KUBE KNOTES: Final Four MAYHEM!

Holy &*%$#%%@!*&% Batman! What a tournament! What a Final Four.

Kentucky (Blue Blood) They have not been here since Tubby Smith was coaching.
Connecticut (Blue Blood)
Butler (Up and Coming) Back to back appearances. Really?
VCU (Upstarts)

What a great group we have here and most importantly, no matter what we have a mid-major in the finals, NO MATTER WHAT! How is awesome is that? Butler, the pride of the much vaunted "Horizon League". Do you not think that there was a bunch of Marketing Geniuses in Indianapolis who met in 2006 and said "Midwestern City Conference" is no good...lets spiff it up and call it something cool...THE HORIZON LEAGUE! Brilliant. Anyway, Butler has totally kicked ass and has actually looked like the best team in most of the games. VCU on the other hand is from that perennial backetball powerhouse conference...The Colonial Athletic Conference. While Butler may have the class of a Valparaiso the Colonial (Formerly ECAC South) has Towson State! Awesome.

OK...we get 4 inches of snow on Saturday and i walk in to my little office building and seeing this.



I think that is really messed up. Anyway, KUKLA will be posting the final combinations later this evening. Some great people made it and exited from the top 10. It will be interesting to see who divined the this unlikeliest of kombinations. This has really been a party.

KUBE KARNAGE! The Elite 8: Tearing Up The Floor!

Soooooo...BEST TOURNAMENT EVER?!?!? That would be my opinion. My brackets...SLAUGHTERED like the OU Buck Eyes! Now that both OU and Notre Dame are out of the tournament I can rest easy but lets look at who is left.

Kansas (The only 1 seed remaining in the ELITE 8. Has that EVER happened before?)
Butler (Cinderella trying to come back to the ball after midnight. This is what makes the tournament so awesome.)
Kentucky (Perennial kontender who did the dirty on the hated Ohio State. Go Cats!)
Arizona (Ridded tournament of hated and smug Dukies. Kudos to these Kats as well.)
UNC (Bitch slapped Marquette.)
U-Conn (The real Beast of the East) and the last of the 11 unjustifiable Big East selections).
Florida (Got rid of the Jimmer.)
VCU (Can an Elite 8 have a VCU AND a Butler? Apparently so.)

I am cheering for a final 4 of Kentucky, Butler, VCU and U-Conn. Because it will make me smile. So much for my early, genius wisdom that KU, Duke and OU were so far and away the class that the only question was who would be playing for a 4th spot. It is March and the Madness (unlike the Spring) is in the air. Today and Sunday should be fun and may the lowest seeded teams WIN!

Apologies from KUBE Management regarding the lack of updated standings. This writer is as anxious as anyone to see where the fruit basket upset of this tournament has left us. A lot of KU fans should be feeling pretty smucg about themselves right now. Kukla is surprisingly out of town again this weekend. When questioned he claimed he and his lovely bride were taking their son to a Quidditch tournament in Louisville (pronounced loo-uh-vull). Apparently their son Brian is a very talented "Seeker" and is expected to get a full ride to Hogwarts. The eyes of the Kube knation await for the retun of our beloved leader and to see....WHO IS ON TOP!

Keep it stoopid today Kubists.

KUBER Fredette

Sooooo....Kukla has renamed his youngest child Jimmer. Against the child's will by the way and his girl friend is aghast. Jimmer Kukla will be finishing up at Kirkwood this year and then likely proceeding on directly to the NBA. It might seem a little over the top to you and I but Don has been mightily impressed by Jimmer's efforts on behalf of BYU. Dons recent conversion to the Mormon faith came as a slight surprise to his wife Maria and broke his poor mother Pat's heart. None of his siblings were surprised. When i asked his sister Lenore she said, :he was always odd".

It is a good noight for Basketball. BYU and Florida are duking it out and UConn and SDSU were going back and forth with Kemba Walker starting to light it up as UConn pulls away. The late games are still to come. It seems that these "name" players always step up up in the tournament. Jimmer and Kemba. Now will a whole raft of children be named that in 2011? Will this be a national tragedy? It should be.

Later tonight Butler and Wisconsin. I have Wisconsin in the Final Four. I have mild hopes that Butler will be sanctioned immediately for violating child labor laws with their coach. Absent that, they appear to be the team of destiny and perhaps on a rocket sled for another Final Four experience. It will do further Karnage to my brackets but at this point, who can care? Jimmer just drained one from about 62 feet away. "Eye of the tiger, eh rock?"

We will see what the standings are tomorrow and how the Kube comes...down to the wire. it is the most wonderful time of the year.

KUBE Konquers ALL!

Sooooo...we have been absent from these pages. When Kukla loses town I lose my muse and my inspiration. Kukla left us on Sunday so he could fly to Switzerland and ski for a few days. For some reason which remains unknown to me, he has access to the KUBE Jet while I am still left to bum rides to Hannibal on Claire Mc Caskills plane. Oh, the injustice of it all. Well, it is Thursday and for all of you who followers of the newest, pathetic, gone in 60 seconds (or less) pop star Rebecca Black, Thursday is the day before Friday. Her video has over 42 million hits. The KUBE site gets more hits than that. The Moneta site...not so much. If you have any desire to weep for the future of music and perhaps your own children, check out the link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CD2LRROpph0

Makes me queasy.

But back to the KUBE Knation. It looks like Mango Squash and Linda Finnerty split the longshot award. Kukla has insisted that he has to be back in town to konfirm it on the Kube Kray Superkomputer but when i really quizzed him on how this unlikely duo kould be tied under the arkane rules of these brakkets he said..."uh...I am pretty sure." This is the same confidence he had when he told me to short oil future two months ago so I feel pretty good about it. Mangosquash has Washington but he swears he will not go quietly into the night as he has lots of people going forward to the sweet 16 which BEGINS TODAY! Finnerty looks strong with the hated Dukies winning it all. Carolyn Hiumes total possible points indicate that she might have some good long shots alive in her brackets though so it should very interesting. Our top four all have a different champion and we have John Steffens lurking down around 9th with North Carolina. Drew Burbridge who is in remedial classes at SLU Law is sitting at 36 with San Diego State winning it all poised to "SHOCK THE WORLD!"

The real battle is at the bottom of the bracket where Sheri Folis and Hunter Michelak are duking it out. Shari totally killed him on Sunday and moved ahead of him by one point. She has a lot more potential points so she might be hard to catch. GOOD LUCK HUNTER! Also, towards the bottom at 310 is Rex Curtis and seeing his name in these lowly straights reminded me of the glory years of KUBE pet kompetition. Rex was an early adopter of the KUBE and we are sorry to see has fallen on hard times.

My brakkets are now being used to wrap fish but that will not keep me from the action this weekend as the second greatest four days in sports commences this evening. As of Sunday, we will know who our final four is and hopefully Kukla can whip up some magik and get us all possible combinations and winners.

I will be cheering for Butler and against Ohio State, Duke and Kansas. Butler's 13 year old coach is going to have some problems if the final four conflicts with his high school prom.

Signs of the Kubokaust (Like The Holocaust But With K's)

Soooo.... which is the more unlikely headline?




1. Butler returns to Sweet 16

2. France leads allied troops into Libya

3. Mississippi River turns red and runs backward.

You decide. But what a tournament. I am soooo happy for the Butler Bulldogs although they destroyed my bracket in the worst possible way with that nail biting victory over Pitt. Then Wisconsin has a great...GREAT game with K-State and ekes it out and SDSU battles and finally prevails over Temple. A great day of ball yesterday and more KUBE Karnage.

I am watching Sundays games play out but i will have to komiserate regarding that tomorrow. Needless to say i believe that there is a reasonable chance i could be shut out of the Elite 8. And it is not even my fault. My son... my son on the other hand comes back from his girlfriends sorority formal up at Valparaiso (they beat Butler in a Horizion League game) bouncing in and talking about his "Richmonds" and his VCU's and his "Wisconsins" and asking "who has two entries in the top ten?" Yes... he is becoming THAT guy. I have created a monster (pictured above).

I am taking some comfort that Kukla (recovered from car fire, third degree burns and hangnails in just a few days. If you ask him why he will credit his diet of raw chicken breasts ((at least 7 a day)) and protien shakes) is taking off for Colorado and will not be able to update standing showing my son moving up as my own brackets careen drunkenly towards the 300's where they will eventually settle like the Lusitania. At least I am not depressed or bitter about it. Rather than watching Sunday nights games and allowing my son to track his progress I am forcing my son to watch the "Matlock" marathon on Lifetime. That Andi Griffith sure can act and he keeps me from thinking about my 4 entries...dying...

But I digress. Saturdays stats are stimulating, other than my son doing so well. The kream always rises to the top in the KUBE and Finnerty, Assa and Mc Ginnis are a clear example. A just and loving God will indeed squash the Mangosqatch or "mangosaquatch" as I have come to think of him, out of the top of our hallowed brackets. Shayo Mowen made a HUGE 77 place jump but looking at todays games.. and her champ and she has a Mangsquash problem. Aaron Becker (my nephew) jumped 108 points and is also "on the move".Looking down at position 56 I see that Henry Warshaw is making his picks in hi Definition. Very techno savvy Mr Warshaw. Dropping l;ike a stone...Tom Mulvhill drops 119 places. And I think he had Butler going two rounds. Impressive. Shari Follis at the bottom of the bracket has flatlined. Services to be announced. She will be missed.

The obnoxious, monster of a son has just announced that if his Obama stolen brackets win he will donate 10% to his re-election campaign. God have mercy on us all.

5:30 A.M.....KUBE Knotes...Despair...

I wish I had put my brackets in Kukla's car (pictured here).





Sooooo..... 5:30 A.M. tends to be an introspective time even for those of us who do not "spect" much. I come here not to praise my brackets...but to bury them. My pick percentage resembles a really, really good baseball players batting average. I am sure that I could have done a worse job at bracketology but it is hard, even for me to imagine. What is so embarrassing looking at my brackets is that there are almost no upsets (that I picked). Certainly I had upsets happen on teams that I picked. The nicest thing I can say about my success in picking underdogs is that I had marquette on ONE of my brackets.

Today is a DARK, DARK day for the KUBE. Even with the hope of Saturday and Sunday Basketball there is very little optimism in KUBE Central. KUDOS again to KUBE Koordinator Don Kukla. Serving his final term in office from a hospital bed at a secure and undisclosed location he has once again unfailingly updated the brackets, denying himself the sleep needed to recover from the fireball that was his former German high performance driving machine.

But on to the long dark tea time that has become the KUBE. Duh...WINNING! That would be the unlikely duo of Johnny (Chco) Wienstroer and Jon Becker, both of whom had the audacity to steal the brackets of one Barrack HUSSEIN Obama. I am going to save Becker the Wrecker the later morning phone call to me and ask all of you what he will be asking me (pardon as I paraphrase Tea Party Speak but the conversation will go like this:
Me: Hello
Wrecker: Have you seen the brackets?
Me: Yes, I blogged about them at 5:30 but i always forget that you can't read.
Wrecker: Well I cannot believe Barrack HUSSEIN Obama is undermining our brackets too? Isn't it enough that he is tanking our economy, undermining our country abroad and causing Tsunami's and nuclear meltdowns in Japan?
Me: Milka what?
Wrecker: Shouldn't he be spending his time being the President rather than filling out brackets?
Me: Probably but cant the same be said about all of us in our jobs?
*click*
Seriously. How sick will I be before today is over hearing people talk about the Presidents pick....REALLY SICK.
It might go like that. Both Wienstroer and Jon Becker live with their parents. I think that is about the meanest thing I can say so I will leave them alone other than to say that my son has contributed one meaningful thing to society at least with the site http://www.bathtubtuna.com/. For a lot of us this could erase the need for Kukla's people at Moneta altogether and althopugh I am not a licensed financial planner i would urge all of you to get out your wallets and invest. This investment opportunity perfectly mimics the crazy, socialistic values of "going green" "eating locally" and most unAmerican of all..."eating fish" values of our current President. Another key difference between Becker and Johnny Chico is that Becker is...engaged.

Johnny Chico seen here in "happier" times.




A quick look at other people who are suffering like myself:
1. John de Penaloza dropping 127 spots to 154. My real brother Aaron Becker dropping even hard 137 to be tied with him. A metaphor for your lives? Think on it.
2. BJ Pupillo who has the highest ranked "Louisville" as Champion pick. Excellent work BJ...excellent. At least you married well.
3. Hunter Michalak with a 39% pick percentage. Home schooled? On the other hand Hunter has a possible point total over 500.
4. Andrew Hume with total possible points of 182? Seriously Andrew... the first minority President already has 148. For 100 bucks I will have Kukla eliminate your entry but he needs the check before 5:00 today.
5. The Louisville Cardinals and just one time for everyone who picked them, like me...HOW ABOUT THOSE HOYAS!?

So it is a sad day. A thoughtful day and yet hope springs eternal. If Wisconsin, San Diego State and Purdue go deep there might be some redemption for my brackets. But in saying that, surely I have cursed them. But for the rest of you, do not lose hope. Do not lose faith. The KUBE is a right of Spring. Quoting the great American aloscent lit author S.E. Hinton..."Stay stupid pony boy".

KUBE KARNAGE AND KOMMENTS

Sooooo... their comes a Friday afternoon when you are sober and you still have write the KUBE Komments. Boy do I hate that. A couple of things deserve immediate komment. First of all, the pic above is of Don Kukla, who even from his hospital bed at Barnes where he is recovering from the vehicle fire reported yesterday managed to post first day stats! It is that kind of devotion that allows us to pay $10.00 a bracket, for which he takes a meager $8.63 for KUBE Kosts and Sundries. You pay a lot for diligence folks but it is worth it. Without Kukla, painfully manipulating his laptop we would not know that:

1. We have 326 participants! A Knew KUBE rekord! If you do your math with 328 partiicpantsx$10.00 an entry that means that... according to my math we have almost 2100 in pool money and after Don's cut there should be almost 400 left for prize money. Again...great job!
2. We would not have the TOTALLY useless "Initial Projected Standings" which tell us nothing accept that Logan A. picked enough long shots that he should be drug tested.
3. The "projected stats" are also only useful in figuring out that A. Logan picked so many long shots that we do not even need to have him drug tested...because we KNOW he is on drugs.
4. Tyler Warlop (of the Quad City Warlops) is our current leader and out of the box very strong. Additionally my sister Lenore Becker (we call her coin flip) is number 3 with John Steffens at number 2.
5. Drew (the high functioning mentally retarded law student) Burbridge is the most intriguing of our early leaders with San Diego State winning it all. I am hopeful for him because Drew has over 2 million dollars in Grade School, High School, Trade School (he thought he wanted to be a dog groomer, then a massage therapist), College and Law School debt. Good luck Drew!
6. Luke Kissam is number 326 and his family is considering "pulling the plug". Occasionally we lose a kontestant.

It has been a very exciting tournament. And todays games have stayed a little kloser to form. Michigan humiliating Tennessee was the only thing that further prompted ideations of suicide. Arizona squeaked by in their game which was exciting and only marginally distracted me while on a conference call with a klients board of direktors. Right now Ohio State is performing a slow motion execution on Texas San Antonio and I am kontemplating a fish fry to go to.If Texas A&M loses to Florida, my sobbing might be heard as far away as Maplewood. We will see what transpires later this evening and if I am still sober. It could be a hoot.

In the mean time, maintain your personal stoopidity levels and enjoy the night and the weekends games. It is the best time of the year and you are participating in one of the finest, oldest March Madness Traditions in the kountry. God Bless Us Everyone.

KUBE KARNAGE!

Soooo.... this is like... a nightmare. It is 5:45 CST and as near as I can figure out I am at best 4/7 and at worst 4/8... on my best brackets. I jut got off the phone and was informed that one of my sons brackets... where he just copied the picks of one Barrack HUSSEIN Obama were 7/8. How does this make me feel? Butler won. I love them but I split my picks. I love the Richmond Spiders but I was "smart" and went for Vandy. What is the matter with me? Why is God angry with me? I have no answers for these or any other questions. People kept tweeting and texting and emailing me...mocking me! I need people to make fun of me? Louisville loses to Moorhead State? Really? How much does Rick Pitino suck? How could that happen. He has 12 stallions who are 6'9" running the court and he gets beaten by Moorhead State. It was a great game. It was great too seeing Kentucky be pressed by Princeton. I in my Yoda like wisdom said that Duke, Kansas and Ohio State were far above anything else in the field and that anyone could win. But did I listen to me?

NO!

So tonight....Mizzou...if I can stay awake. BYU and Jimmer Fredette? If I had another child I would definitely name him Jimmer. Who is with me?

Kukla I discovered, had flown his wife and daughter back from Mexico (drug mules) and surprisingly his car burst into flames on highway 270. I think we need a serious pause before we pay him for ANY brackets... especially mine. The picture above is an actual picture of the Kukla car in flames. If any of you saw the movie Casino... you know how this happens.

More later...perhaps...unless I fall asleep or pass away from simple depression over my poor picks. Can people die from that?

KUBE GOES VIRAL

I don't really know what that means but I have heard the reference regarding youtube videos... I assume of cats wearing hats or things that are important like that. In any case the KUBE is now on Twitter and is fully Tweetable. You can follow the basketball musings of our social media meister Jon Becker and I think he will follow you as well and... lets see...aggregate the KUBE Kommunities Komments. A living, breathing, throbbing mess of idiotic obsevations, rantings and musings related to the MADNESS of March. We want to know where the kommunity is gathering to watch the games. We want to know what you think about Charles Barkley's commentary. We want to hear your thoughts on why Brent Musberger refuses to die (he looks more like Dick Clark every day). We want to hear about the bad calls. The fixed games and about how over rated that Hansbrough kid is. We want it all.

If you do not Tweet it means two things:
1 You are not fully self Involved; and
2. You are losing the technology war and have given up, keeping up.

KUBE is here to help. You need to Tweet, you long to tweet. Log on now. Everyone really is interested in where you are eating lunch, what you think of when your on the toilet and your thoughts on life...in 140 characters or less.

Lets get after this people. I think we are only at 50 entries for the KUBE thus far. Pathetic. You people make me sick. No wonder your parents didnt love you. Now lets get busy and ket our entries in. Do it now.

www.kubeklassik.com

Mental Illness and March Madness

That is not fair. Perhaps it is not mental illness but being up at 5:00 on a Saturday can really feel mentally ill. Of course I need to go to work. I woke up, thinking about it no particular order, making tamales, the NCAA Tournament and of course..work. Also making putting together a good playlist to make it through the day and perhaps going to Soulard Market and buying a chicken with a head on it to bake... and basketball.

“You got to get behind the mule, in the morning and plow”. Thats what Tom Waits said. Can he possibly be wrong. So Kukla is missing in action. I think the prom was last night and his wife is out of town and without her guiding his day to actions he seems to lose all motivation. All we can do is pray for him and pray for the hope that he gets it together quick enough to get the game up and running prior to tomorrow and, that is right, say it... SELECTION SUNDAY!

It is not really a high holiday but it really feels like one. Spring is in the air, I am not going to Vegas, I do not hate my job and basketball is in the air. The good news is that Notre Dame lost last night to Louisville. To my Notre Dame friends...I am so sorry that God let that happen. Ooops... no I am not. On the other hand the hated...hated Ohio State Buckeyes llok like they will go into the tournament with a number 1 seed. This obviously is an abomination primarily because I will have to speak and read Face Book postings and Tweets from OSU fans and they will be....insufferable. It also looks like the entire Big East is going to the tournament. This is only good because the TCU Horned Frogs will soon be part of that conference (doormat) and it should... all be good. My home town SLU Billikens will be watching and waiting for next year. My much loved Valparaiso Crusaders will not be going and I will find no pleasure in watching last years Cinderellas of the Horizon League Butle Bull Dogs get punted in the first round. Diaper Darlings no more.

So... I expect De Penaloza to get a strong Maritz group together. Kukla to work his usual magic, I will cull Kube Kontestants from my 17 ex law firms, Gates will draw in random people from kentucky and the West Coast, kommitted, konservatives from Omaha will be weighing in and good time will be had by all. 200 people playing would be good. 500 would be better. ZSo much better.

So brace yourself for a weekend of basketball... and get those KUBE Brakkets in and...God Bless us everyone.

THE KUBE IS BACK LIKE A BAD KOLD!

The KUBE Kommeth. It is that time of year boys and girls. Empty the kids piggy banks. Steal from the kollection plates (sure it’s Lent but lets not quibble), steal from your clients trust accounts (lawyers), steal from your clients 401(k)’s (financial planners), knock over a 7-11, file a false wormans compensation claim, steal checks out of the neighbors mailbox, give blood...(for money)... you get the idea. Kukla is getting the web site set up and it will be ready for the brackets...TRUST US. www.kubeklassik.com. if you go the site right now you will see a homage to last years winner, the guy who has made us all winners...Henry Warshaw!

This could very well be the final year that The Donald and I handle the KUBE. That is right, it is time for us to pass it on to our children. Both Don and I have sons... graduated from college, not very bright or creative, sort of lazy... in short perfect for the rigors of keeping up a grand, glorious and idiotic tradition of bringing a community of pathological gamblers, and faux college basketball fans so that they can worship in the church of ESPN and CBS and fill out brackets and generally ignore their Lenten pledges.

For that really is what the KUBE is about. A gathering of the faithful as we hunker down and celebrate surviving another February and the promise of spring and...forgetting our Lenten vows. Especially if you swore of gambling. Don and I traditionally give up Karaoke, nuclear particle physics, swing dancing and saki. But sometimes we forget about the saki. I mean... we do this every year... we are only human.... at least i am only human. I cannot speak for THE DONALD.

What can we count on this year. A gaggle of Moneta people. Kukla relatives from all over the country, many of whom are not named Kukla, the Omaha contingent, Todd King in Afghanistan (making us fully international), several brain damaged Beckers, friends and former classmates and some people related to people who Greg at one time or another held back their hair while the puked in Vegas bathrooms... the Blue Horseshoe and part of his criminal client base...you get the idea.

So it is that time of year. We need you all to get all of your friends. Play multiple times. The more money you invest in the KUBE the happier your life will be. I have no idea what the prize stucture is. I assume we are keeping it at 10 bucks a pop. I WANT 200 players. I want it to be dirty and ugly with kompetetion. Portions of your proceeds will NOT go to charity.

Joyce Carol Oates:

Sooooo Friday night in the Lou and I at the St. Louis County library seeing Joyce Carol Oates speak. That is right. Soulard was preparing for Mardi GRAS. The bars were open and I was in a Library I have not darkened since my children were writing book reports (pre-Internet). I did not know why I was there. She was there because she had been brought in for St. Louis Reads which brings in several authors each year.

Ms. Oates has reportedly written over over 50 books. I have read 3 of them. She is an incredibly versatile and ... Workmanlike writer. She has written maybe a billion short stories which I have liked better then her books. She has been nominated for the Pultzer three times and won the National Book Award. I have not done any of those things. It is now 7:04 and she is late. I have a golden ticket for group 5 for her book signing and do not know whether I am that interested. But I digress.

Recently she wrote a piece in the New Yorker regarding the death of her husband that broke my heart. She came out about 7:10 and Bob marsh introduced her. It was... a dark and stormy night and the sirens were going off warning that we should head for the basement and Ms. Oates commented on what a frightening place we lived in. She had just come from a chance to meet President Obama and seemed impressed by him. She talked a little bit about her late husband Ray and about their marriage and about how in a long marriage you just kind of take for granted that this person is canoeing with you down a river... unless they die.

The New Yorker piece I referenced above was really awesome. What I did not realize was that it excerpted the most interesting parts of her new book "A Widows Story". She really read beautifully and between each section she would read she would talk a little about that section of the book. I think she is about 73 years old and she really has a lovely reading voice and a really nice disposition for a widow. I think she has gotten remarried but her stories and comments about her marriage were really interesting and more than a little poignant. She just has a great way with the language.

I noticed that I was one of the youngest people there. The whole front 2/3 of the room was reserved for the Friends of St. Louis County Library. I did not even know that there was such a beast. More interestingly every man that was around me had glasses...like me. Universal eye strain? Two much self abuse? Who knows. The women...old and unattractive. I guess pretty young people do not read. Perhaps we can discuss that some other time. She read for more than an hour and wrapped up by taking questions and she once again was generally charming, interesting and grace filled. I left to go drink wine with my wife so i did not get my book signed. Perhaps after she writes 50 more.

Jonathan Franzen will be coming later in the year. I might have to come back.