Valentines Day...a mistake and a scam!

Is there a worse holiday then this Hallmark inspired beast from hell. Seriously, is there any other reason for this holiday but to drive the sales of red roses, chocolate and sappy cards? I have been married for 23 years. If I am not paying attention to my wife except on the Holiday am I a good partner? If I am a good husband all year long I can still blow a lot of marital capital by missing one contrived holiday. That is the real problem. Valentines day is a trick bag of nightmares. Sure the Iraqui situation is complicated but it is NOTHING compared to 4:00 on Valentines day when you realize that you have not done anything. And my wife...God bless her, always tells me to just ignore it....but then your a shit bum in other peoples eyes...or perhaps I feel like I have to acknowledge it in some way at least for my kids to see. Perhaps I am afraid that if I do not buy flowers, chocolate and a card the terrorists will win...but for whatever reason I HATE VALENTINES DAY! I feel like I never get it right but it is a day set up to fail.
I have long operated under the assumption and rule that you never send flowers from a position of weakness. In other words if you are in the dog house, the worst thing you can do is bring home flowers. It is a sign of weakness. In regard to emotional terrorists...this administration has a policy of NOT negotiating. There is only one thing to do in these difficult circumstances....duck the event and pray.

We all know “men” who are “good” at Valentines day. These are the type of men who give otherwise good women bad ideas. Ideas about days at the spa TOGETHER...romantic bed and breakfast weekends in the middle of NCAA tournament time...long walks...FOR GOD SAKES WALK AWAY! I also question whether these guys are gay or not. I often question whether they just stumbled upon their own act with that particular lady and whether they could replicate it with another. When I do something like that the supposition is always a lowest common denominator one of “he is being nice to me to get sex.” While this might often be the case certainly I am capable of better....or...maybe not.

So I handle it in the way that only a really sad...poorly adjusted middle aged man (like myself) could handle it. I made a Valentine’s day mix tape off of my iMusic library. I used to do this in high school with cassette tapes. It worked then. So here...for your miserable February...and your ultimate musicalogical edification is the Valentine Day Playlist. Putting together a play list like this is as hopeless as anything else you might try and accomplish on this day. It is almost all explicitly songs with the valentine these but I had to throw in a few sweet songs about love and women. The best one would be Cactus which is the biggest lament to a missing woman....the most moving...and the one with the most brevity....ever.
St. Valentines Day Mix
1. Valentines Day: Steve Earle
2. Valentine Old 97's
3. Oh My Sweet Valentine: Ryan Adams
4. Hey Julie: Fountains of Wayne
5. And It Stoned Me: Van Morrison
6. My Funny Valentine: Elvis Costello
7. Valentine: Maurice Chevalier
8. Valentines Day: Palace Music
9. I'm The Man That Loves You: Jeff Tweedy
10. Valentine: The Replacements
11. Dear Valentine: Guster
12. Valentine: The Smoking Popes (still one of the coolest band names ever)
13. My Valentine: Rhett Miller
14. Valentine: The Psychedelic Furs
15. Valentine: Concrete Blond
16. Wagon Wheel: Old Crow Medecine Show
17. Ain't leaving your love: Peter Case
18. Cactus: Pixies
19. Love Is A Beautiful Thing: Silos
20. Blue Valentines: Tom Waits (the man hisself)

This is why I love Tom Waits so very very much.
She sends me blue valentines
All the way from Philadelphia
To mark the anniversary
Of someone that I used to be
And it feels just like theres
A warrant out for my arrest
Got me checkin in my rearview mirror
And I'm always on the run
Thats why I changed my name
And I didn't think you'd ever find me here

To send me blue valentines
Like half forgotten dreams
Like a pebble in my shoe
As I walk these streets
And the ghost of your memory
Is the thistle in the kiss
And the burgler that can break a roses neck
It's the tatooed broken promise
That I hide beneath my sleeve
And I see you every time I turn my back

She sends me blue valentines
Though I try to remain at large
They're insisting that our love
Must have a eulogy
Why do I save all of this madness
In the nightstand drawer
There to haunt upon my shoulders
Baby I know
I'd be luckier to walk around everywhere I go
With a blind and broken heart
That sleeps beneath my lapel

She sends me my blue valentines
To remind me of my cardinal sin
I can never wash the guilt
Or get these bloodstains off my hands
And it takes a lot of whiskey
To take this nightmares go away
And I cut my bleedin heart out every nite
And I die a little more on each St. Valentines day
Remember that I promised I would
Write you...
These blue valentines
blue valentines
blue valentines

Good luck and God speed. Remember to...get them before they get you.