Signs Of The End Times

These are obviously painful dark days my friends and we would be foolish liars to express anything else in these hallowed pages. Up is down, bad is good, hello is goodbye. We have gone down the rabbit hole. These are days when Charles Barkley is considered a "commentator" but even the round mound of rebound is speechless at the carnage being done to Jon Becker's brackets. I was out with he and his lovely fiancee and they were already spending the money with three out of eight possible results leaving him in first. Instead, Louisville folds like a cheap deck chair and Kansas looks..."asleep"? That seems kind. The hated Ohio State is dominating like they were the team thrown together by Haskell Indian Junior College. What can you say about Ohio State other than quote our late, much revered and departed friend Hunter Thompson who pointed out..."The scum also rises." Tell it brother.

So it is second half of Kansas. Barring a miracle Jon Becker is out and KUBE is spared a scandal. The party is Monday night at tip off at Chez Kukla aka The Depot. There will be food. there will be alcohol. For now, this night is grim enough that I am afraid the vodka is coming out and Palm Sunday services are at risk. Please come to Kukla's Monday night. You have all suffered enough.

Lord knows I hate to say this but *holding my nose*...GO JAYHAWKS!

Kukla Fights Back....Alleges "Missing Post"!

KUBAGEDDON! A HUGE BASKETBALL SLAMS INTO EARTHS ATMOSHERE DESTROYING OUR BRAKKETS!

By Dan Kukla

We all do it.

The moment the first high seed falls we all proclaim our brackets to be busted. Since the vast majority of us do not run this pool and thus do not have the power to cheat our way to the top like our current leader, we spend the majority of March letting everyone else know just how much worse our picks are than theirs.

But let’s be honest. Unless you lose a finalist or multiple Final 4 teams it takes a truly disastrous first weekend to truly bust your bracket. I realize that since Mizzou just so happened to be that first big upset this year that many of you really did get knocked out on Day 2, but the general point remains.

Eventually, however, the second weekend rolls around and all hope is truly lost and that couldn’t be more true in 2012. That Ohio State!? Kansas!? Please tell me I didn’t miss the rapture because it feels a lot like the tribulation has begun. Not sure if the giant nut or the ugly made-up bird is the antichrist but I am a little shocked that the (blue) Devils and their rat mascot (or is that their coach? I can never tell) aren’t still around for all this Madness. "Woe, woe, woe to those who dwell on the earth.”

To be fair, I predicted this Armageddon in a set of Komments that were mysteriously not posted so it’s not like I didn’t see it coming. The writing was written plainly on the wall as the Marshall-less Heels struggled just to get by the lowly, scum-of-the-earth Bobcats. Their demise against a real team wasn’t exactly tough to call. Frankly I’m a little irritated that they strung me along for nearly the entire game Sunday before finally letting me know they just don’t have time to invest in a relationship.

I’m talking about basketball, I swear.

And about that mysteriously not posted set of Komments. It seems we have more than one Becker in on a conspiracy at the top. I’d move to kick them out but without Beckers the KUBE becomes The KU. A corrupt pool that combines the names of two stupid families doing stupid things is much better than a pool that combines the names of two evil, detestable and mostly annoying schools doing evil, detestable and mostly annoying things… like ruining the Final 4.

Taking A Break From Hockey....

Soooooo.... what is up with the Kukla Kid? He lives in the desert. I attach for your review a map of the Division I Ice Hockey Programs in the US. The closest is about 578 miles from where young Kukla lives. http://blogs.riverfronttimes.com/gutcheck/2010/03/fish_fry_frenzy_week_5_our_lady_of_guadalupe.php
I mean.... what is wrong with this kid? Posting about hockey suggests at best a chemical imbalance in the brain and at worst a "drug problem". Testing is in order. It is March Madness and as such.... back to basketbalL.

HATE THE JAYHAWK! DON'T HATE THE GAME!

Obviously scandal has rocked the KUBE Nation with new webmaster extraordinaire, Jon Becker, suddenly, out of nowhere taking the lead with his "Random" bracket. While I do not mean to be coarse (it is so unlike me), random my ass! The kid is a cheater from a family of cheaters and whomever put someone like Jon in charge should likely be shot...or worse. The kid is bad news and though he does not obsess over college ice hockey, this attempt at stealing the KUBE might be worse. KUBE has taken 1/2 of the prize money and hired the accounting firm of KPMG to conduct a komprehensive audit. We will get to the bottom of this.

After today's games we will know our Final Four. Right now we have Louisville, and the HATED, Ohio State University. I am going to start telling people I graduated from THE Texas Christian University and was summarily removed from THE Valparaiso University. We will see who or whom is delivered to us today to round out the Kontest. Kentucky and North Karolina remain the only two 1 seed still alive.

Now a quick review of the standings. Observations:
1. Jon Becker being in the lead makes me question the existence of a just and loving God.
2. Jay Vance? In Second? Jay has been playing the KUBE from Omaha for years but we were considering developing a "special" brakket for kids like Jay who have, through their KUBE picks shown themselves to be.... somewhat impaired.
3. We have already kommented on Max Shapiro and absent an apocalypse the kid looks done, having pick Syracuse, but he fought the good fight and he likely needs to fly to norther New York and question some registrars about how you manage to not keep one of the best athletes in the nation academically eligible. How does that happen?
4. I am very concerned about Zac Hahn. I do not know him but for lack of a better term he is currently lurking in 8th with Ohio HATED State.
5. If Baylor comes up big lookout fro Afghan Diplomacy rocketing up from 80th place.
6. No one has Louisville that I could find in a quick scan of brakkets.

I just watched Kentucky shred poor Baylor. So much for Afghan Diplomacy. lets see what the KU Game has to offer. We still hate the Jayhawks.

Kookla Takes Us To Hockey Town...Again. (Does Kukla Understand That The KUBE Is A Basketball Tournament?

With Apologies To The Seer From The Sagebrush...this was posted timely in the St. Louis Diner Review but was sloppily tagged by the editor of same. My life is an alphabet of WOE!

By Dan Kukla

Habitually heartbreaking.

That is how my friend Ian Callon described the Miami hockey team. He couldn't be more wrong.

Miami isn't just habitually heartbreaking. That doesn't even begin to describe what it is like to be a RedHawk hockey fan. Going from one of the last teams in the tournament to a two goal lead over the top seed with a minute left in the national championship to losing in overtime on a puck bouncing off your own player making the right play is not heartbreaking. Especially not when you add in the history of Miami always - and I mean always - losing to Boston College in previous tournaments and the losing to another Boston team soon after the Eagles' elimination.

Cruel. Unusual. Punishment. Those are the words that come to my mind, at least, and those same word came flooding back in Friday night.

I could have dealt with a 3-0 blow out loss. Not at all what I hoped for or expected from my heavily favored 'Hawks, but when you get out played you curse and you move on. At its worst, that is heartbreaking.

But no, Miami staged an epic comeback with three goals in the third (and final, for all you hockey illiterates out there) period, starting with two goals in a 14-second span. That's the team's largest comeback since 2002 and quickest pair of goals since 2005 when it scored the infamous 2-in-22 to beat Western Michigan - promtly sending me onto the back of my friend Dave D'Amore.

With all the momentum, Miami then went on a five-minute power play (opponent is penalized and plays with one less skater - usually for two minutes) to end regulation. The quality scoring chances were too many to count. The power play carried over into overtime. Still no goal.

Then the puck rolls over our goalie's arm on what felt like UMass-Lowell's first rush on net since the second period. Not quite a deflection over his shoulder, but darn close enough. You can't make this stuff up and I wish God would stop making this stuff up.

Cruel. Unusual. Punishment.

I told you the NCAA hockey tournament takes the drama of March Madness to a new extreme. This is just one of the rare occaisions I hate being right -- kind of like earlier this month when Missouri lost.

Now that was heartbreaking.

When Miami's game ended with my Tar Heels winning by just one late in the second half, a UNC loss to Miami's arch rival Ohio seemed to be a lock. On a half-court hail Mary, sure, why not. They survived but watching a tournament favorite squeak by a 13 seeded mid major is hardly a pick-me-up, especially when an Axis of Evil looms in the Elite 8 ready to dismantle the Marshall-less Heels.

One of my favoirte writers, ESPN's Bill Simmons, once wrote a column called "Levels of Losing" in which he quantifies sports pain (http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/020528). I'm sure he would argue this but for me the 2009 NCAA Hockey National Championship was "That Game", Simmons' highest level of losing that "actually combines The Guillotine and The Stomach Punch" (for him, a die hard Boston fan, he uses Game 6 of the 1986 World Series -- i.e. Bill Buckner). Friday's loss wasn't that high on this scale but it came in as a solid "Stomach Punch," just one level behind. Here's his explination of what I am feeling.

"Now we've moved into rarefied territory, any roller-coaster game that ends with A) an opponent making a pivotal (sometimes improbable) play, or B) one of your guys failing in the clutch ... usually ends with fans filing out after the game in stunned disbelief, if they can even move at all ... always haunting, sometimes scarring ..."

Because I wasn't at the game and because it was only the first round, I am able to take this one in stride. I wasn't so fortunate in 2009 when I literally did not move for an entire 45-minute tram ride back to the house we were staying at in DC.

For the neutral fan, this is why I so adamantly endorsed the hockey version of March Madness, which can still be seen on ESPNU Saturday and Sunday. For me, however, I will not be emotionally stable enough to watch any more college hockey this weekend (although I hope to recover by the Frozen 4) so it's back to basketball -- where I will most likely receive the "Level VI: Full-Fledged Butt-Kicking" against Kansas.

Kommentary: THE ROAD TO PITTSBURGH!

By Dan Kukla... back from wandering the desert and ready to watch the Tar Heels stomp the hated Bobcats
Upsets. Drama. Teams from the middle of nowhere.
This is why we love March. This is why we love the NCAA Hockey tournament.
Yup, hockey.
It’s March Madness… on steroids… on ice. It’s everything you enjoy about the basketball tournament plus huge hit after huge hit… minus a few teeth.
The upsets are more shocking and frequent. The weird names are even harder to pronounce. The random-school Cinderellas are more obscure. The hated teams are eviler and the tournament darlings are more adorable.
Most importantly, it starts Friday... as in tomorrow. Set your DVR’s now because basketball can wait. You NEED to watch this. You need it like Prince Fielder needs cheeseburgers.
You give me 15 seeds Norfolk State and Lehigh in the Round of 32 with upsets over 2s Mizzou and Duke? I raise you No. 15 Bemidji State (told you they were obscure… and to think it was originally founded under the name Bemidji State “Normal School”… you can’t make this stuff up) in the Frozen Four and No. 14 Miami (OH) in the championship, seconds away from its first national title. Down in their wake? Top seeds Notre Dame (2 overall) and Denver (3 overall) with No. 1 Boston U on the ropes needing two goals in the final minute of regulation just to force overtime.
You think Duke, Ohio State and Kansas are evil? How about the BU Terriers, who after completing that devastating comeback in 2009 then admitted to drawing their inspiration from Spanish Conquistadors that burned their boats during invasions to eliminate retreat as an option for their pawn soldiers.
And that darling Cinderella caught in the flames? Well the RedHawks just valued being a family called “The Brotherhood” that draws its inspiration from loyalty and sacrifice.
As for those weird names, you say Ali Farokhmanesh, sure, but I know you can’t say Scott Czarnowczan.
This year three of the four 1 seeds are of the evil variety (Boston College, Michigan and North Dakota) while the rest of the field is just dripping with darlings ready to knock them off (except for BU, checking in as a 3 and just as evil as ever).
The fourth 1 (3 overall) is Union, making only its second tournament appearance in school history. Same goes for No. 6 Ferris State. No. 14 Western Michigan makes only its fifth tourney appearance after dwelling in the CCHA (hockey equivalent of basketball’s Big 10) basement for the past decade. The UMass Lowell River Hawks earned their fourth ever bid and will face the aforementioned RedHawks (No. 5) in a first-round battle of fictional birds of prey.
All Round 1-2 games can be seen on ESPNU Friday-Sunday. Whether you get caught in the real March Madness hook, line and sinker like me or just watch it during basketball commercial breaks, do yourself a huge favor and make sure to check it out. It would be Madness not to.

LONG SHOT AWARD WINNER ANNOUNCED!

There has been a lot of talk about the Long Shot Award this year. Maybe too much talk. The Long Shot Award Winner for the KUBE 2012 is MAX Shaprio! We do not, however know how much he has won because (and this is a shocker) Kukla is on vacation on Arizona and the cash and Pay Pal money is mysteriously with him and he needs some time to "reconcile" the accounts. In regard to Max as i said earlier he is a long tim player of the KUBE but based on his facebook pictures KUBE will once again be in instituting random drug tests for participants. I am NOT saying that Max is doping. It would belittle the kontest to do so but as St. Ronald told us in regard to the Russians...."trust, but verify". Sage advice indeed.

I don't know where Dan Kukla's observations have been lately. There was some discussion of his donning some animal fur and grabbing some honey and wandering in the desert for a while when he heard of the North carolina injury. We need you back Dan! I can blather but people have come to expect...kontent...without typos.

I am working with KUBE Management and our Phoenix office as well as our web partner BOOMREACTIVE.com (go there now) in order to publish a dead beat list. Kukla was careful to advise that "Max has paid". That makes him different than a lot of you mokes. My plans are as follows:
1. Publish a list of late payees.
2. Call your parents (if living, use a Quija Board if not) and advise that their child is a deadbeat.
3. Go to your kids school and heckle them regarding your failure to pay.
4. Report you to the credit reporting agencies.
5. Destroy your life.
Get your money in people. No time like the present.

Congratulations MAX!

NCAA Sunday Knight Knews & Knotes

Sooooooooo....Sunday night. I have had some bad Sunday nights in March. returning from Vegas after the first few days. Feeling broke. being broke. Brackets broke. Heart...broke. So I am reasonable comfortable with March Madness Desolation Effect (MMDE) though it has hit me pretty hard this year. MMDE is an insidious disease with no known cure. It manifests itself with depression and exhaustion and a general loss of a will to live. For many who play the KUBE Brackets, sadly these symptoms cannot be distinguished from your every day life but many (several) of the 400 plus KUBE players are reasonable high functioning, non-drooling, in school or have jobs and (arguably) productive members of society. For them seeing their brackets burn (and I just finally did actually burn mine) is devastating.

For me this year has been a very difficult one and today particularly cruel. The initial Mizzou loss was a disaster but it was cleaned up for me by Duke and Notre Dame losing coupled with a Billiken win. I thought I had something going perhaps with Vandy and the future while not being bright was at least not a the relentless, vast wasteland of turnovers, airballs and the steady, inexorable advance of the hated number 1 seeds. This situation not being bad enough it is exacerbated by the asinine, insufferable and unjustifiable Miller 64 commercials. I would rather watch Charlie Sheen hit 3 pointers all day long for Ohio State and I hate Charlie Sheen and hate Ohio State.

When I woke up this morning my 5 brackets (three wantonbeckers, a big boy and one for mom (Doris Mae though I misspelled her name) were merely a disaster. My average on those 5... wait for it...298! My wife was in at 217 and my daughter, though she picked Mizzou was at 10. But, I thought, perhaps today would be better....NOT! not a lot of upsets. I guess I am heartened for Ohio since they are not Ohio State. My Billiken loss was really crushing and to see Majerus rearing up was a little bit of a nightmare. Not sure how much more I can stand this evening.

My advice for you, my fellow KUBITES is to make sure you are not alone. Dring a few solid glasses of bourbon. Soak in a hot tub. If you have any weed you definitely need to smoke it. Grab Ayn Rand's "Atlas Shrugged", use it to balance the wobbly table in the kitchen, and go to bed.

I will leave you with an excerpt from Bernie who quoted a teary Conklin (very hard to watch): "Coach has done so much," Conklin said. "Being his first recruiting class, he told me that we were going to help him build something special here. And it felt like this year it really came together. We were able to take what Coach taught us.
"He’s a great coach. I couldn’t imagine playing for a better coach, a better person. He doesn’t just teach you about basketball; it’s about life. And he’s a great figure for the community and for the city, and he’s really brought St. Louis basketball to where it is right now, bringing in great guys.
"We all love each other in that locker room. And he just knows how to read a person and he brings us all together and we buy into his system because it works, and it brought us this far this year. And you know they’ve got a great nucleus coming back next year and they’re going to be a really tough team."


Read more: http://www.stltoday.com/miklasz-billikens-make-majerus-proud/article_2fcf3fd2-715e-11e1-b339-001a4bcf6878.html#ixzz1pWTaPIlA

The King Of Karlsbad!

By Dan Kukla

So there’s this girl.

At work. Her desk is just two down from mine.

I can’t stop thinking about her.

Last year she picked Connecticut as her March Madness champion and won every pool she was in. A girl like that is a rare find so this year I finally worked up the courage to ask her out to the KUBE. She accepted… via facebook. Man I’m smooth.

Now she’s got Indiana all the way. I must admit holding in laughter when I saw that pick. A team that relies completely on the fickle art of three-point shooting? That can only win at home? That hasn’t made the Sweet 16 in a decade?

To win it all?

Now she’s tied for 43rd after Day 3 while my brackets are busy leading the bottom half of the pool. Who’s laughing now?

But this is why I can’t stop thinking about her. I must know her secret. How does she come up with these dark horse champions?

“I just go with my heart,” she says. Done: Homer Derby checking in at 284. That clearly can’t be the full explanation. Or maybe I just need a new heart.

When Matlin Smith told me about picking Indiana as her champion I remembered what happened last year and went back to see if I should change my thinking on the Hoosiers. I just didn’t see it. In fact, I didn’t even see them making it out of the first weekend. I loved both VCU and Wichita state as Sweet 16 picks and all “just going with my heart” aside, I legitimately thought New Mexico State would pull off the upset over Indiana anyway.

THEY DON’T WIN AWAY FROM ASSEMBLY HALL! THEY ONLY SHOOT 3’s! It screams of an obvious early exit, especially when paired with three beautiful Cinderellas.

So Matlin’s UConn pick in 2011 was discarded as fluke luck and I moved forward with my much wiser selections.

As the only KUBE entrant with Indiana on the final line and now a strong point base to build from, just an appearance in the championship (and maybe even just a Final 4 run) from the No. 4 seeded Hoosiers will put her in contention. If Indiana wins it all she is virtually guaranteed to do the same.

Let’s be clear. This is not your average girl that wins pools by selecting her favorite color schemes, mascots and shopping towns when filling out a bracket. Matlin actually watches basketball and picks teams she thinks will win.

Saturday she told me she wakes up every morning thinking about her pick Indiana. Who are they playing? Will they win? How much money will I steal from all these losers this year? (OK, I made that last one up).

While the Hoosiers were busy pulling off a Houdini act against VCU to prevent another “Shaka,” Matlin told me that she is not allowed to watch because it makes her teams lose. She finished her work and promptly rushed out of the office right after Indiana took a late lead and right before they later snatched victory from the jaws of defeat.

Really? VCU misses two free throws that would have put them up 5 with a minute left? Indiana converts a three-point play at the other end to tie and then wins after a blocked shot bounces right to an open Hoosier on the baseline – a player who then made his only shot of the second half? VCU misses an open 3 at the buzzer?

What kind of black magic is this? Matlin not only has superstitions but they actually work! Told you this lady is a rare find.

After giving this some serious thought, her success can only be attributed to one thing: her company’s superior sports department. The Current-Argus is clearly where she gets all her sports information and this has to be her edge. No else picked Indiana so she must have come up with the Hoosiers as her champion by reading a publication no one else reads – or at least respects.

As such, Matlin Smith’s entry will from now on be referred to as the Current-Argus entry. Any and all winnings will be shared accordingly.

Go Hoosiers!

I Am Really Starting To Hate This Kid

By Dan Kukla

I told you sooooooooooooooooooooooooo...

Yes, even you Becker.

We just needed one giant to fall to bust this thing wide open. Unfortunately that one happened to be our beloved Mizzou but the resulting mayhem was sure worth it.

Down goes Duke, giving us the first tournament with two 2s out in the Round of 64 (never to be referred to as the second round). Down goes Michigan, giving us the first tournament with three teams seeded 13+ with wins on the same day. Down goes all of our brackets.

Wow, Missouri really does love company (ducking to avoid projectiles being hurled at my head).

Come on. Don't let that grumpy old man running this blog fool you. Missouri's loss restored order by creating complete disorder. While there's no evidence that any one game in the tournament affects outcomes in any others, it sure did feel that way Friday. Shortly after sulking off to work following that Missour-able loss (OK, I'll stop) I was treated to leftover pizza while I clicked back and forth between a trio of upsets. Puke was busy choking hard against Le High (oh, wait, that was a college team?) while St. Louis made us all proud by knocking off Memphis. As Ohio represented my MAC well with an upset of Michigan, I just couldn't click fast enough to keep up with it all.

Ah yes, the Madeness was back. Leftover pizza and flipping through upsets of evils is what makes this time of year pure bliss. It's what I craved (dreamed is probably more accurate... considering my slumberous state) all day Thursday and Friday morning.

And wouldn't you know, my brackets actually aren't all that tarnished afterall... if you look at them from the right angle in the right lighting. My "Axis of Evil" picks are still perfect in the East region. I have only once picked a perfect region all the way to Final 4 so I can at least continue to pull for that. My coin toss still has its entire Final 4 alive and correctly picked Ohio, Lehigh and Norfolk State while shooting exactly 50% in the first round. As for my "Homer Derby" well at least I didn't yet have to scratch off SLU or New Mexico. Who knows, if the Lobos run to the Elite 8 and the Billikens knock of Izzo just maybe that will earn enough points to put me back in the mix.

If you can't get enough of this glass-half-overflowing outlook on life I encourage you once again to check out my beautiful bride's new blog: www.meg4christ33.blogspot.com. If you're one of Becker's ogre-ish types, well then maybe you need a click on that link more than anyone else.

Go Lobos! Go SLU! Down with "that" Ohio State and Kansas!

Enjoy the last two days of the first weekend. There's nothing else like it.

Well, that's just the facts.

(PS I appologize for the many errors in my last post. I suspect corruption at the top behind this as sabotage in this point/counter point format that I was completely unaware of but I'll just blame my still fragile frame of mind after a devastating loss. It's the only possible explination for why I would blindy send work into a Becker, expecting someone to be responsible at the other end).

First Round Analysis: Kube-Ku

Dave Kowert 412
Jon Becker 411
Music to my ears

Kube-KU

Bracketology
Billikens win, Tigers lose
On to Saturday

Please submit your Kube-Kus to wantonbecker@mac.com

***
Soooooo....that was quite day. Two epic upsets within three hours. The heart of the nation in fly over country shattered and the basketball elites of Carolina humbled. But enough of the bad. These bracket busters are personal but have no effect on the over all standings of this fine kontest. No one, in the nearly six thousand people playing the KUBE this year had Mizzou losing and only one person had Lehigh winning. Her name escapes me and we will have to give her props later but with the mentally ill that can be enabling so we need to be careful.

Lets not focus on the bad. Our beautiful St. Louis University Billikens (they are of course a Catholic Institution, "Our Lady of the Elegant Mascot) won. They won a pretty solid match up against a physically superior Memphis squad. I had one eye witness at the Columbus Arena who said the first half was "boring" but that is because the Billikens have the 8th best defense in the Country. You have to love Rich Majerus. He recruited kids he could coach and has coached them to play great team basketball. I don't kid myself that they can knock off a powerhouse like Michigan State. I am sure Lehigh and Norfolk State didn't kid themselves either. Sometimes hard work and good coaching win the day. We will see. One thing we did see was that Mizzou's Haith was not ready for prime time. Deer in the headlights. No answers when faced with the puzzle of phyicality, rebounding and suddenly poor shot selection. Next year will be a real test. Fortunately it will be in that new patsy conference.

Notre Dame lost. Happy.

Temple lost. Sad. I wanted to pull out John Cheney's ghost though I am hoping he is still alive.

I need a Boheim stumble and a Vandy surge. On to Saturday!

get those haikus in now!

Point/Counterpoint: Tiger Trauma

One of the advantages of having the Voice From The Kavern, The Sage of The Desert, The Teller of the Tumbleweeds and me is that in cases of drama, trauma and... for lack of a more literate or journalistic term, bad stuff you can now get two opinions. We will start off with Kukla's POINT We All Enjoy The Drama of March and are not permanently damaged by the Tiger Loss:
Post Mizzou

Ooooooooooooooooooookay, now I'm really upset.
And I also realize that me previous post today will direct all blame amongst KUBErs for the Mizzou loss squarely at me. Yup, I jinxed them. It doesn't matter if you're the sort that believes in that kind of stuff, I did. Didn't just write a column begging for more upsets but even mentioned the upcoming Mizzou game and everything.
To top it all off, I even had my only Mizzou shirt hanging in my closet, saving it for Sunday. Putting it on at the under 12 TV timeout probably just served to seal the Tigers fate.
Hopefully by now you've finished you sulking. If you are actually a Mizzou student/grad or grew up in Columbia, you are permitted to sulk for the rest of the month. But for the majority of us, your sulk time expired a quarter of the way into the SLU game.
I don't care how far you had the Tigers going in your brackets. It way too early to claim this single game cost you any amount of winnings. My homer derby bracket is pretty much torched already as expected and I am not in the least bit concerned.
I asked for some Madness, got exactly what I wanted and... let me tell you a secret... LOVED IT!
For full disclosure, yes, I was a pouty face for all of those final minutes as Mizzou imploded and NFSU hit every shot it even thought about much less took. Just ask my wife. She'll tell you what a miserable bumb I was, how I drug my feet and hung my head all the way out the door on the way to work.
But you have to admit, this is why we love March. The trill of victory AND the agony of defeat - as long as it comes packed in a wildly unexpected manner - it what makes this tournament so great. I am much more satisfied with a completely busted bracket and a historic upset at the expense of my own rooting interest than another, my goodness another freaking ho-hum blow out by a favorite.
I just couldn't take it anymore.
So here's to the start of March Madness. Even if it came a little (OK, a lot) late and even if it came crushing through our brackets and favorite team.
If you don't take kindly to my outlook, well I certainly take kindly to your feedback. Just throw it in my pile of hate mail with all the other letters addressed "Current-Argus Sports Editor." Just please be a little more creative than a parent/grandparent of a high school athlete.
And to save you some time, ink and space... yes, I'm happy.

***

COUNTERPOINT: This loss badly damaged myself, my family and an entire state:

Soooooooo...(this is different than oooooooooooookay. To quote the epic southern rock band The Drive by Truckers, "Hell no I ain't happy". That was painful loss. I watched it from my bed rather than in a bar due to a general malaise and lingering condition that seems to be some combination of the consumption and possibly syphilis.... who knows? In any case I was in a physically and mentally weak state. The prior evening I had to retire before the last game and was restlessly anticipating Fridays games with Mizzou and SLU. I picked against SLU in my brackets because I knew I would be so pleased with their victory. I picked the Tigers in every bracket because like Romney...they were...inevitable.

So I watched in disbelief as they were badly outplayed by Norfolk State and on Kyle O'Quinn (black Irish?) Frank Haith sulked around the sideline like a man lost in a dream and he had no answers for the game like he had no answer for K-State. Outplayed and put coached the number 3 ranked team in the nation went down in flames and a minor, red, flyover State went silent. I am getting too old for this. I have bitterness issues and if Kukla were here I would punch him in his little commentator nose. I believe we ALL should take him up on his offer and write letters to his editor, hate letter. really, really nasty hate letters. Does anyone write letters anymore. This Kukla kid has got to be stopped.

Letters To the Editor
Carlsbad Current-Argus
620 S. Main St.
P.O. Box 1629
Carlsbad, NM 88221-1629

Nobody likes a good loser. Especially here at KUBE. And I want to be clear, it is Dan's fault. That failure to put on his Mizzou gear until 9 minutes were left...totally unforgivable. Totally.

The Sage of The Desert

I don't like these posts. They lack typos, lack spelling errors and have content. We turn over the KUBE pages to the Voice from The Kavern, the King of Karlsbad...Dan Kukla:

By Dan Kukla
Wake me up when something happens.
I hate saying this about my favorite sporting event but Day 1 was, in a word, one big fat giant yawn. I literally fell asleep while watch games Thursday.

Now six games into Friday and Day 2 doesn’t look like it will be much better.
Where are the upsets? Where are the buzzer beaters? The comebacks, the collapses, the players with funny names and faces making shots you don’t even practice in horse?
WHERE IS THE MADNESS?

You see, I have this system. I don’t touch my brackets for an entire day once they come out. Selection Sunday is reserved for watching Dicky V scream about all the No. 1 seeds he is picking to win and Jay Billas yell about how much more terrible this year’s field is than any other. It’s for watching Bracketology and just taking it all in, getting familiar with the draw, scouting the lay of the land.

Monday is research day. What style does each team play? Who’s hot? Who’s not? Who’s just cute like an animal shelter puppy you like playing with but would never actually take home?

Then comes recycling day. I usually make three trips to the printer on Tuesday, each time picking up around eight fresh brackets to destroy. I start feeling out just how far Cinderella is willing to go.

Wednesday I panic. None of my brackets are anywhere near completion so I just fall back on the basics: pick a champion, pick a Final Four, pick 8-10 first round upsets and blindly fill in the rest while making sure Duke, Kansas and Ohio State lose as early as possible.

Did you catch that? 8-10 upsets. As in way more than two on Day 1 and way more than three by 4:30 p.m. EST on Day 2.
We can’t even get cheap 9 over 8 upsets this year. And it’s not like VCU, Colorado and NC State were really upsets at all. I never saw any lines but it would not surprise me one bit if all three of our so-called Cinderellas were actually favorites.
It would be at least tolerable if we could get some good games but no, just blow out after blow out. Watching Syracuse, Jim Boeheim and his way-too-young-for-him wife sweat it out against UNC Ashville was fun. The Lobos tried their hardest to lose early again. Colorado remembered it now plays in the Pac-12 just a little too late and Cincinnati almost went back to putting the UC in suck after messing with Texas. But those results are usually our average to boring games at this point, not the best.
Right now the Bonnies have a five-point second half lead over Florida State. I’m willing to sacrifice one of my Final 4 teams for a true upset and hopefully a kick start to the tournament as a whole. UNC and Mizzou are both nearing tip time though so maybe I should be careful what I wish for.

I don’t care if my selection system is more flawed then the teams I end up picking. For me all that over analyzing is what makes the week fun. Then the games start and finding out that I picked all the wrong upsets is what makes the tournament fun. Why? Because that means there are upsets. All these chalky blow outs just ruins everything.

I’ll stay awake for this next set of games while two of my rooting interests compete but then it’s back to sleep. Well, actually work. Then sleep. Then then the NCAA Hockey tournament next week for some real March Madness.

Please let me be watching actual sports this Sunday instead of another selection show. I’m sounding the alarm on this tournament. Lehigh, Detroit, Ohio (yes, Miami’s arch rival Ohio; that is how desperate things are)… heck even you too St. Louis as a 9… I’m looking at you to open the blinds, tear off the covers and get this March moving.
Don’t let Duke, Kansas and Michigan hit the snooze.

Brakket Knotes Friday Morning Edition!

Looking at the KUBE Stats this desolate but balmy Friday morning in the Lou, one is filled with a sense of awe (in my case aw shit). My best bracket is currently tied for 123rd and my worst weighs in at 399...barely on the board at all. Every year at this time I kick myself for not having advertised an option to have yourself removed from the kontestant list for an additional 10 bucks. In my case, right now, money well spent.

As the KUBE has grown to it’s kurrent unsustainable size we have ended up with people KUBE management is either totally unfamiliar with or because of alzheimers, booze and drugs we have forgotten who (or whom) they are. Such is the case with our initial standings (after one day). Brooke Sanders or Sanders Brooke as we know her is in the lead tied with Kristopher (with a k, perfect) Eubanks. If you are in the lead after Friday please submit full biographical sketch and advise as to how you entered the KUBE, divined your picks and... tell us if you were a tree, what kind of tree you would be.

The first familiar name to this writer is Andi Emke in at 6. For some reason she did NOT pick Missouri to win it all. Wait till I tell her father of this betrayal. Jane Heine (the brains behind a couple of guys at Moneta) along with Tom (the old one) O Meara represent for our favorite planning empire. For all I know there are several more on the list but since the restraining order Don got against me I am not longer allowed within 500 yards of the building. Awkward. A lot of people question exactly why that happened but there was an incident on Don’s balcony with... well let’s just...mistakes were made.

Celebrity Catholic and sometimes Presidential Candidate Rick Santorum came in at 31. Good job Ricky!

Henry the Cat in at 22.

The formerly big deal “Blue Horshoe” only entered once this year and is currently punished at 105th place.

The Kissam Family... perenial contenders are well represented in the top 100. Not so much for Papa Luke...limping in at 137.

Kube Kommentator extraordinaire...Dan Kukla komes in at 175 on day one proving that there is not always a lot to be said for a prophet in the desert.

Afghani Diplomaci at 234 (yes that will work out)

In the cat fight of the century the KUBE wives are going head to head for the first time with Sandy Becker tied at 245 and Maria...stomping her currently at 65th place.

Former Champ Adam Reed at 73. Long way home from there.

In a surprise from the grave the late Lowell George of the Band Little Feat is at 253!

And finally...tied for last...Winstroer (the family that coined the phrases “I don’t mid if I do” and the klassik, “Sure I will have another” and Laura (yes I married poorly and yes DON IS OUT OF TOWN AGAIN!) Hessel.

This is quite a group and it was a heck of a first day with top seeds holding up in 14 of the 16 games. More today. If there is anyone you would like us to pick on...please advise by emailing wantobecker@mac.com.

And So It Begins!

Soooooo..... here we are. 415 entrants. We (KUBE Management) are humbled. I a watching the Wichita Shocker who I might (or might not) have winning the whole thing sturggle mightily against VCU and wishing really horrible things on their team. This day alway reminds me how petty a person that I am. It has been a great day. Syracuse, scared by UNC Asheville. I am finding it hard to ype at Wishita seems to be playing so poorly. It has been a great opening day and unfortunately I was forced to work through much of it and missed a lot of early action.

My compatriot and I have been doing this a lot of years but this year we turned over a lot of the mechanics to my son and I cannot tell you how happy I am to have forwarded all of your idiot inquiries to him. He questioned whether or not our participants are...”inkompetent”. I have to tell him that... yes, you are.

This was our favorite:

Subject: confirmation of my two entries and paypal payment









yo...bud's with adam reed....solid setup here...virgin to your kube, so wanted to make sure you got me picks and paypal of 20 beans...thx in advance bud

grahm

That is great stuff and some evidence of how stupid this group really is!

This was received from The Voice from the Caverns. His father has always been a weak link in the brilliance of the KUBE but I do believe that next year, between Jon Becker, and Dan Kukla...you might need to hear from the old people at all. His father, who is on his way to spend your entry fees in Arizona is useless
:
By Dan Kukla
My job is better than yours.
I didn’t call in sick. Didn’t use a vacation day, personal day or make your own holiday day. While the first day of March Madness is certainly a worthy cause for all of the above (if you’re the sort of person who calls in sick because missing the best sporting event of the year would be detrimental to your “mental and emotional” health), I didn’t need to do any of that because I only go to work when I want to. Well, sort of. The details of that aren’t too important on a day like today.
The important thing to know is that it is 10:40 a.m. and I am sitting at home on my couch watching basketball.
Also of note: my wife is better than yours – at least when it comes to March Madness. I’d also argue that she’s better in plenty of other respects but that’s another conversation for another time and place (but if you need proof, go to www.meg4christ33.blogspot.com).

Yesterday she set our QuickTune on Direct TV (I know what you’re thinking but no, this column is unfortunately not corporate sponsored) to allow us to switch between CBS, TNT, tru TV and TBS as efficiently as possible. Last night she set our alarm for 9:45 (did I mention my job is better than yours?) so we could get up for the games. This morning she cooked me waffles. Oh, and she picked Mizzou as her national champion with UNC in the finals – my two favorite teams in this year’s field. As a bonus she even had Xavier knocking off the evil (blue) Devils in the second round (I refuse to call it the third round; the first four games do not constitute a round or even exist at all).

So yes, I write this in a considerably good mood. Enjoy it because if this year is like any other my brackets will be busted by the end of the weekend and my mood may go as well.

It seems like everyone is picking North Carolina to go far this season. Even my wife, who is from a family of Duke fans, and now my coin. Ever since my dad, “The Donald,” won this pool with a coin toss bracket I have done my own annual coin toss bracket (I’ve just never had the guts or money to enter it). The coin enjoyed its most successful year in 2010 when it took Butler as its champion and then watched the No. 5 seeded mid major advance to the finals where Puke (not a typo) ruined everything (told you the devil is evil).

Never in the history of the coin flip bracket has my coin picked a No. 1 seed all the way. Not until this morning.
The whole point of a coin flip bracket is to produce a set of picks completely different than anything I would create in my own wisdom (relative term). But even my coin is on the bandwagon this year, picking the Tar Heels to beat Xavier in the finals. Louisville and Gonzaga round out the Final Four. So now three of the five brackets I made this March have UNC on the final line.
Funny how I killed Syracuse after suspending a key player but Henson’s health (or lack thereof) didn’t affect my view of the Tar Heels whatsoever.

I’m not even sure why I like North Carolina. I think it started in middle school when all my friends were (Fl)uke fans. I just have a way of endearing myself to others like that. Unlike my irresponsible childhood love of the Miami Dolphins, however, this one stuck.

So with the Tar Heels and Mizzou both highly seeded in this year’s field and with SLU and two New Mexico teams making the draw as well, I was inspired to enter what I am calling a “Homer Derby” bracket: Carolina over Mizzou in the finals; New Mexico in the Elite 8; SLU and NMSU in the Sweet 16. I also gave a first-round nod to Robby Lothman and Harvard (one of my best friend’s little brothers who plays volleyball for the Miami University of the Ivy League… oh wait, volleyball… as in not basketball… oops) while giving early exits to my Axis of Evil teams such as Kansas, Kansas State, UConn, Ohio State, Cincinnati and Ohio (hey, if my Red Hawks can’t make the field then no other Ohio teams are allowed to advance). Unfortunately it’s not a completely pure “Homer Derby” as those pesky Pukies snuck into my Elite 8, balancing out a different bracket that has Baylor beating those overachieving white boys.

I initially went forward with the idea because I figured making picks by that aforementioned wisdom never works out so I might as well make a bracket I can root for. But I am now realizing that this will only exponentially increase my annual agony of defeat when this bracket busts just like all the others.

So in the words of some oversized magical bus driver, “buckle up, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.” Now that I’ve started writing these Komments I don’t intend to stop until One Shining Moment and as promised my demeanor will go as my picks and teams go. This year those are one in the same so the mood swings will be all the more volatile and destructive.
Because if there is one thing we all know for sure, it’s that my brackets are most definitely not better than yours.

***
Take that KUBE Nation! Thanks for participating. We will see how quickly we can get stats posted.

Selektion Sunday!

Soooooooeeeeeeeelection Suuuuuuuunnnndayyyyyyyy!

Not that I am excited. My first bracket entry hit the web site and I got the confirming email and it feel like Kristmas! Here is a cheklist for good Kubies!
1. Go to Facebook and find the KUBE home page.
2. Add 100 of your friends.
3. Go to your Twitter account and follow Kubeklassik.
4. Enter at least twice
5. Get everyone in your office to play.
6. Get everyone in your family to play.
7. Open a Pay Pal account if you do not have one already to make payment easier.
8. Go to the Boomreactive.com site and learn what they can do for your web presence and social media marketing!
Do it now!

It really does look like a great tournament this year. Other than all my favorite teams get lumped into the Western Region. Some of the games are in Columbus, that is kind of west...west of Cleveland anyway. As always when I did my brackets I ended up with 1 and 2 seeds in the final 4. I always disappoint me which gives me a feeling similar to how everyone else must feel when they deal with me.

Go Vandy!

But seriously. I want to blow the KUBE up this year. I am hoping to have Komments from Dan Kukla starting as soon as possible. Dan can actually write. He can spell, conjugate verbs. and what not. Jon Becker is handling the uploading and downloading and all web related promulgations on our SWEET new website. It will be even more serious if we can crush that 500 entry threshold at which time we likely need to get listed on the NYC. All entries are getting invested in lottery tickets but there has been some talk of KUBEWAY! A multi level marketing opportunity (scam) in which we can have tiers and trails and mailbox money coming in and you can create a second income and work from HOME! More on that later.

In the mean time...enter early and enter often! Look out for Norfolk State!

Join the stupid, love the stupid, be the stupid.

KUBE, Stupid People Doing Stupid Things...for a long time!

KUBE Saturday Prep! Let's get It Started!

Sooooo....tomorrow we know what is...hoppening. We have already had several complaints regarding the KUBE web site. A drunken and slightly deranged Donaldson cornered me at a bar today (I was there approaching random strangers and demanding they enter the KUBE) with rather large complaints regarding having been up all night and criticising our obviously defective web-site since he could not “ENTER MY PICKS!” When it was explained that the field was not set yet he began ranting about “government incompetence”, “the nanny state” and “global warming conspiracy liars!”. Fortunately they were able to taze him but I want to be clear for the rest of you that picks cannot be inputted until the field is set.

And what a field it looks like it will be. 1 seeds...Kentucky, Syracuse, North Carolina and the hated Kansas Jayhawks. It was sweet to see Mizzou win the Big 12 on their way out the door after the conference snubbed Haith as coach of the year. You can say he inherited talent but if you think that Mike Anderson would not still be here if he could of coached this powerful a team you are sadly mistaken. Haith waded in and put together a powerhouse where there was an also ran before. Anyway...it was sweet.

But who are the dark horses? well, we will know a lot more tomorrow. Louisville just beat Cincy. I hate Ricky Pittino because he is such a smarmy mercenary. But then again it is not like Louisville has really carved out a history of honest, admirable basketball. Still, they have moxie and they ran through the Big East. Where art thou Georgetown?

OK, I have to go to bed and rest up. Go to church in the morning and get your mojo on and then start beating the KUBE drum.

Lets make it really stupid this year! Go LIU Brookly Clones!

Selection Friday

Sooooo.... it is Friday before Selection Sunday and KUBE MADNESS! Much craziness. I am sitting at home with my daughter on Friday night and instead of watching basketball I am watching “The Help”. I am missing action and I am probably missing some key insights into the goings on in the Big Ten, SEC, Big 12 and what not. Perhaps after the movie I can catch a little Pac 10 or 12 or whatever they are now. It is so rare that they really matter out there west of Lawrence.

Of course it is exciting to have Mizzou and SLU in the mix this year. SLU was handling La Salle when I got out of my car but not having Charter I do not even have the option to watch. I am bitter. On the other hand I am learning from watching “The Help” that I is smart, I is kind and I is important. I am not sure exactly how that relates but perhaps I will pull it together later. I was very excited yesterday when one Carence J. Molgerman...of the Troy Missouri Molgerman clan became the first to turn in his money. I had our webmaster, Jon Becker of Boomreactive.com immediately put a picture of it on the web. Molgerman unfortunately had to flee the jurisdiction and will be “wintering” in El Salvador but says he will be making his picks by way of the internets. I have no confidence that they have that there and KUBE is looking for someone who can decipher his entries in Spanish... “El Syracuso?”

So you have lots of options to get money to the KUBE and to make our goal of 500 entries this year. We are looking to see if we can get Kukla and Becker arrested as racketeers. It will require a buzz to be generated by the KUBE faithful. I am looking for a lot of hard work. We need more than the normal mix of financial advisers, bankers, lawyers, malcontents, serial killers, Democrats and what not. I would like some respectable people playing this year. Republicans, kickboxers, illegal immigrants and perhaps even some legal immigrants.

It is predicted the Atlantic 10 will have 3 teams in which will mean the idiot who argued with me at a Super Bowl party and told me “you know nothing about college basketball” might be right. That will be galling. I plan on winning this year. Last years winner Adam Reed is in prison due to numerous traffic violations so unless he can find a “mule” to sneak his entries out, we should not have to worry about him. We are looking at the regular cast of losers from Blue Horshoe (TM)
and I would like to see a resurgance of Dogs and we are considering opening up a CAT BRACKET for Kukla’s Cat Ozzie and Henry David Thoreau who currently lives with one Lydia Schaftenaar.

In any case. Tomorrow conference games look action packed. KUBE will be on it. See if you can do some stupid things all on your own in preparation. If you are reading this we have high confidence in you.