This KUBE is KLASSIK!

Sooooo… once again, despite all my Kvetching… it has been kwite a KUBE.  With the able assistance of 500 or so future NCAA Union Members it has been as exciting a March in recent memory.  The Dayton Flyers are this years version of Cinderella (we have suffered through some years where there was none).  Connecticut… I remember when it used to mean something to be a Huskie and perhaps it does again and Kentucky… Caliperi and his one and done Freshman finally woke up, started to play hard, gelled, and frankly looked pretty frightening when they beat a good Louisville team.  I am watching the Dayton Florida game and at the end of the firt half it would appear that Dayton just does not have the steam.  I am a long established Billy Donavan Hater, as opposed to the many Donovan haters come lately but this does look like an awfully fine team… on the other hand I would not want any of them dating my daughter.  Donavan looks to me like the product of what happens when two carreer Marine Seargants reproduce.  I don’t have anything against the Marines but I do not mean this in a complimentary way.  The Flyers on the other hand, have a lot less ink.

I am not even going to beat on the perople at the bottom of the standings.  Their shame should speak for itself… I mean, come on guys, my wife is at 87!  Let’s step it up next year.

Kwite a KUBE indeed!  Taking KASH out of the system and keeping many of you from shoving KASH at me or telling me to “kover” you has saved management a LOT of headakes and been a real winner and the website funktionality has been top knotch.  I do not know for sure but it seemed like standings were being automatikally updated as games ended rather than having to wait for The Donald or The Mangsquash to get them uploaded and that was an awesome addition.

I am assuming there will be a fabulous KUBE party at the Depot but have not confirmed that with our benevolent overlord.  Kepp tuned to this space.

As I said, Good KUBE!  The Left Coast Kukla kid (high functioning and mainstreamable were the descriptive terms the Kirkwood teachers used in parent teach konferences with his disappointed parents) but other than criticsizing this writer for his mainstream pick of Michigan (I guess he missed their abusive bitch slapping of a very good Michigan team) his writing has been klear, kogent, and dare I say it...funny.  Kudos Kukla… the mantle is passed.

BANISHED! KUBE KNOTES FROM THE 3RD WORLD!

THE “HOTEL” MY SON BOOKED ME INTO IN NICARAGUA

Sooo….life is funny.  My son, blood of my blood, flesh of my flesh, tells me he has an important errand for me to run on behalf of the tournament...serving as KUBE’s representative at a wedding in Nicaragua.  Obviously it is holy week, the first weekend of the NCAA.  Normally I like to spend these four days in quiet contemplation, with in a bookshop in Vegas or a bar with several hundred large, HD flatscreens closer to home.  But clearly, my son, as new CEO of KUBE knows better and he needed me and after having been so unceremoniously shown the door I was anxious to be of assistance.

I carefully scheduled my flights getting up at 4:00 A.M. on Thursday so I could be in my room or the hotel bar in Managua to watch the tip off.  My travel went without serious incident  although I continue to be dumbfounded by the insistence that foreign countries have of using their native language rather than English.  I mean, seriously, these people live in our hemisphere… the least they could do is learn the language.  But I arrive in Managua and catch my shuttle to the Hotel Intercontinental.  My room is nice and as I flip through the 100 channels seeing a lot of… soccer.  I mean, it was 11:00 in the morning and there were 5 different soccer games going on.  Basketball was nowhere.

I called the front desk assuming that something could be done, but between the language barrier… and my sobbing there was no headway.  Not a problem.  I put on my big boy pants and went down to the hotel bar.  I ordered a tequila!  Why not, it was noon somewhere and I was on vacation.  But after seeing that the TV was playing the repeat of a Premier League game I entered in negotiations with the bartender who then searched… exactly the same stations I had in my room… and came up empty.

At this point, I began to suspect that there was some foul play involved.  Looking at my ticket, I noticed for the first time that my itinerary did not call for a return flight. I texted my son because the hotel had free WiFi and he suggested belatedly that the games were very exciting, it looked like there would be several upsets and that perhaps I should watch online.  I tried that for about an hour but for one reason or another, streaming was blocked on the various sites offering the service and so for the first time, ever, as an adult, I did not watch a single tip off.  I did not see a single basket.  I did not hear a show squeak!

I could hear my sons mocking laughter from 1000 miles away.  Not only had he fired me but I was being...banished!  Oh the humanity!  And what a day I missed!  The hated Buckeyes stumbling early and hard.  Harvard embarrassing Cincinnati!  The Bison of South Dakota State making sure there would be no strains of “Boomer Sooner” to be heard in the next round and missing my precious Billikens… sloppily winning an overtime contest against an N.C. State Team that evidently missed 30 Free Throws!  THIRTY!  I was able to follow it all on my phone.  No video but play, by play, score by score. This is a painful way to watch a basketball game… or more aptly to observe reporting of a basketball game.  Manhattan even gave Louisville all they could handle early.  Simply put it was a GREAT day of basketball...and I did not see a bit of it.  Now I know how the form Ukrainian President feels.

The standings had me tied for 5th with one of my brackets which is where I believe I will peak this year.  That is typical Becker performance.  Even if I win, I suspect new KUBE Management would probably insist on using the Ukranian Sanctions to Seize any winnings that might be coming my way.  One of the great things about growing the KUBE and then being banished from same is not knowing some (most) of the participants and this years contest is no different.  Who is Andres Jason?  Why did his parents give him two first names? He picked Arizona which in this topsy, turvy world might make him a genius.  If he is still leading after Friday’s games I will try and do some fact finding on who he is and who his people are.  Christopher (Cotton) Mather is in 2nd with Wichita which amazing few people picked.  Amazing because there is no evidence that they can lose and the have not lost a game in the last year.  A surprising 3rd is law school grad, chef, and film maker, the high functioning Drew Burbridge who also believes in the Shockers!

At the bottom of the standings is Shalee Strong who also lost her Champion Western Michigan.  I don’t know Shalee but suspect that she might of been the kind of women who would have shown the good judgment to date a man like me,  Mitch Margo… HE IS BACK… at the bottom of the sheet but at least he picked Michigan State and an old KUBE stalwart, Blake Warlop (Of The QUad City Wallops) is carrying on the family tradition of stinking up  the leaderboard. In the top 25 one guy picked Syracuse, One picked Kentucky and one picked Duke.  These are fabulous possible dark horses to win it all.

I did view the Left Coast KUBE Komments with some dismay.  Under old management we were not in the skin game just to promote a few more entries.  It is sad how far we have slid in such a short time.  As always, I blame Obama.  Now onto Friday’s games which I will be following until my phone charge dies.  I think Jon prepaid one night in the hotel for me so I will likely need to start sending this by “the mojo wire”.  This all is not a big deal.  I have been considering going native for a while and this seems like an opportune time to start.

BISON!

KUBEEXORTATION!

Sooooo… more on my banishment is to come but for now, for the good of the KUBE Nation… no… FOR THE GOOD OF THE NATION we need to bang the drum and bank the drum loudly.  We need to pound the record into the ground despite the lack of competent people like myself collecting money (massive skills) going to waste we need all of you to help us make this a record pot for the KUBE by getting record entries!  I am suggesting the following tactics which might or might not be ethical.

1. Get your family members signed up.  A couple of tips there too:

A. Steal your spouses credit card and use that to make your entry fees.

B. It is possible that you have children and have saved something for their

education.  One word….INVEST!  Invest in the KUBE.  it is a no brainer.

Help your kids, help themselves.

C. If you have aging parents… there is no reason to leave Social Security Money

fallow.  You owe it to them to enter them and to maximize their chances of

winning by entering them at least 5 times.

2. Sign up you co-workers.  I mean you already steal their snacks and drinks out of the

fridge.  Do entries on their behalf and tell them they need to give you their credit card

numbers or they will go to jail.

3. If you are a boss, a simple memo to all the employees saying that they are required to

do 5 entries this year.  Another option would be to forego any raises or bonuses and

use that money on their behalf to invest, yes INVEST in the KUBE!

4. See if you can get your kids girlscout cookie money.  You will be able to pay it back

right after the Championship Game.  WITH INTEREST!

5. Enter a lot of times yourself.  If you don’t have available cash you can steal a car!

These are just a few ideas for increasing KUBE participation.  If we can get in enough people early and hard I will not need to provide more ideas.  Awful ideas involving the kollektion of insurance proceeds.  You have been warned.  It could get ugly, quickly.  Now let’s go out and hit 500 entries...before the last minute crush on Thursday!

The Who Was Wrong! The Kids Are Decidedly NOT Alright: KUBE 2014

Soooo…. it is that time again.  March brings with it the promise of Spring and pitchers and catchers have reported and we are well into Spring Training and only weeks away from Opening Day!  And I don’t care because today is SELECTION SUNDAY and that means that it is KUBE time again and there is joy in every child’s heart!... accept in the houses of the elderly Mr. Becker and his younger, yet still approaching AARP card compatriot, Mr. Kukla.
We have tried to be good fathers.  God knows we have tried (our wive’s are not so sure) We have attended children’s sporting events, gone to parent teacher conferences, assisted (somewhat ineffectually) with science projects and sent our kids to reasonably decent schools.  We decided several years ago to give our children the option of entering into our little enterprise of KUBE KORP.  Formed in the late 1980’s by my partner and myself KUBE Korp has been a leader in the St. Louis sporting and entertainment business involving Boxing, Poker, Golf, Gin Rummy… the list goes on and on.  We visited with some of the areas more prominent estate planning attorneys and they suggested some estate planning tools and getting the kids slowly transitioning into the business.  This has helped significantly in that young master Kukla was able to provide some cogent kommentary and young master Becker was involved in another enterprise that had something to do with the internets (tubes and wires) and this assisted our somewhat halting transition to the internet age.
So, you can imagine how we were taken aback when in January we received our 2 weeks notice and pink slips and KOBRA notifications from KUBE.  We were summarily fired by the blood of our blood, the flesh of our flesh and shown the door unceremoniously.  Pension? “ I don’t think so”, was the response from their attorneys… that right, their attorneys.  While we considered lawyering up we realized pretty quickly that this Crimean type Koup had been Karried off with military precision.  Passwords changed, accounts changed… like we never existed. I guess this is the way it goes in the digital age.  Thanks Obama.
So, I don’t know whether these Komments will see the light of day.  I am watching Michigan (GO BLUE!) get destroyed by Michigan State as the Field of 68 Solidifies.  My precious Billikens are limping into the Tournament and Mizzou and The Fighting Illini… not so much.  Wichita State wanders in unbeaten, unbowed and relatively untested.  That should be fun to watch but also to see whether Florida is “all that” or whether Louisville and their Whore of Babylon Coach are as good as they would like to tell the world.  Don’t forget about the late Jim Boeheim who has not yet died but has coaching Syracuse brilliantly since I graduated from College and who was dominant early in the year and stands ready for this test.  Personally I am conflicted as to whether I will pick Cal Poly or North Dakota State to go to the Final Four and I pray they are not in the same regional.  Why, because I am old school and that is just the way I roll.
Enjoy this years KUBE.  With the switch to Paypal only (even though you don’t have to have a Paypal account we are going to have a lot of old people who cannot figure out how to play.  That means you're going to have to reach out.  Even with the kids running it, this is still the biggest brackets for the biggest prize in the entire free world and it is time for the KUBE nation to gather again and dominate.  The best thing any of you can do to protest the takeover is to go out and recruit 5 new participants for the KUBE.  I beg you to do this and quoting one of the pathetic characters from the awful movie “Red Dawn”....”AVENGE ME!”