The Disapponted Parent

Last year at this time my son asked me to write his final column in the Valparaiso Torch. This year with him being next years feature editor I demanded a reprise. I think I might make the close out this year with an angry rant I call "The Disappointed Parent".

Well,... another school year has ended and as you take stock you need to realize that your parents are doing the same. I know that some of you are fine Christian young adults who will soon be morphing into very average, marginally employable college graduates.

If that is you or you are on that track you can stop reading because your parents are OK with you. They know that between their cash, some loaned and some student jobs, the dollars have been well spent and soon, perhaps too soon you will be joining their unhappy ranks If, however you are a normal college student or perhaps my son you should PAY ATTENTION!
Your parents have invested another $30,640.00 (according to the Princeton Review) in your education for another year. Lets think on that. My son is a Communcations major with a focus on Journalism. In St. Louis we have one dying paper but in Chicago BOTH major papers are in bankruptcy proceedings. Yet even though my son... my deeply troubled son... writer of a column named “Beckers Banter” which can best be described as “annoying” has decided to be a Journalism major...a major with the same future as someone who might or might not be able to operate a printing press, we have cobbled together another $30,640.00 for tutition at this fine university.

Think on it this way. Between your loans, aid and your parents cash your father could buy 30,640 Pabst Blue Ribbons at a local Valparaiso bar. Even with Indiana’s high gas prices it is like 12,256 gallons of gas (think how far you could drive from Valparaiso with that). If your dad likes to go bet on the Kentucky Derby it is 15,320 dailty double tickets. For you, or your dad it would be 30949 iTunes downloads. Think of the cool library you could put on you computer with that kind of coin.Remember that I am spending this money on a young man who spent the better part of high school drawing “Ligers” and wearing “Vote For Pedro” t-shirts. A child, who though now 21 and about to turn 22 is writing “substantive” papers about L’il Wayne.

Valpo, Class of 2009 Grads







The bottom line is that it is the end of the year and you need to take stock. What exactly do you plan to do when you graduate? If your answer is “move back home with my parents” then perhaps it is time to take stock. Perhaps... like my son you should consider a trade school. There is always a need for ditch diggers, welders, and people who work with concrete. In barack Obamas America we are going to building things. If less physically inclined then perhaps you might want to think about using that tuition money and moving to Mumbai and staffing a credit card companies calling station. Believe me, you could be that annoying if you tried.

It might be best all things considered that you not think about any of these things. The economy is in the toilet. Try and finish this semester strong and try and limp back for another year (perhaps your 5th) and then get a degree. The best news is that God in his mercy and Grace is going to find a way to use you to his purpose. In the mean time, hide in college as long as you can and learn a useful skill... maybe Foosball. Just a thought. Also.... be nice to your parents. The time and money we have invested in you scares us to death.

Spring And The Derby And Such

Quoting the bard (Greg Brown not Bob Dylan):

“Spring and what's left of the hippies return from old rooming houses and
Mexico.
More letters, more journals, more poems to burn; Real heat at last.
At last my words glow.”

Hard to argue with. My wife has me busting my ass in our mud pit of a front yard. Planting new grass. Planting some flowers. The grass grows by several inches an hour but not so fast that the dogs cannot run it into the mud. Part lush, part dirt path because of the dogs I have fenced it off and re-seeded. Lawn furniture getting power washed and the covered to keep the pollen off. That same pollen blowing off the trees and turning our driveway green.
Spring seems full of possibilities even in our mired down economy.

***

The NFL draft is done. The Cardinals lost a game. The Blues are out but Hockey will roll on for another several months it seems. Now I hunker down and wait for the Tour De France about which only I, and every other person outside the U.S. cares about. So other then the Cardinals...not much. The only thing we know at this time of year is that (despite last years aberation where the Cubs hung on till late in the season) the Cgicago Cubs have been mathematically eliminated from playoff competition. Once again...everything is right with the world.

***

Physical activity seems to suggest itself but... any exertion seems to kill me. I played Ultimate with the church kids. As far as I can remember I did not even run but I ache...So I abandon physical activity and will start thinking about The Kentucky Derby. In the past two years I have been going to little bar down on Lemay Ferry and having a bottle of Busch with breakfast on Derby Day. I am going to have to break that tradition to go up to Arlington Park in Chicago with venerable handicapper Keith Dierberg to bet the races. Early odds are as follows:

ADVICE 27/1  
CHARITABLE MAN  35/1  
CHOCOLATE CANDY 12/1  
DESERT PARTY 20/1  
DUNKIRK 11/2  
FLYING PRIVATE 75/1  
FRIESAN FIRE 6/1  
GENERAL QUARTERS 30/1  
HOLD ME BACK 22/1  
I WANT REVENGE 11/4  
MINE THAT BIRD 90/1  
MR. HOT STUFF 40/1  
MUSKET MAN 22/1  
PAPA CLEM 14/1  
PIONEEROF THE NIL 7/1   
REGAL RANSOM 19/1  
SQUARE EDDIE 25/1  
SUMMER BIRD 30/1  
WEST SIDE BERNIE 30/1  
WIN WILLY 30/1 

Now...in my last act of Charity for the month of April I will tell you that I will be betting on I Want Revenge and Chocolate Candy. You heard it here first. See you at the races and heresto Spring, when anything is possible.

An Afternoon Watching The Cards and the Draft

Sooo...how great is it that Cardinals seem to be able to delight and surprise even with their star pitcher getting knocked out for 2 months. The games are all fun and there is always a question of whether they can hold a lead... any lead. They remind me of Don Coryells old cardia Cardinals with every game going to the wire even where you have a 5 run lead going into the ninth. They seem to be scoring and the run production is from all over the line up which is also very interesting.

Their fielding appears to be suspect (at best). The relief pitching is...exciting? But Tony (the Genius) La Russa and pitching coach (on his way to the assisted living center) Dave Duncan keep giving us memories by coaching a lot of effort and a lot of production out of a line up which appears to be cheap and patchwork... other then that Pujols guy. It has been a lot of fun.
You have to believe that this is a team which will run out of gas sooner or later but while they are hitting on all cylinders they are pretty hard to beat. Their run production is huge and they have been hitting in key spots up and down the line up. Number 3 in team pitching in the NL. Number 16 in fielding. Yikes. But all that having been said they are tied for the best record in the National league with the hated (yet cute) L.A. Dodgers. Lets hunker down, say a few Red Bird prayers and see what the future brings.

They are kind of an ugly team too without Edmonds and Drew but winning ugly is still winning.

***

Saturday afternoon watching the draft and the Cardinals. The Rams draft Jason Smith. Hard to see how a rookie on that line is going to make an impact and give long suffering, beaten up and often concussed Mark Bulger but... you got to start somewhere. Mark Sanchez going to the Jets is really the most interesting thing in the draft and not a 4:00 on Saturday afternoon I am just waiting to see where Jeremy Maclin of Kirkwood Pioneer fame (I think he also played for some college in Missouri). He just got passed over by Darius Heyword Bay of Maryland and no one looked more surprised then May. Interesting. Michael Crabtree seems a little dumbfounded as well. I thought I saw Maclin projected at 7 or 9. The announcers are going on and on about Bay being the 4th best and the 24th player in the draft lambasting Al Davis. We will see. We are down to 15 already. Perhaps his youth is playing against him. I would love to see him be a Charger.

***

Cardinals seem to be in a pitching duel with the Cubs. 0-0 in the 4th.

***

Maclin goes to the Eagles in the 19th. We wish him well. He is young but seems to be a fine young man. He went later then expected and I do not know if that is his youth... or what.

Oops...another Pujols grand slam. Magic.

We Could Wrap Fish In It?

Sooooo.... perhaps it is time to rant a little about the Past Dispatch. As a connoisseur of Diners there is very much truth to the fact that is a breakfast at a diner is likely only as good as the paper you are reading. Based on this it is my unfortunate duty to predict that within the year every St. Louis diner will be forced to close because everyone in the city will have ceased eating breakfast because our once humble paper has become a useless, unreadable, insubstantial piece of offal (look it up Davidson).
The Post (and to be fair most daily newspapers) has been on the slide for years. The idea that conglomerates should own these bastions of first amendment rights was a bad one to start with but for a long time they were money makers. When the big boys bought you they engineered efficiencies. Efficiencies started with consolidated editorial staff. They continued with slimmed down reporting staffs (lets do more with less people). They continued to more pool reporting. More letting A.P. have the whole story.

Then add revenue dove even more. These conglomerates had purchased these papers with a ton of leveraged debt. At that point, nothing else could happen. They started filing bankruptcy (both Chicago papers and many more) and then dramatically slashing costs by firing more people and screwing their delivery service to make the paper even less reliable. This was true for Mc Clatchy who came out of Iowa and with a small town savvy bought a bunch of daily’s which serviced the debt for a while until add revenue dropped and they are now getting slaughtered. Over the last year their stock has gone from about 11 bucks a share to slightly south of 60 cents.

This dramatic drop in share price is due to the fact that their business model is dead. This has led to desperation. The post has been cutting back for years and a lot of people have given up on it but I have held on bravely. Now getting the Post each day is similar to going to the nursing home to visit your grandma with Alzheimer's. You love her and the memories you had of her and you owe her visits at least out of respect but seeing her like this....well,.... it breaks your heart. The Post’s most recent offense was a “revamping” of the paper to make it “better”. This included cutting whole sections and reducing the broadsheet size a couple of inches so it is now a pamphlet edition”.

We could go on for days discussing the reasons for this but they include, over leverage, legacy families like the Pulitzers cashing out (which was brilliant by the way), and of course....THE INTERNET!. The total lack of imagination for all these newspapers to not be able to charge anything for their content on line is mind boggling and their inability to figure out how to make money on the net doomed the print newspapers too. Very sad. I am going to miss newspapers. I will miss the Post but it is a foregone conclusion that it will cease to exist and when it goes it will have diminished so much as to not be missed.
I will miss the old Post. The USA today and The Wall Street Journal will be survive for a while along with the New York Times and Maybe the L.A. Times. Perhaps they will figure out a way to come up with meaningful local editions.

I hope so. I cannot eat breakfast without a paper.

Bonnie Prince Billy: "Beware" and Concert Review

Soooooo.... Bonnie Prince Billie. Will Oldham. Will Oldham a/k/a Palace, Palace Brothers, Palace Music....and of course Will Oldham a/k/a Bonnie Prince Billie and even in at least one case, Will Oldham a/k/a Will Oldham. But lately Will Oldham has been Bonnie Prince Billie. Got it?
Oldham. A genius. Dark music. Loud music. Soft music. Sometimes dense but rarely uninteresting no mater what ideation he is in. Bonnie Prince Billie has been more of an alt-country thing. He has a new CD out called “Beware”. He also hit the Pageant last week for a show I got to see. Lets take things one at a time. The CD is really a nice effort. He has bridged the gap of ruffness that impales much of alt-country and reached way back to the alt country roots of Gram Parsons and it is... sweet.

This is a CD that anyone can like. I am not sure there 9s anything ;ife changing on it but it continues the path of observant, litlling music from last years “Lay Down In The Light”. The album cover has been found “unsettling” with comparisons to Neil Young’s “Tonights The Night”. It actually looks more like the Post Dispatch’s Bill Mc Clellan sitting in the dark. Young’s Album was seminal and brilliant and dark. This is a little dark but with the lilting melodies and sweet harmonies it is no mopus (that is a moping opus).

The CD is worth a purchase. In addition to Oldham's band (Josh Abrams of Town and Country, Jennifer Hutt, Emmett Kelly of the Cairo Gang, and Michael Zerang), the guest list on Beware! includes Dee Alexander, Leroy Bach (ex-Wilco), Jim Becker, Robert Cruz, DV DeVincentis, Jon Langford (Mekons), Greg Leisez, Rob Mazurek (Chicago Underground/Isotope 217, Exploding Star Orchestra), Nicole Mitchell (Exploding Star Orchestra, Frequency), and Azita Youseffi. It is fun and tuneful.

***

I had never had the pleasure of seeing Oldham in concert. He alluded to the last time he was in town that he played at the old Cicero’s (basement bar) and that was indeedsome time ago (1997). I went with some friends and had warned them that Oldham based on picutes and movies that I had seen him in sported a “bee beard” which might frighten small children. Instead he came out shorn down so that he just looked vaguley crustacean. Earlier in the tour he had been wearing black but tonight he came out in ill fitting white pants and a white shirt. The pants looked about 8 inches too long but pulled up but appeared that he was wearing Depends or something like that under them. He looked bad.

His band was sublime with Josh Abrams (never stops smiling) and the somewhat ethereal Cheyenne Mize on fiddle and back up vocals. Mize was given the center stage and although her voice is not a 10 on all counts she is on the other hand and 8 or 9 and the harmonies on stage were sublime. Oldham was chatty enough making several references to sleeplessness and cocaine but over all was charming.

When not singing he has kind of an odd stepdancing style that I guess goes with the “Bonnie Prince Billy” mystique. The Pageant had a middling all ages crowd likely based on Oldhams mentoring status with current indie faves like Bon Iver, Joanna Newsom and Sufjan Stevens but on this not it was all about harmonies which is not an easy thing for an atonal boy like Oldham to get done. The crowd ate it up and he performed most of the new album. After some prompting he did his version of “I See A Darkness” whichwas popularized by Johnny Cash shortly before his death on The American Recordings. All in all, an excellent show with a slightly offbeat crowd. The only disappontments of the evening were the all ages show which precluded beer down on the floor in front of that stage and the lack of Beatle Bob which always makes you wonder what show you were missing that night.

When he comes back again. I will be there and i reccomend that you do the same.

Diner review: The Benton Park Cafe

Soooo.... what do you do about something called “The Benton Park Cafe”? I am deeply suspicious of the word gentrification and breakfast places, in such places tend to be insipid faux comfort food places. They tend to disappoint in authenticity and true comfort and although I enjoyed the experience and will go back, the Benton Park is a mixed bag. But the bag is pleasantly mixed.

It is in an old building at the corner of Arsenal and Lemp. It has been beautifully restored with hard wood floors and a new paint job and it is sparkly clean. The hardwood floors unfortunately lead to it being really noisy even when there are only a few patron and when the run their coffee grinder it is almost deafening. The patrons their on the morning of my visit including two gentrifying couples (God bless them) each with a small child and though charming it also added to the noise factor. I am well on my way to being a grumpy old man. The place has a nice little web site you might want to check out at: http://www.bentonparkcafe.com/.

The place sports it’s own slinger with gravy substituting for chili. As to my typical concerned I can say the following:

1. Iced Tea: Brewed and fresh
2. Potatoes: Interesting. Combination of two cuts or potato and two cheeses for a small casserole. Really good and interesting. Nothing crispy but worth trying.
3. Sausage: The offer the heinous turkey sausage and also pork sausage but alas... links not patties.
4. Cream Gravy: Winner. Spicy with sausage and served with “beer biscuits”. This is hallmark of the breakfast.

My notable dining companion had french toast which came with hot maple syrup and was promised some type of “cream sauce” to put on it but there was a glitch. The service was good and attentive and friendly with our waitress being a nice combination of not too old and too bohemian for her own good. She was pleasant and had her hands full working the floor and cleaning up after peoples kids but over all made it a better dining experience.












It is not a cheap breakfast but my propensity for ordering side orders always makes it pricier. I would recommend it as a place to take the wife or girlfriend rather then a place to hunker down with what remains of the Post Dispatch (that is another rant yet to come) and kill a 1/2 hour before work. Good food, nice atmosphere. Give it a whack and get a pretzel at Gus’s across the street when your done. Then go on a brewery tour. That sounds like a good Saturday morning.

Decembrists/Desameness: The Hazards of Love Review

Soooo..... What do you do about Colin Meloy and his “band” The Decembrists? It is really 95% him on each CD but he surrounds himself with a revolving cast of musicians that at nuance and texture to whatever is currently the object of his whimsy.
And with Meloy it is whimsy. This is a guy who put out some good music but suddenly came into his own with the brilliant and sickeningly pretentious CD Picaresque in 2005. He had other CD’s but this one brought together all of his literary and linguistic.... brilliance He is brilliant. Seriously. He followed it up with The Crane Wife in 2006. Both CD’s were just brilliant with there or four perfect little songs on each and even the weak songs were good. The guy knows his way around a hook and knows his way around a live show and he toured behind both and put on some awesome live shows and built an excellent fan base.

Now the new Decembrists CD is out. It is “The Hazards of Love” and although it broke early on the net he used a one night live performance to debut it at SXSW this year to rave reviews.It has been out for a few weeks. I like it but there is something that is starting to wear on me regarding his style. He is...dare I say it...”precious”. Here is how he starts:

“My true love went riding out
In white and green and gray
Past the pale of Offa’s Wall
Where she was wont to stray “

Really? What am I supposed to do with that? It is pretty but it is clear that if you gave this guy a few lessons in Iambic Pentameter (I now he knows more about it then me already) he would absolutely think he was Shakespeare. He wants to be Shakespeare. This is a good solid CD. It has all the lyric and melodic quality that you expect but for me it is just getting old at this point.

“Fifteen lithesome maidens lay
Along in their bower
Mistle thrush, mistle thrush
Lay me down in the underbrush
My naked feet grow weary with the dusk”

The mistle thrush? And where does he keep finding these droves of women? Sixteen Military wives on another CD and 15 maidens on this one. Still, it is a good CD. Hook laden. The title cut is pretty and works but the CD is summarized by the Austinist in it’s on line “New Release Tuesday”.

“The story finds the heroine (Margaret) and a shape-shifting love interest (William) and an evil queen. "The Rake's Song" introduces us to the disturbing narrator (all male parts played by Colin Meloy) who became a widower then murdered his offspring. He abducts a pregnant Margaret, swoops her away, and soon enough revenge takes its form in the shape of fallen children. There's rescue wrapped in a tragic wave of sea, questions about ghosts and non-ghosts, curses, hopes and in the end, we're not sure if there's ever freedom from the hazards of love.”

Meloy tells great stories and adding Robin Hitchcock’s guitars and Shara Worden’s vocals for the female lead it is worth a listen but not really worth a buy. Buy the old CD’s and if it is not enough of his style for you then go with this one too. Better to catch the live show. Our boy has a flair for the dramatic.

MICHIGAN STATE WINS THRILLER!!!!!!!!

STATE WINS!






Sooooooo.... it is all over and Michigan State shocks the world and beats North Carolina in one of the most exciting NCAA final game of all time. For those of you who went to bed early Michigan State who was down by 25 at one point rallied in the last three minutes with 15 consecutive three pointers, three of which were drilled by their coach Tom Izzo coming off the bench. A shocked Tyler (lower first round at best) Hansbrough sat sobbing on the NC bench like a little baby girl as MSU fans celebrated jubilantly! It was quite a spectacle.

Meanwhile KUBE had it’s annual and now legendary finals party at chez Kukla. The Kukla theatre room could not contain the 200 plus guests including Paris Hilton and the full roster of the 2009 Yankees. Fortunately Kukla has recently added a few bowling lanes and an ice rink Kukla describes as “smallish”. Evidently the rink is large enough for NHL teams but not large enough for European play. Kukla is thinking about litigation but anyway.... The guests were treated with great hospitality as we were served food catered by Annie Gunns.

All guests were treated to their fill of filet mignon and Annie Gunn’s smoked bar-b-q shrimp. Vintage Bordeaux was being poured and Becker disappeared for some period and was found in an upstairs tub fully dressed bathing in a 1961 Chateaux Lafitte. He seemed happy and is likely still there. He was muttering something about Villanova being “the peoples champion”. It was kind of sad and troubling. Hopefully the Kukla’s will not have to call the authorities to get him removed as they had to last year. Mike Johnson when reviewing the spread as it appeared was heard to have commented, “damn”. Well said Mike. David Kowert was leading the group on the skating rink watching on the Kukla jumbotron while drinking 2X4s of Magnum Malt Liquor, skating, wearing a speedo and MSU green body paint while consuming an entire crave case brought by Becker. It was...quite a site.

Eventually Kukla’s neighbors called the police and party wound down around 4:00 A.M. A good time was had by all. When this reporter left Don’s wife maria was sitting sobbing on the front porch of their once lovely home.
Of course the Michigan State win means that John Winstroer won the KUBE! Even if they had lost John would have won do to the fact that he was the only potential winner in attendance, the others having evidently bagged the party after watching the Cardinals CRUSH the Pirates in opening day action. Don peeled Winstroers winnings from a large wad of bills wrapped in an old rubber band he keeps in his front right pocket and Winstroer was last seen running naked across the Greenbriar Hills Golf Course. The video of this should be posted on You Tube later today... or on the “The Big Dirty” which seems to be becoming a family tradition. Even if Michigan State would not have edged out the hated Tarheels, and even if Lurkens would have been in attendance, the Kukla modified scoring system probably would have resulted in a last minute upset so...congratulation John Winstroer. Sorry North Carolina (haters) fans.

You deadbeats who have not paid as of yet...WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE! You will be allowed to play or not play next year at the discretion of the KUBE Koordinator. We also know where your children go to school. You have been warned.

This years KUBE was the best ever. Next year of course it will need to be bigger. In times of economic distress AND economic recovery...America needs the KUBE. I will not be satisfied until we have 500 people playing the KUBE.

Until next year...keep it stupid and remember we are all:

“Stupid People Doing Stupid Things!”

Tyler Hansbrough Kills Baby Cats!

EVIL TYLER!










Soooo... it is Sunday and all the good little kubists have been to church. Despair hangs heavy in wantonbecker land. The bully nazis from North Carolina and that jackbooted thug Tyler Hansbrough beat the crap out of the poor Villanova Wildcars in a game that was to be fair...”never close”. Still these things happen. At the same time Michigan State playing a virtual home-game played over their heads and beat the dreaded man mountains of U-Conn and the much vaunted, transcendent, better then other other league in the country, Big East is...”poof”... gone. It was a fun hame to watch. Even though wantonbecker has a bracket with Michigan State winning it all he still finishes sadly... out of the money.

We are down to two scenarios. If Michigan State wins it is John (the Wizard) Winstroer and if the hated Tar Heels prevail Daniel (I do not know my own name) Lurkins wins. I might take it upon myself to do disparaging profiles of each of the potential champions prior to Mondays game.

It has been a great tournament again. As always the best event in American sports with human drama, underdogs and dozens of great moments. No real Cinderella this year with two 1’s a 2 and a 3 seed making up the final four but that this point Michigan State will be the under dog and will certainly have my cheering interest against the evil, hated and much reviled North Carolina. So BIG TEN v. ACC. GO SPARTANS!

You of course are all invited to chez Kukla for the Monday night viewing party. Please rsvp to our tournament koordinator for a head count but Kukla and Becker will be in attendance so it will be...stupid.