Diner Review: Southwest Diner

 Sooooo... As i have have often stated I have a relentless, voracious appetite to bring new and exciting culinary delights to my several loyal readers.   No one is historically more impressed with my dedication than...well...me.  No one that is other than my loyal mates in the FFL (Fantasy Football League).  The league is made of ner do well plaintiff lawyers, a investment guy, a guy who does unspeakable things at a Catholic boys school and a deeply mentally and spiritually impaired private investigator.  It is a good group.  But they are not really people.  Certainly not people with "regular jobs" so the discussion of lunch, breakfast, dinner, drinks and food tend to take up a great deal of time on the email thread.  Recently the PI guy told me about this place and I was intrigued.  It was formerly a small, dark bar in  a "neighborhood" that nothing to offer but the 7-11 on the corner of Southwest and Mc Causland.

I have been there three times now.  Once for breakfast and twice for lunch.  The verdict is still out on it as  breakfast spot but for lunch it was... unstoppable.  They have a limited menu that is a southwest themed menu but they have all the standards of eggs, sausage, biscuits and what looked like some awesome pancakes which i will need to try on my next trip based on their look on the next table.
The lunch has been a killer.  The first time I got a green chili cheeseburger with onion rings, iced tea and a chocolate malt. My companions got an enchilada and some thing with beans and chicken and everyone was very pleased with their food.  The second time I changed it up by getting a green chili cheeseburger, fries and a tea.  My guests got that but one of them ordered a burrito which he said was awesome.  It looked "toasted a little brown on the top and was slightly bigger than a babies head.  All of the food was fresh and hot.  The service was more than adequate and the third time in one of the waiters recognized me and remembered me for breakfast.  The green chili has a great flavor and is not too hot.  With the cheddar it is outstanding and the burger itself is really fresh and juicy and the next time I go back.... I will get it again.  I first had one of these out in Sante Fe at a place called "Bob Cat Bites" that Road Food and Diners, Drive Ins and Dives had reviewed and spoke glowingly of.  It was good.  But not this good. The onion rings were way above average and the fires fresh, hot and crisp.  they like their malts, milk shakes and pies for desert but I will try those another time


I have only been once for breakfast.  I got the biscuits and gravy with chorizo pictured below.  The biscuits seemed really excellent but the gravy tasted more like chile to me and I thought it would make a great slinger for the slinger lovers among us (you know who you are).  I will report more on breakfast another time but I want to tell you there will be another time.  Go there.  it is off the beaten path.  It is unreviewed to the best of my knowledge in the RFT or Post Dispatch.  They serve all menu items all the time but are only open for breakfast and lunch.  Go there now.  Eat there now.Order that green chili cheeseburger, NOW!

Diner Review: The Egg & I

Soooo.... I get giddy like a little school girl when a new breakfast place opens in my general area.  This was the case on Sunday when dining at Annie Gunns I ran into a good friend who told me that I should try “Th Egg & I” (like The King and I but with eggs).  He knows my proclivities in dining at such paces and my enjoyment of same.  The place is in one of the new strip malls jammed into the Des Peres/Kirkwood portion of Manchester which in a few years will be, “the new Crestwood”.  The new monster upscale Dierbergs and the establish monster upscale Schnucks should make Manchester road an avoidable nightmare for everything but residents of the year.  Alas...goodbye Chic Fil Et!
But I digress.  The place opens at 6 which appears to be a good start.  I pulled into the empty lot on a Monday to find a waitress unlocking their out door furniture (slightly disquieting thinking of patio furniture thieves in Des Peres and went in to see that I was the only one there.  The place itself is fairyl large but unfortunately is also pretty non descript.  My first impression was that of a more family friendly “First Watch”.... don’t get me started again on First Watch.  The friendly waitress who had been liberating the patio furniture seated me at a nice window seat and I ordered a tea and reviewed the menu.  As one might expect from the name it is an eggcentric menu:
http://www.theeggandirestaurants.com/egg_menu.html

Not being an egg person I am always annoyed by menus that offer 50 different ways to serve eggs.  I think if I ate eggs I would prefer them scrambled or if feeling fussy...over easy.  Still I was able to order biscuits and gravy with some sausage and ranch style potatoes.  I asked after the existence of hash browns and was sadly told no but was assured that the ranch style potatos were “fantrastic”.  To their additional credit they brew their own iced tea and brought me a glass and a carafe allowing me to refill at my liesure.  An excellent start..  The place was clean and well lit having only opened on July 2nd but once again the lack of patrons was a little disquieting and evidently there had been another patron there because when he checked out he had to wait for the manager/owner to come out of the back where he was doing paperwork and I was quiet enough that I could hear any other conversation in the place.

The food came and it was very nicely presented with the biscuits and gravy in their own boat and the ptoatos on one side and the sausage on the other.  The presentation was the best part.  The suasage was unremarkable and passable.  The biscuits were actually the leaden biscuits that I prefer and we moist and very filling.  The gravy was a little sweet rather than savory but was also passable.  The ranch potatos were of course the hated “breakfast potatos” but they were very well prepared and although cubed, rather than shreaded were crisp and satisfying.  The waitress was very attentive (but what else did she have to do) and was earnestly refilling my tea carafe as I finished the meal.  In the end it was unfortunately unremarkable.  It is another unmemorable place to go break your fast in the morning and from my research of the website I can see that it too is a national chain although there are only two open in the area.  My guess is that unless they can find some way to differentiate themselves from First Watch that they will not be long for the area.  Enjoy your eggs while you can.

Diner Review: The Hearth Room

Soooo.... In my exhausting, never ending march to cover EVERY breakfast place in St. Louis I am constantly roving the city, eyes peeled in strip malls, shopping centers, basements filled with the undead as I cruise through some time desolate streets at all hours of the day or night, occasionally I come upon something new or at least new to me. Such was the case last week when I ventured out to west county to visit my parents. West County as you all know is a bastion of people who have all centered their lives around “getting a lot more house for their money” and betting that the public schools are better out there. If nothing else I believe they better quality drugs. But I digress. the point is that west county is a soul less bastion of shopping, and national chain food. I know Kirkwood and indeed parts of the City were once pasture but ALL of west county is paved over farmland and the way we have done it for the last 30 years...depresses me. Wow, I digressed again.

The Hearth Room Cafe is in the “Lamp n Lantern Plaza”. The name was quaint when it first was built in the 70s. It was on the corner of Woodsmill and Clayton and sat a little awkwardly behind a building with a 7-11 (now a Pasta House) and a car wash and a bank. There once was a supermarket there, a Kroger I think. When my parents had a spot of financial trouble we moved to Village Green Apartments which are just west of the center and I would tromp through it frequently on my way to buy comic books and 32 oz bottles of Sprite and Nacho cheese Doritos. Good days. My parents moved several times since then but now live in Chesterfield and so I was driving by the shopping center when I saw a sign over the steps of tiered Lamp n Lantern for “The Hearth Room”. I drove around the center and could not find it because you cannot park in front of it. Instead it lies in a “charming” court of shops, 30 yards from any parking. What a great idea. That morning I had already eaten so I did not make the trek.

Still, I vowed to come back and I did so this morning, braving the cold in order to walk the long way from a parking space to the “cafe”. As I walked in I saw a small darkened room of tables on the right. To the left there was a a large, charmless, kind of formal and dimly lit room. Their was indeed a large hearth and hearty gas fired blaze was going, throwing off no heat and even less light on a room that lacked any charm. I stood there for a minute till a waitress finally came out of the kitchen and advised I could “sit anywhere I want”. There were perhaps a dozen people eating there which I found encouraging but the average age was about 65 and at least two patrons had walkers parked around their tables. Still, old people know their breakfasts and I am never one to snub food that is easily chewed.

The menu was unremarkable and seemed to feature omlettes and pancakes and breakfast sandwiches. The waitress was pleasant and attentive. The iced tea....BREWED! And it was good tea, fresh in a place where clearly I was the only one drinking it. I ordered my standard meal of ½ order of biscuits and gravy, side of sausage and...(gasp) the dreaded “breakfast potato”. Frequent readers (all three of you) seem sometimes amused and almost always saddened by my obsession with the humble potato but nothing sends shivers down my spine like the menu item called the “breakfast potato”. WTF is a “breakfast potato”? Is it a particular cut of a potato? I guess I should be grateful because they are giving me a heads up that they do not have real “hash browns” which as we have discussed should always be shredded and skillet fried to perfection. But your reviewer bravely ordered them anyway and considered the venerable St. Louis Post Dispatch and read about Newt Gingich’s bold attempt at an open marriage with his current (totally uncreepy, not crazy eyed or plastic haired) wife Calista and his former wife...after she was diagnosed with MS, who of course replaced the first wife (diagnosed with cancer). What a hoot. Also, Romney appears to not have his tax returns ready for release. I did look around at the Hearth Room patrons, several of whom were speaking loudly to their hearing impaired companions. There was classical music playing and despite my enjoyment of the iced tea and my paper I was annoyed by the decor, the pretensions and I think just by breakfasting in west county.

My meal was pleasantly surprising. the gravy was a little thin but full of sausage pieces although it was topped with some green seasoning which might or might not have been parsley and while suitable for dinner, was inappropriate for breakfast food, especially biscuits and gravy. Similarly on my plate was an orange twist as garnish. Garnish is wrong at breakfast. there...I said it. It is (and if this gets too technical for you I apologize but I am of course a professional need to use the proper vernacular) stupid. The sausage was really good though. properly cooked. A little savory, no spice. I like big flat patties that are more like thin hamburgers. The potatoes were a disappointment but were very edible. the biscuits similarly were appropriately baked and added nice texture with the gravy and when i mixed it all up together it was more than adequate. I think it cost $9.00 with the tip.

Bottom line. Nothing special. Take your mom there, or your dad. Nothing homey, nothing charming and food did not wow. Ambiance sucked and you have to walk a long way from your car. I predict they are out of business by summer (the location is just a bad idea, especially for old people who need to walk in their walkers) and so if you want to give it a try i would get out there now.

6 ½ Slingers On The Ten Scale

Diner Review: Luvy Duvy's

Soooo....there is always some stress and embarrassed when you have to read about something in the Post Dispatch in order to realize that you should have been there. It is even more embarrassing when Larry reads the Post and calls you on it. I mean, when you ARE the St. Louis Diner Review you do have some things that are just your job and beating the under staffed, haphazard Post Dispatch to the punch is one of those duties. So the Post ran something last week in the GET OUT or LIVING section... or whatever they call it now covering Luvy Duvy’s.

I have seen Luvy Duvy’s before. On my way to get tacos on Cherokee at La Vallasina Luvy Duvy’s sat there, brooding on the corner of of Jefferson and Arsenal. I always assumed it was just a bad lunch and dinner place, doomed to go out of business. Garish pain on the sides and the windows. I had no idea that they had breakfast, There was no signage. Someone should speak to them regarding modern advertising. The building was garishly painted and I assumed extremely incorrectly that it was another “soul food” place like “Sweetie Pies”. I mean Sweetie Pie, Luvy Duvy... you cant blame me.

So the Post gave the place a nice review and said it opened at 7 and like a fool, I believed them. So I drove around south St. Louis. It was Cinco De Mayo (March 7th according to the posters) and they were setting up Cherokee for a party. Cherokee Street west of Jefferson is becoming a cool treasure with the excellent food and the print shop and that incredibly pretentious independent record store that I never know the name of. Anyway, I killed an hour and then went back at 8:05 and there already several cars on Jefferson in front of the place which is a really good sign.

I went in and the place is basically set up like a corner bar. I immediately knew I was in the new cool breakfast place in town. We have not had a cool place in a while. Really the last one was “After” which was on Manchester down in the Grove. It was a “cool” place and this place has a great vibe. Arguably even better than that because it was older and a little darker which... is good in the morning. It was also cool because of the servers. It reminded me of my recent trip to the “Waveland” in Des Moines where I entered and was instantly aware that I was not cool enough to be there. Since this was in the Lou and it was not a directly post college crowd... it was cool but not too cool. I am not sure I used the word cool enough in this paragraph. Are we cool on that?

So I walk in and get a seat next to the wall and start to read my Saturday Post. I found out a while ago that unless you get home delivery, there is no Saturday Post. Not in the machines. not in new stands...nothing. Who knew? It is hard bearing the St. Louis Dining world on my tiny little back but we all have a cross to bear. So, since I do not eat eggs I ordered biscuits and gravy with sausage, hash browns and an order of bacon. The iced tea.... wait for it... FRESH BREWED!

I tried to enjoy the Post as the place filled up and it did fill up. There were posers like myself but they clearly had a neighborhood crowd and a crowd of regulars, just like a diner should. The waitresses were young (under 40, maybe under 30, I can’t tell anymore) and they seemed polite and friendly and not overly chatty (huge advantage). The whole thing is run off of a very small griddle which I think is cool but I also have some concerns when they get a crowd. But mainly my concerns were overblown and for naught. I have become a diner “worrier”. An old woman among men, worrying that they are not doing things right.

Breakfast came on two plates.

The GREAT thing is the biscuits and gravy. As advertised their were two large biscuits (do not ask for half orders, it provides a mumbled “we don’t usually do that”). They were crispy on the bottom and not heavy and hockey puckish at all. A yellow or corn flower might be involved based on their color or they might have just been perfectly browned. They were also covered with sausage that also had a light char (as God intended). The gravy was classic, not too thinck and clearly made with love. Buy this.

The Good. the bacon was top notch. Also cooked with love. But not cooked with LUST as bacon should be cooked. It was crisp (averting the cardinal sin of floppiness) and had a slight smoke. really good. Not great like the biscuits but really good.

The ugly. The hash browns “looked” great. A thin browned patty of shredded potatos. They looked perfect in fact. like Spencers but thinner. Maybe only a ¼ inch of thickness. I was really excited... till I tasted them. I could not define what was off. I will try them again because they looked perfectly cooked but whether it was because the oil or because they were prepared ahead (remember the small grill) they did not match up to the first two.

The eggs I saw on other peoples plates looked cook to order and delicious. There is no chili so no slinger, but on the brighter side, there are grits. Here is the menu:

http://www.luvyduvys.com/Menu.html

You know how I feel about the potato. But still, everything else was perfect and I found in myself a forgiveness for bad hash browns that I had not known prior to this time. perhaps there is still room for me to grow? They also serve beer and following my usual Derby Day tradition, daddy had a Busch.

Who knows, but the bottom line is that Luvy Duvy’s is a keeper. 8 ½ Slingers on the 1o scale.

Diner review: The Benton Park Cafe

Soooo.... what do you do about something called “The Benton Park Cafe”? I am deeply suspicious of the word gentrification and breakfast places, in such places tend to be insipid faux comfort food places. They tend to disappoint in authenticity and true comfort and although I enjoyed the experience and will go back, the Benton Park is a mixed bag. But the bag is pleasantly mixed.

It is in an old building at the corner of Arsenal and Lemp. It has been beautifully restored with hard wood floors and a new paint job and it is sparkly clean. The hardwood floors unfortunately lead to it being really noisy even when there are only a few patron and when the run their coffee grinder it is almost deafening. The patrons their on the morning of my visit including two gentrifying couples (God bless them) each with a small child and though charming it also added to the noise factor. I am well on my way to being a grumpy old man. The place has a nice little web site you might want to check out at: http://www.bentonparkcafe.com/.

The place sports it’s own slinger with gravy substituting for chili. As to my typical concerned I can say the following:

1. Iced Tea: Brewed and fresh
2. Potatoes: Interesting. Combination of two cuts or potato and two cheeses for a small casserole. Really good and interesting. Nothing crispy but worth trying.
3. Sausage: The offer the heinous turkey sausage and also pork sausage but alas... links not patties.
4. Cream Gravy: Winner. Spicy with sausage and served with “beer biscuits”. This is hallmark of the breakfast.

My notable dining companion had french toast which came with hot maple syrup and was promised some type of “cream sauce” to put on it but there was a glitch. The service was good and attentive and friendly with our waitress being a nice combination of not too old and too bohemian for her own good. She was pleasant and had her hands full working the floor and cleaning up after peoples kids but over all made it a better dining experience.












It is not a cheap breakfast but my propensity for ordering side orders always makes it pricier. I would recommend it as a place to take the wife or girlfriend rather then a place to hunker down with what remains of the Post Dispatch (that is another rant yet to come) and kill a 1/2 hour before work. Good food, nice atmosphere. Give it a whack and get a pretzel at Gus’s across the street when your done. Then go on a brewery tour. That sounds like a good Saturday morning.

Diner Review: Main Street Diner

Sooooo....St. Charles, St. Peters, O’Fallon, Wentzville, Troy... these are all just places on a map west of town but as I was growing up I thought of them as country. As an adult I have found these locales disappointing. In the last ten years with our credit bubble inspired building boom now most of these towns look like... gasp... suburbs. Suburbs even used to have a personality but now they all look the same, Starbucks, Bread Co, Bob Evans, Best Buy, Walmart, Target and on and on it goes... like a cancer. Unfortunately a lot of fine restaurants and diners have gone out of business. It is always nice when you find a place that is not processed and shipped in from a 1000 miles away to be cooked “fresh” for you.

This place puts on one fine breakfast. I am not out in the vicinity a lot but as you head west on highway 70 you eventually pass through that part of the wasteland that is St. Charles and arrive at the Cave Springs Mall exit to the highway. What a weird thing.... a mall. The key is to not go to the left and cross back over the highway but to take a right and quick left which sends you into Old Town St. Peters. Such venerable establishments at Elmo’s Olde Town Bar are there as well as the subject of our piece today.

The building itself is pretty new and that sucks a little. It also has only a small high counter with stools more similar to bar stools then the short round stools that God intended to be in diners. It has a nice hard wood floor which gives it a homey feel but also adds to a rather loud echo that permeates the place making it a noisy place for a quiet morning with a paper or a private meeting with a client. Still the ambience is pleasant, the people do not stare at you too suspiciously and the service is very nice. The people are a mix of some suburban housewives and some builders and construction people and perhaps a few bored home builders. They do not build new homes out here anymore.

Excellent iced tea. Perfect hash browns, light brown crust on a shredded cake. Very tactilely pleasing to my rather delicate palate. The cream gravy is top notch, good consistency without making the move to wallpaper paste and the right amount of sausage. The sausage itself has a little bit of sage for just the right spice. It is really almost exactly what you could want. Examining other people’s plates I saw evidence of eggs cooked to order and well (lovingly) prepared bacon. The service as I said is very nice. The right combination of attentive and respectful of your privacy. The waitresses themselves were not of the “rode hard and put up wet” aged variety that you see in some places. The food was not cooked in plain site which is somewhat of a concern but we will forgive them that.

The menu is home-style cooking complete with Rib-eye steak breakfasts and meat loaf for lunch. I will need to stop by for lunch sometime. The bathrooms are a minor draw back on a cold morning. If I have have the time I often like to enjoy a brief constitutional after breakfast. The bathrooms are in a corner with two outer walls and sometimes, as an older gentlemen it can be harder to gain the appropriate amount of relaxation, even with the help of a sports section, to get the job done. Be warned.
Over all I really like the place and will be a regular on my tours of duty with the broke people of St. Charles and O’Fallon. I am saying it in 8.9 Slingers on the 10 scale.

Diner review: Kickers on South Broadway

Sooooooo.... the St. Louis Diner Review in it’s tireless effort to illuminate and educate continues to try and find new and useless ways to spend time and eat breakfast. The Diner Review has been lax and useless as far as getting you more diner news and reviews. First the news.

We have another casualty in the St. Louis diner community in that the dreaded Uncle Wimpys on south... way south Broadway (almost to Lemay) has bitten the dust. I am not sure when the dreaded closure took place but this is one that frankly I will not miss. the place was kitschy, Full of coke and highway 66 fake memorabilia and it had two front doors. That is bad luck and of course just wrong. The Riverside Diner (also on south Broadway) closed early last year and it was a much better place but alas...gone.

The question must rise as to why these diners are closing. There is a fine group of people living in the area and easy access and parking. Granted you do not get a lot of the west county traffic but that certainly cannot be considered a bad thing. No, there is another culprit involved and that appears to be a number of bars on the same strip that also serve breakfast and that brings us to Kickers.

Kickers is the old “Lighthouse” which was the old Dieckempers. There is a shit load of history in the place. I had visited the bar the afternoon before in an effort to find another place to hide and saw the dreaded sign “Breakfast every day from 7:00 A.M. Seemed to portend great things. I began quizzing the bartender regarding the breakfast menu and was informed his omelets were to die for with home made sausage and biscuits and gravy and breakfast potatoes. They are home cut.
The next morning I showed up with my most reliable dining companion at 7:15. I was greeted in a friendly manner upon entering the establishment by a 50 ish woman in a rakish hat who was the waitress and after some brief negotiations she brought me an iced tea. I read the paper in the dim lighting at a nice table for 6. No booths in the place which is a little sad but there is a full bar and a couple of high tables in the bar area with stools. The other room was where i was sitting and there are a number of large tables and appropriately poor light.

The tea was good. My dining companion arrived and immediately started chatting up the waitress. In the future i need to remember to maintain a portion of the paper to read after his arrival while he is chatting up the waitress. If I had done that I would not have had to hear about the fire which had burned house badly and left her this morning with watery eyes, a runny nose and slight smell of pulled pork. Not that there is anything wrong with pulled pork. She also explained that it was “Kickers” because the group of owners were all soccer players. I should have realized that they day before when they were playing the AC Milan v. AC International Club Match. Might be a good place to catch world cup games this summer.

He got coffee and then went into a rather long ordering process involving eggs, sausage and toast... but it still took a long time. I was able to quickly order a 1/2 order of biscuits and gravy, breakfast potatoes and home made sausage patties. I want to be very clear, there was nothing wrong with this breakfast. But there was nothing spectacular either. The breakfast potatoes were in deed fresh cut and crispy and were pretty good. The biscuits were slightly puffy but very good and the gravy was good old fashion cream gravy. The home made sausage was the biggest disappointment, not because there was anything wrong with it but because it was just adequate. I wanted some spice and some flavor and got fairly bland pork sausage. Still, nothing wrong with it, just nothing special. The cook is also one of the owners and I am pretty confidence that he would make me whatever I wanted.

A key element is of course that you could get a cold bottle of Busch with your breakfast if you need one and that just stinks of America and makes me proud.

Over all I give the place 7.5 on the 10 Slinger scale and that is mostly because it has tremendous ambience and excellent help.

Diner Review XII: The Crystal Grill

Crystal Grill
North Broadway and North Market
St. Louis

It is always a pleasure to find a jewel. A place real and authentic and old. Not dirty but...old..really old. The Crystal Grill has evidently been around for over 50 years but since I don’t get to North Broadway much and since their signage is so minimal I never noticed the place. It is just north of Downtown, probably a mile north of Dome. It is not quite all the way out where all the warehouses and trucking companies are but it is in a non residential area.

It is a little scary to walk in there at 7:00 A.M. on a weekday. I drove up to the place twice and then went to more familiar ground before I finally mustered the nerve to go in and boy am I glad that I did. I did. On any given morning there is one women working the place and her name is April. She is friendly and talkative without being too chatty. As you sit there reading your paper there are a variety of people who wonder in. Most of them do not appear to be businessmen and at least one looked rather scary...but was not. There is one guy in the kitchen who cooks everything and cooks it fresh. The owner is allegedly a city employee (which explains why health inspectors have not been more diligent about the bathroom) and other then looking like he had been chain smoking and drinking since before he was born is a pleasant enough guy.

The place is set up with one classic diner with one room set up with a counter and about 14 stools set in a U around the waitresses area. There is another large room through a doorway that has a cavernous dining room filled with a bunch of very old tables and chairs and a steam table and although I have not been there for lunch they tell me they pack the place and serve a mean roast beef. Likely I will never know. They also have a back room which she tells me was used by gangsters back in the day. Even if untrue it is very believable and adds to the mystique. This place is old... and cool.

They serve Jimmy Dean’s sausage which they buy at Sams (for God sakes) in bulk and then form into nice 1/4 pound balls. The hashbrowns are shredded, as God intends and although they might be considered slightly greasy they are very tasty indeed. they do not have chili and as such cannot make you a slinger. I questioned her about this and she was rather defensive. Their cream gravy is excellent in color (just off white) and consistency (thick without being gluey) but what makes it different is that it has little bits of ham cut up on it. A very nice touch we have not found in other St. Louis diners. On a recent trip they had run out of biscuits (which they allegedly make from scratch) due an early run at 6 A.M. by some truckers. This caused your diner reviewer to split a biscuit with his companion which still was more then enough. The eggs were cooked to order and seemed fine yet unremarkable (as eggs should be) and the bacon was thick and well fried and was frankly...impressive in it’s grandeur on the plate.

Celebrity Diner Reviewer Sal Pagano had this to say:
"Crystal is basic, personal, conducive to customer interactivity because of the close horseshoe seating, with April in the center position. Like a mother robin, she drops the exact freshly, prepared ordered to her customers in a family sort of way, glad we showed up and eager to serve. It is her raison d'tre. The seats are ancient and worn by the many years and thousands of persons who have patronized the place. The sink is made of PVC legs, by the owner, and April is making a colorful fabric cover to hide the plastic and freshen things up.She is the owner's partner. Crystal is a much appreciated and authentic experience. It has genuineness of the neighborhood and real individuals, compared with the smooth perfection of BreadCo and the ubiquitous Starbucks.
There was a guy telling his story about eating mustard sandwiches during the depression, while he enjoyed a post depression real meat hotdog sandwich; he savored it's juiciness as he reflected on his meatless past. The Crystal was for sale but now the owner, who is 2nd or 3rd generation diner operator, has decided to keep it in it's original state and operate it as a diner. They are trying to attract new business, investing in new signs and painting the place - work in progress. The coffee needs to be upgraded to get my official approval. The service is personal and fast. Lonnie Tettaton, Tettaton Signs, named the number 5 the Bitch Breakfast - "made by a bitch, served by a bitch and eaten by an asshole." April will acknowledge and serve the Bitch with a knowing smile if ordered in this manner. "

Sal has an uncanny ability to chat up people and gain valuable insight into any locale.

If you love diners and ambience and good food this place appears to be a keeper. Make the trip to North Broadway and North market and enjoy a little bit of old school breakfast...a newspaper and a little good company. Say high to April and tell her that we sent you.

Diner Review IX: The Buttery

Diner Review
The Buttery
3659 South Grand Boulevard
St. Louis 63118
314-771-4443

It was with some trepidation on a recent Sunday that I finally made the journey to “The Buttery.” Clearly there was a lot of fear just regarding the name. Certainly there should be no fear in too much butter. There can never be too much butter, or too much grease. As the Diner Reviewers “Home Boy” Martin Luther said...”We hold these truths to be self evident.” No, the fear had to do with the type of building and the location on South Grand. The fear was that there might be a dreaded butter “substitute.” That evil, vicious, yellowish oil that is “butter flavored.” This crap has ruined more breakfasts and frankly more restaurants then any other evil besides “butter like spreads.”

Not to fear. The Buttery provided an excellent breakfast, free of butter substitutes. Unlike some diners that I have traveled to, The Buttery is in a true racially diverse neighborhood. A neighborhood not of all one ethnicity. A neighborhood that is in transistion but know one knows whether it is transitioning from something bad to something good...or vice-versa. The Buttery stands in it’s own free standing lot wedged between an old office building and a Blockbuster. There is metered street parking on Grand and a small lot behind where you would not want to leave your lap top on the seat while you were dining.
Going in you notice all the good things. A grill driectly behind the counter and a long straight counter with a dozen stools with red pleather all ready for a big butt to plunk down on. There are also several two person booths (dueces) and about 5 four people booths. The booth benches and tables are made of the appropriate wood grained plastic that gives a person a feel of quality.... or not. There were no calendars on display which is troubling but a CD juke box was available. On this trip the repetoir on the jukeb ox was not reviewed.

The staff was comprised of a 50 year old lady, a 40 year old man and another lady who was mildly impaired of an indeterminate age. They were not overly friendly (likely because they were busy or perhaps because they were unfriendly) but they did meet every request this diner made quickly and without rancor. There was some friendly banter between the man and the woman along the lines of “when I want shit from you I will squeeze your head.” Good stuff.

The menu is a one page, two sided, yellow laminated presentation which once again stinks of diner quality and professionalism. They have all the important items available for breakfast including a slinger although it was not sampled. The gravy was acceptable and had good flavor although it was slightly gluey and did not contain a lot of sausage or any other meat. The biscuit with the gravy was covered in gravy, unidentifiable due to same and unremarkable other then as a medium for the gravy. Nothing wrong with that.
The hash browns need to be discussed. They are shredded hash browns (the importance of which has been frequently discussed in these pages) but the shreds are thick, more like a Nightcrawler then an Alabama Red Jumper. This leads to a slightly more “meaty” hashbrown patty, and it was a hashbrown patty. It appears that The Buttery uses the Waffle House hash brown form (when you do not order them “scattered”) and as such you hash browns come out in a round patty, about an inch thick, pleasantly brown on both sides. All in all I would have to call the hash browns...out standing.

Brakfast sausage patties were smallish and pre-formed but had excellent flavor. The iced tea was questionable as to what week it had been brewed in but over all I would say that was my only complaint regarding “The Buttery.” In 2006 the RFT voted it Best Diner saying:

Best Diner (2006)
“For so long, we've had so many questions about the Buttery. What kind of a diner name is that? Does anybody actually go in there? And most important, why haven't we gone in there? So we did, and we weren't disappointed. The Buttery boasts one of the best cheap breakfasts in town (served anytime, 24/7). The vibe is mellow (and almost otherworldly, the way everything else seems to fall away as soon as you walk in the door). Then again, there's a kick-ass jukebox stocked with a surprising and wicked array of metal and other high-volume hits to jolt yourself back into reality. And the reality is, whether you're looking for a well-done burger, a tuna melt or your standard eggs-potatoes-toast combo, the Buttery's...well, Best.”
While the RFT vote of “Best” is impressive (i.e. Best Fried Chicken, Kentucky Fried Chicken)

I was more impressed when doing my research to discover it was mentioned as a possible stop for a “Bad Girls Road Trip” in a lesbian website called “Curves.”
http://www.curvemag.com/Detailed/106.html

Can there be higher kudos then the picked breakfast place for a bad girl lesbian road trip? I think not. As is my habit now I gave the diner a second visit with a guest in order to confirm my “findings”. I am after all a professional and must impose rigorous methodology to my efforts. This “personal discipline” is the hallmark of my blog and of course...my life. The Buttery disappointed on my second trip. The iced tea was old, (from at least the night before and then left in a walk in if I am any judge...and I am), the hashbrowns still in their puch shape but undercooked and the bacon...average. My breakfast companion ordered the slinger (with sausage) and was pleased although it was served with beans which pleasing to some I find...distasteful at beakfast.

I was able to visit with the jukebox however and generally found it pleasing. It is one of the CD models and has a a large selection of country and classic rock. On a strong hangover it might be just the thing.
I will keep an eye on The Buttery in the future but for now...6 Slingers on the 10 scale.

Diner Review VIII: The Sunrise Diner

Sunrise Diner
146 N Main St
Edwardsville, IL 62025
(618) 659-8688


Soooo...we venture to Illinois again this time to The Sunrise Diner which is in downtown Edwardsville and just happens to be right across the street from my law firm. The Sunrise has great ambience and sits right on the street which is cool. It sits in a row of shops with a Wine Bar and the much dreaded Bryan Cave and is right on Main Street and hard to miss. With its unassuming glass-front window and chalkboard sandwich board outside, it does not impress. Inside the restaurant is kept fairly clean by the owners, and it is obvious that this diner has only been open a couple years.

“The furniture is rather new, the tables in good condition”. I read this in an online review and find it... a poor recounting of the place. Everything is blond wood and kind of lost in the 70’s. It looks vaguley like grandmas kitchen. Although they have a smoking section the persnickety among us will notice that the smoke permeates, upsetting some people and making the rest of us certain that we are at least in a diner. I think Illinois is supposed be going totally smokeless even in bars. I am a non smoker but that stinks of communism to me. There is almost no space to walk amongst the tables and the service is, well, diner service. I object because there is no grill and no counter with stools but I give some breaks for more rural Diners. There is no jukebox. Fortunately there is also no internet.

On a normal weekday morning you can count on seeing the police chief in his booth in the corner just enjoying his breakfast, holding court and taking things in. I do not know what he gets but he drinks a lot of coffee and tends to keep to himself unless one of his friends shows up. I have had breakfast there on about 4 occasions now, normally on a Monday morning and although the service is relatively indifferent and not particularly attentive it is more then adequate.

It is quite the combination. The cream gravy is passable, a little thick and pasty but with some decent flavor. The sausage appears to be local and home made. The hash browns...shredded as God intended and cooked pretty perfectly on a consistent basis. Good stuff. The pancakes are thick and wide and they serve them with plenty of buter and syrul. Try the gyro breakfast platter, generally I am not one for Greek food but all the food is rather good. An average breakfast will run you less than $7.

Diner Review VII: Spencer's Grill

Diner Review
Spencers Grill
Kirkwood
On Kirkwood Road (Lindbergh for non-residents)

So...it is a local favorite and it is close to home but sometimes I wonder about Spencers Grill. Not open on Sundays. (which considering it’s location it should be) Sits right in the middle of one of our better suburbs. Still it is a pretty great place. Nice menu with all the fixings... good long counter with the appropriate stools, three or four VERY old and uncomfortable wooden booths. Small parking lot in back and regulars can walk in through the back.... the rest of us go in the front. It has a long straight counter with about 8 stools and then has four booths along the window on the left. The booths were apparently made by hand a long tiime ago and are made to fit the space rather then provide any dining comfort. The padding on them, such as it was, it torn and almost gone. They are made of wood and are too small providing much unwanted bumping of knees, especially when your breakfast companion is a 50 year old man.

There is a decent amount of cigarette smoke. The waitresses are always pleasant and they take pretty good care of you. The crowd is pretty considtently male and middle class and a tie is not really out of place but a golf shirt is certainly fine. People are there early and they open at 6.

The food is good.Their hashbrowns are standouts. Very greasy and always formed into the appropriate patty. They tend to be pressed thin which thems a crispiness which is unexpected and delightful. The eggs are once again...fine and unremarkable and cooked to order. The sausage patties are smallish but have good flavor and the gravy is thick and creamy though a little bland for this reviewer. The bland gravy is over bland, thick biscuits which although filling were not particularly satisfying. What makes Spencers unique in our area is that they serve Scrapple. Our friends at Wikipedia tell us:

Scrapple is a savory mush in which cornmeal and flour, often buckwheat flour, are simmered with pork scraps and trimmings, then formed into a loaf. Small scraps of meat left over from butchering, too small to be used or sold elsewhere, were made into scrapple to avoid waste, a Pennsylvania Dutch tradition.

Who would eat this shit? Maybe John Meyers but he is from eastern Pennsylvania so probably not. Seriously....how does a bunch of stuff that sounds like it was dropped on the floor constitute breakfast? Remember this Diner Reviewer has a goat like stomach and absolutely no sensability regarding taste or anything else. I cannot stomach what I have seen of this. Although I am happy to mix the ingradients on my plate into something that looks like it was recently puked up, the idea of someone serving me a “plate of puke” is slightly (maybe tremendously) more distasteful.

Spencers makes itself a top quality choice and one of the only ones west of Lindbergh...barely. No jukebox. No calendars on the wall but still 8 Slingers on a 10 scale. They also get points for having their own web site. Very new millenium for an old world breakfast.

http://www.spencersgrill.com/

Diner Review V: Korner Kafe

Diner Review
Korner Kafe
Cahokia, Illinois

3295 Mississippi Ave
Cahokia, IL 62206
(618) 332-8711
Hours 6:00 A.M.-1:00 P.M.



So in my ongoing quest to discover better, older, crappier, possibly diseased diners....I have discovered the State of Illinois. Land of Dan Fogelberg... and that Lincoln fella... and judical hell holes. Of course they know their greasy food. The other day on my way home from Gruchalas heading up route 3 I stumbled upon the Korner Kafe. Just south of the border of the great and powerful city of Sauget lies the Korner Kafe... and creamery. It is approximately two miles from the St. Louis side of the Mississippi it is very accessable to downtown. Head over, get off on Route 3 south and drive past the strip clubs and Big River Zinc and Monsanto and...you there.


It is...at best an unpretentious building with a big gravel parking lot. It looks dirty but it is an easy place to get The St. Louis Post Dispatch and The Belleville News Democrat at the same time in the dirty machines in front of the dirty restaraunt. It has a somewhat busted screen door on the front. There were cops eating there and the inevitable...smokers. Why does smoking go with Diner breakfasts? Is it because all the health conscious people do not eat greasy food and if they deign to have breakfast that they eat at places like “First Watch” (an abomination) where they “take meetings” with their business compatriots.


Not at the Korner Kafe. Other then the two cops and two elevator guys all of the tables were filled with people sitting by themselves...and smoking. The koffee (notice the alliteration) was good. They also brewed their own iced tea. They served it in what appeared to be old Macho Mugs (TM) which allowed plenty of volume. The waitresses were middle aged, over weight, blonds who were smoking themselves but were pleasant and reasonably attentive. It was not a perfect diner in that the food was cooked in back but the menu was very good, limited and typical. They did not have chile and as such did not have slingers.


They had both hash browns and the hated “american fries” but it was nice to have the choice for those sad individuals who want them. the sausage was a big old patty and had a nice spice. the sausage gravy was adequately good and had a slight spice to it. Over all the meal was very good and hot and I strongly reccomend it....other then the fact that it was populated by a group of people (including the cop) who appeared to be extra characters in the “Texas Chainsaw Massacre.” I might possibly have to rethink the whole “Illinois” Diner experience. Who are these people anyway? Once you get south of Chicago they are not really even people... are they? But, on the other hand, they know their grease and that is what needs to be treasured so...I will soldier on.

Diner Review IV: Gruchalas

Gruchalas
Columbia Illinois
Open 7 days a week 6 A.M. to Midnight

In the last week i have had the opportunity to travel to Edwardsville as well as Columbia Illinois and it occurred to me that I have engaged in an almost unforgivably snobbish ignoring of our friends on the east side. I will make an effort to not snub our friends and on a recent Saturday morning I had the opportunity to travel to Columbia for breakfast with my partner John Mc Collough and David Kowert. We were discussing the state of the union as well as the state of our law firm. We were doing it in a bar called Gruchalas which as you can see does not look diner like from the front...and although lacking some essential elements of diner-dom...is none the less worthy of note for any breakfast ambience person.

But first...a little about Columbia Illinois. What a gem of a town. I got there in 20 minutes from Webster. You just get on 270, head south, cross the Jefferson Barracks Bridge, take the first right on Route 3 and the second left on Main and drive 1/2 mile. That brings you to downtown Columbia but it was a pretty morning and I had time so I drove around. Lots of new houses built on tree stripped hills which are ugly but once you get past that it is charming and pastoral. It lacks the big old houses downtown that a lot of small towns have but you get the feeling that this is a nice town that us struggling NOT to become the next boom suburb. After i left I found that if you boogie up Route 3 and through Sauget you are 15 minutes from downtown on a slow Saturday morning. The views of the city and the river from the bluff are outstanding and I strongly reccomend the brief trip across the river.

To Gruchalas...what a great place. It is a bar restaurant that serves breakfast as well. Several interchangable waitresses, all with brunette pony tails and heavy eye make up give good and friendly service. The regulars are all...regulars. Lots of Carhart jackets, feed store caps and the like. An even mix of men and women and some families. Lots of people smoking but not over powering. If you are not a regular you park on the street but if you know you park in back and walk in the back door. If you walk in the front you come in to a large bar area with a lot of memorabilia (beer cans and the like) and they will serve you there or you can grab a table.

The food is out of the ordinary and definitely heartier and more “country” then the normal greasy fare I like to consume. Hash browns are shredded as God intended and can be served with onions (.25) or gravy (.25) and only slightly improved. They are good. The sausage must be locally made and as Kowert noted it tastes more like a bratwurst patty. It was good but primarily good because it was so different. The bacon was a thick cut maple cured sweet bacon which is not my style but is really good and perfectly cooked. The omlette looked servicable but a country fried steak came out as a chicken patty in the only disappointment of the trip. Ice tea was brewed and the coffee was hot. they had a “slinger” on the menu which included buns...it was not ordered but perhaps on another day.

On a side note...but important note...beer is available for breakfast. As we left there were three guys at the bar eating full breakfasts and with a draft beer in a classic 8 oz. pilsner glass. Though tears did not quite “well up” there was still an over whelming feeling that I had found my people.

http://www.biske.com/gruchalas/index.html

Diner Review III: River Side Diner

Sometimes I fall in love again with St. Louis. Not often but sometimes. One of the fabulous things about having a passion for Diners is that I am always trying new places I find, stumble upon or have know about for a long time but have never gotten to. Such was the case today when I visited the River Side Diner on south...south Broadway. Do NOT confuse this with the faux hip City Diner on Grand (not a Diner).

I first saw the River Side Diner a number of years ago on a morning driving tour. It is on Broadway south of the brewery by about 4 miles...almost to Lemay...just down the hill from Alexian Brothers which is up on the bluff. This is a hard scrabble part of Broadway right on the river with barge traffic and oil storage tanks, metal salvage yards, pawn shops and bars. It is definitely an area where people work, live, eat and drink and some never leave in part because their cars are broken down and..well...with a few DWI’s driving does not make a lot of sense anymore. It is right down the street from the bar “Slo Toms” with which I have had an epic fascination for at least 10 years. It is a part of town which although sketchy at best, I have never felt unsafe in.

This is a REAL diner with REAL people who have jobs and work or...are just living off their disability or social security checks. I walked in at 7:00 on a Saturday and the small place was absolutely packed with all the 7 or 8 tables were full. There are no booths but they did have a nice counter which was more then adequate. Linda was the only waitress and after she wiped the counter she asked what I wanted and i did not have the balls to ask for a menu. I ordered hash browns, (shredded as God inteded), a couple of sausage patties and toast. She also got me an iced tea (brewed).She wrote my order down on a simple notebook pad instead of any tyoe of ordering pad.
There were 20 people in the place and most all of them new each other as well as Linda and indeed even Scott the cook. Scott was a 6’ 4” 315 pound doo ragged white guy who...cooked really well but you would not want to fuck with him under any circumstances. Scott was the ONLY person in the place other then me who was not smoking. It was yet another place that proved the socio-economic arguments about cigarette companies praying on the poor and the stupid. Every table had an ashtray and every ash tray was being fully utilized.
I got a menu to look at as I watched my food cooked about three feet away from me on a hot griddle. The pancakes look awesome and Scott was man who clearly knew his way around an egg mixing up some excellent omlettes as well as some delicate over easy and over mediums that would have made my wife’s heart beat faster. The menu was excellent with VERY low prices and all the breakfast stapes including biscuits and gravy and the dreaded and much discussed, analyzed and treasured “slinger”.

Regulars as I said were everywhere and the obligatory older loud mouthed guy (Bill) came in and started trading sexual inuendos with Linda and was told by Scott to “shut the fuck up” several times. Local color. You wonder if every good diner has regulars like this who just come out to have someone to talk to but are so poorly socialized that they stir it up wherever they are. Bill and Scott made plans to go down the street later that night for a beer and you did get a feeling that most of the people in the place walked there. The place did not sport a juke box but did indeed have one of those “shifty” free standing video poker machines where it is never spoken outloud about whether they pay in cash or not. It looked poorly used but..who knows. The coffee looked strong, the tea was good and fresh. It looked relatively clean and in most cases was probably cleaner then most of the patrons who frankly looked lijke people who worked hard every day. I think the most expensive thing on the menu was biscuits and gravy with sausage and hash browns for $5.00. My bill came to $3.50 after I went to the counter and cash register and she added it up. Being used to paying twice that much at the Courtesy or Chile Parlor I was able to tip generously and work my way out of the smoke out to the morning on Broadway.

River Side is probably only 100 yards off the river but the view is blocked by buildings and tanks but a short drive north on Broadway provides access to the river and you can drive your car to the edge and take in the morning and watching that deceptively slow river as it swirls and eddies south never knowing your there.
The River Side Diner is a 9 Slinger Rating out of 10. It is worth the trip.