February Fini

So...we move shortly to March and we end the cruellest month. As I said earlier...March is still tough but it holds the promise of Spring which is one of the most beautiful things we are gifted with every year. Spring and the promise of new birth. Easter. Planting things. Grass turning green. The birds in this odd winter have already started chirping in the morning. It is kind of a blessed time...before the actual time of Spring. We will of course get several more blasts of winter, another week or two of cold rain but Spring and it’s mystery will not be held back by cold, steel gray skies...not for long.



Spring and All: Greg Brown









Spring and what's left of the hippies return from old rooming houses and
Mexico.
More letters, more journals, more poems to burn; Real heat at last.
At last my words glow.
My friend Jim just broke up his band, the guys all have jobs and the nights
got too long.
He's selling the amps, one guitar, and the van.
I'm sure you could have it all for a song.

Snow on the north side, trash in the yard, love like a newspaper tattered
and stained.
A two bourbon twilight, fog from God's cigar.
the neighbor's retarded dog chasing the train.

Don't see any good in just hanging around, take a tip from the birds and
change the scene.
Find some long river and follow it down to where our old sins have washed
up in New Orleans.

Spring and what's left of the songbirds return, to fight about loving and
nesting and such.
Thanks for the letters you sent back to burn.
Their smoke is as light, and as dark, as your touch.



Brown is another unappreciated treasure. “Two Bourbon Twighlight, fog from God’s cigar. Neighbors retarded dog, chasing a train.” Indeed.

Record Stores

So...online music is great and iTunes has changed everything but...I miss record stores. I know I am dating myself even more but I really miss browsing different record stores to see what I could find. Record stores...records are an anchronism. Some old people like me have turn tables but the only other people who have them are elitists and bands seem to put out some things on vinyl primarily just to prove how cool they are. So when I say I miss record stores what I mean is I miss records AND CD stores. I don’t have any problem with CD’s other then the tiny liner notes that my old eyes do not handle allthe tiny liner notes all that well.



Growing up there used to be all kinds of St. Louis record store options. A lot of small shops and department stores all had record departments. This was back when their were 45’s but they held on into the Album era and then the record stores came in. There was the Peaches chain and no one in town was really cool unless they were keeping their albums in a Peaches crate. It was as big as a super market with aisles and ailes of music and if it was out there to be found they normally had it. They were bought out while i was in college by the much larger Sound Warehouse chain and things kind of went to hell after that.

Streetside records reigned for a long time. They had a hip Webster location and a hipper U-City location and as they expanded the chain they seemed to hire knowledgable people and were good places to shop. In expanding the chain they brough a lot of convenience and they held on till the late nineties before compressing back into what I believe are only two stores left. One in St. Louis, one in Columbia. Sadly at this point in time they do not even have a web site and other then for hip hop music in St. Louis have faded into irrelevence. I could not even find one of their logos on line.



Sometime during their reign Best Buy and Circuit City starting selling music and Circuit City stunk but there was a hay day where you could find all kinds of obscure stuff and imports at the Best Buy on Watson. There was was some great stuff there for a few years I assume because they had a musichead manager.

That came to an end and about that time Barnes and Noble and Borders started to really get into the music business and you started to be able to get stuff on line. A few smaller stores survice but both selection and service are eclectic and can be somewhat annoying at places like "Now Hear This." We do still have the hallowed Vintage Vinyl store on the loop and Euclid Records in Webster. Those are places where you can hear something obscure being played when you shop and get into an annoying discussion with the staff about what was REALLY the best album by the band "Soul Coughing." But those kind of discussions are few and far between and the people at barnes and Noble and BordersBetween file sharing with Napster and the others before they became legalized and with Limeware and Soulseek afterwords. iTunes we discussed above but there are a lot of places to buy music online, sometimes fromt he record companies directly and sometimes from the artist site directly I cannot say enough times...online changed everything

What No One Will Say

What no one will say.

We ARE tired of this war. We HAVE lost faith in what appears to be a failed adventure and we ARE bitter that we were led into it dishonestly by people who likely had the best intention but when the truth is manipulated so grotesquely to motivate support...how CAN we believe?

Congress with it’s inept thrashing around is embarrassing. The Democratic “opposition” is embarrassing because no one wants to say what everyone knows. We have lost the heart for occupation and subjugation of this foriegn land. because of our actions, our failure to impose Democracy in Iraq is “letting the terrorists win” and they are going to “come after us” again. This is another big lie. Somehow admitting the obvious is perceived as an electoral death wish

There seems to be a fatal lie that the opposition is believing and that is that to question the war and to talk about withdrawal allows the terrorists to "win." Certainly if I am an extremist religious fanatic I am heartened that the religious fanatics in the Bush administration were thwarted. It is North carolina State winning the National Championship. David beats Goliath. This is a HORRIBLE loss and lets put the blame squarely where it belongs, on this administration. They LIED to us and mischaracterized “evidence” so that they could go to war. Their reasons in 20/20 hindsight appear to be to impose a stable democracy and the blessings of capitalism in the mideast. That is a lofty idea and is the nicest characterization of what those motives were because that was NOT what they told us when they took us in. I will not recount the litany of “weapons of mass destruction”, Al Quaida’s alleged connections,” “terrorist bases”.... and on and on. All debunked because they were simply not the truth.
Bush's Five Big Lies That Led to the Iraq Quagmire.

These are the five lies Bush told that Ralph Nader documented to impeach him. Nader might be a nut but given the choice between Bush and Gore... I voted for him.

• Weapons of Mass Destruction. The weapons have still not been found. Nader emphasized, “Until the 1991 Gulf War, Saddam Hussein was our government's anti-communist ally in the Middle East. We also used him to keep Iran at bay. In so doing, in the 1980s under Reagan and the first Bush, corporations were licensed by the Department of Commerce to export the materials for chemical and biological weapons that President George W. Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney later accused him of having.” Those weapons were destroyed after the Gulf War. President Bush's favorite chief weapons inspector, David Kay, after returning from Iraq and leading a large team of inspectors and spending nearly half a billion dollars told the president “We were wrong.” See: David Kay testimony before Senate Armed Services Committee, 2004-01-28.
• Tyler Drumheller, the former chief of the CIA's Europe division, revealed that in the fall of 2002, President Bush, Vice President Cheney, then-National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice and others were told by CIA Director George Tenet that Iraq's foreign minister — who agreed to act as a spy for the United States — had reported that Iraq had no active weapons of mass destruction program.
• Iraq Ties to Al Qaeda. The White House made this claim even though the CIA and FBI repeatedly told the Administration that there was no tie between Saddam Hussein and Al Qaeda. They were mortal enemies — one secular, the other fundamentalist.
• Saddam Hussein was a Threat to the United States. In fact, Saddam was a tottering dictator, with an antiquated, fractured army of low morale and with Kurdish enemies in Northern Iraq and Shiite adversaries in the South of Iraq. He did not even control the air space over most of Iraq.
• Saddam Hussein was a Threat to his Neighbors. In fact, Iraq was surrounded by countries with far superior military forces. Turkey, Iran and Israel were all capable of obliterating any aggressive move by the Iraqi dictator.
• The Liberation of the Iraqi People. There are brutal dictators throughout the world, many supported over the years by Washington, whose people need “liberation” from their leaders too but unless we have a hidden agenda we use those brutal dictators towards our own ends (see China).



When I say congress and the Democrats are inept I mean that they fail to grasp the truth, or honestly acknowledge the truth that anyone watching knows. We have GOT to get out of there and we are going to have leave with our tails between our legs. We are going to leave a disaster which will very likely include a divided Iraq (now seen as a common sense result) and “ethnic cleansing” and “genocide” against the people who are in the wrong places when that division takes place. What Congress needs to realize is that we do not need to be debating it now. Bush is not leaving Iraq. We need to plan for our countries leaving Iraq the day he leaves office and we need to do it NOW. We need to tell the world that at the end of 2008....WE ARE OUT! Until then we have a leader who will continue to pursue his dogged goals “failure is not an option” to whatever end they lead us no matter how strong the American people oppose him. There are so many misconceptions being acted on and advertised by this administration that I cannot catlogue them all. How about the mischaracterization that we are fighting "ONE" enemy in this war. What a gross mischaracterization. We are facing Al Quaida, Sunni Insurgents, Shittes,
Iranian Insurgents and also just some people who want to see us hurt.

And this is what REALLY makes me tired. I believe strongly that a leader MUST have the courage of it’s convictions. He should do what he really believes is the right thing to do regardless of public opinion. The problem is that he has been using manipulated public opinion for the last 6 years and in 2004 with 51% of the vote claimed a “mandate” for his Iraq policy. Well one thing about claiming a mandate is ackowledging that you have lost it. He says the public supported his policy but does not any more but what the public has realized is that this “war” is not a war at all. It is an occupation towards a goal of “winning” which no one can tell you what that means. A war on terror is like a war on drugs. It never ends and can only be held in check by dealing with the symptoms of what lead to to the “problem” whether that problem is drug abuse or terror. Our leadership has no desire to deal with the difficult issues choosing plattitudes of democracy and capitalism “solving” these problems. It is a noble principal. It might work if you were dealing with a country in Iraq that had any concept of it OR if our country had the heart to occupy that country for a lifetime or two. We have neither the heart nor the budget.

So what should we be doing. Every Democrat and republican challenger should announce that upomn election they will begin an immediate pull out from the country of all troops, first withdrawing them back to our bases and then getting them out as soon as possible. Some might go to Afghanistan, some to Kuwait but the great majority will go to Europe and then home. The counrty of Iraq will fail and fall apart. Kurdistan will forment revolution in Turkey and Iran and we will of course try and manipulate that to our advantage stupidly destabilizing those governments hoping they will be replaced by something better. The Shiites will get to work exterminating the Sunnis in some of the bloodiest genocide imaginable and Saudi Arabia and Egypt will need to figure out what to do for their Sunni brothers. We as a country will be further vilified and hated in the Arab world. Our enemies will then get to work on us in Afghanistan...I do not know what will happen there.

We need to retreat. There I said it. I am NOT for isolationism and I do think America has a duty to lead and to a greater or lesser extend protect it’s interests but look at how Bush’s dad it and how Clinton did it. You send out a message that we will come in, do a lot of damage and leave...quickly. With the massive force at our disposal and if people are harboring terrorists they will pay that kind of price. Perhaps over and over again. You want to keep Iraq from nuclear weapons. Spend a billion on intelligence and use it to bomb. Some of these facilities will be among innocent populations. Women and children will die. It will be a tragedy but it is a tragedy our country can live with. Spend your war money on national security. Tighten our borders meaningfully. Enforce our immigration laws whatever those laws might be at the time.

Start speaking the truth to American people. Democracy and freedom costs and it is going to cost so terror at home. We have learned a lot of from 9/11 but as they have in Iraq, the “evil doers” will change their tactics and we cannot become complacent. Imagine a country where we had spent those 100’s of billions of dollars on education, climate change and erradication poverty in our own country. The Audacity of hope...indeed.

Concert Review Number 1: Richard Thompson

Richard Thompson
The Pageant
February 22, 2007

I love live music. For the last 20 year or so I have been attending shows regularly first with my wifes permissionand then with the encouragement of my wife. The reasons were simple, I love music and to quote Neil Young:
“Live music is better, bumper stickers should be issued.”

I could not agree more. So in the old days because my wife was not a fan of standing in a smokey environment for 4 hours while I rocked, I would gather up friends, kindred spirits, people in and out of bad relationships, people who owed me, sad desperate people, anyone at all who would go to shows with me. Thn i began to get tired of going to shows and worrying about whether the people i coerced into it were enjoying themselves and i just went alone. Then a few years ago my oldest son started to take an interest in attending and suddenly I had (subject to age restrictions) a built in concert buddy who as long as I paid, would attend. Unfortunately he left for college and I realized since that time I think I have seen three shows in 8 months rather then about 1 a month that was my habit.

So last Thursday when feeling sorry for myself I thought...Richard Thompson, I love him...I should go. And I did. I always tell people that David Lowery of Cracker is the funniest man in rock but he might just have to be the funniest American because Thompson is the funniest man in rock. I have seen him 5 or 6 times in the past, almost always at the much missed Mississippi Nights club but I had seen Thompson at the Pageant once before. Thompson is about 58 and has been acclaimed since he was 18 when he started as guitarist with "The Fairport Convention" and met his first wife Linda. They made one devestatingly good album "Shoot Out The Lights" before he went on his solo career which has spanned 40 years. In August of 2003 Rolling Stone pegged him as the 19th greatest guitarist of all time. They under rated him.

The club was set up for a sitdown show. There are alot of good things about the Pageant but generally they can never figure out the right configuration. Generally for all ages shows they have the floor open but no drinking but tonight there were chairs everywhere and reserved seating. I got a seat by the bar eschewing my assigned seat for a straight ahead view behond the sound booth.



I am proud to say that I was young for the crowd or at least mid pack. There were not many woman and certain not a lot of good looking ones. The same was true, only more so for the men. Rarely have I seen so many baseball caps hiding baldness and so much thinning long hair. Whoever told these guys that long, thinning hair is a good idea? Not me.
Eliza Gylikson opened. She was great. Yawn. Beautiful voice, nice songs from Austin. Sounded Roseanne Cash like. Nothing wrong with that but...yawn. Thompson walked out same as always in his black jeans, shirt and ebret (covering his own baldness) and immediately charmed the crowd. He made some trademark wry comments and the broke into it. he was solo acoustic tonight and that is some of his best stuff.

He played a good song from his upcoming CD and it sounded tuneful. He then broke into “Walking On A Wire” which like many of his songs is heartrending in loss and pathos. He did hos first rock star guitar solo om “Crawl Back”. 3 minutes of acoustic butter wioth razors. Tour de force. Told us we could not sing and then tried (and falied) to lead a hootenanny. Broke in the sad “Down Where The Drunkards Roll and played a pretty, pianoforte guitar solo. His stuff always bounces between great singer songwriter fare and medeival syuff. he then did his new political sonabout Bagdad and disappointing dad. Nobody loves me here. “Dads Going To Kill Me”. At least were winning on Fox evening news he tells the crowd.



He played my favorite song “Persuasion” which was used on the soundtrack for the movie “Sweet Talker” although it has been covered by everyone from his son Teddy to the Finns (Crowded House). he also played my second favorite “Misunderstood” which the words are below. Thompson understands that woman and men don’t understand...each other or anything else and he is an expert at putting into song the spectacular miscues of love and loss. He also ripped of his classic Valerie:

“Leopard skin this, tiger skin that.
Matching luggage, lipstick, hat.
I can’t afford her on my salary.
But I am waiting, waiting, waiting for Valerie”

“I like a girl in satin who speaks in latin” he told us in his new song Hearts For The Smarts”. Cute song. Throw away. He then reached back to 73 for “I Want To See The Bright Lights Tonight”. How will I ever be simple again. Folk song. Beautiful phrasing. Cooks ferry queen. Dark and manic. Singing about “pre raphealite curls in her hair.” Thats the thing Thats the thing about Thompson. He is so literate...and lyrical and oh did I mention he is probably one of the greatest guitarists ever. EVER. You can have your Claptons and Vedders...whoever you want. I will take Richard Thompson. His guitar makes it rain and pour...washes over you...it can drown you.

Steve Pick from Euclid Records, formerly of vintage final, sometimes of KDHX and more importantly a Lutheran North Crusader was just down the rail. He also did gigs as a reviewer and still does for the Riverfront Times and sometimes for the Post Dispatch. Pick is an underappreciated local treasure. He writes great reviews, has impeccable pop sensibilities and...is Lutheran. He also is huge (tall) and somewhat haunted looking. Seems like a very nice guy...always.
He played a really nice set. the crowd was appreciative and he owned them but they were dead. This sitting and listening to good music is sick and unatural. This was a show that could just have easily been at the Sheldon for some of their patrons then held at a rock venue. The only disappointments for me was that even on the encores he never got to his song “Beeswing” and he never played his signature “Shoot Out The Lights.”

All in all it was a great show. The man is God and if you can see him...see him. It is always worth the buck.

She said "Darling I'm in love with your mind. 
The way you care for me, it's so kind. 
Love to see you again, I wish I had more time". 

She was laughing as she brushed my cheek 
"Why don't you call me, angel, maybe next week 
Promise now, cross your heart and hope to die". 

But I misunderstood, 
But I misunderstood, 
But I misunderstood 
I thought she was saying good luck, 
She was saying good bye 
But I misunderstood, 
But I misunderstood, 
But I misunderstood 
I thought she was saying good luck, 
She was saying good bye 

Things I tried to put shine in her eyes 
Wire wheels and shimmering things 
Wild nights when the whole world seemed to fly 

She said "The thing that's so unique 
When we're together we don't have to speak. 
We'll always be such good friends, you and I" 

Oh but I misunderstood, 
But I misunderstood, 
But I misunderstood 
I thought she was saying good luck, 
She was saying good bye 
But I misunderstood, 
But I misunderstood, 
But I misunderstood 
I thought she was saying good luck, 
She was saying good 
I thought she was saying good luck, 
She was saying good 
I thought she was saying good luck, 
She was saying goodbye 

Oh, she was saying goodbye, 
Oh, she was saying goodbye 
Oh, she was saying, saying, saying, saying

Richard Thompson: "I Misunderstood"

Richard Thompson iTunes Composite: (Evidently I have 173 Richard Thompson Songs in my iTunes library...ooops.)
1. Shoot Out The Lights
2. Valerie
2. When the Spell Is Broken
4. 1952 Vincent Black Shadow
5. I Misunderstood
6. I Feel So Good
7. Keep Your Distance
8. I Can’t Wake Up
9. Beeswing
10. Cooksferry Queen
11. How Will I Ever Be Simple Again
12. Walking The Long Miles Home
13. Crawl Back (Under My Stone)
14. Perusasion
15. Why Must I Plead
16. Wall of Death
Most all of these can be found on his most excellent collection “Action Packed.”

Ash Wednesday (Adams)

Ash Wednesday....I of course became outraged this morning when Robin Meade on CNN Headline News said that “today is Ash Wesnesday the begininning of Lent when ''Catholics"" celebrate by putting ashes on their foreheads.” First of all I am a Lutheran and we do it too. Now granted we are only Catholic light but there are several liturgical churches like the Anglicans who observe Ash Wednesday as well. Additionally Ash Wednesday is a big day. It is of course the beginning of Lent but without an understanding of Lent you cannot appreciate Ash Wednesday.

Of course for the alcoholics (like myself) it is the day that follows Fat Tuesday but really Fat Tuesday is the day which precedes Ash Wednesday being the last day of hedonistic abandon before the beginning of the fasting and austerity of Lent. That is of course bull shit and so bastardizes the meaning Ash Wednesday and Lent that it disgusts even me.
Many people, catholics and Lutherans and other Christians and for that matter non Christians often give up something for Lent. It is supposed to be an expression of denial to remind us of the upcoming suffering and death of Jesus but it tends to be something very self serving like dieting or giving up cigarettes or something like that. Catholics also have some dietary restrictions during Lent which I know some Lutherans abide by as well. Ash Wednesday is observed by fasting, abstinence (from meat), and repentance—a day of contemplating one's transgressions. The ashes are sacramentals, not a sacrament. The Penitential psalms are read.

Ash Wednesday is big for me because Lent is big for me. It starts the season of preparation but preparation for what? I think everyone generally views it as a preparation for Easter and Christ rising from the dead. Other people might think it is the penitence preparing for the suffering of Good Friday. I like that better. Good Friday really does cap Lent. Easter is the feelgood pay back. Good friday is the final anguished gush of shame for how sinful we are and how great Christ’s sacrifice was. I am more in line with Catholic’s who say Lent runs from Ash Wednesday to Holy Thursday or Maunday Thursday as we call it. I LOVE MAUNDY THURSDAY. One of the things we Lutherans have screwed up is the personal confession and forgiveness of our sins. We do corporate confession and absolution as a group. Very clean but not very cleansing for me. On Maundy Thursday we confess silently and in our Church the pastor calls me by name and reminds me of the forgiveness of my sins and it is very powerful.



I need forgiveness. A lot. it is empowering to know you are sinner, confess and feel the pain and weight of your actions and then go confident of forgiveness. It does NOT EVER free you up to be a sinner but it does allow to accept your sinfulness and know that there is still through God’s Grace a path to redemtion.

Ash Wednesday and Lent are the annual long reminder of our sin and God’s Grace. Lutherans love Lent and I embrace it being here again.

All that having been said I took note the other day...just prior to the start of Lent and it was lisa Loring’s birthday. Coincidence? I think not.

OK....so I am...and have been obsessed with Wednesday Addams from the Addams Family. Originally it was the cheerful Lisa Loring who was really sweet and mainly concerned about her pet spiders and had a cute Marie Antoinette doll which she would occasionally guillotine. Sweet stuff indeed! In the movies of course she was played by the teen (perhaps preteen) troubling Christina Ricci. I will never forget her with Pugsley strapped into the elctric chair and her about to flip the switch explaining that they were about to play a game called “is there a God?” Good stuff.


I think to be fair though I was obsessed be her even in the 1964 black and white show. Seriously, has there ever been a better show then the Addams Family? Gomez. Morticia, Lurch, Pugsley, Thing, Cousin It....even the over the top Uncle Fester. No one EVER wore a mole skin coat as well as Fester. But holding the show and the movie together was always the diminutive Wednesday.

In the series she was just a sweet, inncoent paralyzingly pale girl in pig tails. Dealing with her fat oafish brother who was at best a simpleton. In the movie she was rather...dark. In either case she was awesome. I believe when we go back and review this point in history she will indeed be viewed as...important.



Why isn’t anyone running her for President. Hillary? I don’t think so. Think Wednesday would have any problem with the Iraquis? She would bring Rumsfeld back, not to run the war but to go over there with her and Dick Cheney and just freak everyone out.

Album Review 6: The Lemonheads...The Lemonheads

So, what do you say about The Lemonheads? I believe eaier in my ode ti Mississippi Nights referenced once stepping over him in the entrance to Mississippi Nights at 1:00 in the afternoon on my way to buy tickets for that nights show. When I say him it is because Dando is the only Lemonheads member to be on every track of every album and it has never been more...or less then a vehicle for him. He burst onto the scene as the beautiful indie rock god out of Boston. They recorded 5 very good but fairly forgettable CDs early on from 1987-1990. Banging Juliana Hatfield (The Blake Babies) and was everyone’s next big thing after the CD “It’s a shame About Ray” (1992) before releasing the beautiful but soulless “Come On Feel The Lemonheads” and disappearing into the dumpster diving world of being the talented ex-indie rock god.



Saying that he had a little “drug problem” is like saying our President is “a little stubborn” or even better saying our President has “a little problem with the english language” or even better syaing our President....never mind, I digress. Evan was the king hell junkie and by his own admission did everything under the sun. In recent interviews he has blamed this on indie rock stardom and people wanting to make him into a 10 million record seller that he never wanted to be. Cry me a river, build a bridge and GET OVER IT!

All that having been said this is a great little (just over 30 minutes) CD. In is (one of my favorite words) “chunky”. Really nice guitar work and his plainspoken voice just sound soooooo good sometimes. He brought together the old Descendants rhythm section of Bill Stevenson and Karl Alverez and augments them with some other great musicians most noticably Garth Hudson on keyboards and incredibly guitar God (big G) J. Mascis. It syas Mascis only appears on one track (No Backbone) but thats a lie. His jangly Neil Young inspired heavy guitar can be heard throughout backing Dando’s own dandy licks.



“Black Gown” starts it off with nice guitars and vocals and then goes into the pretty and dark “Become The Enemy.” By that time you know the Cd will be worth it even if you do not like anything else. “Pittsburgh” and “Let’s Just Laugh” bring out the good old Lemonheads. Never let it be said that pretty drug addled men cannot write some great angst driven rock.
One of the things I love about it is it’s brevity. A little over 30 mintes and 11 songs. That is the way God meant for us to rock. Most of these artists get some success and they are driven to doing things like putting 11 minutes of “arty” feedback into an otherwise nice song (see “Wilco”) but this is just a straight ahead, VERY unpretentios rocker. Great driving around music. Nothing that will change your life but frankly...it’s just rock and roll and it shouldn’t change your life. 7 1/2 Sliders on the 10 Scale.


Lemonheads/Dando iTunes Composite
1. Alison’s Starting To Happen
2. Frying Pan (Dando on Victoria William Tribute)
3. Become The Enemy
4. 1000 Wedding (Dando on Gram Parsons Tribute)
5. Into Your Arms
6. It’s A Shame About Ray
7. It’s About Time
8. For Shame Of Doing Wrong (Dando on Richard Thompson Composite)
9. Buddy (My Drug Buddy)
10. Paid To Smile
11. Mrs. Robinson
12. Black Gown
13. Left For Dead

Record Review 5: Lucinda Williams WEST

Lucinda Williams.... it is hard to listen to ANY Lucinda Williams CD without marveling that she has not stuck a gun in her mouth. The daughter of Arkansa Poet Laureate Miller Williams (not that artsy southern people and their kin ever kill themselves) Lucinda has been writing what is simply some of the most heartfelt, painfully sung music of my lifetime. She is not a pretty lady. She has been hurt by men and hurt by life. She has serious questions about God... but she knows her way around a hook and a melody and her voice is about the most “real” thing I have had the pleasure of hearing live.


Williams had a tough early career starting in 1979 and 1980 with “Ramblin” and “Happy Woman Blues”. These CD’s show the rudiments of her style and showcase her voice but the booze and cigarrettes had not accomplished all of their magic yet. It was not till 8 years later when she released “Lucinda Williams” that some critic began to talk and her recording on “Change The Locks” (an old Silos tune which is simply pne of the BEST break up songs ever) that anything more then critics began to take notice. They say her breakthrough came in 1998 with the BRILLIANT (capital B) “Car Wheels On A Gravel Road” but I (and there is no one more important then me) would patiently (sort of) explain to you that the earlier “Sweet Old World” was really the the CD that put her on every critics list. (and I would be right...again.) “Sweet Old World” was 1992 and “Car Wheels” 1998. One thing she has never been is prolific. In 2001 she put out “Essence” which was for me a foregettable step backwards until hammering another one over the fence with 2003’s “Worl Without Tears”. Now only 4 years later she gives us “West”.





I am a fan. I generally do not review, listen to, or think about any musician (even one I just pick up) without being a fan. Williams songs are all deeply caring about her characters. Many of them seem to be to friends along the way, a lot to men who have wandered in and out of her life. She is not an angry chick, just a weathered one who never seems to learn that men...are just men. “Are You Alright” kicks it off in fine style. The first line, “Are you alright, all of a sudden you went away...” finishing with “Are you alright, cause I need to hear from you,” tell you everything you need to know. But the nice thing about Williams is she loves her characters and she loves that they have been in her life and might come back. The second song...”Mama You Sweet” is sweet. Send it on a mix tape to mom on Mothers day so everyone knows how cool you are. “Learning How To Live” might be a fill for “Are You Alright”. The 4th song “Fancy Funeral” will likely be popular but is a simple ode tonot spending money on a funeral but instead spending it on stuff now and making beautiful but cheap goodbyes. Next is “Unseffer Me” and for me it is the CD’s stopper. She is asking...begging for her lover to make it right. She does this a lot but simply...no one does it better. “Everything has changed” leaves her emotionally dead after another break up. “Come On”...a break up song starts with “Dude Iam So Over You”. I do not know how you feel about these songs as a woman but as a man I wish I could inspire this kind of angst in any woman. “Where Is My Love” is just a voice song...”Is my love in Helena eating sweet potato pie?” Kurt Cobain could not have gotten away with this but with her...it feels good even with the occasionally trite chorus. The next song “Rescue” seems to be that lesson that she can sing about but never learn...”He can’t rescure you, he can’t pull the demons from your head”. Indeed. “What If” is a pretty and politcal ballad. “Wrap My Head Around That” is... you will not believe this...a break up song. It kicks up the artistry a little more though. She has always had a song or two on each CD that through odd pacing and purcussion just...seem to glow (Like “Hot Blood” from “Sweet Old World”). it almost feels like a Lou Reed rap. “Words” is a tribute to the comfort of writing and “West” is a commercial for the California Board of Tourism with a nod to the folks in New Mexico and Arizona as well.





This is out on the “Lost Highways” imprint which is Universals noble but ultimately stupid effort to have a pretentious alt-country, indie label to give it some credibility in that market. They have some great artist but a lot of it is forced...this is not. She put together some good musicians for this one. Doug Pettibone is a pretty guitar player and Jim Keltner has been “drummer for the stars” since i have been listening to music. She throws in the classic Bill Frisell and adds Gary Louris (Jayhawks) for some background vocals and it is all just...pretty. This is a good CD. It has been long awaited like all her CD’s so it is critically acclaimed. She just has so much talent and so much angst and that...that voice. You get the feeling on every CD that there is just so much crazy shit going on her head every day that it really must be hard just dealing every day.
One of the great things about a new CD from Lucinda is the chance you get to go back into the catalogue and look at what she has done. Although not prolific it is a solid body of work. In that regard I give this only 7 out of 10 Sliders. Also as a new feature I am providing....since I do go back and review the whole catalogue, a new feature and that is the artists essentail iTunes composite which you can go download. That is why I am here. Here goes:

1. Change The Locks
2. Steal Your Love
3. Get Right With God
4. Passionate Kisses
5. Car Wheels On A Gravel Road
6. Six Blocks Away
7. Right In Time
8. Unsuffer Me
9. Are You Alright
10. Bleeding Fingers
11. Fruits of My Labor
12. Those Three Days
13. Pineola
14. Hot Blooded
That would not be a bad 14 bucks to spend.

Shaved and Crazy

What makes people go nuts? Booze? Drugs? Loss of privacy? Lack of sleep? Britneys’s well publicized melt down the other day is not all that instructive. The thing about celebrities is that we see them. They are covered, they are followed by paparazzi but are they any crazier then the rest of us? This diner thinkest not.

Celebrity brings it’s own share of nightmares. You have no privacy. As Britney has shown your relationships, weight gain, divorce, babies, shaved genitalia, partying, failure to have hit in 3 years, having baby with an idiot, finances, relaqtionship with your mother etc...etc...etc... There is no privacy and that would have to assist in making you.... I believe the legal term is “more crazier.”

Also celebrities are encouraged to act out and make headlines. With the web you can almost watch them any time of day...or more likely night. When they do something weird or stupid it is covered and under the theory that no publicity is bad publicity they do dumb and sometimes morally questionable things to get coverage and exposure (i.e. Britney’s recent “upskirt” shots and of course the Paris Hilton sex video.

When you add booze and drugs to the mix...well, then you get Anna Nicole Smith.

But I really do believe that these people are no different then any of us. Sure, most of them are prettier and they become mega wealthy but I think if you put the average 18 year old, from Ladue...or Arnold...or Chesterfield in the position that she is in....disaster cometh...and it cometh four thou. Think about the madness that is around us every day. Seemingly rationale people get divorced...and go crazy. Damaging their spouses, their children and themselves without a thought to the consequences. Rich people get bored with the lack of strife in their life and so turn to “recreational” drugs to liven things up. People with the lottery and some...fall apart.



I don’t know. I look at Britney like everyone else and shake my head. Pretty, reasonably talented, unbelievably rich. What a waste. I worry about her two kids. But really, is she any different then anyone else? Should i be more worried about the person I work with every day who seems to be having a hard time? Should I be more concerned about a family member who I can actually help? Britney is a car wreck. You cannot look away and what we are seeing right now is pretty sad but take lesson from it and look around. People are fragile. Take care of the ones God throws into your life.

Book review #3 The Book of Dave

Will Self: The Book of Dave

Will Self is one of my favorite authors. Other then being British (hate them) he has written some of the more disturbing and alienated prose in modern english ficition...at least fiction that was not scribbled on subway or bathroom walls or spray painted on rail cars. His book of short stories, “The Quantity Theory of Insanity” was one of the best collections I ever read and he has recently visited such classic themes as a planet of the apes “Great Apes” and the picture of Dorian Gray, “Dorian.” He is dark, he is twisted. I like him.

The new book is “The Book of Dave.” It is really hard and really annoying to read...but totally worth it. Without giving too much away Dave is a modern english cabby who mentally falls apart after having a child with a model and marrying her. He gets divorced and loses visitation rights to his child and goes into a slow, mentally ill rage that burns through the book. he also joins a fathers rights group that although he loathes it...shapes and reinforces some of his demented views regarding marriage and child rearing.

Amid all the craziness and injustices he writes his own "book' in a prozhac induced rage and has the pages engraved on steel plates which he buries in his ex wifes yard for his son Carl to find....at some time in the future. The awkward part is that somewhere between that and some other time...the apocalypse comes. The book switches back and forth between Dave in England...and 500 years later where his “book” is the center of modern religion and his crazy screeds regarding relationships between men and women are now governing. They are conservative. They are inflexible. The "book" of Dave is their Bibble or Koran and there are liturgical references toeverything related to being a cabby and all believers are "fares." Their liturgy is all the "points and runs" of the various routes to get from one place to another in London and these are chanted at all religious observances.

Most of the future part of the book takes place on the island of Ham where they are ruled or governed by a religious "Driver" who decrees how they live their life in day to day observance of faith which includes all manner of sexual seperation later augmented with the rape and physical abuse of woman. The people of Ham "Hamsters" are fairly innocent sheeplike people who live with strange creatures called motos which we are told are vaguely human though much larger and have the functional intelligence of two year olds. It is all...very odd. The relationship between Hamsters and their Motos is one of caqring codependence which culminates in the religious slaughter and rendering of the Moto.

It is also annoying because Self in his typical “look no hands,” “I can write anything I want and it is brilliant” style, he invents his own phonetic but incredibly hard to read language that they speak post apocalypse. It took about 200 pages before I could get into the rhythm of the book. It is really difficult to read and tiring but when I got into it...i thought it was like all of his stuff. Brilliant and troubling. If you are religious...and I am...the book is a harsh indictment of all the doctrine that governs my faith. It does not bother me but...it does make you examine your faith and why you believe all the unbelievable things that faith requires.

He never answers a lot of questions (or perhaps I could not read it closely enough to decipher all the clues) basic questions that hound the simple minded diner. What was the apocalypse for example. Why did people in the future have a lot the same paternal names as the present day characters? Is there a God? He never gets to a lot of that stuff and in the end it is a great critique of religion and society and a great overview of the main characters life taking us through agony and heartbreak and coming to a little peace in a very tumultuous life. It is not Self's best work but it is hard to fault a guy who is this good.
7 1/2 Sliders out of 10.




BACK OF WILL SELF'S HEAD

iTunes

iTunes


So....we music heads have had iTunes for quite a while now. At least since 2001 and it along with the iPod has been thoroughly assimilated and almost as thoroughly accepted by pretentious music heads as well as the general populace of radio listening, MTV watching slouches and know nothings. My son, the pretentious indie rock snob would no more do without his iPod then he would go without food and shelter. But iTunes drives the system. Originally I flirted with and actually (shamefully) had a relationship with Musicmatch which was at the time a sad jukebox program which required (in the dark ages) not just copying the CD onto your computer (we had not formalized the language of piracy as of yet to call this “ripping”) but then arduously having to fill in the information regarding track title, artist and album in the appropriate boxes. In light of the process now it was the rough equivalent pf scribbling with chalk pictures of bison on a cage wall. Now I pop a CD in the disc drive and it asks me if I want to import...or it just imports and it pops up in my iTunes library alphabetized by artist. Very handy.

The CD ripping project started on Musicmatch and then had to be replicated all over again when I got iTunes and finally, magically my Apple Computer. I had 15,000 songs on itunes when I got rid of my first Apple. I had backed them up on an external hard drive but that hard drive is not governed by iTunes so the reimporting process in inexact and requires more discipline then I currently posess. I now have 11,599 songs on my iTunes library and I would guess that about 200 of them are doubles I have been too lazy to delete but it could be as many as 500. It took months of sitting at the computer every night. Going to the basement, grabbing CD’s I wanted on there (and some that I did not really want on there but new that if another pretentious music snob looked on my computer I would want to have them on there. Not that it would ever happen but your cant be too careful when you are a pretentios music snob.) and then ripping then one disc at a time with it taking a few minutes a disk. Perfect work to watch TV by and the library grew and grew.

At first it was magical having this much music at my disposal but on my first 40 gig Mac it really did effect the computers speed having ALL memory sucked up by these music files. Still I persevered. In college and after I had always been a huge mix tape maker (once again in the dark land of the forgotten past of “cassettes”) and when we moved to digital music, mobile digital music, the fairly short lived discman portable cd players, it was a real hassle to make mix CD’s. I even bought a CD burner component for my stereo never even sensing that we were two years away from having high speed burners on our computers. So when I got the Mac I was able to start cranking out playlists and mix CD’s for the car and....life was sweet. looking at the library with its extensive (somewhat obsessive) compilations of music by Alejandro Escovedo (52 songs), Ani Difranco (82 songs), Beatles (88 songs) Bob Dylan (245 songs)...you get the idea. It was heaven. Obscure stuff. Mainstream stuff. Whatever I wanted. Multiple cuts of the same song (23 versions of the Pixies “Wave of Mutilation”), odd musicians and combinations of musicians illegal downloaded in that earlier age through the goldem time with Napster. All manner of those things musically Becker.

But now I have assimilated this technology. I take it for granted that the favored part of the CD library (because I still have not put all of the 1400 or so discs on a computer) is at my fingertips or available for my ears whenever I want. With this familiarity has come the hated contempt. Now having several thousand songs at your disposal at any given moment seems inadequate. It seems like there are only so many mixes I can put together without them rutting into a numbing sameness. the fact that the list is alhabetized leads to a lot of CDs starting with songs by the Afghan Whigs or Alejandro Escovedo. there is always newer music to put on but evidently all this digital music at my fingers, or just growing old, or just growing broke and buying fewer CDs has caused me to listen to less new music...which is ashame.



Thene there is the iTunes music store....the financial engine that drives this free service. If you don’t know what your looking for it will find it for you. It will look at your music library and “suggest “ things. It is insisious and expensive. Would I EVER go out and buy a CD with King Harvest’s “Dancing In The Moonlight”? NO. WOuld i click and pay 99 cents for it on a whim? ABSOLUTELY. I think I did that about 300 times in 2006. I even bought a few full length CD’s online but of course the ancient snob in me still likes to have the jewel box and they still have not found a good way to download liner notes and CD art. Early on I explained to my son that the world was divided into two groups of people, those who read liner noes, and those who did not. Still the ease of say...hearing the song “Click, Click Boom” on TV or the Sopranos theme “Got Myself A Gun” and then jumping online and buying it is too much of a temptation.

There is a laziness to this digitized music that the purist music lover in me holds in contempt. I remember back when I was twelve making mix tapes on 8 Tracks. 8 Tracks, those clunky tapes that had 4 diferent “tracks on them which on an 80 minute tape meant four 20 minute segments to program which meant adding up the times of the songs to do it right and not have the irritating “clunk” suddenly end a song. Cueing up 33’s and occasionally a 45 from ine or my brothers collection laboriously timing the hitting of the “RECORD” button with the start of hissing needle finally getting to the song. Ahhh...suffering for art. now it is click, click, click and done. I can do a mix CD for any occasion and looking at the playlists it appears I do with CD mixes made for trips, events, months, sporting events, any “occasion”. I plunk out CD’s for friends that they do not even want just to go through the exercise. My most recent compilation (being a hater of Christian rock) is a compilation of songs by secular artists that appeal to my bent brand of Christianity including songs like Johnny Cash’ Cover of Depeche Mode’s song “Personal Jesus” and Tom Wait’s “Jesus Gonna Be Here.” Eclectic, pointless and all mine. Very sad. I am, if nothing else a complainer.

I do not know where it takes me next. My next computer and iPod will likely have the capacity for me to have all my arcane CD and album library at my disposal. 30,000 or so songs. And in time that too will become inadequate. Like me.

Corrections

Sadly it sometimes becomes the job of this diner to admit one of his many faults and ackowledge errors, mis-statements or other problems (other then spelling errors and typose which do not count in cyber space) with this otherwise flawless piece of digital stream of consciousness bullshit. Today is such a day as it was brought to my attent, rather bluntly by the dreaded Splittsville that I had...errored. In my review of the Courtesy Diner I defaulted to sausage as a breakfast meet!

Those of you who have the misfortune of knowing myself and my family know that although we highly revere the sausage (and indeed all products rendered from the pig) that bacon is certainly #1 in the heirarchy of pork. Sausage, especially breakfast sausage and especially breakfast sausage in patties (those east coast people love their fat link sausage...blech!) is certainly one of God's great gifts to the pantheon of breakfast meet but bacon...

Well my friends in this Diner's household bacon is the the language of love. We express affection for one another by making bacon, and sometimes by "leaving" a [iece of bacon for another family member. Generally at family breakfast we like to cook two pounds for the five of us and if greasy fingerprints are not left everywhere it is not a successful meal.

Which reminds me...so let me digress to the three important things I hope to impart to my children before they leave the fold. Most of you are already familiar with the three rules but humor me and feel free to email additions as you see fit. The three rules are:
1. Never eat anything bigger then your head
2 Never...EVER run unless you are being chased (I violated this rule recently much to my detriment); and
3. Never fry bacon in the nude.
For a long time there were only two rules but the third was added after I heard it uttered by a drunken man (10:00 A.M.) at a vegas poker table.



But back to bacon. Bacon properly cooked, if of high quality is one of the purest joys of life. As one can see by my picture of my breakfast at the Courtesy, I prefer sausage...AND bacon with my breakfast but bacon in diners is a chancy proposition. Not all diners order the highest quality bacon, not all diner cooks understand that there is a proper place between limp and burnt that a piece of bacon must be cooked to bring out all of it's fabulous qualities. At the Courtesy, if you are a regular and ask, you can get the "Bacon Report". Often on Saturday mornings I have had to call in the bacon report to friends and family much as you call them regarding inclement weather or the birth of a child.

Anyway...thhe bottom line is that this humble diner must apologize for my slighting of bacon. I believe in all future dining reviews there will be paragraph devoted to the bacon of the establishment. It is the only right thing to do. Please forward any additions to the essential rules of life or your own ode to bacon (since it is Valentines Day today to me at wantonbecker@gmail.com.

First Official Diner Review

THE COURTESY ON HAMPTON DINER REVIEW ONE:

The Courtesy on Hampton has been my primary morning home since it opened...around ten years ago. It is on Hampton right where the old Arena used to be and up the street from Arena Liquors. The son rises over the Salvation Army building across the street. There are seven booths, the two on the left marked “not smoking” and the other five to the right go all the way down to the bathrooms. It is a classy place. They have a mens room and a womans room. There are 12 stools and of course everything is prepared right behind the counter.


I get there at some ungodly time and there are always a group of older guys, nice huys who sit at the counter and smoke and read the paper and talk about the weather, politics, sports and of course the morning jumble...whatever. It is some fascinating stuff. I did not join them at the counter so I was considered kind of “standoffish” but...they were kind and never beat me up or mocked me. Over the years several of them have croaked...probably because of their diet.

A lady named Janice used to rule the roost there. Janice was a fifty something...180 plus pound woman with hair dyed an off color of...well...I guess it was red or rust or reddish...anyway...Janice was crazy as the proverbial shit house rat. She had a gruff personality but when she liked you she took care of you and over time...she liked me. janice disappeared a few years ago the way the marginally crazy people on the fringes of society often do. There are only about 4 or 5 women who work there in the morning and they are excellent. Recently I have only been going there in Fridays and Saturdays and I have the same girls who cook and serve and they are very kind, often even making me a fresh pot of tea of every morning because...I like to drink iced tea in the morning.



I have been eating the same thing there almost every time I go there for all that time. Hashbrowns with cheese and white onions, two sausage patties and white toast. That and an iced tea. Now sometimes when things get wild and weird...I will have a half order of biscuits and gravy with a couple sausage patties....and and iced tea. The food is hot, the food is fresh. They of course also have the slinger, with Edmunds chili...beans or no beans, whatever you want. The bottom line is that the Courtesy...they are just good people. Most people smoke. The food is hot and fresh and they do a pretty good job taking care of people....especially the regulars.

The decor is...lovely. It is one of the newest diners around and they did it in retro style. It is all black and white with some red trim. The booths are hard plastic and the stools are a VERY classy red vinal. The lighting is properly florescent. It is all good and it is centrally located on the 40 corridor and frankly...it is all good. 9/10 Slingers.

Rants

So for a number of years...say 20, I have been a fan of a genre of music known by various affectations including Alt-Country, Americana, Roots, Twang et-cetera, et-cetera, et-cetera...I like it. It speaks to me. Alt Country took me back a long time ago to “doscover” the beauty of Hank Williams, Johnny Cash, Buck Owens, The Carter Family, The Louvin Brothers and many, many, more. Alt-Country was about to “break through” and become mainstream with the movie “Oh Brother Where Art Thou” but...didn’t quite, although the songs “Oh Death” and “Man of Constant Sorrows” along with the beautiful crooning of Gillian Welch we finally spotlighted for a larger audience. Alt Country has as its foundation the old time vocal and musical and lyrical traditions of gospel and country. I would say the Carter family might be the fount out of which my twang flows. This basic, stripped down beauty was discovered in the lat 80s and early nineties by various kids playing punck rock (including but not limited to Belleville’s own Uncle Tupelo) where you had this beautiful, powerfully angry and disenfranchised music. Hee Haw meets Black Flag. It was a beautiful thing, angry and awkward but still graceful and always...always respectful of the music. The immediate roots paid homage to Neil Young but once you scraped back the first layer of Crazy Horse feedback you started to see all those layers of country imagery, coal mines, working people, drunks and...people...just real people.
Wikipedia as always does a fairly nice job with it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alt_country

See also their non definitive list of Alt-Country artists: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Alternative_country_musicians
About the same time these new country stars started coming on the scene. Vince Gill, Toby Keith, that Mc Graw fellow, Kenney Chesney, Keith Urban, Brad Paisley...the list goes on and on and we will not even get to the women. Bands like Alabama, Lonestar and most recently Rascal Flats. All these bands had several things in common, big pretty hats, big pretty teeth, big belt buckles and...oh yes...they all sounded like the Eagles. I do not mean in a general way...they sounded like the Eagles in very specific, totally ripped off ways. Do not get me wrong. I loved the eagles and I respected the genre of country rock embodies by bands like theirs and Poco, the Byrds, the great Gram Parsons... this was good stuff in the 70s and it carried me into high school with sweet songs and steel guitars and just a little L.A. (and I do not mean lower Arnold) polish. But the Eagles with hotel California changed. Henley took over the band and they found a formula that sold billions and...well, that was that. Jow Walsh who was ihteresting as a solo act was a side show, Henley ran the show with pretty psuedo deep songs and talented guys like Timothy B. Schmidt (formerly of Poco) all sang and harmonized and followed along...and made millions.

These Big hat country bands grabbed the sound as their own but everyone over looked the fact that this was not country music at all. It was slick, LA country rock. Sure these guys moved to Nashville but only as a marketing ploy. Then came 9-11 and they all became Big Hat patriots...and then I really got sick. Country music as much as Jazz and Rock are Americas root contribution to the world of Music. Country music is about struggling with your demons (and losing a lot). It is about dark truths, alcoholism, failed marriages (not just unhappy relationships), God, the devil, addictions, failures, hard truths, real life. I mean it was a real Country tragedy when a married Johnnie Cash went public with June Carter. Broke her families heart that she could sin like that. Got him banned from the sacred Ryman auditorium. Forced him to write “Ring of Fire” to document his main. These new Big Hat country boys are pretty but they understood none of the angst that goes with being country. As the band the Hangdogs in their critique of this genre said:

“You give Hank his do but sound more Eagles-esque with every breath
If your so country...drink yourself to death.”
Indeed.

So, if you like this music I feel sad and dismissive of you and that is pretentious and likely unforgivable but...it just feels to the humble diner reviewer that it has neither soul nor substance. I love America and I guess everyone loves Chevy trucks but they do not move me like when Jay Farrar (The Wagner “voggner” of alt country) sings:

“Catching an all night station. Somewhere in Louisiana, sounds like 1963 but for now...sounds like heaven.”
In Son Volts “Windfall” That is good stuff. It is also a genre that can make fun of itself with Robbie Fulks odes to “Roots Rock Wierdos” and “Countrier The Thou” making fun of pretentious turds like myself.


Beware of pretty people pretending to sing country music. These people have not suffered rejection and pain enough as the ugly alt country boys. Alajandro Escovedo (former mex/L.A./punker is certainly as bad looking as any ugly badger. Farar looks like every kids you made fun of in the schools Audio/Visual “club” and if he would not have discovered guitar would certainly have been a king hell Dungeons and dragons player. Jeff Tweedy (now of non alt country Wilco but formerly of Tupelo) now looks like an angry Hobbit, Robbie Fulks and elongated Howdie Doody, Lucinda Williams an ageing crack whore, Walter Silas Humara (Silos) a bad skinned Cuban thug, gary Louris of the Jayhawks is the ageing Tiny Tim, Bryan Henneman of the Bottlerockets (the original angry Hobbit)...the point being that these are not pretty people. Ugly people sing better songs. There. I said it.

Diner Check List

CHECK LIST FOR DINER:
PLEASE PRINT OUT AND CARRY WITH YOU
YOU ARE NOT BRIGHT ENOUGHT TO REMEMBER!

1_____Cheap Aluminum Napkin Dispensers

2_____Dispensing incredibly thin and useless napkins

3_____Condiments on every table include either hot sauce, chili pepper or both

4_____Waitress (never a waiter) is a woman of indeterminate age and is NEVER pretty

5_____Grease hangs in the air and yet is also caked on everything

6_____Ashtrays on counter and in each booth. One booth inairless corner marked "no smoking."

7_____Floor is almost disgustingly dirty

8-----Breakfast served 24 hours

9_____Menu is laminated (due to grease) and has 50 items on essentially one page

10____Bathroom marked "FOR PATRONS ONLY"

11_____Cook is smoking a cigarette while cooking your food

12_____There is a daily special which is on the preprinted menu for the same price as the "special".

13_____Counter with stools

14_____Griddle is right behind counter in plain view

15_____There is a door behind the kitchen counter and grill and no one ever goes back there (accept to die)

16_____Large vent over griddle that is never on and never works

17_____Pay ohone (anachronism)

18_____They only take cash

19_____Someone is asleep (passed out) in one of the booths

20_____There is a substance on the top of the booth...just a substance

21_____Empty beer cans and bottle left outside door as people enter

22_____Clock

23_____Newspaper machine outside

24_____Ability to have chili and/or cream gravy on ANYTHING

OPTIONAL:

Cigarette Machine

Glass Doored "Pie Safe"

The Slinger

Diner Food: The Slinger.

I took it upon myself to make the Wikipedia entry for Slinger. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slinger. Why did I do this? I did this because I have no life and simply had nothing else to do. I did this because in MY sad little world it seemed important. On the bright side I am NOT responsible for the Wikipedia entry for Troy Missouri but this is little solace. The slinger is unique St. Louis breakfast food. We celebrate things that are unique in St. Louis because other then the Arch (only National Monument dedicated to people who had the sense to leave St. Louis) and the Anhueser Busch Brewery there is very little here that you could not find in some other backwater town in fly over country.

Scranton has scrapple, Philadelphia has the cheese steak, Miami has cuban sandwiches, Minnesota (I know we are talking about cities but there are not that many people up there) has ludefisk (sp) , Chicago even claims sausages but we have the slinger. The slinger is well respected. Referenced in Gourmet Foods Magazine column “Road Food.” The slinger will heal our nations wounds as it heals a drunks hangover and it will do it in an elegant way with frequent trips to the bathroom. The slinger can be found at almost EVERY St. Louis diner. A real slinger (this author holds) can only be made with Edmunds chili. A real slinger should have no beans. A real slinger is made with white onions cut into chunks on Monday and kept in a walk in all week waiting their use and gaining...character. When you have a stranger come to town you should take them to a diner and order s slinger.

Once they leave the restroom they will thank you. Maybe.


THIS FROM THE WEB:
Not to give the idea that St. Louis is just a town where people sit around and think of fucked up ways to eat food, but since we're on the topic of interesting local fare anyway of course I had to mention the infamous Slinger.
As far as I know, this is another one of those things - like Chinese food + white bread - that never really spread outside of the STL, though I've had my share of them in Cape Giradeau, MO, about two hours south of here.
An Internets search turned up next to jack shit, so I'm not gonna be able to tell you much about where or how exactly this originated, but a Slinger is basically a hamburger covered with eggs, hash browns and chili. Depending on where you go, it might all be covered with either shredded or liquid 7-11 nachos-style cheese.

It's also worth noting that a) This is not usually the best quality eggs, hamburger and chili to begin with, but b) You can usually get a shiteload of it (like 3lbs worth) for like $4, which helps make up for the questionable quality of said ingredients. And it's the rare occasion when you don't puke it all up an hour later anyway.



This from Sauce Magazine:
The slinger 

Although one tale about the origins of the slinger claims that Irish immigrants settling in St. Louis during the potato famine created the dish as a way to bury the spud under a heaping pile of ingredients, Courtesy Diner owner Larry Rugg has never heard of that story. “It’s just always been around,” he said. 

Courtesy Diner, with two locations in South City, offers a number of variations on the traditional recipe. “The regular slinger is two eggs, hash browns, a hamburger patty and chili,” Rugg said. “Most people also ask for Cheddar cheese and chopped onion. The real die-hards get the Super Slinger, which has either a beef burrito or a tamale on top. We probably sell most of them during the third shift. It’s really popular with the bar crowd.” 

Tamales and burritos have always been a slinger staple at the Courtesy Diner. “A lot of places don’t carry tamales and burritos, so I’m not sure you could get it the same way anywhere else,” Rugg said.

The thing about the Slinger is that it is more important as an idea than a food. It is beyond typical comprehension that you could eat this combination of "foods" and survive. It is an act of will. An act of faith. In college when we did stupid things like this I had an idiot aquaintance who would howl "quienes mas machos?" Which he told me meant who is the macho one? Indeed.


Long Bombs...or Nuclear Bombs?

What is more dramatic...watching Rex Grossman (Rex Grossman) toss up air balls in the Super Bowl or watching terrorists nuke Valencia California on 24? Norman Chad might say the Super Bowl. This from the Couch Slouch:

Ask the Slouch
Question: Since the number of people airborne over the United States at any given hour is about 61,000, how many of them are in danger of being hit by a Rex Grossman pass?

DAVE GRESCHNER Rice Lake, Wis.
Answer: Actually, I'd also fear for those still taxiing on a delayed Delta Airlines flight.

For those of you who do not regularly read Norman Chad: http://www.chron.com/content/chronicle/sports/chad/home/

Perhaps it is not fair to pick on Grossman. He is of course only 12 years old and still has not lost the aggressiveness pounded into him relentlessly in the “Pop Warner” league where he recently cut his teeth.


How does Jack Bauer (Kiefer Sutherland) do it? How can reasonable people suspend their disbelief for periods of time in order to watch all this shameless, violent clap trap. Unbelievable bull shit. Totally whacko, non sensical hate, violence, torture....and I love it. I think that reflects very poorly on me... and our country and is exactly what I would expect from FOX. Fair and Balanced. Indeed.

We have terrorists on one hand...blowing up Valencia where my friend Tiemann and his family obviously were killed in the conflagration...I cannot pretend that there is anything else in Valencia that would be missed but Tiemann had at least one salvageable child...perhaps even two and a very nice wife. On the other hand we have the neo cons constantly trying to suspend the constitution so that they can take over the government, save us from the terrorists...and the liberals. Then we have Jack and the good guys but on 24 the “good” guys are an ever changing cast where good guys turn out to be deep cover bad guys and then....ohhh...it is not good.

Whenever I think I am having a bad Monday coming home and getting a taste of Jack Bauer’s day...well that my friends is a bad day. here is nice picture of Kiefer and his puppy. I hope the puppy does not know anything about the nukes or he will have to shoot it in it’s little knee.

Super Bowl R.I.P.

Tony Dungy Seen Here Biting Off Mannings Ear! RUB SOME DIRT ON IT!






SUPER BOWL POST MORTEM!
Their is no joy in the Windy City as the Monsters of the Midway started out strong and sputtered and fluttered and ultimately failed against a superior balanced team playing some pretty good football for this time of the year. It was an exciting half of football. Hester’s run back along with 6 or so turnovers made the first half a see saw nightmare that was some of the most entertaining Super Bowl football in a long time. Not good football. Not by a long shot.

It seemed like most of St. Louis was cheering for the Bears. Indy is closer, more polite, less likely to steal your girlfriend, but Chicago is related to St. Louis in a queer and troubling way that no one can explain. We all hate and feel sorry for the Cubs but I think the city would line up behind them if they ever made it past the Redbirds in the playoffs. Chicago has done some horrible things to us over the years. They sent us the Cardinals when they realized the Bidwill family was a cancer that had to be removed from the city. They constantly over shadow us and St. Louisans treat a trip to Chicago like the residents of Mayberry looked at going in to Mt Pilier. They are the senior partner in the relationship, the dreaded “real city” to our tired, road hard and put up wet collection of people. But we like Chicago. We cheer for them because...well because if we could move the baseball Cardinals there we would all happily move there. It is not that much colder...and they have mass trasportation.

The weather was pleasant...for Vietnam. It looked liked the scenes in Forest Gump where Tom Hanks is discussing all the different types of rain. It rained in torrents, it rained it sheets and it never stopped... it never even looked like it let up. It just poured and I could not help to think how sad I would have been to have bucked up 5k to sit in the rain and get soaked watching teams I really did not care about. I think I would have found a nice warm bar or hotel room and called it a night after the 3rd quarter.

The Man...The Couch Slouch, Norman Chad was right about the point spread being “fools gold my friend....fools gold.” So said Chad in late January. He was wrong about when the game would be over since it was still a game at half time. More importantly he was wrong about Prince splitting his pants. Me...I was wrong about everything. I Took the Bears...and the points...I took the "over." I proved why I need to have a regular job and should not be betting money or setting lines. Half time was not a high point for me. The high point was seeing Rex (airball) Grossman toss up footballs for grabs into groups of Colts where they had to fight over who was going to intercept it. Lovey Smith is too good of a guy for this situation and he will probably start Grossman next year on the basis of, “he got us to the Super Bowl.” What a mistake. This guy looked like a deer in the headlights and the balls he threw...were just so bad. He short armed the ball like a drunk at the passing machine at Dave & Busters. Somewhere his high School quarterback coach found it hard to sleep thinking about all those jump balls he threw up at critical times. But...that is nether here nor there. The better team won. They covered the spread handily and Payton Manning (who does seem like one of God’s own nice guys) and Tony (the long suffering) Dungy get their rings. They will likely not be back next year but it is nice to see nice, talented guys win even if they did it at the expense of those lovable Bears.

Wait till next year. In the never ending sports cycle bridged by the draft it is only a few hours till kick off.