BANISHED! KUBE KNOTES FROM THE 3RD WORLD!

THE “HOTEL” MY SON BOOKED ME INTO IN NICARAGUA

Sooo….life is funny.  My son, blood of my blood, flesh of my flesh, tells me he has an important errand for me to run on behalf of the tournament...serving as KUBE’s representative at a wedding in Nicaragua.  Obviously it is holy week, the first weekend of the NCAA.  Normally I like to spend these four days in quiet contemplation, with in a bookshop in Vegas or a bar with several hundred large, HD flatscreens closer to home.  But clearly, my son, as new CEO of KUBE knows better and he needed me and after having been so unceremoniously shown the door I was anxious to be of assistance.

I carefully scheduled my flights getting up at 4:00 A.M. on Thursday so I could be in my room or the hotel bar in Managua to watch the tip off.  My travel went without serious incident  although I continue to be dumbfounded by the insistence that foreign countries have of using their native language rather than English.  I mean, seriously, these people live in our hemisphere… the least they could do is learn the language.  But I arrive in Managua and catch my shuttle to the Hotel Intercontinental.  My room is nice and as I flip through the 100 channels seeing a lot of… soccer.  I mean, it was 11:00 in the morning and there were 5 different soccer games going on.  Basketball was nowhere.

I called the front desk assuming that something could be done, but between the language barrier… and my sobbing there was no headway.  Not a problem.  I put on my big boy pants and went down to the hotel bar.  I ordered a tequila!  Why not, it was noon somewhere and I was on vacation.  But after seeing that the TV was playing the repeat of a Premier League game I entered in negotiations with the bartender who then searched… exactly the same stations I had in my room… and came up empty.

At this point, I began to suspect that there was some foul play involved.  Looking at my ticket, I noticed for the first time that my itinerary did not call for a return flight. I texted my son because the hotel had free WiFi and he suggested belatedly that the games were very exciting, it looked like there would be several upsets and that perhaps I should watch online.  I tried that for about an hour but for one reason or another, streaming was blocked on the various sites offering the service and so for the first time, ever, as an adult, I did not watch a single tip off.  I did not see a single basket.  I did not hear a show squeak!

I could hear my sons mocking laughter from 1000 miles away.  Not only had he fired me but I was being...banished!  Oh the humanity!  And what a day I missed!  The hated Buckeyes stumbling early and hard.  Harvard embarrassing Cincinnati!  The Bison of South Dakota State making sure there would be no strains of “Boomer Sooner” to be heard in the next round and missing my precious Billikens… sloppily winning an overtime contest against an N.C. State Team that evidently missed 30 Free Throws!  THIRTY!  I was able to follow it all on my phone.  No video but play, by play, score by score. This is a painful way to watch a basketball game… or more aptly to observe reporting of a basketball game.  Manhattan even gave Louisville all they could handle early.  Simply put it was a GREAT day of basketball...and I did not see a bit of it.  Now I know how the form Ukrainian President feels.

The standings had me tied for 5th with one of my brackets which is where I believe I will peak this year.  That is typical Becker performance.  Even if I win, I suspect new KUBE Management would probably insist on using the Ukranian Sanctions to Seize any winnings that might be coming my way.  One of the great things about growing the KUBE and then being banished from same is not knowing some (most) of the participants and this years contest is no different.  Who is Andres Jason?  Why did his parents give him two first names? He picked Arizona which in this topsy, turvy world might make him a genius.  If he is still leading after Friday’s games I will try and do some fact finding on who he is and who his people are.  Christopher (Cotton) Mather is in 2nd with Wichita which amazing few people picked.  Amazing because there is no evidence that they can lose and the have not lost a game in the last year.  A surprising 3rd is law school grad, chef, and film maker, the high functioning Drew Burbridge who also believes in the Shockers!

At the bottom of the standings is Shalee Strong who also lost her Champion Western Michigan.  I don’t know Shalee but suspect that she might of been the kind of women who would have shown the good judgment to date a man like me,  Mitch Margo… HE IS BACK… at the bottom of the sheet but at least he picked Michigan State and an old KUBE stalwart, Blake Warlop (Of The QUad City Wallops) is carrying on the family tradition of stinking up  the leaderboard. In the top 25 one guy picked Syracuse, One picked Kentucky and one picked Duke.  These are fabulous possible dark horses to win it all.

I did view the Left Coast KUBE Komments with some dismay.  Under old management we were not in the skin game just to promote a few more entries.  It is sad how far we have slid in such a short time.  As always, I blame Obama.  Now onto Friday’s games which I will be following until my phone charge dies.  I think Jon prepaid one night in the hotel for me so I will likely need to start sending this by “the mojo wire”.  This all is not a big deal.  I have been considering going native for a while and this seems like an opportune time to start.

BISON!

The Who Was Wrong! The Kids Are Decidedly NOT Alright: KUBE 2014

Soooo…. it is that time again.  March brings with it the promise of Spring and pitchers and catchers have reported and we are well into Spring Training and only weeks away from Opening Day!  And I don’t care because today is SELECTION SUNDAY and that means that it is KUBE time again and there is joy in every child’s heart!... accept in the houses of the elderly Mr. Becker and his younger, yet still approaching AARP card compatriot, Mr. Kukla.
We have tried to be good fathers.  God knows we have tried (our wive’s are not so sure) We have attended children’s sporting events, gone to parent teacher conferences, assisted (somewhat ineffectually) with science projects and sent our kids to reasonably decent schools.  We decided several years ago to give our children the option of entering into our little enterprise of KUBE KORP.  Formed in the late 1980’s by my partner and myself KUBE Korp has been a leader in the St. Louis sporting and entertainment business involving Boxing, Poker, Golf, Gin Rummy… the list goes on and on.  We visited with some of the areas more prominent estate planning attorneys and they suggested some estate planning tools and getting the kids slowly transitioning into the business.  This has helped significantly in that young master Kukla was able to provide some cogent kommentary and young master Becker was involved in another enterprise that had something to do with the internets (tubes and wires) and this assisted our somewhat halting transition to the internet age.
So, you can imagine how we were taken aback when in January we received our 2 weeks notice and pink slips and KOBRA notifications from KUBE.  We were summarily fired by the blood of our blood, the flesh of our flesh and shown the door unceremoniously.  Pension? “ I don’t think so”, was the response from their attorneys… that right, their attorneys.  While we considered lawyering up we realized pretty quickly that this Crimean type Koup had been Karried off with military precision.  Passwords changed, accounts changed… like we never existed. I guess this is the way it goes in the digital age.  Thanks Obama.
So, I don’t know whether these Komments will see the light of day.  I am watching Michigan (GO BLUE!) get destroyed by Michigan State as the Field of 68 Solidifies.  My precious Billikens are limping into the Tournament and Mizzou and The Fighting Illini… not so much.  Wichita State wanders in unbeaten, unbowed and relatively untested.  That should be fun to watch but also to see whether Florida is “all that” or whether Louisville and their Whore of Babylon Coach are as good as they would like to tell the world.  Don’t forget about the late Jim Boeheim who has not yet died but has coaching Syracuse brilliantly since I graduated from College and who was dominant early in the year and stands ready for this test.  Personally I am conflicted as to whether I will pick Cal Poly or North Dakota State to go to the Final Four and I pray they are not in the same regional.  Why, because I am old school and that is just the way I roll.
Enjoy this years KUBE.  With the switch to Paypal only (even though you don’t have to have a Paypal account we are going to have a lot of old people who cannot figure out how to play.  That means you're going to have to reach out.  Even with the kids running it, this is still the biggest brackets for the biggest prize in the entire free world and it is time for the KUBE nation to gather again and dominate.  The best thing any of you can do to protest the takeover is to go out and recruit 5 new participants for the KUBE.  I beg you to do this and quoting one of the pathetic characters from the awful movie “Red Dawn”....”AVENGE ME!”

KUBEKLASSIK 13: ANARCHY BABY!

Sooooo....2013...Lucky 13?  For who?

March 3.  We are in the Month... the ides... and you know what that means?

KUBEKUBEKUBEKUBEKUBEKUBEKUBEKUBEKUBEKUBEKUBEKUBEKUBEKUBEKUBE!

That is right. We are back!

You need to start thinking about your picks.  We are one week before Selektion Sunday and normally I would have entered my annual period of fasting and meditation in preparation.  In the past I have gone to an Ashram where under a vow of silence for a week I contemplate things.  Normally I contemplate the Wailing Oneness of God’s creation.  The beauty and perfection of mathematics as it relates to sports wagering.  It is a cleansing time.  Purification before the storm that inevitably arises from Selektion Sunday through the rest of the tournament. It is a ritual.  Normally I would advise everyone to find your personal safe place and get centered.  Make sure you get a great deal of sleep and please refrain from any alcohol or casual drug use doing this preparation period.

That would be normally.  But this year I have been diagnosed, just recently of various intolerance's.  To Lactose, Fructose and now... even worse... gluten.  The formal diagnosis comes next weekend, just in time for Selektion Sunday.  And this year for preparation for body and soul I have another plan.  I plan on spending a week of binging and decadence eating everything I know my body will reject.  Drinking gluten filled beer.  Eating gluten filled pasta.  Eating soft lactose filled cheeses and consuming all the processed food that I can.  I will record all of this on an APP called food diary and there is at least a reasonable chance that I will not survive but I am doing it for all of you... and for KUBE KLASSIK 2013.  For this years tournament is going to be one of...mayhem and ANARCHY!

I cannot pretend that KUBE Management was not shocked and pleased by last years pool.  409 Kontestants.  I was most pleased that my parents were both still alive to see this tremendous achievement.  Now lets focus on the big goal.  The final goal...500 Kontestants!  This is going to take a great deal of work and focused concentration.  Lets focus on our best performers:

Without Moneta Group, the KUBE is nothing.  Less than nothing.  By investing their client funds in this tremendous “investment” they always provide the bulk... the corpus if you will of the KUBE pool.  

But it is the little people that make KUBE great.  The Kontestants that trail in from Becker’s many, MANY jobs and MANY law firms.  I mean this kid has done his part.  If Becker were to put together in one firm all of hisentanglements the name of the firm would be, Shifrin, Treiman, Barken, Dempsey, Ulrich, Davis, Davis, Kasnetz, Greenberg, Barry, Helfrey,Simon, Jones, Spencer, Fane,Britt, Brown, Wagenefeld, Hepler, Broom, Waltrip AND Schmidt.  I would like to get all of those guys to play but several are dead.

Look at our other Kontributors:
1. The Kowert/Winstroer Clan
2. Servco and Greg Gates and his old girlfriend’s families and his college... :Associates”.
3. Becker the Wrecker and his Konnections
4. Former Camp Arkadia staffers... and their families.
5. Jon Becker’s limited Valpo konnections and out friends at Boomreactive.com and of   course oursister site, Bathtubtuna.com.
6. Kuklas family and high school friends especially his son Dan...the Sortswriter.
7. The Sievers and Associates clan (Saftey First!)
8. The good people of Zerman Mogerman
9. The Epic annual struggle between CBC, Vianey and the poor sister Lutheran South grads.
10. Some random Dierbergs (but we are hoping Ryan gathers some Fllridians as we have been weak in that state.  My nieces have been doing the right thing and marrying people who will be expected to carry their weight and bring in Kontestants.
11. Glendale Lutheran members and their youth and parents I have korrupted over the years.
12. Becker the Wrecker and his “people”.
13. Our friends and Korperate sponsors at Dierbergs, “Official Grocery Store” of KUBE (tm).
14. Kukla firends all over the Kountry.
15. Kukla relatives... from the extended Kukla Klan literally skattered all over the kountry; and
16. Becker friends from Dubai to Palau including the fabulous, globe trotting Todd King!

Today Valparaiso plays for Horizon League Championship after a spectacular buzzer beater last night with Wisconsin Green Bay http://espn.go.com/mens-college-basketball/team/_/id/2674/valparaiso-crusaders.  It is March madness and anything can happen BABY.

ANARCHY!

Details to follow.