becker, suddenly, out of nowhere taking the lead with his "Random" bracket. While I do not mean to be coarse (it is so unlike me), random my ass! The kid is a cheater from a family of cheaters and whomever put someone like Jon in charge should likely be shot...or worse. The kid is bad news and though he does not obsess over college ice hockey, this attempt at stealing the KUBE might be worse. KUBE has taken 1/2 of the prize money and hired the accounting firm of KPMG to conduct a komprehensive audit. We will get to the bottom of this.

After today's games we will know our Final Four. Right now we have Louisville, and the HATED, Ohio State University. I am going to start telling people I graduated from THE Texas Christian University and was summarily removed from THE Valparaiso University. We will see who or whom is delivered to us today to round out the Kontest. Kentucky and North Karolina remain the only two 1 seed still alive.

Now a quick review of the standings. Observations:
1. Jon Becker being in the lead makes me question the existence of a just and loving God.
2. Jay Vance? In Second? Jay has been playing the KUBE from Omaha for years but we were considering developing a "special" brakket for kids like Jay who have, through their KUBE picks shown themselves to be.... somewhat impaired.
3. We have already kommented on Max Shapiro and absent an apocalypse the kid looks done, having pick Syracuse, but he fought the good fight and he likely needs to fly to norther New York and question some registrars about how you manage to not keep one of the best athletes in the nation academically eligible. How does that happen?
4. I am very concerned about Zac Hahn. I do not know him but for lack of a better term he is currently lurking in 8th with Ohio HATED State.
5. If Baylor comes up big lookout fro Afghan Diplomacy rocketing up from 80th place.
6. No one has Louisville that I could find in a quick scan of brakkets.

I just watched Kentucky shred poor Baylor. So much for Afghan Diplomacy. lets see what the KU Game has to offer. We still hate the Jayhawks.

Kookla Takes Us To Hockey Town...Again. (Does Kukla Understand That The KUBE Is A Basketball Tournament?

With Apologies To The Seer From The Sagebrush...this was posted timely in the St. Louis Diner Review but was sloppily tagged by the editor of same. My life is an alphabet of WOE!

By Dan Kukla

Habitually heartbreaking.

That is how my friend Ian Callon described the Miami hockey team. He couldn't be more wrong.

Miami isn't just habitually heartbreaking. That doesn't even begin to describe what it is like to be a RedHawk hockey fan. Going from one of the last teams in the tournament to a two goal lead over the top seed with a minute left in the national championship to losing in overtime on a puck bouncing off your own player making the right play is not heartbreaking. Especially not when you add in the history of Miami always - and I mean always - losing to Boston College in previous tournaments and the losing to another Boston team soon after the Eagles' elimination.

Cruel. Unusual. Punishment. Those are the words that come to my mind, at least, and those same word came flooding back in Friday night.

I could have dealt with a 3-0 blow out loss. Not at all what I hoped for or expected from my heavily favored 'Hawks, but when you get out played you curse and you move on. At its worst, that is heartbreaking.

But no, Miami staged an epic comeback with three goals in the third (and final, for all you hockey illiterates out there) period, starting with two goals in a 14-second span. That's the team's largest comeback since 2002 and quickest pair of goals since 2005 when it scored the infamous 2-in-22 to beat Western Michigan - promtly sending me onto the back of my friend Dave D'Amore.

With all the momentum, Miami then went on a five-minute power play (opponent is penalized and plays with one less skater - usually for two minutes) to end regulation. The quality scoring chances were too many to count. The power play carried over into overtime. Still no goal.

Then the puck rolls over our goalie's arm on what felt like UMass-Lowell's first rush on net since the second period. Not quite a deflection over his shoulder, but darn close enough. You can't make this stuff up and I wish God would stop making this stuff up.

Cruel. Unusual. Punishment.

I told you the NCAA hockey tournament takes the drama of March Madness to a new extreme. This is just one of the rare occaisions I hate being right -- kind of like earlier this month when Missouri lost.

Now that was heartbreaking.

When Miami's game ended with my Tar Heels winning by just one late in the second half, a UNC loss to Miami's arch rival Ohio seemed to be a lock. On a half-court hail Mary, sure, why not. They survived but watching a tournament favorite squeak by a 13 seeded mid major is hardly a pick-me-up, especially when an Axis of Evil looms in the Elite 8 ready to dismantle the Marshall-less Heels.

One of my favoirte writers, ESPN's Bill Simmons, once wrote a column called "Levels of Losing" in which he quantifies sports pain (http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/020528). I'm sure he would argue this but for me the 2009 NCAA Hockey National Championship was "That Game", Simmons' highest level of losing that "actually combines The Guillotine and The Stomach Punch" (for him, a die hard Boston fan, he uses Game 6 of the 1986 World Series -- i.e. Bill Buckner). Friday's loss wasn't that high on this scale but it came in as a solid "Stomach Punch," just one level behind. Here's his explination of what I am feeling.

"Now we've moved into rarefied territory, any roller-coaster game that ends with A) an opponent making a pivotal (sometimes improbable) play, or B) one of your guys failing in the clutch ... usually ends with fans filing out after the game in stunned disbelief, if they can even move at all ... always haunting, sometimes scarring ..."

Because I wasn't at the game and because it was only the first round, I am able to take this one in stride. I wasn't so fortunate in 2009 when I literally did not move for an entire 45-minute tram ride back to the house we were staying at in DC.

For the neutral fan, this is why I so adamantly endorsed the hockey version of March Madness, which can still be seen on ESPNU Saturday and Sunday. For me, however, I will not be emotionally stable enough to watch any more college hockey this weekend (although I hope to recover by the Frozen 4) so it's back to basketball -- where I will most likely receive the "Level VI: Full-Fledged Butt-Kicking" against Kansas.

Kommentary: THE ROAD TO PITTSBURGH!

By Dan Kukla... back from wandering the desert and ready to watch the Tar Heels stomp the hated Bobcats
Upsets. Drama. Teams from the middle of nowhere.
This is why we love March. This is why we love the NCAA Hockey tournament.
Yup, hockey.
It’s March Madness… on steroids… on ice. It’s everything you enjoy about the basketball tournament plus huge hit after huge hit… minus a few teeth.
The upsets are more shocking and frequent. The weird names are even harder to pronounce. The random-school Cinderellas are more obscure. The hated teams are eviler and the tournament darlings are more adorable.
Most importantly, it starts Friday... as in tomorrow. Set your DVR’s now because basketball can wait. You NEED to watch this. You need it like Prince Fielder needs cheeseburgers.
You give me 15 seeds Norfolk State and Lehigh in the Round of 32 with upsets over 2s Mizzou and Duke? I raise you No. 15 Bemidji State (told you they were obscure… and to think it was originally founded under the name Bemidji State “Normal School”… you can’t make this stuff up) in the Frozen Four and No. 14 Miami (OH) in the championship, seconds away from its first national title. Down in their wake? Top seeds Notre Dame (2 overall) and Denver (3 overall) with No. 1 Boston U on the ropes needing two goals in the final minute of regulation just to force overtime.
You think Duke, Ohio State and Kansas are evil? How about the BU Terriers, who after completing that devastating comeback in 2009 then admitted to drawing their inspiration from Spanish Conquistadors that burned their boats during invasions to eliminate retreat as an option for their pawn soldiers.
And that darling Cinderella caught in the flames? Well the RedHawks just valued being a family called “The Brotherhood” that draws its inspiration from loyalty and sacrifice.
As for those weird names, you say Ali Farokhmanesh, sure, but I know you can’t say Scott Czarnowczan.
This year three of the four 1 seeds are of the evil variety (Boston College, Michigan and North Dakota) while the rest of the field is just dripping with darlings ready to knock them off (except for BU, checking in as a 3 and just as evil as ever).
The fourth 1 (3 overall) is Union, making only its second tournament appearance in school history. Same goes for No. 6 Ferris State. No. 14 Western Michigan makes only its fifth tourney appearance after dwelling in the CCHA (hockey equivalent of basketball’s Big 10) basement for the past decade. The UMass Lowell River Hawks earned their fourth ever bid and will face the aforementioned RedHawks (No. 5) in a first-round battle of fictional birds of prey.
All Round 1-2 games can be seen on ESPNU Friday-Sunday. Whether you get caught in the real March Madness hook, line and sinker like me or just watch it during basketball commercial breaks, do yourself a huge favor and make sure to check it out. It would be Madness not to.

LONG SHOT AWARD WINNER ANNOUNCED!

There has been a lot of talk about the Long Shot Award this year. Maybe too much talk. The Long Shot Award Winner for the KUBE 2012 is MAX Shaprio! We do not, however know how much he has won because (and this is a shocker) Kukla is on vacation on Arizona and the cash and Pay Pal money is mysteriously with him and he needs some time to "reconcile" the accounts. In regard to Max as i said earlier he is a long tim player of the KUBE but based on his facebook pictures KUBE will once again be in instituting random drug tests for participants. I am NOT saying that Max is doping. It would belittle the kontest to do so but as St. Ronald told us in regard to the Russians...."trust, but verify". Sage advice indeed.

I don't know where Dan Kukla's observations have been lately. There was some discussion of his donning some animal fur and grabbing some honey and wandering in the desert for a while when he heard of the North carolina injury. We need you back Dan! I can blather but people have come to expect...kontent...without typos.

I am working with KUBE Management and our Phoenix office as well as our web partner BOOMREACTIVE.com (go there now) in order to publish a dead beat list. Kukla was careful to advise that "Max has paid". That makes him different than a lot of you mokes. My plans are as follows:
1. Publish a list of late payees.
2. Call your parents (if living, use a Quija Board if not) and advise that their child is a deadbeat.
3. Go to your kids school and heckle them regarding your failure to pay.
4. Report you to the credit reporting agencies.
5. Destroy your life.
Get your money in people. No time like the present.

Congratulations MAX!

The King Of Karlsbad!

By Dan Kukla

So there’s this girl.

At work. Her desk is just two down from mine.

I can’t stop thinking about her.

Last year she picked Connecticut as her March Madness champion and won every pool she was in. A girl like that is a rare find so this year I finally worked up the courage to ask her out to the KUBE. She accepted… via facebook. Man I’m smooth.

Now she’s got Indiana all the way. I must admit holding in laughter when I saw that pick. A team that relies completely on the fickle art of three-point shooting? That can only win at home? That hasn’t made the Sweet 16 in a decade?

To win it all?

Now she’s tied for 43rd after Day 3 while my brackets are busy leading the bottom half of the pool. Who’s laughing now?

But this is why I can’t stop thinking about her. I must know her secret. How does she come up with these dark horse champions?

“I just go with my heart,” she says. Done: Homer Derby checking in at 284. That clearly can’t be the full explanation. Or maybe I just need a new heart.

When Matlin Smith told me about picking Indiana as her champion I remembered what happened last year and went back to see if I should change my thinking on the Hoosiers. I just didn’t see it. In fact, I didn’t even see them making it out of the first weekend. I loved both VCU and Wichita state as Sweet 16 picks and all “just going with my heart” aside, I legitimately thought New Mexico State would pull off the upset over Indiana anyway.

THEY DON’T WIN AWAY FROM ASSEMBLY HALL! THEY ONLY SHOOT 3’s! It screams of an obvious early exit, especially when paired with three beautiful Cinderellas.

So Matlin’s UConn pick in 2011 was discarded as fluke luck and I moved forward with my much wiser selections.

As the only KUBE entrant with Indiana on the final line and now a strong point base to build from, just an appearance in the championship (and maybe even just a Final 4 run) from the No. 4 seeded Hoosiers will put her in contention. If Indiana wins it all she is virtually guaranteed to do the same.

Let’s be clear. This is not your average girl that wins pools by selecting her favorite color schemes, mascots and shopping towns when filling out a bracket. Matlin actually watches basketball and picks teams she thinks will win.

Saturday she told me she wakes up every morning thinking about her pick Indiana. Who are they playing? Will they win? How much money will I steal from all these losers this year? (OK, I made that last one up).

While the Hoosiers were busy pulling off a Houdini act against VCU to prevent another “Shaka,” Matlin told me that she is not allowed to watch because it makes her teams lose. She finished her work and promptly rushed out of the office right after Indiana took a late lead and right before they later snatched victory from the jaws of defeat.

Really? VCU misses two free throws that would have put them up 5 with a minute left? Indiana converts a three-point play at the other end to tie and then wins after a blocked shot bounces right to an open Hoosier on the baseline – a player who then made his only shot of the second half? VCU misses an open 3 at the buzzer?

What kind of black magic is this? Matlin not only has superstitions but they actually work! Told you this lady is a rare find.

After giving this some serious thought, her success can only be attributed to one thing: her company’s superior sports department. The Current-Argus is clearly where she gets all her sports information and this has to be her edge. No else picked Indiana so she must have come up with the Hoosiers as her champion by reading a publication no one else reads – or at least respects.

As such, Matlin Smith’s entry will from now on be referred to as the Current-Argus entry. Any and all winnings will be shared accordingly.

Go Hoosiers!

I Am Really Starting To Hate This Kid

By Dan Kukla

I told you sooooooooooooooooooooooooo...

Yes, even you Becker.

We just needed one giant to fall to bust this thing wide open. Unfortunately that one happened to be our beloved Mizzou but the resulting mayhem was sure worth it.

Down goes Duke, giving us the first tournament with two 2s out in the Round of 64 (never to be referred to as the second round). Down goes Michigan, giving us the first tournament with three teams seeded 13+ with wins on the same day. Down goes all of our brackets.

Wow, Missouri really does love company (ducking to avoid projectiles being hurled at my head).

Come on. Don't let that grumpy old man running this blog fool you. Missouri's loss restored order by creating complete disorder. While there's no evidence that any one game in the tournament affects outcomes in any others, it sure did feel that way Friday. Shortly after sulking off to work following that Missour-able loss (OK, I'll stop) I was treated to leftover pizza while I clicked back and forth between a trio of upsets. Puke was busy choking hard against Le High (oh, wait, that was a college team?) while St. Louis made us all proud by knocking off Memphis. As Ohio represented my MAC well with an upset of Michigan, I just couldn't click fast enough to keep up with it all.

Ah yes, the Madeness was back. Leftover pizza and flipping through upsets of evils is what makes this time of year pure bliss. It's what I craved (dreamed is probably more accurate... considering my slumberous state) all day Thursday and Friday morning.

And wouldn't you know, my brackets actually aren't all that tarnished afterall... if you look at them from the right angle in the right lighting. My "Axis of Evil" picks are still perfect in the East region. I have only once picked a perfect region all the way to Final 4 so I can at least continue to pull for that. My coin toss still has its entire Final 4 alive and correctly picked Ohio, Lehigh and Norfolk State while shooting exactly 50% in the first round. As for my "Homer Derby" well at least I didn't yet have to scratch off SLU or New Mexico. Who knows, if the Lobos run to the Elite 8 and the Billikens knock of Izzo just maybe that will earn enough points to put me back in the mix.

If you can't get enough of this glass-half-overflowing outlook on life I encourage you once again to check out my beautiful bride's new blog: www.meg4christ33.blogspot.com. If you're one of Becker's ogre-ish types, well then maybe you need a click on that link more than anyone else.

Go Lobos! Go SLU! Down with "that" Ohio State and Kansas!

Enjoy the last two days of the first weekend. There's nothing else like it.

Well, that's just the facts.

(PS I appologize for the many errors in my last post. I suspect corruption at the top behind this as sabotage in this point/counter point format that I was completely unaware of but I'll just blame my still fragile frame of mind after a devastating loss. It's the only possible explination for why I would blindy send work into a Becker, expecting someone to be responsible at the other end).

Point/Counterpoint: Tiger Trauma

One of the advantages of having the Voice From The Kavern, The Sage of The Desert, The Teller of the Tumbleweeds and me is that in cases of drama, trauma and... for lack of a more literate or journalistic term, bad stuff you can now get two opinions. We will start off with Kukla's POINT We All Enjoy The Drama of March and are not permanently damaged by the Tiger Loss:
Post Mizzou

Ooooooooooooooooooookay, now I'm really upset.
And I also realize that me previous post today will direct all blame amongst KUBErs for the Mizzou loss squarely at me. Yup, I jinxed them. It doesn't matter if you're the sort that believes in that kind of stuff, I did. Didn't just write a column begging for more upsets but even mentioned the upcoming Mizzou game and everything.
To top it all off, I even had my only Mizzou shirt hanging in my closet, saving it for Sunday. Putting it on at the under 12 TV timeout probably just served to seal the Tigers fate.
Hopefully by now you've finished you sulking. If you are actually a Mizzou student/grad or grew up in Columbia, you are permitted to sulk for the rest of the month. But for the majority of us, your sulk time expired a quarter of the way into the SLU game.
I don't care how far you had the Tigers going in your brackets. It way too early to claim this single game cost you any amount of winnings. My homer derby bracket is pretty much torched already as expected and I am not in the least bit concerned.
I asked for some Madness, got exactly what I wanted and... let me tell you a secret... LOVED IT!
For full disclosure, yes, I was a pouty face for all of those final minutes as Mizzou imploded and NFSU hit every shot it even thought about much less took. Just ask my wife. She'll tell you what a miserable bumb I was, how I drug my feet and hung my head all the way out the door on the way to work.
But you have to admit, this is why we love March. The trill of victory AND the agony of defeat - as long as it comes packed in a wildly unexpected manner - it what makes this tournament so great. I am much more satisfied with a completely busted bracket and a historic upset at the expense of my own rooting interest than another, my goodness another freaking ho-hum blow out by a favorite.
I just couldn't take it anymore.
So here's to the start of March Madness. Even if it came a little (OK, a lot) late and even if it came crushing through our brackets and favorite team.
If you don't take kindly to my outlook, well I certainly take kindly to your feedback. Just throw it in my pile of hate mail with all the other letters addressed "Current-Argus Sports Editor." Just please be a little more creative than a parent/grandparent of a high school athlete.
And to save you some time, ink and space... yes, I'm happy.

***

COUNTERPOINT: This loss badly damaged myself, my family and an entire state:

Soooooooo...(this is different than oooooooooooookay. To quote the epic southern rock band The Drive by Truckers, "Hell no I ain't happy". That was painful loss. I watched it from my bed rather than in a bar due to a general malaise and lingering condition that seems to be some combination of the consumption and possibly syphilis.... who knows? In any case I was in a physically and mentally weak state. The prior evening I had to retire before the last game and was restlessly anticipating Fridays games with Mizzou and SLU. I picked against SLU in my brackets because I knew I would be so pleased with their victory. I picked the Tigers in every bracket because like Romney...they were...inevitable.

So I watched in disbelief as they were badly outplayed by Norfolk State and on Kyle O'Quinn (black Irish?) Frank Haith sulked around the sideline like a man lost in a dream and he had no answers for the game like he had no answer for K-State. Outplayed and put coached the number 3 ranked team in the nation went down in flames and a minor, red, flyover State went silent. I am getting too old for this. I have bitterness issues and if Kukla were here I would punch him in his little commentator nose. I believe we ALL should take him up on his offer and write letters to his editor, hate letter. really, really nasty hate letters. Does anyone write letters anymore. This Kukla kid has got to be stopped.

Letters To the Editor
Carlsbad Current-Argus
620 S. Main St.
P.O. Box 1629
Carlsbad, NM 88221-1629

Nobody likes a good loser. Especially here at KUBE. And I want to be clear, it is Dan's fault. That failure to put on his Mizzou gear until 9 minutes were left...totally unforgivable. Totally.

The Sage of The Desert

I don't like these posts. They lack typos, lack spelling errors and have content. We turn over the KUBE pages to the Voice from The Kavern, the King of Karlsbad...Dan Kukla:

By Dan Kukla
Wake me up when something happens.
I hate saying this about my favorite sporting event but Day 1 was, in a word, one big fat giant yawn. I literally fell asleep while watch games Thursday.

Now six games into Friday and Day 2 doesn’t look like it will be much better.
Where are the upsets? Where are the buzzer beaters? The comebacks, the collapses, the players with funny names and faces making shots you don’t even practice in horse?
WHERE IS THE MADNESS?

You see, I have this system. I don’t touch my brackets for an entire day once they come out. Selection Sunday is reserved for watching Dicky V scream about all the No. 1 seeds he is picking to win and Jay Billas yell about how much more terrible this year’s field is than any other. It’s for watching Bracketology and just taking it all in, getting familiar with the draw, scouting the lay of the land.

Monday is research day. What style does each team play? Who’s hot? Who’s not? Who’s just cute like an animal shelter puppy you like playing with but would never actually take home?

Then comes recycling day. I usually make three trips to the printer on Tuesday, each time picking up around eight fresh brackets to destroy. I start feeling out just how far Cinderella is willing to go.

Wednesday I panic. None of my brackets are anywhere near completion so I just fall back on the basics: pick a champion, pick a Final Four, pick 8-10 first round upsets and blindly fill in the rest while making sure Duke, Kansas and Ohio State lose as early as possible.

Did you catch that? 8-10 upsets. As in way more than two on Day 1 and way more than three by 4:30 p.m. EST on Day 2.
We can’t even get cheap 9 over 8 upsets this year. And it’s not like VCU, Colorado and NC State were really upsets at all. I never saw any lines but it would not surprise me one bit if all three of our so-called Cinderellas were actually favorites.
It would be at least tolerable if we could get some good games but no, just blow out after blow out. Watching Syracuse, Jim Boeheim and his way-too-young-for-him wife sweat it out against UNC Ashville was fun. The Lobos tried their hardest to lose early again. Colorado remembered it now plays in the Pac-12 just a little too late and Cincinnati almost went back to putting the UC in suck after messing with Texas. But those results are usually our average to boring games at this point, not the best.
Right now the Bonnies have a five-point second half lead over Florida State. I’m willing to sacrifice one of my Final 4 teams for a true upset and hopefully a kick start to the tournament as a whole. UNC and Mizzou are both nearing tip time though so maybe I should be careful what I wish for.

I don’t care if my selection system is more flawed then the teams I end up picking. For me all that over analyzing is what makes the week fun. Then the games start and finding out that I picked all the wrong upsets is what makes the tournament fun. Why? Because that means there are upsets. All these chalky blow outs just ruins everything.

I’ll stay awake for this next set of games while two of my rooting interests compete but then it’s back to sleep. Well, actually work. Then sleep. Then then the NCAA Hockey tournament next week for some real March Madness.

Please let me be watching actual sports this Sunday instead of another selection show. I’m sounding the alarm on this tournament. Lehigh, Detroit, Ohio (yes, Miami’s arch rival Ohio; that is how desperate things are)… heck even you too St. Louis as a 9… I’m looking at you to open the blinds, tear off the covers and get this March moving.
Don’t let Duke, Kansas and Michigan hit the snooze.

Brakket Knotes Friday Morning Edition!

Looking at the KUBE Stats this desolate but balmy Friday morning in the Lou, one is filled with a sense of awe (in my case aw shit). My best bracket is currently tied for 123rd and my worst weighs in at 399...barely on the board at all. Every year at this time I kick myself for not having advertised an option to have yourself removed from the kontestant list for an additional 10 bucks. In my case, right now, money well spent.

As the KUBE has grown to it’s kurrent unsustainable size we have ended up with people KUBE management is either totally unfamiliar with or because of alzheimers, booze and drugs we have forgotten who (or whom) they are. Such is the case with our initial standings (after one day). Brooke Sanders or Sanders Brooke as we know her is in the lead tied with Kristopher (with a k, perfect) Eubanks. If you are in the lead after Friday please submit full biographical sketch and advise as to how you entered the KUBE, divined your picks and... tell us if you were a tree, what kind of tree you would be.

The first familiar name to this writer is Andi Emke in at 6. For some reason she did NOT pick Missouri to win it all. Wait till I tell her father of this betrayal. Jane Heine (the brains behind a couple of guys at Moneta) along with Tom (the old one) O Meara represent for our favorite planning empire. For all I know there are several more on the list but since the restraining order Don got against me I am not longer allowed within 500 yards of the building. Awkward. A lot of people question exactly why that happened but there was an incident on Don’s balcony with... well let’s just...mistakes were made.

Celebrity Catholic and sometimes Presidential Candidate Rick Santorum came in at 31. Good job Ricky!

Henry the Cat in at 22.

The formerly big deal “Blue Horshoe” only entered once this year and is currently punished at 105th place.

The Kissam Family... perenial contenders are well represented in the top 100. Not so much for Papa Luke...limping in at 137.

Kube Kommentator extraordinaire...Dan Kukla komes in at 175 on day one proving that there is not always a lot to be said for a prophet in the desert.

Afghani Diplomaci at 234 (yes that will work out)

In the cat fight of the century the KUBE wives are going head to head for the first time with Sandy Becker tied at 245 and Maria...stomping her currently at 65th place.

Former Champ Adam Reed at 73. Long way home from there.

In a surprise from the grave the late Lowell George of the Band Little Feat is at 253!

And finally...tied for last...Winstroer (the family that coined the phrases “I don’t mid if I do” and the klassik, “Sure I will have another” and Laura (yes I married poorly and yes DON IS OUT OF TOWN AGAIN!) Hessel.

This is quite a group and it was a heck of a first day with top seeds holding up in 14 of the 16 games. More today. If there is anyone you would like us to pick on...please advise by emailing wantobecker@mac.com.

Soooooo.....

The blood was in the water and in one of the worst NCAA finals ever... the Butler Bulldogs brought...nothing. And Konnectikut played just well enough to win. On the other hand... Adam Reed is the winner of the 2011 KUBE and from KUBE management and the KUBE nation (other than Rob Kukla), Kongratulations. Right now, other that thinking of Butlers shooting %...I really got nothing else. God Bless the Bulldogs and their fans. It is a great story. Tomorrow people will be talking on FOX News about how their coach...just cant seem to win the big one. Screw em. Great story, great team...really bad game.

KUBE FIANLE!

Sooooo.... The Donald and Mrs. The Donald have promised an opulent spread tomorrow for the annual KUBE Bankwet. Last year we had over 200 Kontestants at Chez Kukla and the merriment was a palpable, tangible thing. It really was. People are still talking about DavidKowert and Johnny (Chico) Winstroer leg wrestling on the foosball table in the basement of the Kukla depot. Tonight we did a dry run of the buffet, making sure it laid out the way we wanted. It is pictured above. the best chefs were flown in from Europe and Togo and tomorrow evening should be a bacchanalia of truly epik proportions. Here is a short lift of just some of the items on the Buffet being prepared by The Mrs. Donald:
Steamship Roast Beef
Standing Rib Road
Prime Rib
Rump Roast
Chuck Roast
Filet Mignon
Strip Steaks
Skirt Steak
Flank Steak
Pot Roast
Hambugers
Beef Pot Pies
Beef Stew
AND LOBSTER!
And potato chips!
It should be a hoot.
If Konnektikut wins than we have a tie between Abam Reed and Rob (the bod) Kukla which will go to a tie breaker. It does not matter whether you are over or under on your final point total. Closest wins. If Butler wins...than Rob Kukla takes it all. If you are Kurious, Rob is the Donalds older, better looking brother. Adam Reed our other potential winner is a former member of Glendale Lutheran Church, Mizzou graduate and he married a woman much better looking than he is. Some other people are also in the hunt for 2nd and 3rd but no one cares about losers in the KUBE. No matter who finishes first they will have 250 more points than Michalak, Hunter. Good job there. I think four different people had Konnentikut winning it all but Adam Reed is the leader and his 92 point jump will vault him to first. Everyone else is...maxxed out.

Soooooo....Chez Kukla...The Depot! Tomorrow night. 7:30.

I will do my best to make even Stupider than in the past.

BUTLER Bulldogs: Greatest Tournament Ever

Adam Reed or a Kukla relative. The best NCAA Tournament ever and perhaps the worst possible KUBE Klassik result. Very sad for my boy, the Mango Squash and all my friends who are UK supporters. Very happy for the Butler Bulldogs. The Horizon League... Triumphant! That is all for tonight.

Everyone should make plans to go to the depot on Monday night for the finals. Kukla has promised quite a spread.

KUBE KNOTES: Final Four MAYHEM!

Holy &*%$#%%@!*&% Batman! What a tournament! What a Final Four.

Kentucky (Blue Blood) They have not been here since Tubby Smith was coaching.
Connecticut (Blue Blood)
Butler (Up and Coming) Back to back appearances. Really?
VCU (Upstarts)

What a great group we have here and most importantly, no matter what we have a mid-major in the finals, NO MATTER WHAT! How is awesome is that? Butler, the pride of the much vaunted "Horizon League". Do you not think that there was a bunch of Marketing Geniuses in Indianapolis who met in 2006 and said "Midwestern City Conference" is no good...lets spiff it up and call it something cool...THE HORIZON LEAGUE! Brilliant. Anyway, Butler has totally kicked ass and has actually looked like the best team in most of the games. VCU on the other hand is from that perennial backetball powerhouse conference...The Colonial Athletic Conference. While Butler may have the class of a Valparaiso the Colonial (Formerly ECAC South) has Towson State! Awesome.

OK...we get 4 inches of snow on Saturday and i walk in to my little office building and seeing this.



I think that is really messed up. Anyway, KUKLA will be posting the final combinations later this evening. Some great people made it and exited from the top 10. It will be interesting to see who divined the this unlikeliest of kombinations. This has really been a party.

KUBE KARNAGE! The Elite 8: Tearing Up The Floor!

Soooooo...BEST TOURNAMENT EVER?!?!? That would be my opinion. My brackets...SLAUGHTERED like the OU Buck Eyes! Now that both OU and Notre Dame are out of the tournament I can rest easy but lets look at who is left.

Kansas (The only 1 seed remaining in the ELITE 8. Has that EVER happened before?)
Butler (Cinderella trying to come back to the ball after midnight. This is what makes the tournament so awesome.)
Kentucky (Perennial kontender who did the dirty on the hated Ohio State. Go Cats!)
Arizona (Ridded tournament of hated and smug Dukies. Kudos to these Kats as well.)
UNC (Bitch slapped Marquette.)
U-Conn (The real Beast of the East) and the last of the 11 unjustifiable Big East selections).
Florida (Got rid of the Jimmer.)
VCU (Can an Elite 8 have a VCU AND a Butler? Apparently so.)

I am cheering for a final 4 of Kentucky, Butler, VCU and U-Conn. Because it will make me smile. So much for my early, genius wisdom that KU, Duke and OU were so far and away the class that the only question was who would be playing for a 4th spot. It is March and the Madness (unlike the Spring) is in the air. Today and Sunday should be fun and may the lowest seeded teams WIN!

Apologies from KUBE Management regarding the lack of updated standings. This writer is as anxious as anyone to see where the fruit basket upset of this tournament has left us. A lot of KU fans should be feeling pretty smucg about themselves right now. Kukla is surprisingly out of town again this weekend. When questioned he claimed he and his lovely bride were taking their son to a Quidditch tournament in Louisville (pronounced loo-uh-vull). Apparently their son Brian is a very talented "Seeker" and is expected to get a full ride to Hogwarts. The eyes of the Kube knation await for the retun of our beloved leader and to see....WHO IS ON TOP!

Keep it stoopid today Kubists.

KUBER Fredette

Sooooo....Kukla has renamed his youngest child Jimmer. Against the child's will by the way and his girl friend is aghast. Jimmer Kukla will be finishing up at Kirkwood this year and then likely proceeding on directly to the NBA. It might seem a little over the top to you and I but Don has been mightily impressed by Jimmer's efforts on behalf of BYU. Dons recent conversion to the Mormon faith came as a slight surprise to his wife Maria and broke his poor mother Pat's heart. None of his siblings were surprised. When i asked his sister Lenore she said, :he was always odd".

It is a good noight for Basketball. BYU and Florida are duking it out and UConn and SDSU were going back and forth with Kemba Walker starting to light it up as UConn pulls away. The late games are still to come. It seems that these "name" players always step up up in the tournament. Jimmer and Kemba. Now will a whole raft of children be named that in 2011? Will this be a national tragedy? It should be.

Later tonight Butler and Wisconsin. I have Wisconsin in the Final Four. I have mild hopes that Butler will be sanctioned immediately for violating child labor laws with their coach. Absent that, they appear to be the team of destiny and perhaps on a rocket sled for another Final Four experience. It will do further Karnage to my brackets but at this point, who can care? Jimmer just drained one from about 62 feet away. "Eye of the tiger, eh rock?"

We will see what the standings are tomorrow and how the Kube comes...down to the wire. it is the most wonderful time of the year.

KUBE Konquers ALL!

Sooooo...we have been absent from these pages. When Kukla loses town I lose my muse and my inspiration. Kukla left us on Sunday so he could fly to Switzerland and ski for a few days. For some reason which remains unknown to me, he has access to the KUBE Jet while I am still left to bum rides to Hannibal on Claire Mc Caskills plane. Oh, the injustice of it all. Well, it is Thursday and for all of you who followers of the newest, pathetic, gone in 60 seconds (or less) pop star Rebecca Black, Thursday is the day before Friday. Her video has over 42 million hits. The KUBE site gets more hits than that. The Moneta site...not so much. If you have any desire to weep for the future of music and perhaps your own children, check out the link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CD2LRROpph0

Makes me queasy.

But back to the KUBE Knation. It looks like Mango Squash and Linda Finnerty split the longshot award. Kukla has insisted that he has to be back in town to konfirm it on the Kube Kray Superkomputer but when i really quizzed him on how this unlikely duo kould be tied under the arkane rules of these brakkets he said..."uh...I am pretty sure." This is the same confidence he had when he told me to short oil future two months ago so I feel pretty good about it. Mangosquash has Washington but he swears he will not go quietly into the night as he has lots of people going forward to the sweet 16 which BEGINS TODAY! Finnerty looks strong with the hated Dukies winning it all. Carolyn Hiumes total possible points indicate that she might have some good long shots alive in her brackets though so it should very interesting. Our top four all have a different champion and we have John Steffens lurking down around 9th with North Carolina. Drew Burbridge who is in remedial classes at SLU Law is sitting at 36 with San Diego State winning it all poised to "SHOCK THE WORLD!"

The real battle is at the bottom of the bracket where Sheri Folis and Hunter Michelak are duking it out. Shari totally killed him on Sunday and moved ahead of him by one point. She has a lot more potential points so she might be hard to catch. GOOD LUCK HUNTER! Also, towards the bottom at 310 is Rex Curtis and seeing his name in these lowly straights reminded me of the glory years of KUBE pet kompetition. Rex was an early adopter of the KUBE and we are sorry to see has fallen on hard times.

My brakkets are now being used to wrap fish but that will not keep me from the action this weekend as the second greatest four days in sports commences this evening. As of Sunday, we will know who our final four is and hopefully Kukla can whip up some magik and get us all possible combinations and winners.

I will be cheering for Butler and against Ohio State, Duke and Kansas. Butler's 13 year old coach is going to have some problems if the final four conflicts with his high school prom.

KUBE KARNAGE AND KOMMENTS

Sooooo... their comes a Friday afternoon when you are sober and you still have write the KUBE Komments. Boy do I hate that. A couple of things deserve immediate komment. First of all, the pic above is of Don Kukla, who even from his hospital bed at Barnes where he is recovering from the vehicle fire reported yesterday managed to post first day stats! It is that kind of devotion that allows us to pay $10.00 a bracket, for which he takes a meager $8.63 for KUBE Kosts and Sundries. You pay a lot for diligence folks but it is worth it. Without Kukla, painfully manipulating his laptop we would not know that:

1. We have 326 participants! A Knew KUBE rekord! If you do your math with 328 partiicpantsx$10.00 an entry that means that... according to my math we have almost 2100 in pool money and after Don's cut there should be almost 400 left for prize money. Again...great job!
2. We would not have the TOTALLY useless "Initial Projected Standings" which tell us nothing accept that Logan A. picked enough long shots that he should be drug tested.
3. The "projected stats" are also only useful in figuring out that A. Logan picked so many long shots that we do not even need to have him drug tested...because we KNOW he is on drugs.
4. Tyler Warlop (of the Quad City Warlops) is our current leader and out of the box very strong. Additionally my sister Lenore Becker (we call her coin flip) is number 3 with John Steffens at number 2.
5. Drew (the high functioning mentally retarded law student) Burbridge is the most intriguing of our early leaders with San Diego State winning it all. I am hopeful for him because Drew has over 2 million dollars in Grade School, High School, Trade School (he thought he wanted to be a dog groomer, then a massage therapist), College and Law School debt. Good luck Drew!
6. Luke Kissam is number 326 and his family is considering "pulling the plug". Occasionally we lose a kontestant.

It has been a very exciting tournament. And todays games have stayed a little kloser to form. Michigan humiliating Tennessee was the only thing that further prompted ideations of suicide. Arizona squeaked by in their game which was exciting and only marginally distracted me while on a conference call with a klients board of direktors. Right now Ohio State is performing a slow motion execution on Texas San Antonio and I am kontemplating a fish fry to go to.If Texas A&M loses to Florida, my sobbing might be heard as far away as Maplewood. We will see what transpires later this evening and if I am still sober. It could be a hoot.

In the mean time, maintain your personal stoopidity levels and enjoy the night and the weekends games. It is the best time of the year and you are participating in one of the finest, oldest March Madness Traditions in the kountry. God Bless Us Everyone.

KUBE KARNAGE!

Soooo.... this is like... a nightmare. It is 5:45 CST and as near as I can figure out I am at best 4/7 and at worst 4/8... on my best brackets. I jut got off the phone and was informed that one of my sons brackets... where he just copied the picks of one Barrack HUSSEIN Obama were 7/8. How does this make me feel? Butler won. I love them but I split my picks. I love the Richmond Spiders but I was "smart" and went for Vandy. What is the matter with me? Why is God angry with me? I have no answers for these or any other questions. People kept tweeting and texting and emailing me...mocking me! I need people to make fun of me? Louisville loses to Moorhead State? Really? How much does Rick Pitino suck? How could that happen. He has 12 stallions who are 6'9" running the court and he gets beaten by Moorhead State. It was a great game. It was great too seeing Kentucky be pressed by Princeton. I in my Yoda like wisdom said that Duke, Kansas and Ohio State were far above anything else in the field and that anyone could win. But did I listen to me?

NO!

So tonight....Mizzou...if I can stay awake. BYU and Jimmer Fredette? If I had another child I would definitely name him Jimmer. Who is with me?

Kukla I discovered, had flown his wife and daughter back from Mexico (drug mules) and surprisingly his car burst into flames on highway 270. I think we need a serious pause before we pay him for ANY brackets... especially mine. The picture above is an actual picture of the Kukla car in flames. If any of you saw the movie Casino... you know how this happens.

More later...perhaps...unless I fall asleep or pass away from simple depression over my poor picks. Can people die from that?