Sooooo....we finally hear from Kukla.... only by way of the mojo wire.... and he had the audacity to follow through and place the new standings and scenarios on the web. He of course is sitting with his fat kuban cigar...with his bevy of young women...sipping Sea Breezes...lighting his cigars with 100 dollar bills wrongly taken from the KUBE funds... The only reason he even updated the stats was my trip to the U.S. Atorneys office which caused him to receive a nasty phone call from Katherine Hannaway.We will not even address his absence from the country or whether or not he will ba allowed to return. The main thing is that at this point we are all just paying for pride. The money is gone so we just have to see it through and play for the dignity of having picked one of the top seeds to go all the way. Oooooh...isnt that so bold?
So we have the Ebests leading rightt now. The Ebest’s are part of the Dierberg real estate empire and have no need for money. If there was prize money involved any longer they would happily donate it back to the pot becuase that is just the way it is. So if Florida beats Georgetown...they win. If Georgetown beats Florida we have that damn Irish drunk dog, Gonnermans gay fish and Helen Davidson...Kevin’s pet. This scenario is a disaster.Florida over Ohio State and you have Ebest again and a few more pets including what is VERY likely an illegal immigrant that the Hessels have been sheltering. Ohio over Florida gives you the first Wagenfeld Levine scenario with Jamieson (psycho killer) Speidel winning it all and a caselton and a WEBER (why all caps rounding out the pack.
UCLA over georgetown gets us yet another Hessel, the hated Blue Horseshoe and one of those Vance’s likely from Nebraska. Georgetown over UCLA gets us the drunk dog, a pupillo (no caps) and someone named Foral. UCLA over Florida gives us the Vance kid, the hated Donald and a Hessel chick who is NOT Laura. The final scenario of Ohio State over UCLA nets us a shapiro, a hall and for God sakes a Mishelak. Yet another doomsday scenario.
No matter what the Grummer lady loses. BY THE WAY...KUBE OWES GORGETTE A PROFOUND APOLOGY! Mogerman tricked her into playing and convinced her that 16 seeds were actually rated higher then the others. She is closely followed by Herbig and Lenore (Kukla) Becker. The Winland chick also is beat for beat with them. The sad thing is that all of them are being beaten by Kukla’s retarded cat Ozzie. Zerman is considering injuntive action figuring that if he is not winning...the whole thing must be fixed...INDEED!
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Late breaking KUBE Knews!
Kukla has returned to the country and is being returned to St. louis...in cuffs. He said it was all “an accounting nightmare,” “a big misunderstanding,” and he “invested” the money and if we just wait until the real estate market turns the winner will get paid. We will have him questioned and beaten... then we will see where we go from there. In the mean time...let the FINAL 4 begin. And by the way...GO GEORGETOWN!
4 comments:
It has become uncomfortably clear over the past several years that Kukla is responsible for well over 90% of graft involved in NCAA wagering. Ech year we are promised a grand KUBE Ball replete with cocktails (which Becker still calls "hi-balls"), roaming zoo animals, complimentary chair massages and QT gift bags. KUBE never comes thru. I therefore propose Kukla be in some fashion, hobbled, or chemically castrated with liberal use a hand-crafted slurry of tamoxifen and Saltpeter. This is not extreme. Kukla's bland, actuarial countenance stands in stark contrast to a man with the larcenous soul of a swamp vole.
It is insight like this which really provides the value of the KUBE. We have not had enough of the give and take and I think bringing up Kukla's "dark side" is long over due.
I think it might be worthwhile if everyone posted to this space some recollection regarding a memory of Don which belied his calm and kind demeanor and fortold THE DONALD that we are seeing today.
Let me start...I witnessed Don Kill a man in Mexico over a Bazooka Joe Comic and a broken plastic magnifying glass from a Cracker Jack Box.
In 2006 Don faked his way into the boxing competition at the Paralympics in Athens by hiding his left arm in his shirt and pretending it was missing. He entered the arena for the championship bout on a chariot pulled by a team of midget greco-roman wrestlers.
After the first two rounds Don and the one armed Romanian he was fighting were locked in tie at one round a piece. Don just started laughing and complimented the Romanian, "You are quite wonderful".
The Romanian responded, "Thank you; I've worked hard to become so"
Don conceded, "I admit it, you are better than I am"
The Romanian looked confused and said, "Then why are you smiling?"
Don's smile turned straight and he said with a unnerving look in his eye, "because I know something you don't"
At that point Don pulled his left arm out of his shirt, and pummeled the Romanian within an inch of his life.
Then on the medal stand with the Romanian sobbing with the silver, Don leaned over and said, "your wife's pregnant, you will call the baby Kukla"
The unfortunate olympic event was not Kukla's first foray into cuckholdry. I recall a young Kukla who spent his high school summer evenings cleaning the stalls of a now closed Festus fertility clinic. Alone, at night, and without permission, Kuckla hatched a plan to create a clandestine Kuckla army, secretly replacing the partially conceived off-spring of the unwitting with his own, horribly twisted DNA. His plan was only discovered after third and fourth grade teachers from Desloge, Herculaneum, and Crystal City noticed uncanny similarities running throughout their classes: crisply creased brooks brothers khakis with sensible blue buttondowns, a penchant for designer eye glass frames and a feakish inability to throw like a boy. Most of these bespeckled miscreants can be found working in various financial institutions throughout the midwest. No one's money can now be regarded as safe.
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